Deep thought...

[rahulrocks]

 

 

Gauguin's Armchair

Arles: December, 1888

(Amsterdam, Van Gogh Museum)

F 499, JH 1636

[rahulrocks]

All the time we are involved in comparison of some sort. Comparing ourselves with someone else, thinking them to be superior and ourselves inferior or vice versa. When they are superior we want to be like them and we want to work out something so that we can be at par with them. All of it starts with measurement of some sort. We are all the time measuring things, adding more information to the already existing images we have. We do it unknowingly and then fall into comparisons. He has more friends then me, he has more of a life then me, he has the things which society considers worth having. Looking at him i realize my own loneliness. Looking at the fullness of his life i realize how dull and empty I am. The thoughts are then given good company by the feelings of sadness. When i look at others and compare myself with them i realize that there is something missing in my life, something which he has and i dont have. In doing all this i never see the other side of the story. We all want to be full and complete leaving no corner in our life left out. Its like a race which we want to win at all costs. If i am intelligent and a kind of introvert, i compare myself with the extrovert guy and determine my self worth based on the no of girlfriends he has and I have. If I am an extrovert then i compare myself with the intellectual guy and find how dull and stupid i have been. I much i have been hurt in the past. How much my life is devoid of any meaning. Look at him , he is after the real things of life and i am wasting my time and money on the girls which leave me anyway in the end. Then there would be some who would justify all this and say we should explore each and every area of life, but even they are not free of comparisons.

 

In doing all this, dont i ever realize that i am sowing seeds of sorrow when i am comparing ? I'm dull because i compared myself with X, but when i dont compare I am not dull at all. I am where I am. I am what I am. If i dont compare myself with anybody else in my entire life then what happens ? From where does all of this begin ? I see someone and i immediately start creating an image in my mind about that person, with the way that person looks, talks, his opinions, interests, how he treated me and all. I have also created an image about myself in my mind. Then the comparison begins...Well he has that, I dont have this. He lacks this, I dont lack it...and then the game of self improvement. But you made a mistake in the beginning by creating an image of yourself and the others......Hence there is no self improvement...there is only image improvement in the eyes of self and others.....The image is not you....its a dead thing...its a dead thing of the past..You are in the active moment...A living dynamic thing....

 

This exposes the game of progress....measurement, compaison, demand for progress....all this is there only for those who are living in the world of images....For the one who lives in reality.. comparison has no meaning whatsoever.

[rahulrocks]

Comparisons lead us to image formation. We compare in the process of image of creation. First the image is created and then comparison happens. But why do we create images at all ? Images are basically a process of recognition and adding more into it if there is a change observed. I see that glass and I say...'Thats a glass' and then i move on and look at something else. Not forming an image looks like some kind of effort to me. Is it habit ? and if its a habit then how has the habit came into being ? Why do we form any habit at all ? Is habit the process of avoiding something awkward ? like some kind of an unease. A rescue when being hindered or stuck. Is habit our response to the awkwardness of not knowing what to do ? Is habit a part of being occupied. There is also a factor of unconsciousness in habit. We do things unconsciously. We are mostly unconscious in our day to day activities and when something awkward happens when the mind is not fully occupied then we find ourselves doing something out of a habit.

But is Image formation a mere form of habit ? or there are deeper issues in it ? Is it tradition ? When a child is born he is consistently taught to refer to various things with a name....look thats bed, look thats bed..and finally when he speaks pointing a finger to the bed..we become very happy saying to ourselves that Yess he recognizes the bed. So Is Image formation some sort of traditional habit ? Almost everywhere, in each and every culture, every form ...wherever there is a language....there is image formation going on. I wonder if the tribes which live in Jungles are free from Image formation. I wonder if the tribes are free from psychological issues ? One can not discard the importance of knowledge completely. If you live in jungle and you see someone being eaten away by a lion then you are bound to have that knowledge. But is this the reason why Image formation has come into being to avoid the dangers of life, to be secure. Is survival the core reason because of which the mind is storing each and everything, measuring each and everything.....became an uncontrolled tape recorder....storing all.

 

Lets continue it after a break.

