update on a cheating mind

[nanann]

A few weeks ago, I posted asking you to tell me if i should cheat. I am having difficulties in my relationship with my husband (but who isn't?) and for many years I have had very strong feelings for a male friend of mine who used to be my boss. We had never physically cheated but have been emotionnally cheating on our spouses for years. Neither one of us wants to hurt them (especially me since I have 2 daughters) and that's why we hardly ever see each other (to resist temptation). Lately, I had been wondering if the guilt associated with cheating would maybe make me feel mmore inclined to accept my husband's faults and if maybe, having gotten it out of my system, the feelings I have for the other man would fade. You all advised me to stop talking to him and deal with or end my marriage if i was unhappy. You all said cheating was not a solution and deep down i knew I'd probably never cheat physically because all i would see in my mind was my little girls' faces but I never thought I would have the courage to quit the emotional cheating too. I did though because of your advice and I'd like to tell everyone out there who is involved with a married man or cheating or thinking about it that it is possible to quit a relationship that you know is bad for you and that doing it will make you feel better about yourself than the relationship ever did!

 

I know a lot of people are thinking that their situation is not the same but let me tell you that if such a thing as soul mates exists, I'm pretty sure this man is mine. I love everything about him (except the fact that he has a wife), his smell, his sense of humor, his integrity (he never allowed things to get physical out of respect for my husband and kids), his sense of humor, etc.etc. He knows what i'm thinking all the time, he completes my sentences, just happens to call whenever i really need a friend. We like the same things and think the same thoughts. I often wished i had met him before getting married but he was already married when i was 11 and life is that way. But then again...i wouldn't have my wonderful daughters if i had married him. I thought i'd never be able to stop talking to him because he was my emotional support when i needed it. I told him that him being in my life was always making me compare my husband to him and thereforeeee hurting my family and our future. Naturally, he understood and accepted tearfully to say goodbye. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done and i'm crying as i write this but i know, in my heart, I did th right thing.

 

Not to take my sadness out on my husband, I told him everything only to find out he already knew and that it was breaking his heart but he was afraid that calling me on it would push me right into his arms. With my husband's help, i am already (2 weeks later) getting over the other man.

Time DOES heal all wounds and out of sight, out of mind does really work.

But will my husband ever truly trust me or my love for him again? Maybe not. I have already done so much damage but it wasn't my intention. I didn't mean to meet someone so perfect for me. It just happened. I shouldn't have let it happen maybe. It's hard to say.

 

The moral of this story is that my kids don't deserve to pay for my mistakes and choosing to invest in my family is the best thing i could have done. Who knows? Maybe my relationship with my husband can become as good as the other one. We already have these great kids in ours! I hope i can inspire others as your advice inspired me. Thanks. And don't be so sure your secrets will not be found out because mine were and it could have cost me my marriage and cost my kids their happiness!

 

I just hope that when the going gets tough, I don't call him back. It's really hard but I'll do my best and i hope other women involved with married men will lose them too because the only real happiness seems to come from knowing you are doing the right thing![/url]

[RayKay]

Wow, it is great to hear that you took the right steps, are putting the work into your marriage, and also that you talked to your husband about all that was going on. Since he already had ideas, he is probably hurt, but also relieved as it was probably a burden on him as well to carry around.

 

I wish you the best of luck, and I really hope that all that emotional fulfillment you found with the other man, you will realize with your husband. It won't be an easy road, but you are in my thoughts!

[Meow18]

I'm glad to hear that things are going ok. Its good that you talked to your husband. Its nice of him to be there for you like that. That shows that he really loves you. Of course he is hurt & it must be really hard for him, but I think all he really wants to see happen is for his wife to love only him again. You are taking the right steps.