Post things you have learned after a break up

[penfield]

Meoww, those work both ways but can't argue the feeling you get when you meet someone, are attracted to them, click together and begin that journey. Nothing like it in the world. Probably why it hurts so bad when it doesn't work out in the end.

[Scuza]

I've learned more about myself and who I am post-break-up than I ever have.

I guess I have her to thank for that.

[Stay_home]

- Don't believe everything you hear. Not everybody claiming to want to be involved in a relationship really means that. Put them to the test.

- Don't be afraid to hold on and never be afraid to let go if you have to.

- Women ARE emotional creatures and they don't process information the same as men do.

- It's not what you say, but how you say it. It's not what you've done, but how you went about doing it.

- I was better off being single than being with you and being miserable.

- The will to change is something that has to come from within, I cannot help you there. It begins with you from the inside.

- The only things that are real are the things that are still here when the money has ran out.

- I don't know everything.

- People make moutains out of moheels.

- Being a nice person is not the same as being doormat.

[musicman777]

Hmm... some people say "trust your instinct". You know with my ex, she broke up with me because she was a lesbian. I trusted my gut and instinct when I decided I liked her and had a crush on her. She seemed like the one. All the signs led me to her. My "instinct" and that other word "fate" told me to be with this girl. Supernatural things happened that said DATE THIS GIRL, LET HER IN. I did just that. I ended up being crushed in the end. Now I think all that faith nonsense and instinct nonsense is garbage.

 

Here's some better sound advice for myself and others if interested. USE YOUR HEAD. Relationships should be a positive change in your life, but don't use your guts, religion, instincts, or other outside influences on your love life. Use your BRAIN. Is the person texting/calling, giving you enough attention, satisfying you fully or do you have a feeling that your relationship isn't what you dreamed of? If it's not what you dreamed of, you should cut it off before you fall in love with that person. I think these days people fall in love too fast and don't really understand what love is. If you experienced kissing and cuddling and physical intimacy even at a simple form, that's not love. Love is when another person really cares for you and goes the extra mile to show it and you've been together long enough where you can truly trust that person.

 

Other tips:

1) Don't spend all your money on someone. It's okay to treat someone well you really like but until you feel they feel the same about you, don't spend all your money. Relationships aren't about money, it's about spending time with someone.

2) Don't fall for someone before getting to know them very well.

3) If you find yourself getting over obsessive with someone that's your crush, slow down, or better yet, walk away. Don't get hurt and rejected. Make a move early on. Don't let life drag on for months/years and then decide to tell someone you are interested.

4) Trust only yourself and talk to your family for support. Talk with brother/sisters and parents. Tell them how your relationship is and talk with others about it. Your partner should do this too. If you find that they don't like to talk about their relationship with you with other people you should be careful. If people are truly happy with you or taking you serious they should be talking to others about it. Even go to a counselor if you have to, you should always evaluate your relationship.

5) Accept being rejected. Don't hound on people. If you get dumped, walk away. Usually if a relationship ends it's over. Don't cling on to someone who hurt you.

[prada]

Its hard accepting rejection. But i like that last tip. Thanks musicman777

Right now im still trying to walk away

[Philos]

For practical purposes, I'm a hostage to my emotions.

[Eocsor]

I learned how to perform electronic surveillance and that the police have no sense of humor.

[Lizzy 59]

I learned triggers of memories do not disappear....accept them, learn from them and when someone does not feel the the same way let them be....

[RastaPasta]

Don't chase after anyone who has chosen to walk out of your life.

It is not your job to make anyone happy, and if someone tells you that you don't make them happy, it means they aren't happy with themselves.

Some people are just in your life for a season, to teach you a lesson.

[RastaPasta]

I learned not to date a guy who tells me how much he hates his mother on our very first date.

[pima]

at one point in your life he was out of it, so you will survive without him

if he doesn't care enough to reach out, why should you care

drinking heavily= no no

the cell phone although a nifty invention can be your worst enemy- if it's that bad- change numbers

sometimes you realize who a person really is after they just up and leave

and the one that I got from an earlier post in here

because it fit my situation

It is not your job to make anyone happy, and if someone tells you that you don't make them happy, it means they aren't happy with themselves.

[wannadoitright]

Interesting. Some of the lessons on this thread are thought provoking. An example "if someone tells you that you don't make them happy, it means they aren't happy with themselves". Not sure I agree but, oh well.

[italiannmf24]

What have I learned from a break-up?

 

Time heals all wounds, but that's just the beginning. Everything around you seems cold, unfair, unhappy, dull and essentially depressing because all you can think about is your ex, what they've done, who they're with, what they're doing now, where they are, how they've been and you can't even concentrate on your own life. Days go by, weeks, months, and you still seem to be in a daze and everything is just meshing together, as though there is no meaning to anything you do anymore. Everyone around you doesn't understand, you talk to friends, family, co-workers, strangers on the internet, a therapist and they all seem to be distant - it's just you and your self-loathing. People may be "there for you", but it's not the same. It's not the same as the comfort you and your ex had together before, when things made sense. The world and all of your achievements seems worthless, nothing is good, all is sad and unwanted. Being unable to eat, sleep, work, or even just have fun without your ex is a challenge in itself; daily tasks become chores, you feel as though they'll be back one day, but that day never seems to come.

