krism18 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 This is my first time posting on here but I really need some advice. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about marriage and starting a family together. I never wanted our relationship to end in the first place but at the time my ex lost his job and flunked out of his last year of college and said he felt so lost and he didn't want to drag me down. I told him that none of that mattered to me and that I would support him and we would get through it together, but he still moved out. Now a few days ago he calls me and tells me he made the biggest mistake of his life and got another girl pregnant, he was drunk and they only slept together once but she is going to keep the baby. I was, and still am in shock about all of this. I'm mostly heartbroken because I still am in love with this man and he is still in love with me, and now the future that we talked about always having seems so impossible now. I've talked to him every day since he told me this news and he is really torn as to what he should do. He thinks he has to do the "right thing" and try and make things work with this other girl, but that's not really what he want to do. He says "he has never felt love towards someone like he does me, and wishes it was me having his child, and that having all this happen made him realize he never should of left me. I told him that I would stand by his side through all this and that we could work this out in-spite of what has happened, and that I would give him time and space to figure this all out. My heart is telling me I shouldn't give up on this guy, but my head is telling me walk away. Am I crazy to want this relationship to work? And would it be wrong if he chooses to have a relationship with me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, my heart is broken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikNomis Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Oh boy, all I can say is I think you're signing up for a LOT of suffering if you choose to be with this person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalika Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Honestly, and this will sound harsh: I am not sure what you see in him. He sounds like one of those guys that may be nice but probably makes really, bad decisions in life. I would even go out on a limb and say that he's probably one of those guys who's never at fault for anything - he sounds like someone with lots of excuses. I have known lots of guys like this, the Nothing Is Ever Really MY Fault Guy. (ie. "I was drunk", "it was only one night", "I don't really love her" but "I am going to TRY to do the right thing, so really I'm not a creep"). I highly doubt that he's going to be with this girl "just to do the right thing" - it sounds like there's more to it than that. I would also be HIGHLY skeptical if it was a one-time event. Him blaming it on being drunk is a lame excuse and it's probably one of the oldest in the book of lame excuses. I think you should strongly consider why you hanging on for dear life to someone that really wouldn't make a good, solid partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 If there's one thing I've learned, both from my own experience and from all of the stories on eNA, it's that Actions speak louder than words. His actions are speaking very loud and clear about his character. I'm sorry you are in this position, but I agree with MikNomis, and you should listen to your head. Love does not mean the same as Compatible. Nor do you have to share your life with someone you feel love toward. Don't forget to love and care for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I think the person you are not considering in this formula is his child. Forget what he wants. Forget what you want. There is about to be a baby. Doesn't that baby deserve at least a fighting chance of having a proper family? I think you are being very selfish. Not a good formula for a potential parent or step-parent. (I also think it's a bad move for you as well... but... that's besides the point). The only person it MIGHT be good for is HIM (it's less scary) - because I'm sure that other girl doesn't want him to leave, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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