Drumson Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 I saw her standing there with a sinful smile She turns around to greet me all pretty and mild She extends her hand with a twinkle in her eye I wondered if she liked me or just saw me as another passerby Intrigued by her beauty, drawn in by her stare I saw an opportunity as she stood speachless there Our hands were clasped and are bodies were eager It all seemed so right comeing from this teenager The night was still young, but I knew I couldn't stay For things just don't happen this way Afraid of her touch and her fair blue eyes I said farewell to my once thought bride Away I went, back on my way I hope for this to be something of reality one day. Tell me what you think!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerbell Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Pretty good, you should keep on writing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gauchori Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Yeah... what she said. lol Joking. Very good but... why don't you separete the poem in... little section or paragraphs? it will be easier to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
behind_these_eyes Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 stanzas? Some poems don't have 'em. regardless, a great poem. good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunther Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 good poem, told a unique story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_hate_the_world47 Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 nice poem.It flowed well. To Gauchori all poems have to be broken up. ~Meagan~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts