jerbro Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 It's been about a year since the ex and I broke up but I still have sexual feelings about him, and they're really bad during certain times of the month (ahem, ovulation). I've had sex with other guys, and it's good and I'm sexually attracted to them but when the time comes I really want it, I can't help but think about him. It's strange because he is not that good looking but he did know how to get to me, and we had an amazing sex life. It sound shallow I know but it ends up becoming more than shallowness because it's bittersweet since I can't have him anymore. It creeps me out that I still think of him this way and I know he has no idea. Some of my friends have mentioned the sexual fantasies with exes never really go away particularly for women during ovulation/fertile days. Or maybe it's men too. I mostly want to vent and ask if anyone else feels this way? It'll make me feel less weird Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 This is a relief, LOL. I asked this same thing in my thread called "I Still Fantasize About The Ex." No, you're not a weirdo. I'm having issues with this too. I'd like to stop thinking about him completely. But, at certain times, it's very hard. I do wonder if its hard for him too, but...that doesnt matter now does it? haha Link to comment
DerekJason Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Some of my friends have mentioned the sexual fantasies with exes never really go away particularly for women during ovulation/fertile days. Interesting...... i know i still fantasize about my ex 6 mths after the BU. ive had sex with other ladies as well, but without getting too graphic, the ex was def #2 in the "best oral" dept of my life. Most others pale in comparison, and dont even touch top 5. ARGHGHGHGHGHGH Link to comment
quirky Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 When I had first split up from my ex it took me 7 months to be able to please myself and not cry. It was THAT bad (took even longer to sleep with someone else). I actively introduced different thoughts, people in order to replace him. If you want to not think of him just replace the thought of him with someone/something else that attracts you. Link to comment
DerekJason Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 When I had first split up from my ex it took me 7 months to be able to please myself and not cry. Daaaaaaammmmn. you mustve been very broken up about the sitch. hope everythings cool now. Link to comment
RastaPasta Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I can relate in a way. I never had sex dreams about my ex until after we broke up lol Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I can't say I do. To be honest, his behavior is such a turn off that he's becoming more and more unattractive to me. Eww... Link to comment
peterepeat Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 yes unfortunately i do i try not to. i didnt think the sex with her was anything amazing. until i slept a couple of times with someone else. i guess there's a big difference between sex and making love. Link to comment
ewr Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I have a big problem with this. My ex was the most sexual girl I've dated...our fantasies and weird sexual things all matched, there was nothing either of us had to hide in fear of "wierding out" the other....out of my 6 girlfriends in the last 10 years she is the only one I could be comfortable telling all my fantasies and acting them out etc. My last BU, I had a huge problem with the "ill never find another like her" thing...mostly sexual based....then I found this last ex..which blew her out of the water in that area...so now I'm VERY "ill never find that again" ish....... Don't really want to get too detailed on ENA....but, I actually, sadly, can only masturbate when I think about her, and really freaking weirdly, her and her new BF getting it on. During our relationship I had a fantasy about watching her getting yaknowed by one of my friends....and she had a fantasy about being "dirty"...so one night it happened...so I even have the mental imagery of her with another guy.....which now just gets superimposed with the guy she left me for. It's really odd...the thought of her and her new guy (guy she cheated on me with a year ago) KILLS me all day and night long...and thinking about the sex we had and the sex life I most likely will never find again KILLS ME all day and night....when it comes to masturbating...those two things are the only thing I can think of and be turned on by. Anything else won't even turn me on, it's sad, and unhealthy. I think I'm going to bring this up with a therapist. Sorry if I offended anyone, just wanted to post this so other people can put there own situations in perspective. Link to comment