[rahulrocks]

The mind stores everything, whatever it sees..it has to resolve it in terms of knowledge. It compares the perception with previous one's and recognizes that ...adds more information to that if there is any. The similar things are happening when we see a person, there is perception...then recognition and comparison with whatever matrices the mind has..there is like and dislike and various attributes. There are also future plans like what the mind is going to do with that person. The mind is recording information about one's own activities as well. With all the knowledge that one has about right or wrong, the mind is creating an image of oneself. In the formation of image about oneself, there is also the contribution of others. What others say about you is a good contributor to that image. All the hurts, all the praises are stored and an identity is created.

Are we doing it because of fear ? The fear of the lion that we once had in the jungle and we started this process of storing things which has also made us to create psychological images.

The mind is incapable of discerning what to store and what not to store. Or is it that because the mind does not see the process happening, the process continues unconsciously. Do we see our own image in operation. Do we see that all our anger, violence and so on is in order to protect this image. Do we see that any effort to destroy the image is also an effort of the Image.

 

Lets take a break and then continue.

[rahulrocks]

He killed the big ant in front of me. I tried to stop him, I said dont do it, but he had already pressed his hands on the big ant by that time. With 2 or 3 blows it was half dead. He kept on giving it deadly blows, and i thought now the big ant should die otherwise it will be in pain. He was a kid of 3 years of age. What made him kill that ant ? After killing it he said with pride and happiness...LOOk...Perhaps it was an act of bravery for the kid. My heart got saddened by the death of the ant. Who gives one right to kill another ? What gives humans more right to live on this earth ?? Why they are superior to other creatures or at least they think so ? This not your earth. Its the mother of all. It has brought each and every creature into existence. No one has a right to kill another in the name of War, religion or any other silly excuse that they make.

The kid then came to me, i asked him not to come near me, i scolded him and asked him why did he do it...He said sorry in the end, i gave him some sort of punishment to never kill another creature.

[rahulrocks]

What is this feeling of hurt ? This thought of being hit, thought of being pushed aside, dominated. This thought of being revolted by somebody. This thought of opposition, enmity. Things not going according to one's expectations. This feeling of sadness. Its an attack on us. And then the responses of hitting back. If i am hurt i should hurt you back. If you throw one stone at me, i will throw two stones at you. What is it that gets hurt ? The psychological entity is hurt. The physical entity gets hurt when abused physically. But the psychological entity can get hurt by some small words as well. By some gestures, some loud voice, some harsh comments...the psychological entity gets hurt.

But how can something be hurt by intangible things like words and gestures ? How can words hit anything at all. It has to be something as intangible as words. In hurt there is also the notion of what others would think about us...The opinions of others about us forms an essential part of the thing that is hurt. Is it the opinion of ourselves about us is hurt ? I have an opinion about myself that I am a kind person, a helpful person, someone good...and then suddenly out of some act of mine...someone gets offended and charges me of being an intruder. Suddenly I am hurt. I think that I am good looking and suddenly someone comes and tell me that i dont look attractive then i am hurt. So its our opinions that are hurt. When an opinion is attacked we become violent and would like to attack the other opinion.

But what is the integrating factor in all this...There are various opinions about the self. What integrates all these different opinions and gives one a sense of an integrated psychological entity. The opinions are about a self. The opinions are about a reference to the shape. Take a cup for instance. There is perception of a shape, I name it a 'cup' and the start attaching various information in the form of opinions about the cup. Is it that i use the same logic to create a psychological entity. I come into this world, look at my hands and feet and look....and then the parents give me a name....and then I say..I am X, and then I start attaching other attributes and qualities to that name....Then suddenly someone comes and shatters some of that...and then I am hurt.

The psychological entity seems to be various opinions built around a center. But is there really a center ? Is there really a single point which is 'I'. If there is no center then who perceives ? Who is aware of the observation ? Who is asking this question ?

In the past observation of various things, the images were created about various things. Like the image of a fan, image of a cup, image of a person, image of yourself...all of which are opinions about the whole. There is cutting of the whole into various parts and for these parts separate images are created. Now the sum total of all these images is observing. But what is the thread which binds all these images together ? Can we ever determine, if there is a binding thread or not. These images are somehow integrated into one psychological entity. There is no fixed center. The center is created due to the circumference. But there is also the concept of me and non-me. The cup is a non-me, and the body is me. The child is me, and that child is not me. So 'I' is the center, which is a thought around which the various opinions are attached in order to build an image of 'I'. 'I' is put together by thought and when any opinion of 'I' is attacked...the 'I' is attacked and 'I' responds to that with violence.

