Whose Fault Is It Anyway?

[Heidern]

It takes two to tango.

 

So here's my story. My fiance and I were "together" for six years -half of it was long distance- and broke up at the end of August last year. Initially she had asked me for a break a month or so before we broke up but quickly changed her mind. I guess I should go back a bit further and say that I visited her in her country of origin the Christmas prior to that, and had a long conversation with her and her mom about our plans. It had been decided that by the beginning of this year we were going to get married. No date was set on stone, but I made my intentions very clear to both. Well, fast forward several months -right around March I believe- she decided she could no longer take the distance and decided to live here with some relatives who live about 30 minutes away from me. According to her she wanted two things: 1) stay closer to me and 2) start working so we could get married quicker. Initially I wasn't able to go see her everyday because of work and school, but after she let me know that I wasn't doing a very good job of pretending that I wanted to see her I decided to work crazy hours in the night just so I could spend say half of the day with her. We hung out, had fun, but also had arguments. These arguments came about when I realized that just after a few months of being here, she started talking to a "friend." Anyway, she assured me that things between him and her were strictly platonic. Fine. I chose to believe her, but she kept on dropping wonderful thoughts on me along the lines of "if you don't do something about it (i.e. get married asap) this is going to be over" and "sometimes I feel like you're my everything and sometimes I feel like I don't want to be with you." I had to work full-time and study while hearing this sort of stuff... Fine, I can take it. I'm a man. Fast forward to August she asks me for a break and tells me that my suspicions were right, that she did indeed at some point like this guy. Initially I was 100% against the break and let her know about it, but then after getting this bit of information I complied. Why would I want to be engaged to a person who just told me she liked somebody else. For the next week or so she tried to contact me and kept telling me how much she loved me and all of that.

 

Naturally I acted sort of cold, but was still supportive of her given that she had finally just found a new job and was in a bit of a tough situation. I definitely tried to keep the romantic stuff to a minimum, I guess because I was hurt. Gradually, as she gained confidence, she stopped telling me how much she loved me. During this time one of the guy's secret admirers got a hold of all their Facebook conversations and sent me a copy of the transcript. I was pissed. She was having "interesting" conversations with this guy months before we broke up, telling him how she would love to be with him if she didn't have a boyfriend, that she wasn't happy with me that someone else (him) made her happy, among other things. As a matter of fact, one of the days I was with her at her place -the day she swore to me there was nothing going on and got really pissed off at me for implying that- she told the guy that she wanted to be his... Yeah, real winner here. Anyway, I confronted her about the conversations and she got really angry at me saying that if I was going to call her about it that she didn't want to talk to me, that she had already asked for forgiveness and told me to move on. She got angry the same way she got angry whenever I told her that we should spend more time together on weekends since those were my days off. Turns out those were the day she hung out with this guy. Whenever I tried to do something with her on a holiday she got pissed at me, because I was invading her space, only for me to later find out that they were hanging out together. Anyway, after a while Mr. Moron here tried to get back to her -right around December- only to be rejected by her. "Sorry I don't have any feelings for you anymore, it took you too long do something about us, it's your fault, our relationship didn't end because of the other guy but because you weren't decisive enough" So a month before she was telling me how much she loved me and that she hoped our paths would cross again, and now... doesn't feel a thing. I guess it did take me a while to do something about it, I was just trying to finish school after initially having dropped out several years ago. I wanted to be sure that I could provide for our family. I really wanted her. She had dumped me 3 times before during our relationship and came back to me after a while (she was also involved with certain friends, but I have no proof that they did anything), this time around though I do believe it's over since she seems to be dating this guy. But you never took into account the hurting you caused by dumping me those times, did you? Trust isn't something you're handed; you're supposed to earn it.

 

So why am I pissed off? Well, let's see... You've known this guy for only a couple of months and you've known me for a while now. After we decided to give each other some time off, did you really have to keep talking to this guy? You had the choice, it was either me or him. Way to show how strong you are, how independent you can truly be. I'm going to go through this on my own, no need to hurt someone else in the process. Also, quit dropping lines on Facebook about love, about how the only thing you care about is someone's heart as opposed to money and looks, and how you're the greatest Christian since Jesus; but PLEASE, do keep saying that you're really happy and keep openly flirting with this guy. If that doesn't do it for me, then I might as well pawn my balls. The guy is 5 years younger, looks like a gorilla and can't spell... but I'm sure one day he'll be able to draw your path to happiness with his excellent artistic skills.

 

Keeping these feelings alive is my fault. I'll get over you, though. You were great, but now... I've got plenty of reasons to forget.

 

Day 1.

[Heidern]

Thanks. At this point I'm also inclined to think that I'm better off without her. I was mature enough to see that while we had our issues, I was going to stick around, to go through life with her. Now all she wants to do is hang out with her friend while working half-time and completely neglecting her goals/issues. After 6 years I've become nothing to her.