Doing so well, yet then this happens?

[Mizz]

My ex and I broke up a few weeks ago. We dated for 2 years. I had deleted him from facebook to heal but then accepted it's over and best as over so I felt neutral about him and things, everything cooled down. Making things on neutral terms with him I told him to send me a request so he did and the other day I accepted, it hadn't bothered me. knowing he stated he wanted to be alone and not with me anymore when the break up happened, I was understanding because a few weeks prior I had doubts too. I never pleaded or begged for him to take me back. We briefly talked a couple times since it happened. But he didn't at any point seem to want to get back together and I don't really have intentions on getting back with him either. I was fine with everything and moving on has been quite well!

 

But he commented on one of my photo albums with something he used to call me (since I work out and have slight muscles) he commented on the album saying "MUSCLE PUFF!", yes it sounds stupid but it was something he jokingly called me "puff" because of this huge winter jacket I'd wear that puffed out, I used to call him "buff puff" cause he also worked out.

 

He hasn't contacted me otherwise since, but made that random photo album comment. It sort of confused me since it was a pet name he called me. I can't tell if he has feelings that linger or he just got bored. I wasn't sure what to do. I left it alone and haven't and don't intend to comment back, I wouldn't even know what to say anyway. I know it could just be because he was used to calling me that, but it was so random, he deliberately saw and commented, I know it could mean absolutely nothing though. It could just be him reminiscing. I know I shouldn't look too much into it. But just wondering what you guys thought.

[Lambert]

Hi Mizz

I think that after 2 years with someone it is natural to go through the emotional roller coasters regardless of who actually ended. Maybe he was looking at your pics because he missed you and missed that playfulness you shared with your inside jokes. Maybe he just wanted to reach out to you to see what you would do. It's bread crumbs.... so I applaud you for not responding. It's a mind F*** that's for sure.

 

I have come to see how manipulative my ex cam be, so I really think the only way I could ever respect him again, would be for him to never talk to me again. But I know he will. And when that happens, I am going to keep NC. Because if he loves me and means something, ignoring a FB comment that did not require a respnose will not stop him. You know?

 

Like you, I didn't beg my ex but he knows he was the one that ended-- not me. Hang in there.... in a couple days this won't seem like such a big deal and you will be glad you remained silent.

[jemmapark]

Hey, I'm in more or less the exact same position. I was going to delete my ex to heal but then decided against it however told him I wanted no contact and it's been twice this past week that he's sent me a private mail on fb to say congrats on something and then last night to ask if i was ok as he had seen a status update (all i said was glad i was back from the party as it was crap) and like yourself, I keep reading into it.. ALOT. Do you still have any feelings for him as in to get back together?? Like Lamkbert said, it may well be he was just reminiscing but I totally get why it's puzzling you.

 

xxx

[nattpanter]

Its not like exes wake up one day and feel nothing, if so it often comes back when they are faced with pictures, their own feelings or someone hurt them etc... It can be triggered by so many things, however... Im a firm believer, and I base this on my own thinking, that if you truly want someone back you do more than commenting on someones fb-pics. Only accept big signs on your radar, and ignore the rest.

[MissieP]

Yep Mizz I've experienced that too.... My ex popped in and out my life random instants messages, e-mails, etc and a week ago a e-mail asking how I am doing and you wonder whaaaaaaaaaaaat? I mean he has girlfriend and I know it's a ego stroke but the same time he e-mailed me twice! Which is really weird....Is he really in need of a ego stroke? I've had plenty of exes and I've never had a obsessive a ex or ego stroked ex like him. So Mizz totally know what you mean. Leaves you wonder what does your ex exactly want? They broke up with us right? Soooo why are they doing this to us? Totally confusing.....I mean it seems innocent and it seems nice but at the same time if you are healing and especially, especially in my case if they have a girlfriend it leaves you even more confused! Definitely leaves gives you a giant headache for sure!

[Mizz]

Hey, I'm in more or less the exact same position. I was going to delete my ex to heal but then decided against it however told him I wanted no contact and it's been twice this past week that he's sent me a private mail on fb to say congrats on something and then last night to ask if i was ok as he had seen a status update (all i said was glad i was back from the party as it was crap) and like yourself, I keep reading into it.. ALOT. Do you still have any feelings for him as in to get back together?? Like Lamkbert said, it may well be he was just reminiscing but I totally get why it's puzzling you.

 

xxx

 

It’s unusual when an ex does that. Well, it was 2 years of my life with him, some feelings pop up sometimes, but not of “want” for him, just I really liked being with someone, that routine, that comfort, “love”, it had some great moments. But reflecting back then I remind myself of everything and I personally know the relationship is best as over because of darker moments. It had a ton of baggage, would take a ton to work out, on top of that he didn’t want to discuss anything or work anything out. If he really loved me he would have tried at least working it out. But he never did want to, so I see it wasn’t meant to be. It’d be so hard to even take him back after that, the trust is killed essentially. Plus, he doesn’t seem to have any regrets or interest in getting me back. I didn’t beg or plead for him to ever take me back either. So I had more of an understanding that it’s just better over. It still has some ups and downs, though I know I no longer love him.

 

Its not like exes wake up one day and feel nothing, if so it often comes back when they are faced with pictures, their own feelings or someone hurt them etc... It can be triggered by so many things, however... Im a firm believer, and I base this on my own thinking, that if you truly want someone back you do more than commenting on someones fb-pics. Only accept big signs on your radar, and ignore the rest.

 

I love this post! It makes so much sense.