 

Can there be observation without any images ? All the thoughts which say...yes or no...would again be opinions and hinder any further observation. When there is no thought...there is pure observation.

[rahulrocks]

Sometimes i feel....lets just have some fun....forget everything....Enjoy.

[rahulrocks]

Why do i want this. Why do i want this commentary to stop. Do i never want to make mistakes. Do i want to avoid pain. What is it that prompts me to go for it. Knowing my weakness, i want to get rid of them. I want to get rid of everything. But can one ever become a Prefectionist. Someone who never make mistakes ? Someone who is totally good ? And will running away from what I am will turn me into that.

 

Can i live just one day of my life at an ease with what i am.....not doing anything about it. Accepting the way I am. I dont know if this is the right thing to do....if its a right thing to accept the way your.....with all your meanness...

[rahulrocks]

Can Time Stop ?

[rahulrocks]

Time hasn't stopped. It continues. The old stream of consciousness continues. Why Time has not stopped ? The other way of asking this question would be to why does time continues ? Time is a movement of past as thought....Why are we caught in all this ? From where all of it began ? The brain is a storehouse of knowledge. The knowledge is recalled as a response to a challenge. And then actions happens based on that knowledge. Are we speaking from theories are its a clear perception ? Are we realizing it as facts because of the theories or there is perception. Lets discard it all again.......

 

What is thought ? Who is thinking ? From where does it come ? What is the source of thought ? Its a relative reference to a situation. Its a pointer to a situation. Its a response to a problem. Its an identification of a situation. Its a conclusion. One sees a pen, and then there is a response ...'thats a pen, its blue in color and this and that'...It just keeps happening, giving related information and moving away based on further information. It is always looking for a problem to solve...why ? It is always looking for a solution/conclusion to be provided. It is caught in the movement of time. What will happen tomorrow ? Why that happened yesterday ? A lot of its activities are irrelevant. Can we stop it ? Can I stop thought ? Who Am I ? Am I different from other thoughts ? Well that's a pen and i am not a pen. That pen lies there on the table and i am not there...I am writing. By the notion of I, I generally involve the body. Like I am yawning. But I have a property as well, I work in a company, I have my relatives, my crushes and all. What relationship do I have with them ? Ok What relationship do i have with this pen ? This is my pen. This pen belongs to me. What does it mean ? This is my pen ? what does it mean ? Is it a part of me ? Physically its a different thing then the body. But do i have any relationship with it at all ? I dont have any relationship with it.....It is my pen is a concept....All ownership is a concept....

This is my mobile...therefore i must protect it...if it gets lost then its a loss for me....I am the user of this mobile. This is in my possession and no body should have a claim on it. This is attachment. But is there really any relationship with that mobile ? This is mine is a concept.

Any concept of ownership is bound to produce violence.....What relationship do i have with my ideas and conclusions.....They are MY ideas, my theories, my conclusions....and therefore I should protect them...i should fight for them....i am right and any one with a different idea is wrong....

But is there something like ME and MINE in terms of ideas....What are ideas ? I have an idea that i should go home late tonight. The idea has come into my mind but is it my idea ? If its my idea then what is I and what is idea ? Is I ever separate from idea ?

 

Whats the difference between the two statements....thats a pen.....and I want to go home...Desire is implied in the second statement....Desire is a change in idea of what is.....

 

I dont know where all of this is going....I am clue less. I am without a sense of direction...and i dont want directions....let it be as it is...

[Fudgie]

I don't think being a perfectionist is ideal. Everyone makes mistakes. You can strive to be the best person you can be and you will still make mistakes. The key in making mistakes is that you don't make them again. But how can you ever learn and grow without tripping up once in a while? It's just part of life. I used to be more of a perfectionist and it drove me mad. I feel bad for perfectionists because I feel that a lot of joy in life is sucked out of it for them. In their desire to see everything "perfect" and to be "perfect", they lose sight of the big picture.

