lsuslu Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Good or bad idea? My ex of almost 2 years started talking to a friend of hers after 2 weeks of being broke up. They are togther unofficially. Have been doing NC since except one time where I ran into her. Been 2 months now broken up. Thing that pisses me off is she is already bringing him around her son. Took me months to be able to do that. Is this a rebound? I was thinking about sending her a message or letter, email, whatever telling her that I'm glad that she is with him because she is happy and wishing them the best. Do y'all think this might work to get her back using reverse psychology or not. Thought I check with everyone here first. Thanks guys! Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Naw she'll see through it, the strongest statement you can make is you that you are doing so well you that aren't even thinking about her. Link to comment
billbill2210 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hey, its definitely best to keep your thoughts to yourself on this one.......stick to no contact and in good time she will be making contact with you; they always do.....move on yourself, in the know that of course she misses you, of course she is comparing the two of you, its only natural. Have the self confidence and the inner belief that you really are great (and don't let some other guy with her put you off your stride) and live your life like that....when she does reach out to you (which of course she will at some point) you'll be able to convey this to her - let their honeymoon play out. With Christmas round the corner as well, she will be expecting you to reach out to her; do the unexpected and it will get her thinking, don't contact her, as much as that goes against everything you feel...you may find her seeking to find you instead. A few weeks back it was my ex's birthday (she ended it with me around 2 and a half months ago) and I didn't wish her happy birthday (she told me not to contact her) - well two days later I started getting missed calls off random numbers and texts from her (she is in a new relationship as well btw)...basically don't let the actions of her get you down and just put the effort that you woulda put into that letter to her into bettering yourself in some way, perhaps a massive run! best of luck and merry xmas Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I roll my eyes every time I see the term "reverse psychology" try to be applied to dealing with ex's, especially ex's who were the dumpers. Wake up and realize that they dumped you. They chose to break it off with you for their own reasons, and those reasons don't really matter because the only thing that matters is that you are no longer with them so it's time to move forward with your life as if that person was never in it, and will never be in it again. There is no "reverse psychology" methods that will make someone return to you. There is no magical plan, scheme, tactics, or anything you can do to bring them back. Yes, it's that simple. Accept that what was, was; but isn't anymore. You then move forward and start your healing. You practice no contact because it's the only thing that will stimulate your healing over time. You do not practice "no contact" as a means of getting the person back. You practice it as the only real means to preserve your sanity, and in most guy's cases; their dignity. This girl broke up with you. She is now involved with someone else. Sending her a note telling her that "you are happy for her" and "wishing her the best" is not going to mean a damn thing to her. She isn't interested in what you think anymore because you are not her boyfriend, and she certainly isn't worried about getting your blessing with her new guy. She will see your note as a pathetic attempt to gain attention from her, and she may even find it amusing enough to discuss with her new partner. Do you want that? You are best if you don't reach out to her at all, as an above poster pointed out. Plus, you telling her you are "happy for her" is an outright falsehood isn't it? You aren't happy with her. You are mad as hell and terribly hurt that she broke up with you...and she knows that. So get the idea about the "reaching out" out of your head. It's not worth it. Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 She definitely is in the honeymoon period. Dude just took her to Houston for his Xmas party(we live in Louisiana). And he is taking her on a trip to Cabo and the Bahamas. She told me that I'm a great guy but we were not meant to be. When we ran into each other she brought up some of our sex issues(me not sleeping with her when she walked in my living room naked). Tells me to move on and doesn't love me anymore. I went out of my way to make her happy and more importantley her son happy. Doing my best to stick to NC. I am actually about to leave this small townandd move to new Orleans for a complete change of scene, downtown! Thanks for the support guys. I did propose to her and still want to marry her yet. This is why I asked about rever psych. Wasn't planning on doing this just asking. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Dont go around thinking this man is a rebound. Its just puts you in limbo with false hope. Now, i have been in contact with posters on this site outside of this forum, and one did get his ex to chase by telling her the break up was necessary. She was with someone else. But this fits the specific situation, its not a general answer for every case. If the ex is testing the waters, and she expects you to wait, then sending a letter tells her you arent an option anymore, and the distance between you both has grown rapidly that the door has closed shut. This might make some ex's deeply evaluate the person they are with, as their option might now be their only priority (which is a scary thing for some, especially since they lost their security exit). But... they have to been "on the fence" with their decision. If she is introducing her kid to this man so fast, then it doesnt look too good. The cards might be on him more than it has to be based on what you do. Go nc and heal. If she is blocking off her feelings by being in a honeymoon phase/relief period, then it will all come to light in the future. I believe NC is a clear enough message that you are not an option and that you have moved on. Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Thanks Thor! I think I'll be better moving. No more running into her out? Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Female perspectives? Link to comment
