It doesn't make sense. Thoughts/advice?

[Mizz]

It's been a week since my bf ended our relationship. I'm 19 and he's 18. He made me believe everything was ok before it happened, literally, was acting normal and told me we'd be together that day and everything, last Sunday I got in his car, he called me baby, kissed me, and then asked if I missed him since he hadn’t seen me since that Friday. He started driving, had a weird look on his face, pulled the car over and randomly said “I am not ready to be with someone. I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m not mature enough”. we had been together 2 yrs! it made no sense. no one saw it coming either.

 

He hadn't spoke to me since it happened til he called me Thursday. I answer the phone and he first says to me "why did you give me my stuff back?" and I said "because you broke up with me." and he said "well, they were gifts. I want you to have them" and I was like "yeah, from when we were going out. you broke up with me" and he was like "but I kept all of your things. they're still in my room" and he kept saying he wanted me to take the things back cause they were gifts and I said "it's not the same". He literally called me "baby" multiple times during this conversation and I said "why do you keep calling me baby?" and he said "it became a habit" and I kept trying to ask him why he broke up with me and he kept telling me he just wasn't ready for a relationship. I kept telling him it made no sense because he had already been in one for 2 years and I asked what he wasn't ready for and he kept repeating himself and apologizing to me. I asked if he still loved me and he said not anymore, he loved me as a friend, not as a girlfriend anymore, how he DID love me, but not now.

 

 

He told me at one point during the conversation how "I thought about how long we were together and it was overwhelming and I realized I'm not ready for the next step" I asked him "well what do you think the next step is? what's the next step for you? there was no pressure to get married or move in or anything like that anytime soon" and he said "i know, I'm just not ready to be with someone. I'm sticking by my decision". He told me Tues night when he saw me he went home and questioned if he wanted to be with me. But nothing bad happened that night, we didn't fight or anything.

 

We talked yesterday for a few hours til he randomly stopped discussion, which I did not mind because I found it more interesting than anything because his answers were still consistent in making no logical sense.

 

yesterday he talked to me again and told me: "I'm not ready for a serious relationship like the one we had yet. I am going to start college and everyone was asking me questions like what I was gonna do in the future like job wise and with my girlfriend and where I will go and I burned out and didn't want to do anything anymore. I'm not ready to move onto the next step like go to college and get a job and eventually move out with my girlfriend or be in a real relationship. I've felt all of this and I'm not ready for any of it. I need time alone now to recoup. I'm 18 and I still feel young and not ready for any of this. I want to take my life slower."

 

So, essentially, he's afraid to grow up?

 

He told me how he doesn't want to be with anyone now or in a relationship at all. He never talked to any other girls though, at school as friends yeah, but not on facebook, not through texting, or any of that which I know for a fact. He was loyal and never cheated and wasn't talking to anyone else. So I don't think he left me because he wasn't interested in anyone else.

 

Has anyone heard of such a thing happening? Like suddenly ending a relationship in fear of or not wanting to grow up? I couldn't tell if he was having some mental breakdown with the realization that college is hitting or if he just got sick of me for whatever reason and if everything he said was bull

 

But But he's had anxiety issues in the past, was always impulsive regarding many things, tendencies to be violent and act out by punching, but never towards me. He never cared much for if something bad were to happen, he'd try rationalizing things if he'd hurt someone physically or emotionally. Like when he got suspended from school, for the third time for something violence related, first he felt bad and then rationalized how he's a great person and that the kid ultimately deserved it. At 14 or 15 he was caught by the cops for being on a roof/trespassing. At 17 and 18 he was still t-ping houses and putting saran wrap around poles so cars would drive through it. He'd get frustrated easily. He never felt remorse for anything he'd do that'd hurt others or in general. I thought he was just being immature but I believe it goes beyond anger problems and immaturity. Is it possible something mentally is going on that made him do this?

[annie24]

hi - i am sorry for your pain. i don't know if it's so much as he's afraid to grow up, as in order to grow up, he has to experience the world. i've actually seen this A LOT. perfectly happy couple breaks up when they go off to college - but then they are young, and one person wants to "see what else is out there." sometimes they get back together, sometimes they don't. it sounds like he wants to sow his wild oats before he makes any big moves like committing to one woman for the rest of his life. yeah, that happens a lot. sigh.

 

hang in there. have fun.

