Lonewing Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 I agree on the violence part. It's not the answer, at least, not in this day and age. I really do believe that in over-legalizing everything, we've created a dangerous situation for ourselves where we truly are defenseless. How much longer before we have such a large class of people with Domestic Violence and sex crime counts that these things become meaningless - kind of like how marijuana isn't taken so seriously anymore on one side and yet taken at zero tolerance on the other side... And then you see things like this: what a world indeed... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 I agree on the violence part. It's not the answer, at least, not in this day and age. I really do believe that in over-legalizing everything, we've created a dangerous situation for ourselves where we truly are defenseless. How much longer before we have such a large class of people with Domestic Violence and sex crime counts that these things become meaningless - kind of like how marijuana isn't taken so seriously anymore on one side and yet taken at zero tolerance on the other side... And then you see things like this: what a world indeed... Law officials are half the time sadistic (fill in the blank). I'd rather deal with a crotch grabber than mess with cops any day. We called to report a teenager shooting a school bus in our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago. They NEVER showed up. We had to go to the house of the shooter and report him to his FATHER. It was so sad to know they didn't care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cynder Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 I agree on the violence part. It's not the answer, at least, not in this day and age. I really do believe that in over-legalizing everything, we've created a dangerous situation for ourselves where we truly are defenseless. How much longer before we have such a large class of people with Domestic Violence and sex crime counts that these things become meaningless - kind of like how marijuana isn't taken so seriously anymore on one side and yet taken at zero tolerance on the other side... And then you see things like this: what a world indeed... That happened in my area. I know all about that whole case because it was such a big deal here. I have dealt with cops here when I was being stalked by my ex boyfriend. He sent me a really threatening email I showed it to them and they accused me of hacking his email and sending it to myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Yikes. Well, I know you're introverted, but...bad friends are a dime a dozen... I know I was flirting with a crowd for a bit a couple years back who aren't my type. I realized this all the way here this last spring, when I went to an afterparty and they started lighting up. One hint of wiff in the air from the other end of the house - I knew exactly what it was - and I quietly slid out the door and left. I'd rather be alone than be stuck with people who get me into bad situations. I don't drink because every time I've drunk in a crowd, there has always been a "hey, we need a driver" or something serious comes down where we DO need a driver. And then it comes down to who is Least drunk and Most confident. Train Wreck supreme... No, no more for me. I cut it right out of my life for good. And I hate to say it, but I cut those people who went with it out of my life too. I don't need their drama or their antics to enjoy my life. All I'm missing now is one. But I'm really not missing her - if she happens along, we'll be. Otherwise, I'm in peace. I guess this is really the third stage though - the era where the cops are apathetic. In the first stage we have the realizations and the concluding the legislation. Stage two we see enforcement. Now, stage three, we see cops so exposed to these things they no longer care so much about it. If you ever go back there, pack your own car... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 There's a pinch of evil in just about every profession out and about in the world, not just cops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 If you ever go back there, pack your own car... She doesn't drive a car. Hanging with the wrong crowd, you can't really report a sexual assault. The police will say you must be asking for trouble. Hanging with the right crowd, governors & congressmen, you surely can't report them. So who can you report? (Famous football coaches?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cynder Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 I don't drive. And if you're wondering, it's for medical reasons and not because I broek the law. Can't pack my own car. Guess I should have put that in bold in my first post. And who's to say who the "wrong crowd" is anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 There's a pinch of evil in just about every profession out and about in the world, not just cops. I agree. I can't speak for anyone else's dealings with cops but I have never had the experience of calling them and them not showing up. Are there bad cops? Sure. Are there cops who just don't care? More than sure. But there are also good cops. Reminds me of a girl in sexual abuse therapy I was with that never reported her rape not because she was afraid of family back lash or anything but because she had only ever heard people trash talk cops and how they don't care and they don't do anything - she had never had a negative experience herself but was basing her attitude on cops and how they might have percieved her situation via what she had heard others bad talking them. Made me sad for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 