 

Then...

 

You've started. You accept that fact that they'll be out of your life, you start to free yourself slowly and willingly. The days seem to get better, you start understanding previous situations and scenarios better. People become interesting again, your friends bring you back into the circle, your family is happy that you're coming out of your shell, co-workers are happy to see you're doing better. You look in the mirror, you once saw yourself as broken but now see healing. Time has gone by, self-improvement has taken place, meeting new people is now a hobby, greeting friends and family with a smile is now occurring naturally, food tastes better, sleep is heavier, you awake without that sharp pain. The skys start to clear, you start becoming the "new" you, you've taken into account the lessons you've taught yourself, you walk out your front door, smiling, happy, once again...

 

I've learned that the healing process is extremely painful but rewarding - learn from your mistakes, don't let them consume your life.

 

Utilize this time to get yourself back - it's the only way to fully forgive yourself and your ex.

[utopie]

You reach a point after your BU, after you hit rock bottom, where you tell yourself "enough already" and just like that you are feeling completely different about it, as if a weight was lifted off your shoulders and you found yourself again.

[Clio]

I have learned that

-I have personal issues from childhood that I need to address. This break up made me come face to face with these and hopefully I can use this to make my life better.

-When you see a partner behaving to other people in ways that you do not like, they are very likely to behave like that to you when things get tough/go bad.

-The things that you are 'sweeping under the carpet' will come back and bite you big time.

-I am responsible for my own happiness. No one else should be made responsible for my happiness.

-Physical distance is a sly relationship killer and that relying heavily in text message communication is a really bad idea.

-Actions speak louder than words. When in doubt look at the actions.

-Never link your self-esteem to another person's behavior.

-Love is supposed to feel good and is not something that continually disappoints you.

-An ex is someone who is different from the person you first fell in love with. In a way, an ex is a ghost of the person you used to love.

-In my next relationship I will look for trust, communication, acceptance, caring, a sense of humor and a common future that is attractive to both.

-Every end is a beginning

[AnnaN]

Never trust anyone, no matter how many times he says he loves you, no matter what he does to show it and prove it. You never know, in a few minutes, this perfect and loving person might be gone and disappear for ever, like he never existed, like nothing had happened between you and him.

 

Cruel lesson, but I've learnt it.

 

I keep learning... the last lesson is my signature quote.

[feenyx]

I've learned a lot about myself, that I am a kind, generous, and wonderful person.

 

I've learned that I was being cheated on once I saw leftovers in my fridge with his name written on one plate, and hers on another.

 

Being cheated on will warrant the cheater to blame you for their actions. But I've learned never to be responsible for people's poor choices. Especially if they are grown men.

 

The moment one could see what had gone wrong, and accept it with peace and serenity, is the moment one is ready to move on.

 

And finally, I've learned not to care when he came crawling back, crying about how dissatisfied he was with the girl he left me for.

[prada]

I learnt that i care too much abt ppl who never cared for me..

[KittyBoo]

I learned that you are not thinking clearly when the break up is fresh and the wound is raw. Only after much time has passed are you able to look objectively at the situation and understand that the break-up was probably the best thing that could have happened even though you didn't see it that way at the beginning.

 

I have also learned never to settle for someone because it is better than being alone.

[hodgeheg]

I have learned not to put someone else's happiness above my own.

 

I have learned that I don't need a partner to validate my existence.

 

I have also learned that other people actually find me attractive because, and this was a shock when I realised, I'm quite good looking

[dansmi12345]

Treat your friends and family like gold, because when everything else starts to go downhill, they're the ones that will be there to help lift you back up.

[prada]

I learnt that everybody lies

[MarmiteCrumpet]

I learned how to perform electronic surveillance and that the police have no sense of humor.

 

That is really good. Just what I needed right now to give me a chuckle.

[Liraele]

I've learned that the only person who can take away your dignity is you. You allow it to happen. You also are the one to reclaim it.

 

I've learned that I may hang on to things I don't actually want or need, just because they are comfortable. Doing so will keep me from growing.

 

I've learned that love, by itself, isn't enough. There has to be more there, and basic common courtesies have to exist for a true relationship to exist.

 

I've learned that a relationship that winds up not working is typically more serious in one person's head than the other, and there are always warning signs that this is the case - and that the person who takes things less seriously typically controls the relationship. Watch the signs, and save yourself some heartache.

 

I've learned that sometimes there aren't answers. Some things just are not meant to be.

 

I've learned you can't make someone listen to reason and logic.

 

I've learned you can't force someone to grow, just as you can't force someone to change.

 

I've learned that what someone thinks of you doesn't matter. It's who you are that matters. So say what you feel, do what you need to in order to find closure, and heal. You are your own best guide. Everything else is filler. You are the one that has to live with your choices, so make them.

 

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry, I have every right to be angry. That doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

 

Lots of learning in this last relationship.

[mhowe]

I learned that I was stronger than I ever imagined.

 

I learned that sometimes, there are no answers --- there are only lingering questions.

 

I learned to trust my heart, instead of my head.

 

I learned, for the first time in my life, the meaning of "patience".