[Mizz]

I know he's young but it hurt so much because it was like one giant mind ****, you think if he was going to end it he would've done something more along the lines of being well not as nice, not leading me to believe we'd even hang out that day.

 

It also hurt because when I started college last year I was so loyal to him. Other guys would have interest in me and I did not leave him. I easily could have left him since he was still in high school and I was in my "next stage" but I stuck with him. It's like the biggest kick in the ass.

 

I had 2 other boyfriend's prior to my most recent ex, but I had not fallen in love with them and they did not last as long as this one did. He had been in one relationship before me and it didn't last long, only a few weeks and he thought they were better as friends, which in a couple weeks it's understandable to realize. But 2 years and he tells me he's not ready for a relationship is such bull. How he's anxious to "grow up" is normal but I didn't see how dumping me would "slow down" his "next stage"... It wouldn't. College is coming either way and he's gonna have to grow up.

 

He left me for whatever reason, stress or wanting some strange. I asked him if he wanted to have sex with other girls and he told me no. But who knows. But I had never been that hurt in my life before.

 

I have ups and downs still about it. I'm so used to having him in my life that I still will hope he will text me like he used to but I know that it's over and it won't happen.

 

I've accepted that it's over but he is still on my mind. I don't want to think about him but it happens if something reminds me of him or in general he'll still be on my mind.

 

I know if he would've wanted it to work or if he realized he made a mistake he would talk to me first and make an effort... but he doesn't care and if he really loved me he wouldn't have done that, he's not "the one" for me then.

 

Apart of me thinks it's a good thing it's over because there were many qualities that weren't so great about him. Despite how he'd do cute things for me sometimes or be sweet usually, he wasn't very savvy with fixing things or with directions, he'd judge me many times or call me insecure when I'd happen to occasionally get jealous about something, he wouldn't really stick up for me if other guys were disrespectful, he wasn't very reassuring if I'd feel bad about something, he had a short temper and got easily frustrated, he was immature, had several suspensions from school for violence related issues, had terrible work ethic and wasn't entirely motivated when it came to work/school, he was disrespectful, rude/jerk sometimes, selfish, very defensive, lied to me several times/sneaky.

 

I feel like if I stayed with him I would have had most of the responsibility like paying bills, doing everything around the house, and since he apparently left me because he wasn't ready for the next step in his life (like college, moving out, a job) then who knows if we were engaged if he'd say "i'm not ready for this" and leave me then, or hey, if I was pregnant and if he wasn't ready to be a father if he would have left me then as well.

 

I'm only 19 but I have this fear of, and I know it's unrealistic, that I won't meet anyone else. Or that I'll be single until I am 35 or longer and never find someone. Or that it'll all happen again and again. How do I not worry? Despite all that happened I still think of him. How do I stop thinking about him? Or feel better about it all?

[annie24]

hugs. it doesn't surprise me that a 18 year old guy is not ready. hell, a 30 year old guy just broke up with me because he has a "fear of commitment and being tied down." sigh. some things just don't change.

 

what i can say is that you are young, you are meeting tons of guys in college, and there are guys out there who do want to settle down. if there weren't, there wouldn't be so many wedding dress stores. i can't promise you that you will be married by 35. obviously, i don't know you, can't promise you anything, except that you sound like a smart young woman, you'll meet tons of guys in college and after college. and so on, and this guy is not your last chance at love, not by a long shot. just remember his bad qualities when you start to get nostalgic, ok?

[Mizz]

I'm sorry about your break up You'll find someone better who will want to be with you and give you the love you deserve.

 

There's plenty of guys though who have just been with one woman and would want to settle down at any age. It's possible that a man can be with one woman his whole life, even if he'd be young. I'm realizing that my ex wants to soil his wild oath and then possibly come back to me like nothing ever happened. Since he told me he wanted to still be friends and how he never gave me a straight answer other than "I'm not ready". If he said directly he wanted to sleep around then there'd be no chance of me taking him back. But since he is going on about being "overwhelmed" and "not ready" it's like it's supposed to evoke some sort of sympathy from me, and either way I did NOT feel bad for him. I deserve better.

 

I will think of all the bad qualities when I remember him. I'll keep in mind that I can meet other people and maybe it'll be fun to get out there again/date.

 

I first unsubscribed from his posts on facebook yesterday so they wouldn't show up in my news feed. Seeing him comment on things or post things was awkward. But I just became so bothered that altogether I felt the need to delete him from my profile so tonight I did that. He probably won't even noticed I deleted him. I feel like it's better that way because he obviously didn't care enough about me or he wouldn't have ended it with me.