By legal definition, you were sexually assaulted. In the future, I'd forget ALL excuses and ideas you have about the police that would prevent you from just calling 911 immediately. The rapist caused the scene, not you, and as a member of your community you have an obligation to protect the rest of us from criminals like this by reporting them so they can be stopped before they do it to someone else. He's probably done this before and if everyone he's assaulted had reported it, he'd probably be in jail and not in a position to continue assaulting people. I'd go to the police anyway, so what if it's later. Ignore your ideas about what you think might happen with the police and just do it. Some little girl out there who could be his next victim will thank you for it. My mother in law was raped repeatedly and never reported it - it's the biggest regret of her life by far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 It only makes a difference when you can PROVE it in court. If you get caught in a he said she said battle forget it. Unless someone witnessed it, or there is physical evidence you can be sure the court will drag you over the coals of hell and back and make you out to be the biggest tramp in town. Even if you have valid proof the defense STILL tries to make you the biggest tramp in town. So it is easy to say go to the police, doing it and getting some place are different. The court only cares about what you can prove. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 And who's to say who the "wrong crowd" is anyway? There's a very very simple test... The right crowd does not put you in situations where either you or anybody else is at risk. While this may seem like a silly idea, these crowds actually do exist. Finding them is a challenge, but is ultimately rewarding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 It only makes a difference when you can PROVE it in court. If you get caught in a he said she said battle forget it. Unless someone witnessed it, or there is physical evidence you can be sure the court will drag you over the coals of hell and back and make you out to be the biggest tramp in town. Even if you have valid proof the defense STILL tries to make you the biggest tramp in town. So it is easy to say go to the police, doing it and getting some place are different. The court only cares about what you can prove. This is true but even if nothing comes of it, things should still be reported. It may prompt someone who CAN prove it more to come forward and say 'he's done x to me before as well...' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 This is true but even if nothing comes of it, things should still be reported. It may prompt someone who CAN prove it more to come forward and say 'he's done x to me before as well...' Some things should, yes. However I can tell you from experience reporting something in my case did diddly squat and all it did to me was make me worse and feel further victimized. Did my statement make any difference to any further victims? Nope, not one bit. In fact he got to stalked me for a further 3 years after the court case was done.. Mr Pedo is still out there doing his thing 31 years later with no consequence whatsoever and he has been doing so since he was a teen and he is almost 60 now. As far as I know I am the only victim that ever spoke against him and reported it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Some things should, yes. However I can tell you from experience reporting something in my case did diddly squat and all it did to me was make me worse and feel further victimized. Did my statement make any difference to any further victims? Nope, not one bit. In fact he got to stalked me for a further 3 years after the court case was done.. Mr Pedo is still out there doing his thing 31 years later with no consequence whatsoever and he has been doing so since he was a teen and he is almost 60 now. As far as I know I am the only victim that ever spoke against him and reported it. It's sad that in today's world we let men like this run free but my advice to anyone who comes to me who has been assualted (in any way) is to always report it. Even if nothing comes of it, even if all you do is face your attacker, that in itself is better than any thearpy session - IMO, at least. It lets you take the control back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I did face him in court however, I had to take questioning from him in his own defense because he had no lawyer. Yeah, that was nice. While he tried to paint me as some tramp. I had never had a boyfriend, never even kissed a boy, barely knew any sexual terms or anything and yet I was painted as some tramp and he was just some "poor man who was seduce by a sleezy 13 year old." Oh PUleeeze. Then he gets to walk and stalks me later, tries to kidnap me from school, told me he was going to murder my parents, he would routinely vandalize my parent's car but they could not prove it. He tried to murder my dad by trying to run him over as he came out of work. Again they could not prove it. The law cares about what you can PROVE. I did my duty, but it got me personally no place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 The law has to care what you can prove though because unfortunately there are women in this world who think it's okay to cry rape when it didn't happen and get an innocent man in jail and vice versa. My step father never even SAW a court room because no one believed me when I told them what happened - not even my own mother and father. But I still told and even though justice failed me, it doesn't fail everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Well