Am I missing something?

[r0ckox]

I will never understand how the female mind works. Never.

It just doesn't make sense to me - so here I am asking all of you for some help.

 

A little background - I met a girl on a dating site back in 2010. She contacted me first.

I live in NY, she lives in CT. It's not a far drive but it was blatantly obvious that nothing was really going to come out of this, dating wise.

We hit it off right away and clearly enjoyed talking to each other. The only thing that struck me was that she had just gotten out of a relationship a week or so prior to us meeting on the website. I suppose she was looking for a quick fix, a rebound or something - Idk.

 

Like I said, we hit it off right away, and began talking almost daily. I liked her, but as I said earlier it was clear nothing was really going to come out of it as we lived too far from one another. So I just played it like we were friends and that's it.

Eventually we had tried to set up a time that we could meet, but she had messed it up by "losing her phone" the day before and neglected to tell me until 2 days after our arranged meet, after I had been trying to get in touch with her and thought she was blowing me off. She had access to a computer, and instead of sending me a message saying "Hey I lost my phone, let's reschedule" she just decided to wait and tell me after the fact, which turned me off. I didn't like the way she handled it, and I let her know. I explained to her that although it was something silly, I just felt like she could have handled it better... so now in my mind, if she handled something like that poorly, what else would there be?

 

From there, we never really set up to meet again.

 

As time went on, we remained in touch and it got to the point where we'd talk on the phone over the weekends. She would get upset if she didn't hear from me, and she'd give me an attitude about it. Sometimes I would be out with my friends or would be busy with other stuff and didn't have time to call her - so I'd get text messages like "...right, why would you call me?" or "another weekend and no call...." and stuff like that.

I had to cut things down after that, as I felt like she was acting like we were dating, yet we haven't even met! I explained to her that I'm not comfortable with getting close to anyone right now, and that we had to take it easy and it's not a big deal if we don't talk over the weekend. I understand that she may have liked me, but she was going about it the completely wrong way.

 

I never did any of that to her, if I didn't hear from her, I wouldn't sit there and give her any crap about it...so I didn't understand why I was getting crap for it.

 

Which leads me to why I'm here now.

 

I just got home from doing a 4-month jail stretch for DWI. Before I went away, we weren't talking all that often, maybe once or twice on the phone in a couple of months - but would text on occasion. After I got arrested, my phone was deactivated and she couldn't get in touch with me. Apparently she was "going crazy" about it thinking I was dead and she'd never hear from me again. I thought that it was nice of her to show some concern while I was gone, I liked that as I didn't expect it from her.

At the same time, I don't really understand why she was so concerned, as she had been involved with a guy over the last year....but whatever, like I said, it was nice.

 

A couple of days after I had gotten home, one of my friends had sent me a welcome-home text, and said that she missed me.

I had replied back saying "i miss you too" and I accidentally sent it to the girl in question. It's a new phone and I hit the buttons too quick and somehow she ended up getting the text. I realized right away what had happened so I text-messaged her telling her i was sorry, the text wasn't for her and that it was a mistake.

In all honestly, I was just being polite and replying to a friend's message. The friend who sent me the text isn't some body I keep in touch with often, and I would consider them "nobody" as we're more acquaintences than close friends.

 

She immediately gave me an attitude about it, saying things like "wow....thanks." and so on.

I just blew it off not understanding why she was giving me an attitude.

I figured she'd just write it off as a mistake and call it a day....like any normal people would do.

 

The next day we had an argument about it.

 

This is where it gets a little weird for me....

I'll just post the conversation.

 

Her: So who do you miss?

Me: Nobody lol, why do you ask?

Her: You texted me last night for the wrong person. It wasn't nobody...

Me: Yeah it was, I didn't even mean it. I was just politely replying to a friend. I'm surprised you're interested in this..lol

Her: Why?

Me: Idk I just didn't think this would spark your interest...why does this interest you?

Her: Cause?

Me: Cause why? Lol.

Her: Because I wanna know, I'm curious.

 

-- She then called me but I didn't answer because I didn't have my phone near me. I was busy doing something and had no idea she called.

I saw the missed call, realized it was a few hours later, and texted her back to see if she was awake or not. (it's around 11pm now and IDK what time she goes to sleep.)

 

Me: You still awake?

Her: Yes, what would you like?

Me: I was going to call you back...

Her: What do you want?

Me: What do you mean what do i want? You called me first... what's your deal lately?

 

-- After she didn't respond, I shut off my phone and went to sleep. I had to be up early the next morning.

In the AM, I get a text from her..

 

Her: I tried calling.

Me: I know, and i wanted to call you back...what's with the "What do you want" attitude?