[rahulrocks]

In a way you are correct. In order to be a Perfectionist, one will have to define first what does it mean to be a Perfectionist. You will define a certain rule of conducts, certain behavioral patterns and then try to live a life according to that mold. This is where the struggle would start, You are something and you want to be different. So there is a struggle in life to reach upto your defined ideals. You will always be trying to match up to some hypothetical idea and therefore your life would become a struggle. When you try to live a life according to some mold or patterns then your denying the fullness of life. Your thought process would be one dimensional and you will struggle to meet the various challenges of life completely.

 

But one has to also look at the other side of the story..which is, we see everywhere around us pain, misery, struggles, conflict, relationships breaking, violence, terror, war and crimes. We are generally not concerned about them unless and until we suffer. The suffering of me is not different from the suffering of you, we all suffer for similar reasons...the society with all its brutality is a reflection of ourselves and the way we have become. Finding all this, one asks an inevitable question...Can all of this end ? Is there a way of life which is devoid of all conflicts, all suffering ? ...This is the question....which can not be answered by devising a system of life, a pattern of life.....because all of it has failed.

[rahulrocks]

\So what is the state of my mind right now ? Is it angry, frustrated or dissatisfied ? What is this feeling of not being at ease ? Is it anxiety ? is it fear of some kind ? Why is there this anxiety..Is it because of confusion ? Lets not name the feeling. The naming of the feeling is the continuation of it. Lets not try to end it as well...lets be with it. What is bringing this feeling ? Is it because there is something needs to be done today and the thinking about that is causing these feelings to arise. Is it because the situations like these always arose these feelings.

 

Is the observer separate from the feeling ? Whenever the observer is separate from the feeling...he will try do supress, resist, escape, kill, analyse the feeling and therefore there would be distorted observation of the feeling.

 

When there is no observer...then the feeling is the observer and when feeling is the self then nothing can be done about it.

 

Then the unease somewhat diminishes. Don't say diminishes...you are still trying to separate the feeling from you..Your naming that 'I am at unease' is causing unease.....otherwise there is only the feeling which is you.

[rahulrocks]

I don't know how much i loved and was inspired by this movie..Guide (1965) based on the novel..'The Guide' by R K Narayan. A guide falls in love with a woman....makes her a famous actress, then goes to jail in charges of forgery...when he comes back from jail...he does not go back and joins a group of saints....Later he goes to village, and villagers start thinking that he is a great saint...But he is still human...one day he tells them a story of a saint who fasted for 12 days in order to avoid draught and bring rains.....Sometime later the village is affected by draught and somehow its miscommunicated that Raju guide is going to keep a fast.....Raju thinks of running away but some how does not run.....later he starts really keeeping the fast and everyone returns to his life...his gf, his mother....he has everyone and he could still go away...but he does not break the fast.....and it rains on the day of his death......

 

 

He becomes clean befory dying....and his consciouness becomes one with the immensity....He has dialogues between his ego and his soul....and here is one of this....and i am infatuated by it whenever i watch it....

 

[video=youtube;wP5yudlccro] ]

[rahulrocks]

Raju's gf asks....Do you really think that it will rain because of your fasting.....Raju replies....'The question is not whether it will rain or not...the question is whether there is someone who created this world or not....whether there is someone who is running this world or not......If there is no one....then I dont care about my life...what is the use of living in this blind world like a blind man......And If there is someone....then it has to be seen whether he listens to his devotees or not..'

 

Just a few moments before his death...Raju tells his mother....' Far away in some mountains...it is raining....My body is wet...lets change it'.....and suddenly it starts raining outside...the whole village gets ecstatic....his mother goes outside to watch the rain....and when she comes back...she finds Raju passed away...

[rahulrocks]

After this...the gf says to the mother...'Mother Our Raju is no more'....and the mother tells her....'No Dear, Our Raju is no more in this body'.....

[rahulrocks]

Everyday I get a glimpse of that with the book of K but soon after sometime I am back to my old routines. Why is it so ? The momentum of thought is huge, it comes back after a few instants. It captures the mind and then old habits prevail. Is it the case that we have actually not seen all this..that we have only intellectually understood it..created ides out of it. But at that moment it appears true.

Ok, what is seen is seen....the pointers point it out and one grasps it for the moment, but later on this is lost....Probably it is not the truth that has to be seen, it has to be false that has to be seen as false...every time it arises...then there would be truth..... Is it a mere mystical statement.....oh dont trust on it.