 

Yep Mizz I've experienced that too.... My ex popped in and out my life random instants messages, e-mails, etc and a week ago a e-mail asking how I am doing and you wonder whaaaaaaaaaaaat? I mean he has girlfriend and I know it's a ego stroke but the same time he e-mailed me twice! Which is really weird....Is he really in need of a ego stroke? I've had plenty of exes and I've never had a obsessive a ex or ego stroked ex like him. So Mizz totally know what you mean. Leaves you wonder what does your ex exactly want? They broke up with us right? Soooo why are they doing this to us? Totally confusing.....I mean it seems innocent and it seems nice but at the same time if you are healing and especially, especially in my case if they have a girlfriend it leaves you even more confused! Definitely leaves gives you a giant headache for sure!

 

 

It’s so strange. As you’d describe, bread crumbs I suppose. I’m sure it has to do with ego, or maybe even missing us. Like they dumped us, but oddly still checking in or saying little stuff now and then maybe they possibly still feel like they have us there in some weird way, it’s like maybe they don’t want to totally lose us even if they have moved on, it’s really weird. Unless they do just mean it in a friendly way. But really, at what point do THEY let go then? Especially if they ended it. I had ended two previous relationships before my current ex, at most those relationships were two months, but I never contacted them after ending it. It’s unusual to be the one to end it and then either say “well let’s be friends!” or still want to check in or say little things. I mean I set things on neutral terms with my ex, but you think if he really wanted to be “alone” like he said he’d just move on with out me and not bother to comment like that at least. Maybe it makes him feel better if he’s “nice” to me, I don’t know.

 

It really did give me a headache though. Cause at first I was thinking so many things and had to stop myself from over analyzing. I can’t look too far into anything.

 

Seeing him comment on girl’s walls and seeing him like all the photos on “Hot Girls In Yoga Pants” just made me kinda feel “ehh” too though. I know I don’t love him, I am not even denying that, after all of that hurt I can’t feel the same way. I see his picture and don’t even look at him the same way or with the same mindset. I don’t even think of him as much anymore either. But I think in regards to “lingering feelings”, the only feelings that linger are the insecurities he had made me feel through the relationship. So somehow still seeing stuff like that would make me feel a little awkward. I don't go looking for his posts, or on his page. Though the newsfeed today had a ton of stuff. I know I can unsubscribe though if I really wanted to. But I know in time I really won’t be bothered at all, and knowing how in time I won't care then I don't mind if he's there. If that makes sense.

 

I have been hanging out with new people too though so it hadn’t bothered me. Today I was with another guy all day, of course nothing like a serious date, but it was fun to wander around, get lunch, and have a good time. I see it’s possible to date now, how I have options. But of course won’t jump into anything soon. For now it’s good to enjoy life though, go on a few dates and get even more confidence back in the process!

[MissieP]

Awesome keep up the good work! Keep riding the waves as they say

[Mizz]

Thanks! I've been hanging in there pretty well I just always remind myself how it's better as over, all the things that had happened and I remember why it's best that I don't fall for anything or that I can't let any of it bother me. We're not together anymore, it's been closer to a month now, jeez how that flew haha. But I can't hold onto anything. Naturally at first when it happened I was hoping things like "In a week or two I hope he regrets everything" then he never did and I had plenty of time to reflect and see why I shouldn't and wouldn't want to be with him again anyway.

 

It had some good moments, but after a while with everything it seemed like more work than just being happy or nice anymore. I'd be happy but then I'd get bummed out again over something else that'd happen, it wasn't like me at all, and I think he noticed too. It was a learning experience that's for sure.

 

I have been doing well moving on. My feelings for him are definitely not the same. I don't go on facebook and purposely check what he's doing, I don't think about him all the time, if I see his picture I am unaffected, When I go out in my neighborhood (since we lived only accross town from each other) I don't look for if his car could be somewhere, seeing a jeep doesn't make me feel funny anymore, I don't wait anxiously wondering when or if he'd contact me anymore. I am focusing on my own life. It feels great!

 

Getting out with friends has really helped though, talking to family too, and posting on here! Everyone's so encouraging and supportive. I know in time, especially when I'd meet someone I really like in the future, my ex won't even matter anymore.

[MissieP]

That's the positive attitude! I had my moments as well.... I had some ups and downs but then I remembered how miserable I was so that definitely outweighed the good and how much better I am without him. I don't look at old photos of him anymore like I used to and I honestly do not care what he is doing in fact it didn't even bother me when he didn't wish me a happy birthday weeks and weeks ago which I thought it would but it actually didn't because that's when I finally realized he doesn't matter. Exes will fade just like you said and right now it's slowly showing us they affecting us as they once did soon they will be outta sight outta mind........

[Mizz]

It has ups and downs no matter how accepting or "over it" you could be. You still at one time loved the person so they just won't suddenly not matter. Sometimes I think I miss him, but I realized it's not him I miss or how I felt (because most of the time as it all went on I felt awful anyway), it's the companionship and loving someone in that way. But nobody needs anyone else to make them happy. Over time you realize you're fine by yourself and eventually you know you'll meet another person that will be special who will be a million times better.

 

I'm the same way, if my ex ever contacted me or didn't I wouldn't be bothered. I don't care what he's up to either because it just doesn't even matter. It's not "us" anymore, it's my life and his own life. Exes will definitely fade the more time goes on. You may never forget them but the thought of them won't be all too frequent, you'll continue focusing more on yourself and then eventually on someone else.

[Mizz]

Sorry for a double post, but my ex and I used to "poke" each other on facebook when we were dating. He'd go on there recently in the last few months and hadn't poked me back in all that time. Suddenly tonight he did. I laughed.