[annie24]

yeah, i too have had bfs come back years later like nothing ever happened. uh, buddy, i moved on!! i think your best bet is to take care of yourself, cry, delete him from facebook, ask your mutual friends not to give you updates, and when you are ready, start dating new guys. they are everywhere. some guys do marry their hs sweetheart, but honestly, those guys are the exception, not the rule. he might be kicking himself in a few years' time, wondering why he let the best girl he ever met slip away. but that is his mistake, and of course, you cannot sit by waiting for him to realize this.

 

ps - thank you. i hope i meet someone better too.

[Mizz]

You will meet someone better! Like you said there's a ton of guys out there XD.

 

My parents joked and said "I can't believe he's so immature that he can't even realize he made a mistake. I thought by now he'd be crawling back".

 

I should focus on myself, and I have more since, the first few days it was hard to even eat anything, I'd do my make up and hair and throw things on but I didn't feel like I was taking too much care. Since I've been eating regularly and everything normal. Though there's still been some rough spots where I'd cry.

 

My brother was the first one to delete him on facebook because he couldn't stand my ex after that. I finally took the step tonight to delete him. His number will be the next thing I delete. Last Wednesday I had put all the pictures I had into a box, all the gifts he gave me, poems, movie tickets I kept, flowers, everything... and left the box on his porch to deal with when no one was home. His mom found it and had contacted me that night telling me how she was so sorry and heartbroken and that she cried because she saw me as apart of her family and she couldn't understand why her son did that.

 

Thursday is when my ex contacted me and asked why I gave him his things back. He wanted me to have them back and I said it wouldn't be the same. He told me how he wanted me to be happy, to be strong, and to cheer up... Hmm well as if I was supposed to be ok with it happening.

 

Sunday was when I had last heard from him. Along with continuing his bull excuse for why he ended it he brought up that damn box again and said "and another thing. I have pictures of you around my house and in my room. I kept all your gifts close. you got rid of me in a box"

 

which i told him "don't you flip this around on me, you're the one who got rid of me so what did I do? I got rid of the box. Why? because it hurt too much to look at and hold onto" and he replied with how he was just joking... but I really think he was serious.

 

He was more concerned about the box than my feelings. I don't know why he cared that I take his things back or have them? Like was he thinking I should hold onto them cause he'd still want me to think about him/have them in my life because I'm supposed to wait/pine for him?

 

He might realize he eventually made a huge mistake some day. But I can't wait for him, like you mentioned. It's not worth it because why would I have to torture myself for someone who didn't care or love me enough to stay with me in the first place. Getting back with him would be a nightmare too because how could I trust him after that? I'd feel too insecure that he'd just do that to me again.

[The_Seeker]

Your story is long and also I'm studying.

 

I'm not sure if this is your first love.

 

Things will get better, I promise you.

 

At first, I thought my first love is the one I wanted to be with the most.

 

Apparently, i don't think of him anymore. I think more of my current [3rd boyfriend.]

 

My advice, move on. Don't look back. He let go. Why? He wanted to date other people. Don't make excuses for his behavior. It's a waste of time. DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

 

Faster you do not contact him/be friends with him, less BS and problems do deal with.

 

I promise you. My second boyfriend wanted to be friends when I ended it. I didn't despite the fact I knew him 2 years. Because I know he would make things awkward, tried to piss me off, and talk behind my back.

 

Listen to your gut. Move forward. Get what you want out of your life. Stop worrying about him and worry about you!

[Mizz]

I had 2 boyfriends prior to my current ex and they were not long relationships. The one was a couple weeks, the other after was 2 months. but I had not fallen in love with them. My current ex I had fallen in love with so he's my first real relationship, my first everything (except first kiss).

 

He did let go, trying to find closure I thought of so many reasons why he left me and I had asked him all the possible things I could think of and he kept telling me the same thing about how he just isn't ready and how he's young and not ready for college, a job, a real/serious relationship. but in the end it doesn't matter because if he wanted to be with me and if he was "the one" and had loved me as much as he said he had then he would still be with me now and not have ended it.

