Ex wrote this 2 months before we broke up... Does it still mean anything?

[GuitarGirl99]

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 23. We have been together for a year and 4 months and live an hour and a half away from each other, although that isn’t the issue. Her family are Muslim and I am an atheist. She is also a Muslim to an extent, for example she participates in Ramadan. Although it tends to be when her extended family are over that her family follow Islam fully. My girlfriend isn’t what you would call a devout Muslim because she’s had sex and doesn’t wish to have an arranged marriage. She doesn’t pray 5 times a day, she’s had past sexual experiences before me (although I am the first serious relationship she has had) and really I think she just want’s to live a western style life. Unfortunately she lost her mother when she was young and suffered a further blow when her step mum died. Since then her elder sister has taken the ‘mother role’ and is sometimes very bossy and mean to my girlfriend. At the same time my girlfriend loves her Sister and generally they share a great relationship together. Her sister had an arranged marriage when she was around 18 years old and really doesn’t love her husband. There is no love between them and the relationship doesn’t work for reasons I won’t go into. In my opinion this is not how a life should be lived and this is not how marriage should be. I love my girlfriend and most certainly don’t wish that on her. She does not wish to go through with an arranged marriage. Although it hasn’t yet been mentioned, it is only a matter of time until her father arranges her marriage. My girlfriend has had to cook and clean every night for many years and still managed to get her degree for which I am very proud. That, however, is no longer the life she wishes to lead. Her extended family and grandparents can be awfully horrible and manipulative and her Father can be a bit bossy.

 

So, me and my girlfriend have been together long enough that we are sure we want to be together. This isn’t going to be easy because of the differences in culture and religion. I have actually met her Brother, Sister and Father. This was only as a friend though and it was difficult enough to arrange that! I have to say, I was as polite as possible and believe I created a very good impression. Her Father began by stating that he doesn’t have many of his daughters friends round the house, especially boys and non-Muslims. A couple of hours later when I had to go he couldn’t stop talking to me and said come round again sometime. We are planning on telling her family after Ramadan. I’m hoping I have created a good enough impression of myself but being a nice man probably isn’t enough for them. I probably need to be Muslim and a relation to them because usually they’ll marry their cousins or a member of extended family. It will be around late September that my girlfriend tells them. The plan at the moment is for my girlfriend to be alone in the house with her sister and then only tell her. If her Sister takes it well, then she will then tell her Father. If it goes badly, then I’ll be in the car waiting outside for her ready to take her home. Do you think this is a silly idea?

When my girlfriend tells her Sister about me she will tell her I’m willing to convert. If I converted I would be living a lie. On the other hand if that’s what it takes to be with my girlfriend then so be it. I’m not entirely sure what converting would entail though. My girlfriend is not going to tell them that we’ve had sex because that will make matters a lot worse.

 

 

I live with my mum and her boyfriend, I have a job and prospects to earn good money. My dad has a spare room and has told me that my girlfriend is more than welcome to stay in that spare room with me.

Each time my girlfriend come’s to my house and town (I pick her up at 11PM, she sneaks out of her window and I drive her an hour and a half away to my house. This is the least risky way of spending the night together!) we become more in love and she meets a new friend of mine every so often. She loves my mum which I think is great. My mum is a lovely woman who cares for everyone. It’s great for my girlfriend because she’s lost two mums and she deserves a strong female figure in her life like my mum. My dad loves my girlfriend, (she cooks a great curry!) my brothers love her, my friends love her, she loves my hometown and she loves my band that I'm in. She’s experiencing things with me that she wouldn’t ever have dreamed of experiencing. For example she had a phobia of dogs. Since coming to my house she’s grown to love my dog and others. Everything seems so perfect when she’s here with me but I’ve always got one eye on the clock because it’s soon that time to drive her home again. Then I miss her like crazy when she’s gone.

 

Please help, maybe tell me if we’re approaching this in the wrong manner. Is there a better way? We have waited so long to be together and it’s nearly that time but how do we go about it?!

 

Kind regards,

 

Anonymous

 

P.S I think it’s such a shame that culture, religion and distance can get in the way of love

[Lithp]

The message may still stand, but unfortunately you guys have broken up so reading into things he wrote before the end of your relationship isn't going to get you anywhere.

[alwaysmoving]

How did you find this?