Dougie_D Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 O.k.. I have the WORST luck. So, I went to a party (big party) and I mingled with at least 3 girls. I never realized it until now, but when I first meet or talk to a girl for awhile...I end up have a somewhat "heart to heart" talk to them. Meaning, she'll spill out what she's doing with her life and I encourage her to follow her dreams or try to give her my input on a situation. Honestly, I'm not sure if this is normal, but it usually lasts for a long time. I also noticed the girl was enjoying the company because there were a couple of times when a friend would try to get in the conversation but leave almost immediately because of how involved our conversation was going. Good sign or not?? My girl roommate said that "I'm EASY to talk to". I hope this is something that girls can be attracted to and overcome the fact that I'm not that cute??? Plus, she has told me many times and even other girls have said "You are definitely the relationship type of guy or you would be a great boyfriend one day"...I HATE that! Anyways, so I did what people have said. Stop the conversation and act like you had to leave for awhile (bathroom break). So, I did this with 3 girls and I was hopping that before the end of night I would catch them before they left and ask for their numbers...because I wasn't leaving yet. Well, that plan sucked! I ended up not seeing them before the night was over and I missed my chance! So my question is: Should I try to find these girls on FB and message them? OR is my life over? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 1) I think you seem like a trusthworthy, easy-going guy and girls are more likely to open to you. I think that's a good sign. 2) I think her friend didn't want to butt in on the convo because if she was talking about stuff going on in her life, it probably sounded personal, so the friend opted not to cut in. 3) Why would you hate being told that you seem like you'd be good boyfriend material? I don't quite understand that. Would you rather seem like a douche? 4) I have no idea who told you that advice but it seems like bad advice. If it's a big party, you may not see the girls again. Or they may have left early on and there goes your chance, like what happened to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougie_D Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 Why would you hate being told that you seem like you'd be good boyfriend material? I don't quite understand that. Would you rather seem like a douche? I've NEVER had a girlfriend or been in a relationship and a lot of my friends KNOW that I want to be in one. How would someone feel if all they wanted to be was a CHEF and their friends tell them they LOVE their food BUT this person constantly gets turned down by restaurants. It kind of kills your confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Generation Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Stop the conversation and act like you had to leave for awhile (bathroom break). So my question is: Should I try to find these girls on FB and message them? OR is my life over? What they forgot to tell you was that this is when you get their contact information. You shouldn't try and find these girls on FB simply cause that's what stalkers do. That's why you close your conversations with getting their number or email. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I've NEVER had a girlfriend or been in a relationship and a lot of my friends KNOW that I want to be in one. How would someone feel if all they wanted to be was a CHEF and their friends tell them they LOVE their food BUT this person constantly gets turned down by restaurants. It kind of kills your confidence. It's better than being told that your food sucks. If anything, people saying that you are a nice guy and seem like relationship material should be a compliment to you. Do you know how many guys don't seem like relationship material? Women your age who are still on the market are usually looking for a guy that they can trust and build a life with. Your female roommate is saying that you seem like that sort. It's a GOOD thing. And I agree with Generation. You're supposed to get their contact info before you slip away and mingle with others. This is key. No worries. You can go to another party and this time, get the numbers beforehand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougie_D Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 What they forgot to tell you was that this is when you get their contact information Even if the girl or I have not left the party or where we had met? Ignore her until I actually do leave? Damn it! My LIFE is over! This was a huge party and I don't think I will be able to mingle with any of "my types" for awhile. It was a record label party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougie_D Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 Women your age who are still on the market are usually looking for a guy that they can trust and build a life with. Sorry, but you forgot the part where these women are ATTRACTED to the guys. Girls want 2 things. A man who they can have a relationship with, talk to, trustworthy, etc.. and a man who they are attracted too and feel protected. The attractiveness and the feeling protected part is what apparently I'm lacking and it seems like women would want that FIRST and HOPE for the second part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Generation Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Even if the girl or I have not left the party or where we had met? Ignore her until I actually do leave? Damn it! My LIFE is over! This was a huge party and I don't think I will be able to mingle with any of "my types" for awhile. It was a record label party. Never wait til the last minute cause it backfires, like it did on you. Either she'll leave without saying bye, too drunk to remember you, found somebody else. If you gotta go for a tinkle, get her number and treat it as a closed deal. That doesn't necessarily mean you can't continue on with the conversation or getting to know her when you run into her again. Infact, now that you've established rapport with her and you've gained her trust, you can take it a step further and set something up or lead her some place else and that can be like the pre-date. Think of it this way, the fact that you ask for her contact information shows you're obviously interested. You exiting the conversation a bit and going off doing something else isn't gonna offend her as much as going off and doing something else without asking for her contact information. Two birds with one stone. And... I'll bet that there are gonna be bigger parties next week or two weeks from now. Exam period for most party goers, unless your crowd is way old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougie_D Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 And... I'll bet that there are gonna be bigger parties next week or two weeks from now. Exam period for most party goers, unless your crowd