peterepeat Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I can totally relate to this Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Yes, unfortunately I still want my ex like mad. I've had intercourse with other guys (quite a bunch of them) before I met him, and then after the breakup, but I actually made love with none of them. It was just sex, compared to what I had with the ex, and since I don't enjoy pure sex I have more or less decided I would never do it again. I'm not that old, so it's kind of sad. Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Yep, same here. First 2 girls I slept with after my ex, I stopped half way through. The first was really understanding. Knew my situation. When I stopped mid flow with the other girl she couldn't understand and was very upset. With the last girl I dated, at first everything was cool, but then I dreaded sex with her, because it wasn't my ex, and I loved the sex with her. I knew everything about her, what to kiss, touch, when to do it, it was like knowing a million different routes to get to the same place, and I loved that I knew everything about my ex in the bedroom. It took a long time to not think about her regarding the DIY. At first I loved thinking about her when I did it, then suddenly something snapped, and I couldn't think about her because she was with someone else. I'd say only recently I don't think about her sexually. Worst of all for me....DREAMS.....I have had so many sex dreams about my ex it's unreal. Some of them have been so intense I have woken up thinking it was real and actually happened, the worst part is the realisation it wasn't, damn dreams set me back loads. I can't speak for everyone else, but that has all passed now, I dare say I may get the odd dream now and then, but I don't have sexual thoughts about her. I do miss the sex, but hell, she's sleeping with another dude now, that's all I need to remember that someone else deserves my sexy time. haha. Really glad someoen made this thread, was something that had been on my mind for a long time, sounds natural to me now though, phew.....I AM NOT A FREAK. HA Link to comment
adarkplace Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 dont know if this helps...but remember it takes TWO people to make sex amazing. so bottom line physical chemistry is not about her, its not about you, it was about the combination of BOTH. So whenever you think of your ex with someone else...try and remember that its likely NOT as good as it was for her with this other guy as it was with you! YOU were likely the best she has had and this guy is probably floundering around like some idiot and she MIGHT well be thinking comparing and realising that he doesnt stack up compared to you! and besides..yes yes, sex is very important in a relationship. But in the grand scheme of life...would you rather have girl A (your ex) who was amazing in the bedroom with you but didnt stand by you i.e. lacked loyalty or girl B (the next relationship you are going to have) who perhaps is not as brilliant in the bedroom RIGHT NOW but is fully loyal to you! of course the dream scenario is girl C who has both haha... but u get what im saying Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 very true ADP. I like what you are saying. Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 argh I have this problem too! It's ridiculous it's been ages and I stiiiiiiiill fantasize about him and can't imagine sex being better with anyone else It's good to know that it's not just us women who have this problem though! Link to comment
northpickle Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Hmmm...been thinking about this quite a bit lately, glad I found this thread... The sex with my ex was fantastic but not because he was particularly wonderful in the sack, it was purely because I was making love with HIM. I was so physically and mentally attracted to him, the feeling of being intimate with him was mind-blowing. He didn't drive me wild with the things that he did, it was purely because I was doing those things with him. This has made me remember something quite funny actually, one of the emails he sent me quite early on in the relationship (why does my memory hold so much to do with him? Crazy and annoying!). He said something like "still smiling thinking about last night. Must learn to get more adventurous in the bedroom ". Haha! He never really did, by the way Anyway, what I'm saying is that for me, it was the person I was with that made sex so wonderful for me, not actually the things we did. I hope someone can understand what I'm saying Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Anyway, what I'm saying is that for me, it was the person I was with that made sex so wonderful for me, not actually the things we did. I hope someone can understand what I'm saying I understand It's good to know that it's not just us women who have this problem though! Oh no it's not! Hehe. Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Same here, unfortunately. And even more so now that we are apart. I can relate to most of what has been said on this thread- including the fantasizing about her being with someone else even though it breaks my heart. Actually, I did that even while we were together, its a painful thing while at the same time being a turn on. It must be fairly normal because three of us now have mentioned it. Without getting too intimate, lesbain sex is awesome and it got more awesome the longer we were together. I really miss it so much. The chemistry we had was amazing, and I dont know if I will find anyone who can match that. This so super sucks. I keep fantazising about being "FWB" someday or a reconcilliation, but it doesnt look likely anytime soon and its not helping me on my healing journey at all. Link to comment
