For those who believe they need CLOSURE

[Heidern]

So i get the pain and discomfort, And as i grow stronger dealing with her departure from my life as one of the most hurtful things i have ever seen someone do to another person..... she continues to ignore the issues she has, jump the next guy to avoid being alone and hide from any true growth, smiling. laughing and acting like the 6 years we had were a distant memory...not just some 40 days ago.....being the dumper is being in the drivers seat....while i run behind the car like a dog....

thinking about her and what i just wrote....

its times like these makes me wonder what all the fuss was about....

This is exactly how I felt for a while. She's out there having fun with the guy while I'm here analyzing what went wrong and trying to do things "the right way." My ex wasn't very happy with her personal life and our relationship wasn't as exciting as it was in the beginning. She left me for what seems to make her happy now, but I don't think she's going for personal growth either. I believe in her mind she's 100% fine the way she is and the guy who gets to marry her is the luckiest bastard on the planet. At this point it's not up to me to make her "understand" anything, she can do whatever she wants. I've got to move on and be happy

[thejigsup]

I've been the dumpee and the dumper and I've learned that closure comes from within. When I was younger I used to try to answer all the questions the dumpee had, but it got real old real fast. No matter what I said they ONE: didn't want to believe it; Or TWO: kept asking me more and more questions until I wanted to just yell SHUT UP! I now say very little or nothing. I broke up with you. I don't love you any more. Why? Maybe you tried to "own" me. Maybe you pushed for marriage. Maybe you talked over me all the time. Maybe you were rude to my friends and family. Maybe I caught you drinking or smoking. Maybe you got too complacent and sure of me and I got bored. It's usually one or more of the above for just about everyone.

[nekoxchaos]

i think closure should come from yourself and not from your ex or who ever hurt you

 

i know i pretty much begged, pleaded or guilt tripped my ex into trying to apologize to me and in the end it really never felt justified or i was still pretty upset and angry. It wasn't until i just let it go and felt good enough for myself that i got some sort of closure. I used to hold grudges and im still working on that so now i've gotten pretty indifferent , i just see it as a experience that happened and its best to keep it in the past and just move forward.

 

this coming from a girl who was soooo stubborn about just leaving things alone =X

 

also there is no point or benefit from wishing ill on anyone , i mean initially its fine to be angry at your ex or whoever but in the end that just eats you up and everything seems to be driven by the fact that you want them this closure so much from a outside source that we sometimes fail to notice we are the only ones to make peace with ourselves

[Heidern]

I've been the dumpee and the dumper and I've learned that closure comes from within. When I was younger I used to try to answer all the questions the dumpee had, but it got real old real fast. No matter what I said they ONE: didn't want to believe it; Or TWO: kept asking me more and more questions until I wanted to just yell SHUT UP! I now say very little or nothing. I broke up with you. I don't love you any more. Why? Maybe you tried to "own" me. Maybe you pushed for marriage. Maybe you talked over me all the time. Maybe you were rude to my friends and family. Maybe I caught you drinking or smoking. Maybe you got too complacent and sure of me and I got bored. It's usually one or more of the above for just about everyone.

Thanks for the honesty. The only answer we need as "dumpees" is the one we don't want to hear: "I just want to be happy WITHOUT YOU!"

[Heidern]

Exactly. You know you're happy when you no longer care about your ex's life, you just keep focusing on yours.