Grnat Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Female perspectives? Well things look like it could be a rebound,because if you really love someone,you cannot forget him in two weeks...but well we don't know this girl,so we can't tell for her. And about her showing the new bf her son,it could mean something or nothing at all ! It really depend on the person you're with,it doesn't mean that she loves him more... Talking from my point of view (well I haven't a son,but I'll talk about showing my family instead) it would mean nothing that I make them encounter,it would say "yes this is my boyfriend" but no more.My family is very friendly and non-judgemental,so I'm confortable inviting friends/boyfriends.And actually,maybe it's to also reassure her son ? that she's okay ? you won't know if she is serious or not. The best is to not send her anything,always try to think what kind of feelings she's gonna have when you say something.If you send her something like that,acting like you don't care,actually you care,because you know about her new boyfriend and you took time to send her something,,while also thinking how to not show you're hurt ! I wouldn't talk about relationships if I was you.Last time my ex-boyfriend came talking to me,I did not mention anything concerning any relationship (meaning our past relationship,his relationship,if he had a new one,or even about myself,nothing about relationships) if really you're alright and all,you shouldn't have time to do that,leave her be ! But after all...maybe I'm not of good advice,I have just been dumped,but you ask about female perspectives...If I got a new boyfriend and one of my ex did send me that,it would tell me that he's bitter and jealous,not alright ! Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Thanks grnat. Her family thinks that this is just a friend. But she is calling him my "new boo". She has had a rough past. Dad died when she was 12, boyfriend died in a fire in high school and to top it off she got pregnant at 19 lived with him for 2 years after until he came home and told her that he was cheating on her and for her to get out of the house. I tried to provide a stable growing environment for her and her son but guess it backfired on me. Now she is going around and telling all of or mutual friends that I'm stalkerish!! She is sending drunk text messages to other girls to leave her new man alone. For me I know the rules. Still feels like to me she is filling a void in her life by losing me with him. She normally is extremely cautious who she brings around her kid and it was a shock to me that she brought him around so fast. I know I must let them play out and see what happens. She has a habit of pulling away when she gets to close, wonder if the proposal ran her away for good. What scares me most is she said that she felt like she was back with her baby's daddy and she was "happy to get out". Any other input? Link to comment
Grnat Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Maybe she said all these things to make you let go ? push you away ? I mean,did she say that directly to you ? What is about "her new boo" did she used to call you boo ? that's funny,that's my ex's surname,sorry it was unrelated. I guess she had a rough live and maybe she has a typical defense reaction ? I guess that you can say that it's weird she bring around so fast,but relationships that go too fast end too fast sometimes ! if you go too fast,you get bored faster ! and if it's not how she normally react,it could be like you say "filling a void" even if she was the one to break up with you,she was used to have a man around her,so now it's empty,she need to fill it. I'm not trying to find excuses for you to keep your hopes up,you should try to think like she's not gonna come back,for me,I would also like my ex to come back,but I tell myself everyday,that I should live like he's not gonna come back,and I should become a better person for the next... It's so sad,we want them back and try to analyze what we can do to change their minds,and what they're doing,and if they meet someone else,will they forget us,love them more than us.There are no ways to say at this point.It's really frustrating,but only time will tell.Now don't say anything to her,you have done your best already,you have made it clear right ? she know where to find you ! Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 She did say those things directly too me when we ran into each other. And she did call me her boo. I read a book on abandonment issues and it reads her to the T. The only thing I can do is move on. Me moving to a new city will help. Completely dissaper. She wants to return my tv I gave her so I think it will come as a shock to her that I'm gone. Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 God. Had to drive past her house today to pick up a part for my car. New guys truck sitting out front. Hello aniexty. Wish I wouldn't have seen that Link to comment
