triangles Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 *bumping 'cuz I think this is a great thread!* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFReyes Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I honestly think when that point has been reached, it's too late. I noticed those things happening well in advance and there was nothing I could do to change them really. I talked with her about them and all it did was add extra pressure to an already failing relationship. I think the only thing you can do is give space. Lots of it - as in, get out before they do and save yourself the heartache. Same thing happened to me. I ended up being the dumper but still have the heartache, so I don't know yet if I've learned anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
askltk Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 That the only person that matters is yourself (if your the dumpee) Contact, even NIC, is counter productive. Breadcrumbs don't fill you up. Listen to people. Friends, Family, ENA (ESP) - take the knocks they give you, as ultimately they've your best intentions at heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meoww Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 haha today I have learned that I have learned nothing sometimes I honestly feel like I've learned nothing since I turned eleven or so (in my twenties now). sometimes I still cringe/tear up when I think about how much I thought he cared---Why is that this happens to every jerk I have ever dated, in some form or another? I'm referring to the what-was-I-thinking post break up moment. I'm sick and tired of going through the same motions over and over again! I am hoping to learn---that some men are just as good as I (think) am in inside. It only takes one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom1990 Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I've learned that if you truly want to rebuild a friendship afterwards, NEVER talk about the relationship or the breakup. I've learned to watch for signs that they're more interested in a relationship than interested in me. I've learned to bring up problems as they happen, and not ignore them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom1990 Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 -An ex is someone who is different from the person you first fell in love with. In a way, an ex is a ghost of the person you used to love. EXCELLENT perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RastaPasta Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I learned to watch out for people who are wishy washy. They just agree with anything they think is the right answer and what you want to hear. They try hard to be who they think you want them to be, eventually they resent you when you ask "what happened to the person I fell in love with?" Find someone who isn't afraid to be themselves and don't think they have to change for you to love them. If someone wants to contact you, nothing will stop them from doing so. NC is the best thing ever, it saves you from so much unnecessary pain. A good friendship is a good base for a relationship. Always communicate how I feel when something bothers me. My partner is not a mindreader. I am a beautiful person inside and out and my best is always good enough. Never hold on to someone who wants to leave. Hold out for someone who wants to stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RastaPasta Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 If being with someone isn't better than being alone, you don't need to be with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenCupcake Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I learned to watch out for people who are wishy washy. They just agree with anything they think is the right answer and what you want to hear. They try hard to be who they think you want them to be, eventually they resent you when you ask "what happened to the person I fell in love with?" Find someone who isn't afraid to be themselves and don't think they have to change for you to love them. If someone wants to contact you, nothing will stop them from doing so. NC is the best thing ever, it saves you from so much unnecessary pain. You are so right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom1990 Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I learned to watch out for people who are wishy washy. They just agree with anything they think is the right answer and what you want to hear. They try hard to be who they think you want them to be, eventually they resent you when you ask "what happened to the person I fell in love with?" Sounds like you're the one whom I dated! (I was very wishy washy and always tried to be what I thought she wanted.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cbzfmoc Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I need to learn to be by myself and love myself and make real time for FRIENDS. Friends >> boys. Period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJC Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I have learned that I am worth so much more, and I'm allowed to raise my expectations accordingly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissieP Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I have learned pay attention to those gut instincts because if something feels off it probably is! Pay attention to those red flags that may wave all over the place. I have also learned do not give people second chances as the old saying goes you fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. I ignored everything I just posted and was blinded by his love. I believed everything he said and those gut instincts yep I ignored them:shame: Those second chances yep I kept giving them and in the end he cheated on me and left me for another woman and totally blamed me saying I told you I wanted to break up but you ignored it. Yes he is right in one sense I did " ignore" those red flags and gut instincts but he never told me we were through he just wanted to get off the hook and make him look good but guess what? I know the truth you are a liar and a pathetic person. I will know the next time and not fall for another pathetic person like yourself. Sorry for going on and on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpoon2Big Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I've