Jealousy, nostalgia, depression a year later.

[jerbro]

So it'd almost been a year since I'd spoken to the ex—mutual breakup 100%, no hard feelings. Considering our relationship lasted less than a year, though, I thought we'd be fine. I knew the time was coming when we'd have to meet because we are back to working on this project where we just had to meet for the startup and finalization. So we met with other people and we kind of stayed talking catching up, and went for coffee.

 

Everything was fine. No awkwardness. I'm a very social person so I can pretend it's just another person and not an ex. We are both still single, but obviously seeing other people. There was one girl I was always jealous of during our relationship not because of her physique or that there was any attraction because there was none, but their emotional bond. She was there for him after the breakup and I couldn't bear the thought, which is why I decided to go NC. I knew I was gonna stay single because that's what's best for me now (but I have been with guys after), and for some reason my mind kept creating scenarios of them getting together. So NC we went, FB blocked, no talking, nothing. Occasionally I would hear from mutual friends about him but I got used to it, and I focused on work and exercising, and it helped tons.

 

He kept flirting with me, and I flirted back. We still have sexual chemistry like the first day we met (I think that's all we have lol), and he asked me to add him on FB. So I did, and he left a comment on one of my pictures, his profile still says single. There's a lot of communication between him and that girl I was jealous of, and I mean a LOT. But she is also single, and he wasn't secretive about having me in his life, which I thought he wouldn't want seeing if they were finally ready to get together particularly because she knew all of our drama.

 

This was never a problem when I first added him but I'm on that phase right before my period and I have the tendency to get depressed and start crying over silly things and now that this is in my life, it's this. I feel jealous of her even though there's nothing. I miss him but I don't want him back. I feel depressed and I know I should be working on this project at work.

 

I don't know why I am still not over it. Part of me wishes they would just get together so I can stop expecting it. I sincerely thought they were already married before I saw the FBs, and even though it hurt, I felt at ease. But now I'm just thinking of possibilities and they are endless. And I do NOT want him anymore. Physically and sexually yes, but the feelings aren't there. So I don't know where all of this is coming from. It's driving me insane.

 

And I think I just needed to vent.

 

EDIT:

 

Could it be that it's almost Christmas and we got together around that time in 2009?