Seraphim Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Recovery is an excruciating and deeply deeply personal process. I think maybe your expressions of wanting to help might be too intimidating right now. You have to do it very gently. If she is staring off into space and not connecting to you with it she may have PTSD like I do. I of course am not a medical professional so I can not say. But this is a very very unbelievably painful process that most keep to themselves. I have not even shared a billionth of my pain and recovery with even my own mother or my husband. I plain out do not want to. It is far to painful to me to include them. Just try and be supportive but not overwhelming about it. Do not force. Btw, I am not trying to negate the pain you are in I am just trying to explain her situation a little so you can have a better understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sentencedtoagony Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 You're right. I've kind of been freaking out, trying to resolve everything and present a pile of offers to help. I guess I should just back off. It's hard because I don't want to feel like I'm not giving 100% to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I can see that you care very much and I am sure she appreciates that. As I said though you can not heal this for her or even force her to do it. It is not something that is going to be "solved" in any short order. People have to be ready to work on it. Take my own example, the last therapy I had was from 14 to 16, unfortunately I have no memory of it. However I KNOW I need more therapy but I am simply not ready. No one can make me, no one can force me, no one can beg me. I will simply do it when I feel I can emotionally handle it and not before. Just gently help her if this is something SHE wants to do, not something you are forcing her to do because you want to be together. It is already a HUGE step that she even told you this happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sentencedtoagony Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 I've lost her... Maybe I've doomed it by trying. SHe doesn't want help or reconciliation. She just wants to leave. It seems I can't win. She's made up her mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I am sorry about that. I know it does not seem it now, but you know she probably needs to do a lot of self work before she can be with anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sentencedtoagony Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 Too bad she lied to me repeatedly, then had her ex come pick her up. I thought she was a feeling person until this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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