my parents has to file charges for me as I could not as a minor. I was actually given no choice. I was told I was testifying. But in any case at all the law only cares what you can prove and personal testimony is almost impossible to prove. For me there was no physical evidence because by the time I was examined a month had gone by since the last rape. So no physical evidence. My dad made me destroy my diary, so no written evidence. He stood over me while I ripped it up and flushed it because HE did not want to be seen as a bad parent. They do not care about any hearsay at all. You could have told a million people and it was not admissable. Some one had to actually witness it, and there were no witnesses, well except for the bruising from the beatings but my dad was not going to admit he saw that because then he would be a bad parent, right? So, yeah, report it, because that is the right thing to do but do not expect to be vindicated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 But again, it has to be that way because if courts and police just took everyone's word that something happened, we ALL could be locked up for one thing or another. Yes, justice sometimes fails those victims like you and I but it doesn't fail all victims. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I understand. But sometimes people think it is as easy as you call the police and it is over. That is not the case. I am just giving personal testimony as to how involved it is and what potentially could happen to someone. This is no cake walk if someone decides to pursue it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I understand. But sometimes people think it is as easy as you call the police and it is over. That is not the case. I am just giving personal testimony as to how involved it is and what potentially could happen to someone. This is no cake walk if someone decides to pursue it. No, it's not easy, never is. I don't know - I guess I'm of the belief (even though the system failed me) that if something happens, report it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 It only makes a difference when you can PROVE it in court. If you get caught in a he said she said battle forget it. Unless someone witnessed it, or there is physical evidence you can be sure the court will drag you over the coals of hell and back and make you out to be the biggest tramp in town. Even if you have valid proof the defense STILL tries to make you the biggest tramp in town. So it is easy to say go to the police, doing it and getting some place are different. The court only cares about what you can prove. Even if that was proven in court, he would be right out after a few weeks. Wouldn't spend as much time behind bars as it took to convict him. And yes, Cynder would be dragged through the mud in a court trial. It's not her job to have him convicted of crotch grabbing. I was raped and didn't go to trial and I don't regret it for a minute. Richest family in town against me? Would have been fun I'm sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cynder Posted December 8, 2011 Author Share Posted December 8, 2011 The law has to care what you can prove though because unfortunately there are women in this world who think it's okay to cry rape when it didn't happen and get an innocent man in jail and vice versa. My step father never even SAW a court room because no one believed me when I told them what happened - not even my own mother and father. But I still told and even though justice failed me, it doesn't fail everyone. The girl my husband cheated on me with was one of those... She yelled rape and got some guy thrown in jail. (This was before we knew her.) I was afraid she was going to try that with my husband too, after he ended it with her. Part of me thought they could just both rot in hell, but I still wanted to protect him from that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Even if that was proven in court, he would be right out after a few weeks. Wouldn't spend as much time behind bars as it took to convict him. And yes, Cynder would be dragged through the mud in a court trial. It's not her job to have him convicted of crotch grabbing. I was raped and didn't go to trial and I don't regret it for a minute. Richest family in town against me? Would have been fun I'm sure. For sure. People get more time for stealing a car than for murdering a human being. Pretty sad when one sees what is actually valued by society. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilliesFan001 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 No, it's not easy, never is. I don't know - I guess I'm of the belief (even though the system failed me) that if something happens, report it. Not everybody has that in them. I had the guts to report it when I was very young and absolutely nothing came of it. No charges, no punishment, and he still lives 20 minutes down the road from me. If it happened to me again, I've often thought I wouldn't say a word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercurial Girl Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I would personally at least want any form of assault on record whether or not charges are pressed. If they do it again either to myself or to someone else at least it will be on file that this person has committed an assault previously...and if the cops did not take my claim seriously the first time, at least hopefully they will take his past into consideration the next time it happens to myself or another victim. I did not report my assault and I very much regret that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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