is way old. Yeah, please let me know how to be invited to those parties? Most of the people there were connected to the record label. Bands, interns, ex-interns, employees, friends, etc.. That was a HUGE reason why I was able to talk these girls. We had the same musical tastes and they were rocker type chicks. Plus, you were kind of IMPORTANT just by being at this party. I'm 30 years old. The college crowd is over for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shudder Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Yeah, please let me know how to be invited to those parties? Most of the people there were connected to the record label. Bands, interns, ex-interns, employees, friends, etc.. That was a HUGE reason why I was able to talk these girls. We had the same musical tastes and they were rocker type chicks. Plus, you were kind of IMPORTANT just by being at this party. I'm 30 years old. The college crowd is over for me. network network network. the music biz, like every other business is all about connections. the more people you know, the better the chances. if you want to go to these parties, you gotta strike conversation with people who are 'in the know' don't go for the sole intention of looking to meet a girl. i'm currently trying to market myself in the music industry as well, so these are some important things i've come to not down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortest_straw90 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 it sounds like all you need is a bit of confidence in yourself. Forget about how you look, some of the strangest looking people I know have got girlfriends and one of them who actually looks like Paul the alien is swinger. If your personality is good enough, you could get any woman you want. If that pic your using as your avatar is of you then you dont look like a bad looking guy. Dont take stupid advice like, wait until the last minute to get there number, just do what feels natural to you. Ive never been one for just picking up girls but if I wanted to right now Im pretty confident that I could, you need that sort of mentality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougie_D Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 network network network. the music biz, like every other business is all about connections. the more people you know, the better the chances. if you want to go to these parties, you gotta strike conversation with people who are 'in the know' don't go for the sole intention of looking to meet a girl. i'm currently trying to market myself in the music industry as well, so these are some important things i've come to not down. Yes, but sometimes you have to be "invited" to these parties like the one I had gone to...and usually, you have some already connection with the people throwing the party or you have worked with them already. I was an ex-intern and that's how I got to go. Also, don't worry. I made my connections, swapped cards, and mingled with the people that I needed to talk to. The girls I talked to were either interns or a friend that was one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 The girls I talked to were either interns or a friend that was one. So why didn't you swap cards with them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougie_D Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 So why didn't you swap cards with them? I usually do, but I have been trying to stop that because I wanted them to know I was into them. I've done that too many times wishing a girl would call and it never happens. I've been listening to advice on ENA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 If you're at a business event/speaking with someone in your industry, get a card. You can follow it up later and ask them out for drinks. If you're not at a business event/speaking with someone in your industry, don't ask for a card. It's all context. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shudder Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I usually do, but I have been trying to stop that because I wanted them to know I was into them. I've done that too many times wishing a girl would call and it never happens. I've been listening to advice on ENA! never do that. a few years ago a let many chances slip by me because of advice here haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slimpee Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I think you need to figure out how to make yourself happy w/out having a woman. Go to parties to have fun w/out putting pressure on yourself to get numbers and dates. A few things people have told me that help: 1. Begin and end each day by telling yourself how you're blessed. It can be health, family, specific friends, talent you have etc., etc. If you have trouble coming up with stuff ask your friends and roommates. 2. Whenever you start to think negative thoughts consciously stop and tell yourself that it's just a passing thing. I had a counselor tell me once to think of your mind like a bus and you're the driver. It sounds silly but he told me to envision all of the negative thoughts as "negative" characters. I would then make the negative characters get off the bus and good characters got on. Again, it sounds really hokey but it helps to re-orient your thinking so you can move on to more positive thoughts. 3. Women smell desperation. The more you want something to work out, the more apparent it is that you really want a gf. There's nothing wrong w/ wanting someone but you have to figure out how to be happy w/out someone. You reek of someone who doesn't love himself. Fix that first... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slimpee Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 never do that. a few years ago a let many chances slip by me because of advice here haha What advice was that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougie_D Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 If you have trouble coming up with stuff ask your friends and roommates Haha! The majority of them actually tell me how much they feel "sorry for me"... That "I'm clueless in life"....that "you got nothing going for you"... My friends are just stating the facts! make the negative characters get off the bus and good characters got on I'm looking for the good characters! I've been starting not to listen to negative thoughts. It's damn hard! The good character is a girlfriend!! You reek of someone who doesn't love himself. Fix that first... No one completely loves themselves. (I would believe that 80% of people on this forum have a hard time loving themselves.)...so, that can't be the main issue. I've realized I can't help the way I look but I don't have to love myself. I accept the fact of who I am. I just say "it is was it is, oh well." It's not UNTIL other people point out my flaws when I start to get really depressed about thing and feel the strong urge to change myself. Actually, it's funny though. I've heard girls say "Why are you so full of yourself?" I honestly, like to brag about things I do? So what's wrong with that?