GuitarGirl99 Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 So, a few weeks ago I sent my ex boyfriend a message, because I wanted to stop playing games, and I really wanted to let him know that I want him back, when we are both in better places, because I think we would still work together as a couple. We broke up because of a few reasons... Firstly I'm of a different religion to him, and have a completely different culture to him. My family is fairly strict... After 2 years of dating we had decided to tell my family about our relationship, we were planning on going away as soon as I'd told them, and we were going to move in together..... He broke up with me and said he couldnt commit to the relationship (it has now been 7 weeks since we broke up!) In that time I have seen him twice but that was just to get my belongings back. Here are a couple of the responses I got from him.... (He is B and I am G) (G) It doesn't matter anymore. So you shouldn't be scared! Because you have nothing to commit to! I'm sorry I pushed so hard for things to go the way that they were going! (B) I have no commitments except work, it's good but again, you shouldn't be sorry.. I don't know why You keep saying sorry.. I was pushing for things to go that way too, It just happened really fast and I got scare --- (G) Honestly though, you don't have to worry about me anymore. And it's fine if your feelings disappear for me.,. I don't expect you to have any love for me. (B) It sounds like you're trying to make me feel bad... My feelings haven't disappeared for you.. You always have a place in my heart --- (G) But that just makes it feel worse. At least with your ex you knew you weren't working, for whatever reason that was. But with us, we were such a good match. And we did work when we were together. (B) But With you, you never know.. Many years later if circumstances are right... Then you never know what could happen. --- (G) Then when I'm in a good place, I'm going to leave my family, as hard as it's going to be for me... I'm going to have to do it. Obviously with a job and money it'll be easier for me to gain independence. Maybe once I'm independent and away from my family. And you're in a better place.,. Do you want to see if we've got what it takes to work together? I'm not saying you have to say yes to what I'm saying, but I feel as though both of us still have feelings for each other, and right now it's just a timing issue. So just think about it? Plus at this moment in time when you're unsure about everything you need lots of good friends around you and not a girlfriend! (B) You should do all those things, get a job settle Down tell your family etc. And yes, maybe at some point we can try again, when we are in better places and stuff... But don't base your life on the hope that we will get back together, because I don't want you to wait ages and hope... Because life isn't always like that... Besides, you might meet someone thats really special to you on the way... You never know.. --- (G) I hope your future is good, i love you and you mean the world to me... Nothing is going to change that... I know we aren't together anymore. But that's how I feel... I hope in time we end up getting back together. Because we work together.... Although that may or may not happen. Nobody knows. (B) I hope your future is great too. Let me know if you decide to tell your family... I know what you're saying, an if circumstances are right in the future, maybe we can try again.. But as I've said.. Don't bank on that... You just don't know what can happen! --- I'm finding it hard to see how he is feeling right now...!! Does he think we have a chance or not? I have however decided that I will be going No Contact with him for a while, at least for a good month or so. His mum has arranged to meet up with me in a couple of weeks... I'll be going to his hometown (2 hours away from me!) Any advice from you lovely people would be appreciated!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DylanNotorious Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 No I don't think so. He's pushing you to find love with someone else. I don't get why you two actually did break-up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuitarGirl99 Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 No I don't think so. He's pushing you to find love with someone else. I don't get why you two actually did break-up? Basically we were in a long distance relationship, as well as I'm from a religious family, and dating is frowned upon... All of my cousins/siblings have had arranged marriages... The whole time I was seeing him, my family had no idea I was with him... We had decided to tell my family about our relationship, and I was planning on moving out of my family home to be with him. He said he got scared that I was going to tell my family about us... One of things he also said to me was that he wants me to tell him as soon as I have left home... I'm planning on doing that within the next couple of months. He keeps saying we will always be good friends... These are a couple of things he said to me: *I'll be there for you as much as I can, I've always said that and I stand by that *you're one of the strongest people I know... So I know you're strong enough to stand on your own two feet if you had to leave your family and you have me and many other friends to help you out. *Our relationship was great and I'm glad you slipped a digit on that number too.. Because it gave me some very precious times... And I've gained an amazing person in my life... For good. *We both did put a lot Into it.. Lots of commitment and effort. It was always worth it because i always enjoyed our time together... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DylanNotorious Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Yes, but why did he not want for you both to tell your family together? Why was breaking up the only solution? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuitarGirl99 Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Yes, but why did he not want for you both to tell your family together? Why was breaking up the only solution? He felt that if I had told my family about our relationship, it would have meant we would have had to settle down, we had already spoken about marriage and kids etc... He said he felt as though he was too young (We're both 23) to settle down... and that he wants to 'make something of his life' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DylanNotorious Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 He felt that if I had told my family about our relationship, it would have meant we would have had to settle down, we had already spoken about marriage and kids etc... He said he felt as though he was too young (We're both 23) to settle down... and that he wants to 'make something of his life' Ok so the picture is becoming clearer. So he feels pressured to get married to you. But that's not what you want right now is it? Surely this isn't something that your parents would force upon you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuitarGirl99 Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Ok so the picture is becoming clearer. So he feels pressured to get married to you. But that's not what you want right now is it? Surely this isn't something that your parents would force upon you? It's just my dad, and extended family...! I was willing to leave my family, to be with him...!!! He said he got scared of commitment... Which makes sense I guess. It would have been tough, but I thought we would have made it together, in our entire relationship, we never had any major arguments, we were always so happy. Him breaking up with me came as a big shock to me, and a lot of our mutual friends, as well as his mum. No, I have a lot of things I need to do before I even think about getting married, I've recently graduated, so my current priority is getting my first job. I am going to see him mum in a couple of weeks time, and I dont know if I should send him a txt and let him know when I'll be in town.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DylanNotorious Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 I just think it's sad, that your family has put so much pressure on you, that you would actually have to leave them in order to date who you would like too. There are no easy answers on what you should do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 It seems to me that he feels that if you left your family for him and it caused them to 'disown' or shun you then he would be under an obligation to marry you and he simply isn't ready for that. You would have made a huge sacrifice for him and that would be a debt that he could only repay by a commitment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuitarGirl99 Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 It seems to me that he feels that if you left your family for him and it caused them to 'disown' or shun you then he would be under an obligation to marry you and he simply isn't ready for that. You would have made a huge sacrifice for him and that would be a debt that he could only repay by a commitment. I agree with your statement, this is exactly what I have been thinking... He has stated many times that he broke up with me because he was scared of me telling my family... He has said a couple of times (Before sending that message) that maybe once I've gotten away from my family we could try again. We had a conversation the other day, I told him I was planning on leaving my family home soon, because I'm almost 24, and I need my independence, and I would like to lead a normal life, not the one prescribed for me by my family. If I stay at home, it would entail me having an arranged marriage (to a man of their choice). That isnt me, and that isn't what I want. His reply was, tell me when you're planning on telling your family, and as soon as you've done it. I dont know why he would say that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 I can't know why he said that. It could be that if you make the decision regardless of whether you are going to be with him or not the pressure to marry you is off and he would like to date. If that is true (no guarantees, of course) and you do begin dating in some way then you had better never say or imply you left your family for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DylanNotorious Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Yes I think if you are going to leave your family you should do it for you, and not for this guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aminaSa Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 He sounds neither positive nor negative.The guy just tells you honestly he does not know maybe he has someone else? and wants to see if the things will work out,if not then he will come back to you?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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