[rahulrocks]

Moved to Daily diary.

[rahulrocks]

Lets discard every form of tradition, knowledge and dogma. Lets discard all that we have read and understood. Lets discard all forms of relationships, all the images, all the praises and hurts...Lets discard the image that we have about ourselves. Lets unlearn whatever we have learned in the past. Lets discard all the past....and look at the things again...as if we are looking at them for the first time.....only discard every motive, every ambition...lets discard all logic, all reason to do things...lets discard the concept of 'I am'.

What their books contain is great, but what use of it when we can not see.....What's the use of anything when the basis of our identity has been told to be false...Their conlusions and wisdom will not work.....We may get lost, so lets get lost...whatever we discover will be our own discovery....

Lets not compare ourselves to any budhdha, any chirst, any freud, any jung, any kirhsnamurti.....they are great but what they have found is their own discovery....we may see glimpses of truth in their company...but we become dependant.....lets find illusions if not the truth....but be alone.

[rahulrocks]

Can we go back to the state where there was no knowledge, no tradition, no teachings and then look again. Can all the past influences be unrolled. Can we be free of all the past praises and hurts. Can the influences of all our experiences be unrolled. and can we then listen and look around......rejecting all that we know...

Dont say that you get to see and hear nothing......just be patient....there comes a state unfamiliar, a state of unease but can we be with it and not run away....Are we using some kind of crutches to be in that state...Remove all the crutches.....What is it that is trying to identify itself with all these states ? There is a state of hunger....then who comes and says...I am hungry. Who is the thinker ? As long as one resolves the question of thinker...because every activity seems to be driven by the thinker...life can not have a base.

So who is the thinker ? Who is thinking ? Who is asking these questions ? when one says I am thinking, I am the thinker.....then who am I ? I am so and so , I have these many relatives, these many properties.....are all descriptions of I, qualities and attributes associated to I, various functions attached to I.......but the I seem to exist even without them.....So what is the basic I....Stripped of all that you did in the past, your name, all your relations, all your images, your god, your religion, your nationality, your sex, your caste, creed and so on....who are you ? Who are you right now..in the current moment ? There is a body....and there is a reference to the body as ME....as I....but if that is the case then who gets hurt when someone says something bad about you ? obviously the body is not physically hurt. From where does this sense of I comes ? I dont know....When one says such an statement there is a feeling of an integrated being ....who is not having the knowledge about the question.....but is there really such an integrated being inside ? Who does not know ? I want to find out......who is building this conclusion....

 

Is the I ever free of an indication of a desire.....Does desire gives rise to I ? What is desire ? Desire is a movement away from what is....its the feeling that communicates something should be changed. Its a force which makes one move. There is seeing, sensation...and the images of what could be done in future.....this is the movement of desire. The image of getting pleasure. The image is based on past pleasures that one had. When one imagines something pleasurable...the past feelings, excitement that one had.. comes back...So one wants to continue to imagine.

This continuity of past pleasure in present and future is desire.

 

I should be doing this...because there is possibility of pleasure...I should not be doing it because there is possibility of pain. The seeking of pleasure and avoidance of pain is Desire. If there is no seeking of pleasure and avoidance of pain..which means there is no desire.then what happens to the I ?

 

One also wants to avoid the states of not knowing. Why ? Its a new thing....and one is afraid of the unknown. One always wants to feel secure. One always want to have the sense that there is no danger, thats why one takes refuge in the known. Why is one always afraid. What is fear ? Fear exists in possibilities. It exists when unknown is translated in terms of negative knowns...Fear is of the death of the image of the self....death of the image.....because only image exist in future.....not you....The past image....entering into present..and thinking about dying in the future....this is Fear.

 

Can the mind be free of images.....as this is the basis on which desire, pleasure, pain and fear reside. Image creation is the storage of information by the brain.....the storage of information, comparison, and the modification in the image. Can the mind cease to store ? Can the mind cease to compare ? Can the mind cease to register the praise and the hurts....can the mind be free from hope..

[Juliette ne pas]

"Can the mind be free of images.....as this is the basis on which desire, pleasure, pain and fear reside. Image creation is the storage of information by the brain.....the storage of information, comparison, and the modification in the image. Can the mind cease to store ? Can the mind cease to compare ? Can the mind cease to register the praise and the hurts....can the mind be free from hope."