ewr Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 This is from an abandoholic website...after reading all the symptoms I fit the profile to a T....this is the part about sexual feelings. Insecurity is an aphrodisiac. If you are a hard-core abandoholic,you’re drawn to a kind of love that is highly combustible. The hottest sexis when you’re trying to seduce a hard-to-get lover. Insecurity becomes your favorite aphrodisiac. These intoxicated states are produced when you sense emotional danger –the danger of your lover’s propensity to abandon you the minute you get attached. At the other end of the seesaw,you turn off and shut down when you happen to successfully win someone’s love. If your lover succumbs to your charms –heaven forbid –you suddenly feel too comfortable,too sure of him to stay interested. There’s not enough challenge to sustain your sexual energy. You interpret your turn-off as his not being right for you. Link to comment
gal1989 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Hiya! Now I am single I feel I can kind of discuss both partners I've had... I have never had a one night stand and only had 2 ltm partners. First was with him 3 years. He was great, compared to my recent ex... I feel kinda bad saying this/knowing this but he was lol He knew my body so much and was always up for up, as was I. He loved doin stuff to me, lasted a while...15 mins! Always played out our fantasies, confident with each other... conpatible!! My current ex (? Lol) I was with him a year and halfwas ok, he didn't seem to listen what I liked and didn't know my body as well as my ex ex I dunno there was defo something lacking.... The foreplay was.... ok the sex... didnt ladt very long - mostly always 5 mins. i was really quite sexually frustrated thinking back! He didn't want to do stuff as much.. BUT he was gorgeous, and had a fantastic body... I'm not shallow but no1 that handsome hadc everv been interested in me... lol I think I've gone off topic here abit but what I'm saying is that (from what other ppl have been talking about) no u may not always find someone who is great in bed as your next partner but it doesn't always matter as long as you love that person etc etc. I still think about my recent ex sexually because of his looks and body etc.... but I guess only because of that Link to comment
pebbles111 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Wow this is very interesting thread. I guess probably because such things arn't talked about very often. So it's even more engrossing when people share similar thoughts and expriences. Thanks ewr, for sharing the quote from the abandoholic website. Lust/sex was a a huge pull between my ex and I. A big reason that drew us together in the first place. Since the BU, he hesitantly admitted that although 'it may sound bizarre', the thought of me being with another guy kind of turned him on. I am pretty open-minded, and we used to talk of fantasies when we were together, although did not carry many out, mainly due to it being quite a long-distance relationship. I took his fantasy about me being with another man as a sign he'd moved on, and was actually a bit hurt. (I didn't respond to it incidentally - being very broken hearted, I knew that any initmacy with him was not a good idea, this is a permanant break up). However, although it doesn't make a difference, I am wondering now if I was a bit mistaken. Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 This is really interesting and makes a lot of sense. It also has themes that I think relate to emotional intimacy too. Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Very interesting theory indeed. Might apply to my situation but... nah. Spark was there ever since the first meeting, and back then I couldn't have imagined how messed up my ex was :s Link to comment
jerbro Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 Man I nearly cried reading your post because I was just crying over how much I missed him physically but it's the same with me. It kills me all day long that she gets to have him and I don't, and they're not even serious serious like we were. Not to be TMI but the only way I can orgasm when I masturbate is when I think about him even though I know hotter guys. I've been going to the gym 1 1/2 hours EVERY DAY since the breakup and it's almost been a year so my body is at the best it's ever been so there's a lot of guys that are interested but it's not... the same. It's sick because even though it hurts that these two are together, sometimes the thought of them doing it turns me on too. So it's either that I'll cry or I'll get really turned on depending on my hormones lol. You'd think sex is better without the drama but there's so much history that is so hard to forget. And like you, sex with the ex was so easy. We had the same fantasies, same taste in things, even same favorite lingerie color lol. It's not even that he's hard to get — although I am attracted to that — because I know that if I made any effort to get him to sleep with me he would. It's actually the opposite, that he's right there so available and I have to stay away because if I don't then all the pain comes back again. **** Link to comment
DerekJason Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I had an "attack" today, after about 20 seconds of racy thoughts i facepalmed myself hard as hell and let out a disgruntled explicative that starts with an f and ends with a k. Link to comment
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