Double J Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 When I say "jerk," I don't mean he mistreats you. I guess I mean manly; e.g. he stands his ground, doesn't let you walk all over him, tells you straight out when he disagrees with something you've done. I've noticed that simply being nice and romantic doesn't always put my fiancée in the mood. Sometimes we have what you might call "makeup sex" following a little squabble. And it seems the most intense sessions take place when I am mad at her for something she's done. Does it make you ladies hot when your men show backbone? Do women use sex as a way to restore equilibrium and/or turn the tables? Or both? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marona Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Personally I like it best with a nice, romantic, emotional kinda guy, BUT I also like when he reflects some backbone as you said, I don't want a guy who is completely insecure. Sometimes I want a guy to be the dominating-stone-age-bastard, and sometimes I want him to be the one-and-only-kind of romantic. Depends on my mood, but variation is good. Unfortunately I mostly end up with the 1st one, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double J Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 Oops. I meant to put this in the Sex and Romance forum. I'm hoping the mods can kindly transfer it to the appropriate forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charity Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 When I say "jerk," I don't mean he mistreats you. I guess I mean manly; e.g. he stands his ground, doesn't let you walk all over him, tells you straight out when he disagrees with something you've done. I've noticed that simply being nice and romantic doesn't always put my fiancée in the mood. Sometimes we have what you might call "makeup sex" following a little squabble. And it seems the most intense sessions take place when I am mad at her for something she's done. Do women use sex as a way to restore equilibrium and/or turn the tables? Or both? thats a very interesting question, and one i haven't ever analysed. i wanna say i want sex more when he's nice but now that i really think about it i often wanted sex when we argued. i guess there's two reason for women wanting sex when they guy is a hard ass. 1. it reassures us that he still wants and loves us even though we may have argued 2 it makes us think we're in the movies lol- all that passion and drama...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingerlemon Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I guess I don't see any contradiction between 'doesn't let me walk all over him'/'tells me straight' and 'nice and romantic'. I'm not too romantic myself so I can pass on the red roses type of stuff, but I like men who have a sensitive side to them. Stereotypical alpha males turn me off. Regarding make up sex, maybe it's some kind of adrenalin rush? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double J Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 When we go without sex for a few days, I find myself tempted to stir up a little conflict. Believe it or not, it usually works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Moderator Note: Thread moved to correct forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahRose Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I like nice and romantic. Arguments just make me shut down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilypadgirl Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Variety for me. I like both and I think both are helpful for the relationship. If it's always makeup sex, the stress from all those arguments will eventually cause me to dislike him so much that he's no longer sexy and lead to a break up. If it's always sweet sex, then that can get boring. But spicy sex doesn't always have to come from drama. Lots of other ways to spice up the sex life that are less stressful and just as fun. For me, what makes me feel just as intense without the hurt/anger/stress of arguments is when a guy acts dominant through role-playing for example. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 When I say "jerk," I don't mean he mistreats you. I guess I mean manly; e.g. he stands his ground, doesn't let you walk all over him, tells you straight out when he disagrees with something you've done. My boyfriend is not a "jerk" but what you've described, he is like that all the time. It doesn't matter what I've done or how I feel, he is always brutally honest and open with me no matter what. He will let small stuff slide but if I say or do stupid things, he'll always call me out. I sex him up regardless though, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 To me you can always stand up for yourself and have a backbone and be nice at the same time - they can and should be simultaneous. This seems to imply that standing up for yourself is somehow not 'nice'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Nthing puts me in the mood more than nice. "Manly" when I am treated like a child turns me completely off. You can keep you "manly" men. They're a pain in the behind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I agree with others that a person telling you when they disagree with you, don't let you walk all over them etc does not mean they are also not sweet, caring, and romantic. I think this comic sums up my feelings on this subject: link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost girl Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 i like sex when my bf is passive. not nice, like annoying