lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 yup i probably would. but it is also possible that no one knows more about the situation than i do therefore it is not unacceptable for me to think there is a chance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CountryHGirl Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 yup i probably would. but it is also possible that no one knows more about the situation than i do therefore it is not unacceptable for me to think there is a chance you are going to do what you want to do, which is fine. we cannot tell you how to run your life. you asked the question "am i being played?" and the answer that people are going to give is yes, you are. If you want to continue in your, i dont know what to call it but friendship maybe, then i wish you the best. But i have been in your shoes, multiple times. It does not end well, so you might want to prepare yourself for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 Thank you everyone for contributing i appretiate it. im off now ... got some thinking to do trust me as much as it seems like they wont...your opinions will be taken into consideration to my decision Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 hes immature for his age and hangs around with 17 year olds ........does this make any sort of difference to the age gap? Makes it worse in my book. Now, most 20 somethings are immature regardless, but he's pushing for a new low even by today's standards. I saw you also said that you felt as though you'd be ignoring him mostly out of his girlfriend's sake, and he'll cheat on her regardless. I'm just saying, that until you're 18, this is more than likely going to be a terribly decision for anyone involved from a legal standpoint. Do yourself a favor and walk away completely. Will he cheat on his gf? I'm 99% sure he will and they'll break up. However, as I said, you are still technically a minor, and this is just not something you want to be involved in. Focus on your future and people in your own age group, not men who haven't developed beyond the intellectual capacity of a teenager. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 BTW, the technical legal age of consent in the UK is 16. However, the law also dictates that if individual A is over 18 (this guy is 25) and individual B is under 18 (you are 17) it is illegal for person A to engage in sexual activity with person B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 BTW, the technical legal age of consent in the UK is 16. However, the law also dictates that if individual A is over 18 (this guy is 25) and individual B is under 18 (you are 17) it is illegal for person A to engage in sexual activity with person B. That's important to know. So if her parents were to not take a liking to this man, they could report him I would think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 That's important to know. So if her parents were to not take a liking to this man, they could report him I would think. Yep. I just think that given the general view in this thread, the best thing to do is to walk away. We're talking about a guy who's obviously looking to use young women, he knows how to play their emotions, and to top it all off the whole situation is leading towards something clearly illegal. The best advice is to walk way before she gets in too deep. Ultimately however, it will be her decision to make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saffron_ Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Op, think about it this way. Let's imagine for a second that he does leave his girlfriend and the two of you get into a relationship. What do you think will happen if the relationship gets rocky? BTW, the whole 'age of consent' argument on here is irrelevant and incorrect. The age of consent in the UK is 16 and the only time it's illegal for someone over 18 to have sex with someone under 18 is when they're in a position of trust i.e. teacher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 im not thinking about going into a relationship with him. i wouldnt even if he asked me because i know i would cheat on me isnt that obvious. but just because hes a cheater doesnt mean hes not thinking about being in a relationship with me. the bottom line that i want to know is, does he think of me as a buddy/a little fun and nothing more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saffron_ Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 No it's not obvious! The fact that you said you wouldn't date him, you would 'force' yourself not to but you really like him kinda suggests you would like to pursue something, despite your objections. And I'm not sure you're being entirely honest with yourself. What does it even matter if he thinks of you as a f-buddy or a prospective relationship??? If you don't want to be with him, what difference would it make if he thought of you as a f-buddy and how would you be being played if you didn't want a relationship in the first place? If you don't want a relationship with him and you have had sex with him, then technically you are a f-buddy. You're not a one night stand if you've had sex with him more than once and you're not a girlfriend. You're not a friend (I don't sleep with my friends). You're not an emotional affair if you've slept with him and you're not simply a friend....so that only leaves bit on the side/f-buddy. Wether he means the things he says to you or not doesn't matter! Wether he's head over heels in love with you and secretly thinking of leaving his gf for you or he just says what he needs to say for some casual fun, it doesn't matter. "therefore it is not unacceptable for me to think there is a chance" I assume then that this means a chance that HE might want to be with you, not a chance that you and him might want to mutualy pursue a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saffron_ Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 OP, the real question should be, why oh why are you setting the bar so low? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 i really dont my myself you know......what do i want out of this? if i dont want to be in a relationship with him then why am i even questioning this? i used to think i just wanted to have some fun with him, because being with him is fun. but then if thats all i want why am i not content with leaving it the way it is?....or finding fun with someone else? i guess its a bit disheartening when the one person ive ever liked doesnt want to be with me. maybe its for self achiievment but im not THAT selfish. and dont start on me now about how im being evil to his gf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 i really dont my myself you know......what do i want out of this? if i dont want to be in a relationship with him then why am i even questioning this? i used to think i just wanted to have some fun with him, because being with him is fun. but then if thats all i want why am i not content with leaving it the way it is?....or finding fun with someone else? i guess its a bit disheartening when the one person ive ever liked doesnt want to be with me. maybe its for self achiievment but im not THAT selfish. and dont start on me now about how im being evil to his gf. Well what would you like us to tell you then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 i have no idea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 i have no idea Well you don't want us to tell you; - that he disrespects you - that he sees you as a f-buddy - that this is unfair to his girlfriend - that you are disrespecting yourself So, you tell me. What DO you want us to tell you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 anything that has not already been said would be great x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 harsh......but i accept it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saffron_ Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 i really dont my myself you know......what do i want out of this? if i dont want to be in a relationship with him then why am i even questioning this? i used to think i just wanted to have some fun with him, because being with him is fun. but then if thats all i want why am i not content with leaving it the way it is?....or finding fun with someone else? i guess its a bit disheartening when the one person ive ever liked doesnt want to be with me. maybe its for self achiievment but im not THAT selfish. and dont start on me now about how im being evil to his gf. It is disheartening but it's a lesson in life. I think you're just a little naive. I know at 17 you don't want to hear that, but...well you are. Don't take it as an insult because that's not how it's intended. No matter how much you like this guy and no matter how much he (says) he likes you, without respect you've got nothing! No love, no foundation, and it makes you look like someone who's willing to settle for scraps. Any self assured woman who knows her own worth wouldn't stand for this but you're very young still and you're making a common mistake. If you really want to know wether or not this guy means all the sweet things he says, there's only one way to find out. You have to walk away. If he cares for you like he says he does, he won't want to lose you and he'll break up with his girlfriend and pursue you. If he doesn't, well it basically means that he liked you, but not that much. of course, if he did come back to you, I hope you'd have the sense to see how high the chances of failure would be, if you decided to be with him. Make a stand! Cut him off and tell him you don't want to be the other woman any longer. Then, maybe you'll get your answer you're looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandyJ Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Very well said Saffron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 That is the best comment so far. thank you for your help and everyone else. im going to take your advice to find out what hes intentions are. i think thats all i wanted to know anyway....i dont know what his intentions are and it bothers me. and to everyone else, i will think of his gf, im not a troll.....im a good person and will have her feelings in mind. thank you ...all the best xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 OK, you already know that by default he's a liar, because he's lying to his GF about you, and he's lying to others about you as well. That means that everything he says is suspect. One of the things that age teaches you is that you have to watch what people DO, not just what they say, because words are easy and cheap and can be used to deceive and manipulate people. So he may be SAYING how special you are to him, yet his BEHAVIOR shows him still dating his GF and being with her and being upset that you might tell her about you. So his priority is keeping his GF, not you! Lots of times older guys who are NOT nice people learn to use lies and their charm to manipulate young girls such as yourself. If you're an honest girl, and don't lie yourself and don't have experience with liars/womanizers, you will believe everything he tells you, until you have more experience with liars such as himself and realize that what he says is insincere and telling you what you want to hear in order to manipulate you into being his girl on the side and cheating with him. So you can ask what his intentions are til you're blue in the face, and he'll just tell you another lie to manipulate you. You just can't trust what he says. If he did love you and really want you, he'd leave his GF to be with you. Instead he has two women on a string (and maybe more), and he lies to everyone and even brags about it to other people. He's just loving having his ego (and other body parts) stroked by multiple women. He honestly sounds like an arrogant lying jerk. Don't waste any more time on him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 I think *this* is the best advice you've gotten so far... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauravalentina Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 wow yh it is...thank youu xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calichick007 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Also, Iknow at 17 you are naive and somewhat inexperienced, but there are very few men who will actually just have sex with you, pull their pants up, and leave - the way it sounds like you expect a sex buddy to be treated. There are maaaaaaaaaaany men who will sleep over, cuddle, take you to dinner, bring you around friends, say sweet things, introduce you to family, etc., and still consider you nothing more than a sex buddy. If a man is not committing himself to being in a relationship with you, none of those things magically transform a casual fling into a relationship or mean that he has deeper feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nortonpj Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 the short answer..........YES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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