learned (if you can say that this early after a breakup) to treasure what you have before it's all gone. The relationship, the family ties, etc. I guess you don't see it until it's all gone. In the moment you don't think it will ever end. That's what I thought. I thought I was in for good with her and her family. I found out that after 4 years, it doesn't mean anything to her to cut me out. Her family still loves me, but it's just weird. I've learned I have to work on myself. As cliche as that sounds, I guess it's true. I find myself in the same patterns where I end up being "abandoned" after I push and push and push. To me, there is no love without a victory and there is no victory without a struggle. That's so backwards and I need to fix it. Maybe this breakup can be the real catalyst to fix me for real this time. Therapy, here I come. haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissieP Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I think I need to work on myself as well. I need to rebuild my self-esteem and be a better person and not let people take advantage of me. That is my resolution for the New Year is not let people walk all over me and be a better person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpoon2Big Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I think I need to work on myself as well. I need to rebuild my self-esteem and be a better person and not let people take advantage of me. That is my resolution for the New Year is not let people walk all over me and be a better person. Learn to say "no" more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflyburn Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I learned that you should watch the way they treat the people who have fallen out of favor with them because that is exactly how they shall treat you when things start to become less than perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissieP Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 Yes exactly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSpoon2Big Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I learned that you should watch the way they treat the people who have fallen out of favor with them because that is exactly how they shall treat you when things start to become less than perfect. Yea you always think "well if that happened with me it would be different. They would never be that way to me" or something like that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissieP Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 Is it bad I " almost" feel sorry for his new girlfriend? My ex is just " using" her for her money. She comes from a wealthy family and she has a nice house in a nice community because her parents are rich they bought her a house and now my ex has somewhere to stay all the time instead of living at his grandparents house which he kept saying I am going to get my own place I am going to get my own place but since he spent his money like water that never happened and he met this new girl who is rich and now he has a place to stay for free and use up all of her food,etc. He is a mooch. I guess long story short I learned once a fool always a fool he will never change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happens4aReason Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I guess I learned a lot of lessons from my last relationship. + Always try to make your partner comfortable around you. + Listen to your guts. If your guts tells you to get out, GET OUT. Don't drag on and let her end it since it would hurt you being the dumpee. + I have learned that I must not be too honest about my past relationships. + Do not take your partner for granted. - Listen to the other person when she says something about moving away (emotionally) due to certain trait of yours. Do not ignore the early may-lead-to-beak-up red flags. Again. Do not take them for granted. + Do not let sex be the solution to every fight. + Do not always fight to solve an issue, rather talk about them when the mood is smooth. After all, we are all adults. + Do not get into arguments after 9 pm, and never on the bed. Not the right time to point out an opinion difference, since the body is tired after work. + Let go of minor things, if you can live with them. + Do not lose your identity in the relationship. Talk to her about your principles and beliefs and if she doesn't listen, she is not a match for you. + Do not get too close too fast. You'll get bored soon. + Do not call, message her all the time. Let her initiate as well. Give her chances to be curious about your day to day life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loveblindxo Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 A lot. Main. 1.Respect yourself , don't lose yourself. 2. Pay attention to RED flags. 3. Learn to let go and walk away. 4. don't force things. 5. See how guy treats his mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfjon Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 My Boundaries......I need to be rock-solid in guarding them. Red Flags.............Really notice them and if not dealt with to my satisfaction, walk away. Common Interests......Have to be more in common than this last girl. "Frat-Boy" behavior.......No more binge drinking, don't like girls in the "adult-intramural" sports thing, too childish.... Ambivalence..........No more "sure-unsure" behavior and committment phobias. Make Sure............WILL NOT enter into an "exclusive" relationship until I'm %100 sure! Cooking........I'm tired of doing all the cooking here folks, NO MAS!! Next girl will at least be able to make tacos or something....geez Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markie6 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Karma is a figment of your imagination. How they come into your life is often how they will leave it Letting go and giving up doesn't have to mean there won't be a chance , it just means you will cross that bridge if you ever get to it when you're up to your next in sh** , keep your mouth shut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panicgirl86 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I've learnt to never invest emotionally when you're not receiving the same in return Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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