 

It's another kick in the ass cause in November he kept calling me insecure and stuff cause I get jealous sometimes, but I kept finding pornographic stuff he'd look at and it made me feel terrible and he kept calling me insecure and telling me to deal with it and how it's a guy thing. I got sick of it and wanted to meet up with him one night in November to discuss it and he got all emotional and cried and was all "you want to break up with me?" and I thought about it and felt bad and said "ok, you know, maybe it's something we can work out then. I just want you to respect my feelings more" and he agreed, even though there was a couple times after that like one girl after HE got suspended for punching a kid in the face this year was talking to him on facebook I got kinda jealous and he was a * * * * about it and called me insecure then too. Like any normal/nice bf would most likely be all "aww, no baby, don't worry. I love you, it's just a friend" he'd always get defensive with things or if I'd feel bad he would half ass be reassuring or not reassure me at all. I just loved him. if he wanted space I would've respected it, but instead he didn't want to work it out which made me feel so sad/pissed because in November when I was about to end it with him, he gets all sad and I try to work it out, meanwhile he wants to end it and I have no say, he did not want to work it out, no second chance... it was bull * * * * .

[Mizz]

Also, I remembered how he told me that Tuesday before he had ended it he fisrt questioned when he went home if he wanted to be with me... And I saw him that wednesday and friday and he didn't bring that up to me or talk about it. He lead me to believe it was all fine and he was still having sex with me and everything.

 

I told him I felt used and he was all "I didn't use you. you're not an object"... Well I think that was bull too.

The more I think about it all the more bitter I feel towards him and the more I realize I deserve better, a guy who will respect me and want to be with me and give me the love I was/am always willing to give.

 

I can't blame him for wanting to see what else is out there if he's young, but at the same time there are guys who could be with one woman and stay with them for their lives. It's very rare but can happen in some cases. I wouldn't expect him to be that way though. What I thought we had was great and I figured "if he was happy and thought I was so sweet and amazing like he said then why throw it away?".... He just tossed me back into the world with out a care and I had loved him so much though. And I won't lie, sometimes I wondered what else is out there too, but then if I had that mentality for everyone I dated I'd never stay in a relationship or find someone to stay with or settle down with. I just want a relationship that's serious and has potential for settling down despite how I am young. I am bound to find a guy with the same mindset. My ex obviously isn't in the same frame of mind as me so for that and all the other bad qualities I realized then it's probably better it's over.

[The_Seeker]

Mizz, let go. Don't analyzing his behavior, the past events, etc, or you'll go insane.

 

You know he doesn't want you anymore. You're not with him anymore. Move forward.

 

It's tough I know. I've been there. But it gets easier once you LET GO.

[Mizz]

It's been hard, at first I missed talking to him, I'd think about him and hoped he'd realize he made a mistake and apologize. I did not talk to him at all til that thursday when he contacted me first. we didn't talk for days after that til sunday I talked to him briefly. I realized it wasn't worth even talking to him. but I am slowly getting to the point where I am moving on more and more.

 

giving him back his box that wednesday after it happened was my first step. deleting pics from my computer, phone, social media sites was my second step. unsubscribing from him on facebook was my next, then deleting him today from facebook altogether and from my phone was my last. I won't be contacting him at all, and if he ever contacts me I will ignore it completely.

[duke nukem]

Sounds like your ex is just a tool. A lot of guys are. And good for you deciding to go NC hard.

 

I like your picture by the way, you're very pretty! Another loss for your ex!

[Mizz]

That's what everyone I know is saying to me, that he's an idiot. My dad joked that he's too immature/stupid to even realize he made a mistake.

The joke made me laugh. I don't know what's going on in his mind, though at this point I don't care to know or would be afraid to haha. It's a kick in the ass cause he ended it right before what would have been 2 years together, literally there was 4 days til then at the time. I also had just gotten a prom dress, had it altered and everything for HIS senior prom (he's 18, still a senior in high school I was a freshmen in college this year and stuck with him). Now I have this beautiful red dress and I have to sell it because I can't wear it to anything. The dress was so nice too Which reminds me how I could have been awful and dumped him for someone my own age or older since I was in college, a whole new school with waaaaay more guys but I was loyal despite guys having interest I stayed with him. He ended it at the worst time too cause that week I had my finals, though I pulled through and did well! He's the oddest guy cause even before he starts college and even if he figured "I wanna meet more chicks!" (which I don't know if he was thinking that, he was never into partying or random hook ups and never talked to any other girls when I was with him. He ended it in April anyway, that's a long time to wait for sex if he was thinking he'd meet more girls, so I don't think it was that) he could have been with me the whole summer and still had a girl! Not like I'd want to be used like that, but even I don't get his logic. He told me he just doesn't want to be with anyone, he doesn't want a serious relationship. He told me how "People were asking me things about my future like college and a job and what I'd do with my girlfriend and I burned out and didn't want to do any of it anymore. I'm not ready for the next stage like college, a job, a serious relationship. I want to take my life slower". Ever since he went to some college meeting about transferable classes at his community college he was acting very strange. Maybe it all hit him then, I'll never know. But he wasn't exactly acting like himself, and even the posts I saw on his facebook before I had to delete him (for my own sake, not to be vengeful, I wanted to stop myself from even going on his page and seeing things) he wasn't even writing like himself either. He had one conversation with someone on his wall and the way he was typing wasn't like anything he'd typically write. I don't know what's going on with him. Well, for whatever reason he decided to end it, I've accepted it for some time now since and have been working on moving on.