Her: What's with the not answering my question? And turning off your phone?

Me: My phone turns off when I goto sleep, you didn't answer and i was tired. Why is it important to you who I miss or don't miss? I've asked you why you're into this like 5 times already..

Her: Whatever forget it.

Me: I don't understand what the problem is??

her: No problem, forget it.

 

-- clearly, there's a problem. I know when a girl is upset.

Me: Okay well, don't say I didn't ask then.

 

Her: Don't worry about it.

 

Her: What I don't understand is why you're hiding it so badly. (?!?!?!?!)

 

Me: I'm not hiding anything, I just think it's weird that you want to know who it is.

 

Her: Lol you sent it to me by mistake of course I wanna know.

 

Me: Right, so that's that - I sent you it by accident, it was intended for someone else, but like I said, it was nobody important and I dind't even mean what i said. i was just being polite.

 

Her: I'm sure, that's why you're so against saying it.

 

Me: Lol, because it doesn't matter! It means nothing!

 

Her: Yup.

 

Me: I don't understand why this is bothering you so much, what does it matter who it was?

 

Her: Because i think it's super weird you're so shady about it.

 

Me: What do you need to know for? you don't know who it is anyway, besides I don't ask you who's who in your world. If the table was turned, I wouldn't be all over you about who it was meant for.

 

Her: Obviously because you don't care about it...

 

Me: No, it's because I know it's none of my business and I don't like to intrude.

 

Her: Wow. K so I'll stop intruding. Glad I tried calling you for months to see if you were alive. Waste of my time clearly.

 

Me: Take it easy, I didn't say you intruded. I just don't get why you're so interested in who it is... why does it matter? If you could just explain why this is so important to you, maybe we could finally move past it! I don't think I'm being unreasonable in wanting to know why you're on my shXt about this.

 

Her: I don't think it's unreasonable to ask who it was for when it was sent to me by mistake. (of course it is! it wasn't for her!)

 

Me: I already told you, it was NOBODY! I was just being polite to someone who texted me! All I'm asking is why you're curious.

 

Her: Because it's clearly somebody.

 

Me: No, it's clearly nobody like I already said. Why in the WORLD would I lie about this?!

 

Her: Why if it's nobody is it such a big deal?

 

Me: It's not! You're the one making it a big deal. I told you it was nobody and that should have been the end of it. There's no reason for me to hide anything from you, what would that POSSIBLY gain me?

 

Her: Whatever. It's fine. Goodbye.

 

Me: What's your problem?!

 

After that she stopped responding.

A few hours later I texted her and asked her "Why are you acting so immature about this?!" and she failed to respond again.

It's been a week now and I haven't heard anything back.

 

Last night I sent her a text asking her if she was "done being mad over something silly" and she's clearly not going to answer.

 

I mean, am I missing something here? Was I wrong? I don't understand WHY this is such a big deal.... I asked a couple of people and they said she may be jealous because she likes me... but that's completely crazy! We haven't talked about anything like that, plus she's involved with someone else.... and the big factor - WE HAVEN'T EVEN MET!

 

So I just don't understand and some insight would be helpful.

 

Thanks guys.

[ghengisT]

You're over-thinking things. Here's my perspective:

 

Women = Emotion based thinking

 

Men = Logic based thinking

 

Hence why the opposite sex has so much understanding one another. Everytime a girl has dumped me, she blames it on her feelings. Everytime I dump a girl, it's because the mathematical equation I've looped her into didn't equal X

[mhowe]

You're over-thinking things. Here's my perspective:

 

Women = Emotion based thinking

 

Men = Logic based thinking

 

Hence why the opposite sex has so much understanding one another. Everytime a girl has dumped me, she blames it on her feelings. Everytime I dump a girl, it's because the mathematical equation I've looped her into didn't equal X

 

That is very sexist ghengist!!

 

OP -- what you have here is a woman who isn't all there!! You've never met!!! If you said "the text was meant for Cindy" what would that even mean to her?

I think it is time to end the farce of a relationship you have w/ her. Thank god you don't live in the same state, or you could look out the window and see her in the driveway.

[ghengisT]

That is very sexist ghengist!!

 

 

That wasn't my intention. There are many many many women who could school me in logical thought processes. Even my most recent GF has a very analytic mindset. Part of why I loved her so much.

 

Emotion based thinking tends to take precedence in the relationship on the female side. Males often times take a more analytic approach (i.e. what did we do wrong, how can I fix- when there's nothing to fix, she's just not "feeling" it). It's when we let emotions get the best of us that we make irrational decisions, etc.

