Torn

[PandaBandaids]

Hey everyone, I'm going through a lot of emotional distress. I can't seem to think of what the best decision to choose. Okay, here's a little background between my boyfriend and I. Both of us are 18 now. We've been together for about 5 years, with a break up here and there. The longest break up we had was 8 months. He had major trust issues with me before. When we got back together about 6 months ago, he trusted me again. Everything was going well, until recently I lost the trust. I didn't want to tell him that my ex started talking to me because this is the thing; We are in a LDR and I was afraid if I told him he would break up with me. He found out himself while going through my cell phone, while I was back on the island. Since then he's been all crazy, assuming things with me, saying hurtful ridiculous things like he doesn't love me anymore, he's going to find a better gf, etc. Yes, he doesn't mean it, but I question whether his feelings are true for me. He's always being obnoxious, acting up, and not himself when he gets into those "fits". I love him to death and I know I want to be with him, but the thing is I hate the way I make him feel.

 

I've been trying to keep our relationship together, but I'm wondering if being with me is worth all the pain. I do want to let him go so he can be happier, but I still love him. In every argument we've been having, its hard for me to fix everything by myself. I think he could be testing me with the relationship or since I made all the mistakes in the relationship that I have to do everything... so what should I do though? Let him go so he can be "stress-free" and with me being depressed about it, try to be friends, with the risk of getting over me because of the distance? Or... stay together with him with the trust issues eating at him and trying to fix everything but really there's nothing I can do to make things better.

 

*I've lost the person I really am with all this going on. I just can't think straight no more. Please help