good friend, but she can be loud and obnoxious :\

[kekep]

i need help dealing with a good friend of mine. we started our friendship in high school and hit it off right away. we stayed in pretty good touch after high school (we'd meet up for lunch/dinners on our school breaks) even though we went to colleges in different states. she got really into smoking weed during college though, and still does it to this day on a daily basis. I think her college years changed her personality alot. i have no problem with pot, as i have smoked it myself, and still do on occasion. the problem is, when i bring her around my friends who do not know her very well, she openly discusses smoking pot, she is SO loud and she drops the F bomb in nearly every sentence. it literally makes me wince sometimes to be around her and my friends, or in a public place. i wish i could tell her to quiet down, but i know of other people who have told her to tone it down, and she basically told them to F off. she really doesn't seem to care what people think. plus she burps out loud whenever she feels like it, even if we're around people or in a nice place.

 

she is SUCH a great friend to me, and is always there for me, and vice-versa. she is going through a hard breakup right now and i've been talking to her and hanging out with her alot. i'm just frustrated by her behavior. i wish i could get her to stop acting so obnoxiously

 

i feel like a bad friend for even complaining about her but i am starting to avoid going out in public with her b/c i get so embarrassed by her. we went out to lunch today and there was a young girl sitting at the table right by us with her mom, and she was dropping F bombs and calling her coworkers a**holes the whole time. i was mortified. what should i do??

[SuperDuper]

Yeah that's bad, she needs a little self-control!

 

I think it's good that you two are so close... and if you respect her enough to not want to offend her, then she should respect you enough to hear you out on such an understandable issue. If she tells you to "F off" or whatever, then she's really not as good a friend as you think. So what to do?

 

I think you should invite her over some night, maybe have a good meal, some wine or something... (maybe a joint after) and once you two are relaxed and chatting away maybe just say "hey listen, I wanted to tell you something because you're a really good friend of mine and I feel I can be honest with you".

 

She'll say Ok, and you can something like "this is truly just between the two of us, but I find that sometimes I get a little embarassed when we're out in public and you drop the F bombs, or (mention something that offended you)"... Let her know that you're not judging her but instead you're seeking her understanding of your embarrassment/discomfort. If she is unwilling to be courteous to your views then all you can do is either stop hanging out with her in public, stop hanging out altogether, or bear with the embarrassment when you're out with her. Frankly I don't think any of these options should take priority over a heart-to-heart with her.

 

Treat her as a friend and maybe even throw a little humour into the midst once the issue is on the table, just so she knows you're not deeply affected by her actions, but would simply like to see some change. If she respects you as a friend, she should respect not making you feel uncomfortable when she's with you. It's not like you're telling her to change her personality, but simply have some manners in public.. that isn't too much to ask. Good luck.

[MikNomis]

Haha, I don't know but for me I think that's one type of friend everyone needs, a loud, brash, I don't give a ____ type. If she burped out loud, I'd laugh. If she talked mad crap about her coworkers, I'd laugh.

 

But if there was a little girl around, just motion to your friend to give you her ear, and tell her there's a little kid right there don't swear so much.