 

And aww thank you My couple guy friends joked about that too, they were like "Wait, a pretty girl who also legitimately likes video games and who is sweet?! One does not simply break up with such a woman".

[meletus]

Mizz,

 

I can tell you I did something similar at his age. I had been in an LTR (which is a little different of course, but...) with someone who I cared about, but I was young and just wasn't ready for the commitment. Sure, I was leaving open the opportunity to see other women, but that wasn't why I decided to break up with her. I just wanted to be free and I had realized that I was young and still needed to "spread my wings", as it were.

 

Anyways, about 4-ish months after that I realized that I was actually in love with her, and I'll tell you it suddenly hurt and came rushing down on me. I found myself suddenly trying to get her back (I was ready to buy a wedding ring), but guess what: she wasn't interested anymore - I had broken her heart.

 

I think that at your age it will sure hurt, but you'll get over it and move on fairly quickly. You might find him beating down the door in a few months and then you'll have to decide what you want to do. You may also find that he never comes back, in which case, you look like a very beautiful lady (and I sure wish I knew a beautiful lady who was into video games when I was your age) and you'll easily find someone new.

 

Also, I know a lot of people on these boards are a little too keen to say "they just want to see other people." As I guy, I can tell you that I have broken up with several women because I legitimately wasn't sure what the heck I needed at the time, or because I felt like I really had to focus my attention on something else (e.g. school), but not because I just wanted to bang every other living thing out there. I'm currently going through a breakup where my ex decided the same thing: that she legitimately needed to focus on what she needed, which was not to bang other guys, but instead to focus on school and experience independence and not relying on anybody else. These situations may be rare, but they do happen, so don't just assume that his primary goal is to get with other women (although it may be, we can't read minds).

[Mizz]

I had been with him for 2 years. He kept telling me he didn't want to hurt me, though the way he ended it still to me wasn't exactly the best approach, leading me on to think we'd have a nice day, like everything was fine, kissing me, calling me baby, asking if I had missed him, then BAM the BU.

 

I'll never exactly be sure why he ended it, he was sort of vague. Though he kept mentioning things that made me think he wanted some space. He was never into random hook ups or partying and never talked to other girls in a flirty way when I was with him, so I know there couldn't have been anyone else he had interest in. I told him if he wanted space I would have respected it. I said multiple times how there was no rush for marriage or anything like that. I told him I would have never held him back from anything, he'd always be able to do what he wanted. He didn't want to work it out, it was his choice.

 

His guy friend was talking to me last week. All his guy friend ever wanted was a good loyal relationship like me and me ex had, so he had tried talking to my ex to see what happened or if he could get him to change his mind (I didn't ask for this guy friend of his to talk to my ex, or for him to try and get my ex to change his mind, his guy friend did this on his own and then had told me). He told my ex how he was making a huge mistake. He had told me my ex wanted to be "free" and even my ex kept mentioning how he felt he was too young for everything, he told his guy friend, who then told me, how he needs to be ready for a lot of things when he's with someone like me. So I guess he wasn't feeling like a relationship was something he wanted right now. My ex told me how he didn't want to be with anyone else, how in the future he might be ready, but not now. I guess he was wanting some independence. A lot of people were like "he just wants to have sex with other girls!" but he never seemed like that kind of a guy. I can't read his mind though so I am not sure. At this point it won't matter. I've been trying to keep moving forward. With each day it gets better though he will still cross my mind. I haven't cried in a while though.