nice, but respectful and not emotionally abusing me. but i do enjoy rough, vulgar sex. lol so if you're mad at me, that's the time to show it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 With current man in my life, I'm always up for it regardless of his mood. I do recall though one occasion where he was being grumpy, I thought a bit unreasonably, and I suppose I acted out my aggression which I couldn't verbalise through sex. At the time, I was thinking: "This will fix him/show him." I gave him make-up sex afterwards though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doppelgag68 Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Yes, actually. For some reason I'm more attracted to my boyfriend when he is more assertive (aka "jerk-like"). It just shows dominance and masculinity which turns me on. When he's in that emo/passive stage I really feel like I don't want to have sex as often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Yes, actually. For some reason I'm more attracted to my boyfriend when he is more assertive (aka "jerk-like"). It just shows dominance and masculinity which turns me on. When he's in that emo/passive stage I really feel like I don't want to have sex as often. I think it's really offensive and misleading to men to say that you need to act like a jerk to be masculine. I think that's much more about the viewers idea of masculinity, which is completely flawed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I think it's really offensive and misleading to men to say that you need to act like a jerk to be masculine. I think that's much more about the viewers idea of masculinity, which is completely flawed. Yes, and I think the same goes for women in that you can't really generalise - not all women fall into the stereotype of withholding and manipulating men with sex and getting sulky when they think their partner isn't measuring up to idealised norms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I want sex the same amount regardless of their behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alezia Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I have to admit I am definitely behavior driven, but I like both the romantic and the "make up sex". I rarely get the opportunity for my boyfriend to be romantic with the kids, that I am all for it (and pretty much begging and waiting at this point). I do not personally think that a strong man cannot be a romantic man, so I tend to like the ones that are both. I do not like a man to be too sappy in his romance either. It has to be heartfelt, genuine and not too overbearing. There is a big difference between "manly" with treating you as a child, and being a strong man. If a man tries to impose his will or his way of doing things on me, I consider that in the first category. That is a turn off. If he is just assertive, but is able to stay within his boundaries, then I can respect that. It is pretty hard to find a man that is able to do that though. Either they are controlling, or they let themselves get walked all over. I am a difficult woman. Probably best to stay away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueEagle Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 What if you can't even desire make-up sex because the fight was that ugly and vicious? We once had a really bad fight and some awful things were said to me regarding how if she only knew beforehand that I had so few and short long-term relationships in my past that it might have changed things between us (two times prior to that in a span of two weeks I was getting told: "If only I knew about this before..." and "If only you put this on your dating profile..."), and subsequent hurtful and emasculating remarks about our sex life. Later that night she wanted make-up sex, but I was so absolutely devastated by her comments that I was just not in the mood whatsoever and had to reject her. Lots of rejection and hurt pride was going around that weekend. Mentally, it's hard to get in the mood when daggers like that are being thrown in your direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpine Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 When I say "jerk," I don't mean he mistreats you. I guess I mean manly; e.g. he stands his ground, doesn't let you walk all over him, tells you straight out when he disagrees with something you've done. I've noticed that simply being nice and romantic doesn't always put my fiancée in the mood. Sometimes we have what you might call "makeup sex" following a little squabble. And it seems the most intense sessions take place when I am mad at her for something she's done. Does it make you ladies hot when your men show backbone? Do women use sex as a way to restore equilibrium and/or turn the tables? Or both? It seems to be that you're saying that showing your backbone is the opposite to nice... whereas I think you can have backbone AND be nice. Saying what you think, standing your ground, and having a backbone doesn't make you a jerk, nor does it make you 'manly.' I find that whole notion a little strange. Anyway, to answer your final question - I am a woman and no I do not have sex as a way to 'restore equilibrium and/or turn the tables.' I have sex because I both love and lust after my partner and sex is an enjoyable, physical and intimate aspect of our relationship. There seems to be so many posts that indicate that woman have sex with them to 'reward' them when they are being nice or to 'turn the tables' or whichever other phrases people want to use... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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