Does seeing your partner less make you want sex more?

[Double J]

My fiancée and I have been together for more than 7 years now. As is the case with most relationships, things can become pretty routine considering we typically see each other every day. What's more, she now stays over at my place a few times a week.

On average, we have sex 1-2 times a week. I wanted to try changing things around a bit to see if I could ratchet up the passion factor in our relationship. So, on Saturday night, I took her to a local hotspot we had not been to in years. The night culminated in a passionate lovemaking session. We normally see each other on Sundays, but I decided to do other things that day and so we ended up spending just a few hours together in the morning. We saw each other yesterday and made love again (we typically don't do it on Mondays).

 

So, do you agree that a little space makes you yearn more for your partner? Does missing your partner make you want to connect with him or her more (i.e sexually) once you see the person? Does changing things up (i.e. going to different places, making things unpredictable) help things on the love front for you?

[RedDress]

Sure. I think changing things up (going to different places, etc) does more for me that the not seeing each other (spice over space). But... yes. Definitely just a little alone time does some good too.

[ghengisT]

In my personal experience & observation, males tend to fall into routine, and become rather comfortable. Females crave unpredictability, more often than not. Hence, in dating, predictable guys get washed out. I'd go deeper into the psychological reasoning as to why, but I believe it borders the way our synapses fire between male & female brains. Think of males as the blip on the radar screen. Our brain activity is firing at short intervals, whereas women tend to fire in rapid bursts.

 

Another factor is that women are more delectable to environment. I.e. when I take my girlfriend on a date to a place with 'atmosphere', our sessions are much more passionate. She can be easily bored by the mundane atmosphere of our room. Keep up the unpredictability. It's should be a lifelong habit, per successful marriages/relationships.

[Double J]

We also tend to talk on the phone a lot when we're not together. I need to start limiting that and making myself less available. Truth be told, she tends to be the less available one, and I find myself wanting to be with her more in such cases. I think being less available, calling less, and going to new places will keep things exciting and unpredictable. I guess partners need time to miss one another.

[fundate]

I think that space is needed in every relationship, whether it is 7 days old or 7 years old. The predictability factor that ghengist mentioned above is certainly a factor. A lot of guys, I think, believe that the only way they can build attraction/etc... is by being around but, in fact, it goes both ways. Some times I believe that being apart can create more attraction than if you are available!

 

This is really a lesson that we learn very early in life but it is covered in clichés and platitudes - absence makes the heart grow fonder; if you love something and let it go and it comes back; etc... What I think we sometimes forget as adults is that just because something is cliché doesn't make it not true, the reason something is cliché often is because it has a kernel of truth.

[woman1971]

Def space makes me want sex more. and makes me really put more into it when it's able to happen. My partner and I are both single parents, so we don't always have a lot of time (or energy) to get together. I find that when we haven't had sex in a while its more intense and passionate when we finally get together. There's also that build-up of conversations and touches and attention that make it that much more intense.

[BlueEagle]

So, do you agree that a little space makes you yearn more for your partner?

 

There is a bit of truth in that old adage, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," so yes, I tend to agree.

 

Does missing your partner make you want to connect with him or her more (i.e sexually) once you see the person?

 

Yes, just like above. I think once you begin missing your partner (and hopefully your partner does the same) it helps rev up the engine because you long for what you were missing and consequently crave it. You also might appreciate your partner more when they are not there which works wonders for bringing you closer together.

 

Does changing things up (i.e. going to different places, making things unpredictable) help things on the love front for you?

 

Absolutely! Variety helps keep things fresh and exciting. Routine, sameness, and spontaneity, while safe, can extinguish passion. You just need to be on good terms (i.e., not fighting or holding onto past resentments) and communicative about how intimacy can be increased, and all of your suggestions you mentioned are capable of doing just that.