 

I am not sure if he'd come back. He seems to be happy with his decision, not seemingly regretting anything as far as I know. But then again I don't know how he feels. I want him to be happy though, just as I want to also be happy. If he did try to come back I don't think I would want to give it another chance. After all of that then there's baggage, wondering if it'd just happen again, and I don't want to have to be afraid of him doing that all over again.

 

And reflecting back on the relationship, there were many things that I feel like if we had stayed together we would probably not have been very happy down the road. There were also qualities about him which I did not like. Like how he'd treat me sometimes, how he'd handle things, his work ethic, his immaturity, his attitude towards things... A lot of other things as well. So I think in a way how maybe it was best for us both.

 

It had really hurt at first, but I have been slowly getting over it. Thanks! I am sure I will meet plenty of people over time.

 

Also, sorry you are going through a break up too. I am sure you'll find someone!

[Lastchallenge]

Mizz. I think u can learn from this and. U deserve so much more

[Mizz]

Thank you! It is definitely a process to go through and a learning experience. Not just the break up being a learning experience, but in general with what I want for myself and what I'd like in a partner and in my future.

 

I had been nothing but sweet to my ex, sacrificed a lot, would have done anything for him. I felt unappreciated, disrespected, and like things weren't often fair in that relationship.

 

Any time I had a problem I'd try to talk to him about it honestly. But most of the time he'd never be reassuring, would put me down about how I felt, call me insecure, make me feel bad, or flip it around like it was my fault.

 

Even with the break up! At one point when I had last talked to him, he flipped it around on me! He brought up for a 2nd time how I gave him back his things in a box, he flipped it around by saying "and another thing, I have all your things and pictures of you still in my room and around my house. I kept all your things close. You got rid of me in a box" and I replied with "don't flip this around on me! YOU got rid of ME. so what did I do? I got rid of the box. why? because it hurt too much to keep and hold onto" he replied with how he was kidding, though I really think he was serious. Another point during that whole conversation he told me how "It's not my fault. Jackie, I am just not ready for a relationship. It's not my fault. don't make me feel bad Jackie.".... He always would flip things around like I was the bad guy.

 

If a guy would disrespect me or say something mean or inappropriate to me my ex would never stick up for me, he'd never get protective, he'd never be bothered. One time his friend called me a tramp and my ex wasn't bothered and barely said anything to the guy who said it!

 

If I happened to get a little jealous of something, cause come on, ladies can sometimes get like that, he would call me insecure and make me feel even worse about it.

 

When I had found a ton of porn he had, it made me feel a little awkward at first, he also called me insecure, told me to deal with it, and he made me feel worse about it.

 

I got to a point where I was afraid to tell him how I'd really feel about things. And then before I would tell him how I'd feel I'd literally say, "now, don't take this the wrong way, or judge me, or call me insecure, but..." and I'd say how I felt and he would do what I didn't want to happen, which was judge me and make me feel worse.

 

I remember one time I was sick for days. It was like 4 or 5 days and I hadn't seen him. I was FINALLY better and just wanted to see him. He kept telling me he was busy and couldn't see me. He told me he was afraid of getting sick even though I said I was not contagious. He persisted in telling me he was busy. Yet, later that night he went out with his friend Mark anyway... So he COULD have seen me, he lied and didn't want to.

 

Another time before I started college I wanted to make a test trip to see if I could get there on my own. I just needed someone to be there with me along the way for support. So who else to ask but your bf, right? Well I had asked him, he made up all these excuses and told me he was busy. He told me he didn't have the car, I said "well we take the trolley and the bus, we don't need a car. I just need someone to go with me" and he said "oh, uhh, well I am helping my dad. Yeah, I'm busy". Later, that week, I went to his house and told his father how I had a friend go with me to school. His father said, "why didn't Nick go with you?" and I said "well, he told me both cars weren't there. I told him we didn't even need a car. then he told me he was busy and couldn't go" and his father was like "YOU bailed on her and lied?! I would never leave your mom like that on her own!"

 

I remember one time, I was at the beach with my ex. I swam out way too far and was getting tired. The current was pulling me back no matter how hard I tried to swim back to shore. I wasn't struggling a lot, and was ok just trying to stay afloat but my ex was all "I don't want to go out that far" and did not try to help me back even though I was having a harder time swimming back in. So a lifeguard came and got me and brought me back to shore and my ex just watched it all happen. Well now that I think of it I did not mind because the lifeguard was pretty cute... But seriously.