[chitown9]

My question for you Whiskey is why do you even care about this at all. The two of you have not even met each other. ....

[r0ckox]

That wasn't my intention. There are many many many women who could school me in logical thought processes. Even my most recent GF has a very analytic mindset. Part of why I loved her so much.

 

Emotion based thinking tends to take precedence in the relationship on the female side. Males often times take a more analytic approach (i.e. what did we do wrong, how can I fix- when there's nothing to fix, she's just not "feeling" it). It's when we let emotions get the best of us that we make irrational decisions, etc.

 

Okay, so my question is... from a logical standpoint (i.e the male side) - How the hell am I the bad guy?!

 

and from a more emotion-based standpoint (i.e the female side) - How the hell am I the bad guy?!

 

There is NO relationship here, like I said we're not even that close. We talked for a little while here and there before I had gone away, and she was very clearly involved with a guy. So it's not like she likes me and wants me and is upset that I don't feel the same ?! (I don't feel the same because of behavior like this, otherwise she'd actually be a decent girl.)

 

I don't get this at all.

 

My question for you Whiskey is why do you even care about this at all. The two of you have not even met each other. ....

 

Because this is mind-boggling! The fact that I have absolutely NO understanding of how a female mind works (other than the fact they are more emotion-driven) is one of the reasons why I can't hang on to a girlfriend. If I can gain a better understanding, I'll be able to help myself in the future.

Why would this set her off emotionally?!

[chitown9]

You are doing too much generalizing, Whiskey. This is not an example of how the female mind works, it is only an example of how this woman's mind works, so I wouldn't spend one minute of time wondering about it. chi

[r0ckox]

You are doing too much generalizing, Whiskey. This is not an example of how the female mind works, it is only an example of how this woman's mind works, so I wouldn't spend one minute of time wondering about it. chi

 

Hm. I wasn't aware that guys act like this too.

 

I've encountored this before with other women, so that's why I say the female mind. I've only dealt with this kind of stuff with them.

[mhowe]

This is sooo not male vs female.

 

This is whack job vs. obsessive guy trying to analzye the crap out of it.

 

You can't put logic on this --- she isn't acting from emotion....she acting from the land of "I have a relationship w/ this guy" --- she is not a reality based life form.

[r0ckox]

This is sooo not male vs female.

 

This is whack job vs. obsessive guy trying to analzye the crap out of it.

 

You can't put logic on this --- she isn't acting from emotion....she acting from the land of "I have a relationship w/ this guy" --- she is not a reality based life form.

 

obsessive guy? That's a little over the top there. I'm not obsessive at all. I'm encountering a problem and I asked for advice. My problem is that I don't understand this, and actually yes - it is male vs female, because I've never ONCE encountered a male that would act this way with another male. I've only dealt with this kind of behavior with females.

 

All i want to know is if I was wrong, because if I am, I'd apologize for being wrong.. and I'm trying to get a better understanding of why this girl would be arguing with me over something so trivial. If it's an easy fix, I'd like to fix it. I'd also like to understand what the HELL is up so I can look out and avoid this kind of thing in the future.

 

What's obsessive about that?

 

I'm aware that she's a whack job, as I've had to cut her off and slow the talking with her down before. I've also dealt with women who've acted like this, who aren't whack jobs.

[mhowe]

obsessive guy? That's a little over the top there. I'm not obsessive at all. I'm encountering a problem and I asked for advice. My problem is that I don't understand this, and actually yes - it is male vs female, because I've never ONCE encountered a male that would act this way with another male. I've only dealt with this kind of behavior with females.

 

All i want to know is if I was wrong, because if I am, I'd apologize for being wrong.

 

I was joking!!!

You aren't wrong.

She is crazy.

[r0ckox]

Oh, sorry! I couldn't tell you were kidding

[annie24]

After the initial blow off where she lost or broke her phone or whatever, I would have moved on. I hope you get help for your alcohol issues.

[Alezia]

Hum, I'm guessing she was hoping for some ego flattering, and you never gave it to her. Either by telling her you also missed her... or that she is more important than the person you've sent that text to etc... I must agree that 'nobody' makes for a bit of a shady answer, in the sense that you can put anything under that clause as opposed to "it was my cousin Jane". Even if "Cindy" would have told her nothing, she probably would have been more accepting of that answer. I am not sure why you are keeping this situation in limbo for so long. Either make your boundaries clear as friends and stop acting like you are in a relationship, or make it out to be one in a concrete manner... She's probably getting too attached to you considering the situation you both find yourselves in.

 

I am the complete opposite of the 'feeler' female, and I am also deficient in that sense... but that is logically what I am thinking she is experiencing.