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougie_D Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 If you're at a business event/speaking with someone in your industry, get a card. You can follow it up later and ask them out for drinks. You'll be VERY surprised when I say this: There are TONS of people that don't have their own business cards, especially they younger generation. They just say "go to my webpage or bla, bla, bla,. How crazy is that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calichick007 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Actually, it's funny though. I've heard girls say "Why are you so full of yourself?" I honestly, like to brag about things I do? So what's wrong with that?? Bragging is unattractive. ETA: It's unattractive in general, but (IMO) even moreso when you can tell it is false bravado rooted in insecurity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slimpee Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Haha! The majority of them actually tell me how much they feel "sorry for me"... That "I'm clueless in life"....that "you got nothing going for you"... My friends are just stating the facts! Wow, you need new friends or something...that's horrible! Dude, EVERYONE has things going for them. You may have layers of negativity and self-esteem issues to cut through but there are good things there. If you don't know, how the hell can you expect a woman to see it!?! I'm looking for the good characters! I've been starting not to listen to negative thoughts. It's damn hard! The good character is a girlfriend!! Nah, by "good characters" i mean the things you like about yourself or what you should be concentrating on instead of negative thinking. No one completely loves themselves. (I would believe that 80% of people on this forum have a hard time loving themselves.)...so, that can't be the main issue. I've realized I can't help the way I look but I don't have to love myself. I accept the fact of who I am. I just say "it is was it is, oh well." It's not UNTIL other people point out my flaws when I start to get really depressed about thing and feel the strong urge to change myself. I mean you're right in that you can be unhappy w/ aspects of your life, and try to change those things, but when I say "love yourself" i mean more that are generally happy w/ the person you are. I have things about me that I struggle with but I can tell you that if a genie came down and offered to change those things for me, I wouldn't do it because it's who I am. That doesn't mean you just throw up your hands and resign yourself to a fate of mediocrity but it does mean that you accept yourself, flaws and all. Actually, it's funny though. I've heard girls say "Why are you so full of yourself?" I honestly, like to brag about things I do? So what's wrong with that?? Confidence is good, bragging is bad. Show, don't tell. At the end of the day, dude, it really feels like you're full-to-the-brim with negativity. You have to figure out how to turn that around little-by-little. Maybe try focusing on just one aspect that you can change and work at that. For example, hit the gym or something. You'd be amazed at how much better you'll feel after exercising regularly for a few months. Instead of just focusing on not having a girlfriend, stop the pity party and make yourself happy. A woman can't make you happy unless you can make yourself happy. If you don't know how, try going to counseling or something... EDIT: I've read a few of your posts and it seems like you just argue w/ people and tell 'em that you've tried it and it doesn't work. It's almost as if you just pity yourself and want people to tell you you're just fine as you are. While it is true that you're great just as you are, that doesn't mean you won't have to work to turn around the pattern of negative thinking... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougie_D Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 For example, hit the gym or something. You'd be amazed at how much better you'll feel after exercising regularly for a few months. Nope. Nothing has happened. I lost maybe 10 lbs or so since I went to the gym but I don't have a "PERFECT" body. It doesn't happen over a few months. I look at the BIG picture. I don't care as much as all the "little things that get me there"... If I want to go to point A to point Z... I will work towards Z, but I won't be happy or feeling good about it, until I reach Z. And if I don't get to Z fast enough, I start to feel like it's not going to happen so I just quit. I was raised with not having much worries at all (Financially). I am used to the fact if I wanted something, I would be able to somehow get it. Also, I don't even ask for it. It's just given too me. One year, my father decided "I'm going to pay off the rest of your car, Merry Christmas!" Hahaha! I've come to a point that I have to start taking care of myself financially (and that SUCKS!) So, in that department, I will NEVER be happy unless I get my dream job, which I am working towards but it's been harder than ever! My friends tell me that they "feel bad for me" because they knew how I was raised and how my parents treated me. I don't have LIFE experiences because I didn't have to LEARN them until now... I'm talking about learning the VALUES in life. I have no sense of how to value money. I'm learning really hard now, because my parents have stopped helping financially. I went to college but didn't learn anything. My parents even said "You either go to college or you get a job!" Hahahaha! I always FELT that I would have a huge safety net...but the older I get, the smaller the safety net has become. I'm not happy because I know the reality of where I'm at. It's extremely hard for me to get a job because I don't have experience. Even when I got my first JOB at 24, most employees wanted to fire me...because I was slow and I was nervous, etc... I was a damn CART guy! Luckily, they kept me and I got better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shudder Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Dougie_D - are you the only child? just curious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calichick007 Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 I've come to a point that I have to start taking care of myself financially (and that SUCKS!) You're 30. This is what you SHOULD be doing, and what you should have been doing long before now. No woman in your age bracket is going to want to date someone who cannot or does not want to take care of himself financially. When seeking long-term partners, grown women are looking for men who are responsible, financially stable, and have the potential to provide (or at least substantially contribute). I think you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you can hope to find a healthy relationship. Why can't you get a minimum wage or entry-level job and work on pursuing your dreams in your off time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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