Still have sexual feelings about the ex?

[KYRiverGrl]

I am glad to see that others have intense sexual desire for their exes. Sometimes mine is so bad that it is very distracting. I try to think of other things!! lol

[Mellie]

I think that's a real stumbling block. You have to push all that aside if you want to move on, IMO. Better to switch it to a rock/film/tv star - generic eye candy. You can train your brain to stop going down this path. It's critical to break this bond, in my opinion. Next time one pops into your head, remember the morning breath. Generic totty never has this. You're free now, lala land is fantastic for singletons. You can have the sexiest dreams about [insert random guy you've had a thing for here] and never, ever feel guilty. It's great to have an imagination, just shows a distinct lack of it to restrict it to some dude who didn't know a good thing when he saw it. Don't suppress it, just let it take you down a different course.

[ewr]

I realize that thinking/acting on those thoughts is a healing-killer, but that's what makes it frustrating. In the first few weeks after the BU it really was the ONLY thing that would turn me on...which was unhealthy. Since then, its been 7 weeks now, and I've been able to revert back to mostly "normal" thoughts/fantasies....but the ex still pops into my head once in awhile and sometimes, maybe once a week I "let go" and just let the thoughts/fantasies about the ex go wild... I think the reason it's like this is that although I have had 4 serious GF's before her in the past 10 years, she was the most sexually intense person I've ever been with and our sex life eclipsed all my other relationships by a long shot, so it's something new to add to my healing process that I haven't really had to deal with in prior BU's....I know that in order to fully let go and move on, I'm going to have to stop thinking about her both in normal life and at those other times....at least for awhile until I'm healed. When I think about it I know I can do it, because I actually found myself, when searching for other people to think about instead of the ex, thinking/fantasizing about long lost ex's...and I was totally fine with it! So I guess it just takes time.

[ArtCritic]

It will go away as soon as you find a guy that trips your trigger..

Sometimes old BF's hang around in the closet till they get replaced.. time with fix it.

 

I don't think it is unhealthy providing that you don't force other thoughts out of your head and replace them with the old guy.. let some of the new guys you are seeing in and before long the ex will be gone..

[Live-N-Learn]

I used to think about my ex a lot post breakup. We even hooked up a number of times after we broke up. One thing I have never allowed myself to do though is think about her with other men. It is just too painful for me. I seem to have a block that will not allow my mind to got there (thank goodness). I don't know what her sex life is like with others but I am sure it is pretty good. I will just hold onto my illusion of if it was that good for me, it was for her as well. She kept coming back for a reason and sleeping with me We had great chemistry in bed and did a lot of crayz stuff. I know it takes two.

 

I think I would still think about her but she became so toxic to me as a person it actually outweighs the thoughts of sex at this point. I have grown to not like her much as a person and it killls being able to really think about her anymore. Of course if I saw her in person I am sure it would be difficult to not think of her sexually.

[MissieP]

I still do and crazily enough I have these crazy images in my head of him having sex with his new girlfriend and thinking is she better in bed than me? I miss sex just like any other woman and I miss having sex with him.

[DerekJason]

ive had sex with two different women after BU, and while it was nice, there was no emotional connection. blahhhhhhhhhhhhh

[MarnDark]

Of course, I'm sure a lot of us still fantasize about our exes sexually. I'm sure I always will in some ways, but they will never affect me like they did initially post break up. I was such a mess I couldn't even masturbate. I would sit there and think "Here I am doing this while she's getting plowed by her new boyfriend". Even worse is that I couldn't even find any other girls attractive so I had to think of the ex while doing that. It just made me feel so pathetic. I would be lying if I said that those thoughts still don't creep up every once in awhile. It's truly just difficult to have gone from 4 years of regular sex to (in my case) absolutely none.

 

How have I coped? Well, I did honestly find her to be the most attractive girl that I've ever seen, while I was with her. That kind of worship, of course, is a result of those dreadful rose-colored glasses we all wear while in love. Even tonight, someone I just told about the breakup said to me "That sucks, she was pretty hot" (Note: This person is not my friend). I know better now, and she isn't the most attractive girl I've ever seen. So, I've kinda just degraded her sexiness, thinking "Well, this and that weren't that good about her and she never wanted to do this... etc." I've already seen sexier, so sometime I will have sexier.