lsuslu Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Hey fellow members of ENA! I need some help and support of moving on. Found out this week that my ex has a new guy. Year and 8 months we dated and it's been a month and a half since breakup. She has this new guy, who I know, and is seeing him. I'm pissed that she found someone this quick. She is already bringing him around her son, which took me months to have that privilege. He is taking her to the bahamas at the end of this month. Not sure if this is a rebound or what cause we have hung out with this guy while we were dating. I really just want to be done with her and move on. Tired of feeling like ***t. I am hitting the gym hard and doing stuff to keep my mind off her. I stupidly went to her house and confronted her about this. She says she doesn't love me that way anymore and to never excpect her to come back. She is done with me and wants me to move on and to be happy. Please help guys! I want to heal up fast and forget about her. I have read so much here and know the whole NC thing. Thinking about moving from the small town we live in to another city. Any advice on what to do? I try my hardest to push her out my mind but want her back so much. I don't see any chance in reconciliation so why keep up hope? Need y'alls support!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Generation Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 "Not sure if this is a rebound or what..." Whatever it is, don't concern yourself with thoughts like that. It'll only eat away at you from the inside trying to analyze every little thing. NC is the way to go from here. She's dead to you... rather... you're dead to her. Sad to say this, but that's the reality of it. Good for you for working out. Moving to another city might not be a bad idea only if it's convenient for you to do so, career wise and maintaining relationships with family and friends. You know what I find helps a lot? Keep a notebook. Write all your feelings in there, exactly how you feel. Each time you write something, you staple the pages together so you never read it again. Keep doing this. Overtime, when you begin to heal, you may take a look at it, that is, if you want to look at it. You know what's in there. This method works WONDERS for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KYRiverGrl Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Go strict NC and purge any pictures of your ex, unfriend/block her from FB (or better yet trash your FB account if it's convenient) ... make yourself busy to occupy your mind. Accept that it's over and if you feel the need to cry, scream, whatever ... in private let it out. Also if there are any objects (like gifts, etc) that you can get rid of, get rid of them. Take her off of your phone and email contact list. Like what Generation said, if you can move to another city w/o messing with your work and friends/family it would be good (I live less than 2 miles from my ex and I run into him and new gf every so often when I'm on the road). It is great that you're working out (I need to do that consistently!!! haha) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Rivergrl hit it on the head, follow her advice to the letter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lsuslu Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 Already done all that. I feel double the pain for losing her and her son. She never broke down that last wall with me. Deep down I knew it was not meant to be, it's the lost of being a family that is killing me. I did and went out my way to be there for her and her child. She equates it to smothering. My problem is she lives 5 mins down the road. Honestly just want to be done with it and to stop hurting. Been on some dates but basically just passing time. Want to move on!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikhylabelle Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I'm sorry this has happened to you. I can very much relate to what you are feeling. And i want to speed-up the recovery process too! But I have to remind myself that healing takes some time. Our characters are being shaped by experiences like this, and the more important lessons in life take harder and longer to learn... like patience, and forgiveness and acceptance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikhylabelle Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 And about her finding someone new... i know it hurts, and it hurts so bad, but try to find comfort in this, because it forces you to move on and to let go of any hope.Now you can focus on just moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lsuslu Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 I was on hold for 3 years before I dated her. I dated a girl before her for 4 years. Graduated college together and went through the hardest experience in my life, hurricane Katrina. She has brought this up, and asked me not to wait that period of time to try and get her back. Again want to speed up this process. I feel like I'm doing it all right, but feel horrible at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lsuslu Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 Grrrrr bad morning. Have to stop drinking! Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lsuslu Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 Any other words of advice or support? I am really struggling through this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuza Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 It gets better with time. My ex jumped into a relationship a month and a half after we broke up too, so I can relate. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. When I found out, I had a sudden epiphany and wondered why I still cared at all. Maybe that won't happen for you, that's just how I heal with things. That chapter of your life is over. Time to turn over a new page and start writing the next. Take what you've learned and keep moving forward. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donpeel83 Posted December 11, 2011 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Hey OP, very similar story with my last ex to your current story. I'll give you a quick recap on me and then do my best to offer encouragement. We dated for 18 months, had a great crimbo last year and her bday was in March. SHe dumped me and then left me dangling for 2 months whilst she looked at dating sites etc (however she got bitterly jealous when I did like wise??) and then she would throw me crumbs every now and then off "I miss you" and "Lets get married and have babies" over text. Then SHe hacked my Fakebook account and didnt like me talking to others about my break up or the fact i was chatting to other girls for dates etc and then began to delete people off my friends list before tracking down her first Love, the guy who royally broke her heart when she was 18 (she turned 30 10 days before she dumped me) and the two of them are still together as far as I know. Now this occurred in may, and we finished end of March. So 2 month break, very similar to you and like you I adored her son and was loving the family thing we had going. However, now on to the important stuff. First of all, for the here and now you need to go NC. Do not contact her, do not e-stalk her or anything like that. She has made her bed and she will have to lie in it now. I dont want to make you feel worse but you have to accept the possibility that maybe the two of them were planning this move for a while?!?!?Its exceptionally cold and calculated on both of their fronts but whats done is unfortunatley done. You said your hitting the gym hard?? Thats good. The endorpin kick is a wonderful way to help ease the pain, its a natural anti-depressent and that will help!! Plus your filling your life with a healthy vice instead of a not so healthy one like drugs or drink. Some of the stuff i've done to try and sort things out have been as follows. I was hitting the gym hard between June and October, though had to stop as I couldnt adfford the membership (I have joined a new gym though which opens next Friday that is a 24/7 gym which im stoked about ) Find new hobbies and vocations, something to fill your time that allows you to do things that will either make you feel happy about yourself by doing things that you love, or by giving to others (like charity work etc). I have done this by returning to boxing and by starting a degree that im heavily in love with lol. The good thing about the degree is that I know in the long term it will have a massive.....no, monumental impact upon my life and really enable me to live the quality of life that I want to live!! You have, and you wont realise this for while, been offered a golden opportunity to shape your life in the way you want and to fill it with the things that you want to do!! Yes, it will be hard in the early days but by embracing NC and filling your life with positive things in turn your quality of life will be improved and you'l be in such a healthier and stronger place. And in closing, one thing I always say in threads like this is as follows: You will be amazed, as you take this journey, as you walk this path, how truly strong you are!! Have faith in yourself, and take the time to work on yurself and in return the rewards will be amazing!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lsuslu Posted December 11, 2011 Author Share Posted December 11, 2011 Thanks guys. I have deactivated my fb account, erased all pictures of us, erased her number so I can't drunk call or text. I am still considering moving to New Orleans to get out of this small town, which will put me closer to work. We have a ton of mutual friends and I believe they are telling her what ive been up too. I have since dissapered from these people. My only vice so far is smoking. I used to smoke only 4 cigs per week now I'm up to a pack every 2 days. Some days are good while others are terrible. I am struggling through this so badly but refuse to turn to medication to help. I want her back so badly but know that this is not going to happen. I too felt some clousre after finding out she is dating this new guy. The harderst thing for me is being patient throughout this and trying to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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