 

I'm sure at some point I'll remember a ton more things like that, that have happened because there was a good amount of stories like that.

 

I put up with so much stuff. I realized I do deserve better. I hope I have some luck when I get back out there!

[annie24]

you deserve so much better than this guy. (HUGS)

[Mizz]

Awww, I am realizing that too Thinking of all these things and typing them is making me realize even more and more how this relationship probably went on more than it should have. I should have been the one to end it actually months ago.

 

Oh my goodness, I remembered more things he'd say...

 

Many times we'd watch horror films, since I LOVE scary movies, he'd always say how if someone broke into the house then he'd run out. I said "well if I was there you'd just leave me with the killer?" and he said "Well, I'd have to get out and get help... I'd come back though" and I was like "Yeah, by then I'd probably be dead! I can't believe you wouldn't help me first or try to escape with me" and he was all "But... I'd have to get help first"

 

Several times we had talked about aging, like how people get older or might gain weight etc. and he'd always say things that made me paranoid about if my appearance would ever change. I think I was once talking about pregnancy and how women can gain weight, or just in general as time goes on it can happen. He said how he wouldn't be attracted to me as much if I ever gained weight and how having sex would be more difficult cause he wouldn't be as attracted, though he'd still love me. I said "Omg! I don't want to be paranoid now of getting fat!" and he said "NO!! No, you don't have to be" even though it was kinda late for that, I mean he already said that stuff.

 

Another thing related to pregnancy, one time we were talking about how the process is for birth, just randomly talking, not like we were necessarily ever planning to have kids, but he said something like "Well, you have a higher drive than me. If we ever have kids, you know you can't have sex for 6 months after the baby is born" and I said "6 months? I thought it was like a few weeks?" and he was all "Whatever amount of time it is, you can't have sex for a certain amount of time because sex is awful for the guy afterwards" and I said "Awful for the guy? No, they like stitch it back up I think, and anyway it's not about the guy and how sex is for him after there's time after with no sex so the woman can HEAL" ... All he cared about was how sex wouldn't feel the same after giving birth, not the fact that the woman had just pushed out another human being. Great, another thing that made me paranoid about the future and how he'd potentially think of me.

 

One time when we were discussing all the porn I unintentionally found, this literally made me cry at the time cause he made me feel like I wasn't sexy at all, he called me insecure regarding the matter too. I was like "well I know they're just images, guys will look at them. I didn't mean to feel so awkward about it, but I just wanted you to respect my feelings about it. I couldn't help how it made me feel. It's extremely rare, but one time I remember reading a story of a guy who only focused and looked at his wife. I know that's rare though." and he was like "yeah, well if I was a rich guy with a hot wife maybe then I wouldn't need to look at porn" and it made me cry because I said "well what's that supposed to mean! What do you want me to get fake boobs then? I'm not hot enough or something?" and he said "I never said that... I don't know why i said that about the rich guy hot wife thing. I just thought you wanted me to be like that guy or something so I got defensive" but I never said I wanted him to be like that guy, I was just saying I read something once about some guy who like worshiped his wife basically. It was too late cause he had already said it and it made me feel like crap.

 

Another time we were talking about future related stuff. It was about how we pictured a family being. I said something like "well if I'd ever have kids I'd at least want to take off work at the beginning or the first couple years and then get back into working" and he was just like "OOOOH no, the wife would have to work" I was like "even right after giving birth? like don't you think it'd be nice if the mother stayed at home to raise the children a little and then went back to work?" and he didn't agree. He thought the mother should always also be working.

 

 

This relationship would have turned into a very unhappy marriage...

[annie24]

He's a boy, not a man....

[Mizz]

He was very immature. I mean writing all of that stuff out, I never realized there were so many red flags...

[Heidern]

I think he's acting the way most guys would at his age... Though I don't know, my ex considers me a lot less mature than her 19 year-old boyfriend, so maybe you'll get lucky and find someone like that too ^_^

[Mizz]

I know people my age (19) and people a little younger who aren't as immature as he had been, well is...

 

My brother, who is also 19 (twins!) is young and doesn't even act like that or say things like that to his gf. I think it depends on the guy. Which I hope I have more luck with finding a WAAAY more mature guy in the future.

[tanyas3840]

Mizz ~

 

Hope your doing better I thought about you and your situation after we chatted the other day. I ,like you, am trying to analyze each move, and it's all a load of bs!! hahahaa... I am broken hearted, BUT i DIDN'T cry today!!