 

 

No, I don't believe so, these things are what make us uniquely human. All living creatures store information based on desire, pleasure, pain, or fear....but only man has the capabilty to hope, that is our gift and ours alone....

 

 

I love your writing, it continues to inspire me to contemplate and true up my foundations of thought and understanding. Vincent Verbum, Magistare

[rahulrocks]

"

No, I don't believe so, these things are what make us uniquely human. All living creatures store information based on desire, pleasure, pain, or fear....but only man has the capabilty to hope, that is our gift and ours alone....

Do the animals store any psychological hurts ? Do they have ambition, greed and jealousy ? What is hope....it is an expectation of something to happen and mostly waiting on things....but does it have any value in the possibility of things to turn up ? Is it an escape to avoid fear and unease ? It is a future based thought and therefore an imagination....What you have in your hands is the present moment.....what you can do is...only now.....Why to have any hope or despair about things.....

When you say I don't believe so.....it means you believe in the opposite direction...which is it can not happen.....Is not belief an indication of not being clear, not being able to see.....We have beliefs because we are not sure, we are not able to see clearly. When you have a certain belief in a negative direction then you have already ceased the inquiry. But why should you inquire at all ? If all is going well, you will not even bother to inquire....it is suffering that would turn you within and make you question....can all this end ?

[Juliette ne pas]

Sorry Rahul...Brain not functioning clearly today...I honestly could use a hug....I hold on to hope because right now I feel that's all I have left...I don't want to think about that my life would be like without it...

wish you well my friend, as always Rosel

[rahulrocks]

When someone close to you die, there is tremendous sorrow, when your girlfriend leaves you, when you are rejected, when you dont achieve your goals, when you are denied your pleasure...there is sorrow. Can sorrow end ? What is the root of sorrow ? In sorrow there is a feeling of loss, a feeling of self pity, a feeling of being left alone, which is a reduction in the circumference of I.

There is a center, lets call it 'I'...the center with all its associations, its relationships, its knowledge, its experiences, its feelings, its ambitions, its desires...forms the circumference of I. The center is ever trying to expand its circle. It is ever trying to associate more objects to itself, its ever trying to become the owner of the objects of the world..... The center has not only tangible objects like woman, house, kids, relatives in its boundaries but also the intangible objects like Ideas, emotions, feelings etc. The center is ever trying to attach itself with various things....in order to increase its boundaries....this is called self expansion.

Now when something is taken away from the center, there is reduction....there is death of a fragment of the center.....so there is sorrow.

 

Can the center cease to exist ? Can there be observation without the center ? Can there be only attention without trying to attend ?

[rahulrocks]

The mind is always crowded by thoughts. It is never empty. What are these thoughts ? Why this process has become so mechanical...and why it never just shuts up...The mind is always occupied. Can there be an on/off button to thinking. Can the movement of mind stop ? Either there is a thought of the past or there is a thought of the future. Its like the memory just keep flooding these thoughts from its database....No body asks them...they just keep coming to mind. I did this...this would have this effect...oh this is not good for my image...what will he think of me....so on so on...

 

Then there are feelings as well. Someone says something....thoughts coming up...how can he do it...a rush of energy inside.......thought says I am angry. Isn't it too mechanical. Like a script that is being repeated on and on. Situation 1 do this....Situation 2 do that....sometimes alter the responses....like a computer program, things are being performed. Then there are thoughts of improvement...I should not be angry...I should keep my cool....again a part of the script.

 

Surprisingly the same script is being performed in every human being. Love, hurt, passion, sex, romance, grief, sorrow, sympathy, knowledge, faith, belief, non-belief. Then there are elements of goodness...in the script...humanity, social work, help each other....and so on. But it is still the same script.

 

This is a script of humanity....this is a script of society...this is a script of the world. Situations, objects changes...the underlying structures remain the same. Fear is a part of the script. Image making machinery is a part of script. Are we all sleeping ?

 

Power is withdrawn from the script one begins to understand the parts of the script. Can one read the entire script in one shot ? Can one know the entire contents of the consciousness in one flash ? Does not this inquiry get you out of the script, immediately ? You are no longer thinking...you are no longer playing the script.