Nick Lansing Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Definitely 100% do NOT contact her to congratulate her on the new relationship. Would be a transparent effort to work your way back in. Much better to leave her alone completely. Don't ask, don't search for information, don't discuss it. It probably is a rebound. Way I see it, law of averages -- how likely is it that you go immediately from one meaningful, long term relationship to another with no break in between? But this is not a hard and fast rule -- I married a "rebound" and we wre together 15 years. in my experience, if a dumpee hangs around, it does tend to drive the new couple closer together. Either way, your only play is to disappear. Don't drive by her house anymore, for any reason -- go out of your way to avoid it. Speculating and wondering will drive you INSANE. Just go away and work on yourself. Use the pain as motivation to make positive changes in your life -- not for her but for you. Link to comment
jeepman41 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 It might feel like you have some type of control by using reverse psychology but it will be apparent to her. The best thing you can do is walk away and keep your dignity. When a person breaks up with you it signifies they don't want you and they don't want a relationship with you. They no longer view you as love interest, or as a sexual or romantic partner. Do you really thinks that this person wants someone to be pining over them in a pathetic attempt to get them to come back? It's over for now. Reconciliation is not even a part of her vocabulary if she's bringing this guy around her son to be a part of his life. There is no such thing as "the one" and if they cared enough about you they would try to work on the problems in the relationship instead of breaking up. Right now she is being selfish as she is only thinking of her feelings and not yours. Wishing her well might just seem like a feeble attempt to get her back. Like one poster alluded to, do you want to be the subject of amusing conversation between the two of them? Her talking about your actions and some guy laughing about you and probably making jokes. You're better than that. Prove that you don't need her to validate who you are. Using NC and dump her right back and move on with your life. Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 Thanks guys!! Y'all are all keeping me strong!! Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 Just got this from her friend So i talked to ***** and i really dont think ur gonna get her back, im sorry but shes really really moved on, i dont kno what else to tell u but the truth Guess it's time to be done with it. Link to comment
Grnat Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Just got this from her friend So i talked to ***** and i really dont think ur gonna get her back, im sorry but shes really really moved on, i dont kno what else to tell u but the truth Guess it's time to be done with it. Yeah...I had a dose of reality too.Today my ex came talking to me on FB and later in the discussion,he asked if I wanted to play with him,but there would have to be rules,so that it won't be complicated, and bla bla... I'm telling you about this,because after this conversation,I became extermely disgusted on how things have turned. We were so close,and he seemed to love me so much,respect me so much,and now he think he can do that to me... It's to tell you,that I really got a heavy dose of reality...even if we have lived such a beautiful story with them...they can take us for trash like that...they forget easily huh ? your situation is not the same,but I got a pressentment,that,you shouldn't send her anything,and just move on.Now she's got a new life.Maybe she'll come one day,and then this day,just this day,you'll have time to think if she is worth it or not.but don't make her the pleasure to have the power by sending something and giving her importance,does she wish you hapiness ? does she send something when something good happen to you ? For now,move in that new city and have fun ! Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 Wow my ex changed her status from single to in a relationship last night. Fml Link to comment
lsuslu Posted December 27, 2011 Author Share Posted December 27, 2011 I guess today I have finally come to realize that she left me months ago. I guess she kept me around for her kid. I don't believe this is a rebound anymore. She had him lined up before we broke up. She didn't cheat but emotionally cheated I guess. I will always keep a small bit of hope in the background. Gonna let this play out, but time for me to let go and move on. I hope moving to a new city will allow me to move on faster. Link to comment
KronicMan Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I will always keep a small bit of hope in the background. you should try to lose that hope, in will affect your future relationships. its ok to not be over it...but try to condition your brain that she is not coming back. Link to comment
Nick Lansing Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Also, don't look at her fb anymore. Hide her or unfriend her. In a situation like this, fb is poison. Link to comment
KenCasanova Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Nope Don't do that at all. Discontinue contact for awhile. It's a sign of low status trying use tricks just to get a girl back. MAKE her chase you again. Playing games and being in limbo gets you nowhere. Link to comment
lsuslu Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 I hoping by moving to a new city will help. It will take me out of the situation and help me heal. Just have to let her new relationship run it's course. I've been seeing a counselor and taking medication to help get through this. I do have a history of depression and OCD. Counselor says I can't let go due to obsessing over it due to OCD. Last couple of days I have felt alot better. Focusing on work right now and I see the difference in my performance there! Slowly getting better! I miss her and her son but trying to move on. Link to comment
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