Batya33 Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 My guess is he went to several more years of school than you did and/or worked for more years to earn more than you do (maybe I'm wrong) so even if I bought the "he makes more/he pays more" maybe that woul be so if he won the lottery AND insisted on going to places you couldn't afford on your budget (well if he insists on going to places you can't afford then yes, he should treat or pay more -I do that with friends, too). When I was in an LDR and we flew to each other every two weeks the way I thought it should work was that if we weren't flying on business we each paid our own way for plane tickets and took turns treating each other while there (the way it actually worked was he insisted on paying more but I made sure to buy my own plane tickets 99% of the time -he offered, though). There was no figuring out 50/50 just me trying to keep things roughly equal against his insistence to pay more than his share. Certainly if I had wanted to go out while he wanted to stay in I would have treated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 I personally don't think he is cheap. He didn't want to go out. The girlfriend should have paid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Knows Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 As a guy, I always pay. But it is nice to have your girlfriend pay for something every ONCE in a while! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 The problem for people who earn more and are therefore expected to pay more by the person they are dating is - are they with me for who I am or because I am subsidising them? And men who always pay do so, in my opinion, either because they are on some sort of power/ego trip and need to feel superior to the woman they are dating, or because they are so insecure they feel the only way they can keep a woman interested is by essentially buying their time and attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alezia Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I am of the mind that I like guys to pay in early dating, but I don't consider this guy cheap at all! I would have never expected him to pay for his birthday dinner, and I wouldn't count this as "I paid the last meal" either. I would say it is fair that you pay for the breakfast as you were essentially the person asking, because he was ready to prepare breakfast for the both of you. Even if he does make more money than you, don't push him to go out if you cannot afford to foot the entire bill. I think he was even generous with you by telling you that you should have made your expectations clear. In my honest opinion, he could have told you much worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brightest Dark Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 If you have issues with paying I think you should each pay for your own. Personally I'd prefer doing that than paying 50/50. I'm not on a great wage so know how you feel not wanting to pay 50/50. I would just tell him you want to each pay for your own from now on. It's easier for everyone (even though it means getting a bill each). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xyzzzz Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 i think there is no right or wrong here. it's nothing worng to think more for youself and only pay 50/50 cuz you dont wanna pay more for your partner. but i personally wont date such a guy,especially when he has lots of spare money. (you cant ask him to buy you gift everyday but pay for an occasional date is definitely reasonable) it feels he thinks more for himself than you. unless he' struggling himself or trying to help out his partents or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 i think there is no right or wrong here. it's nothing worng to think more for youself and only pay 50/50 cuz you dont wanna pay more for your partner. but i personally wont date such a guy,especially when he has lots of spare money. (you cant ask him to buy you gift everyday but pay for an occasional date is definitely reasonable) it feels he thinks more for himself than you. unless he' struggling himself or trying to help out his partents or something. What if he wants to save that money for his future childrens' education or save it to take a trip around the world for 6 months before he settles down? I'm not sure how you evaluate what is "lots of spare money" especially these days - do most people have "lots of spare money?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I think it rather arrogant of anyone to think that they have some sort of right to decide what constitutes someone else's 'spare money' and how it should be spent - particularly if they want the money spent on themselves. I think people should keep their sticky little fingers out of other people's pockets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I agree with DN. my husband and I are LD and when comes visits me he pays for the bigger stuff and I pay for the small stuff since he makes more. Like with our wedding i paid everything for the wedding while my husband paid for his plane ticket, hotels, spending money. but we have had this money is my money, my money is his money mentality since we got together. Most people while dating and font have this go Dutch. You pay your way, he pays his. I wouldn't expect a guy to pay half his birthday dinner.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xyzzzz Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 What if he wants to save that money for his future childrens' education or save it to take a trip around the world for 6 months before he settles down? I'm not sure how you evaluate what is "lots of spare money" especially these days - do most people have "lots of spare money?" well i think if a guy has such plans ,his gf can find it out sooner or later unless they dont communicate. or if the gf knows him well enough she can figure it out if the guy is cheap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xyzzzz Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I think it rather arrogant of anyone to think that they have some sort of right to decide what constitutes someone else's 'spare money' and how it should be spent - particularly if they want the money spent on themselves. I think people should keep their sticky little fingers out of other people's pockets. no. who defines what "spare money" is or how to spend their own money is totally up to themselves. one doesnt have the right to decide for another. however if two people have very different ideas about financial things..they probaby shouldnt be together anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scklbad Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Whether he makes more than you or not is irrelevant to whether or not he should pay or you should pay. This is an equal partnership relationship/dating game that may lead to a relationship....not a charity. You can probably guess I am opposed to a millionaire's tax. You should have paid because he was more than happy to stay home, and went out FOR YOU. You paid last tie to pay him back for paying for all of the initial dates, now you are even. As far as who I think should pay in most cases.(not specific to your case here anymore)..I feel it should be a 50/50 split. this is ESPECIALLY true on the first date. Most girls know that they can use the first date to get a free meal, and for this reason, I will never ever pay for a girl on the first date. It also helps to weed out those who are gold diggers and those that actually want to get to know me. This is the 21st century....why should I..a normal human male, have to pay for your( a normal human females) meals? I just don't get it? What exactly do i owe you? I don't now you? Pay fo your own meal, and think of it as an investment to getting to know me...if you have a problem with that syenara. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 ^ Word. Some women use guys as a meal ticket, most guys will pay on the first date. Usually my first dates are either a walk or a cup of coffee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chr8st8na Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Well I think most people are tight with their money nowadays... If you have a lot of bills to pay or you want to save up, you really have to budget. Communicate what your financial worries are before you guys start officially dating. When I was working part time and havin to pay off bills as well as school loans, I always let the guy know he's going to see more homecook meals than going out. The problem is that somehow society have construe this idea that dating is "going out" and we all know when you go out, you spend. If you really wanna date and both of you are tight with your wallets, keep the dates cheap and simple. Actually the best dates I have are the ones at my apartment or his. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chr8st8na Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I understand that seeking those traits are ingrained into your psyche; seeking the protector and provider but again I think there's other ways of acknowledging those traits in a man besides whether or not he pays for your meal. It sounds like you're confirming the age old question, women are gold diggers. I agree that yes there are other ways of acknowledging but unfortunately $$$ does a lot of talking. I think people think that is very gold-diggerish and maybe so depending who the woman is. But be realistic too. Money buys a lot. It buys shelter. It buys food. It buys security. It buys the continuity to rendezvous. It offers one a higher advantage of living a stable comfortable lifystyle and maintaining that in the future. I don't think it's nether wrong or right that a woman expect to see if the suitor can consistently show her that he can provide and protect her. It's always been in the animal kingdom where the male pursue by showing off from his brightest feathers to paying for her dinner. I just think it's unfair and I feel like it's become trite to call a woman a gold digger if she doesn't offer to pay on the first date. Hundred of years of societal conditioning on the male and female roles play a significant part to every aspect and social fabric of communities and societies. I don't see why a man would be so quick to dismiss a female if she expects to go on the first date with him expecting him to pay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scklbad Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 agreed...and the op didnt even pay for the full date the date before...and it was his birthday lol...too prissy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
queenie86 Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 no no no... I did pay for his bday dinner of course, sorry if that was unclear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calichick007 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I think you were wrong. How is it fair for you to pressure him into going out for breakfast, then expect him to pick up the tab? Especially when he was more than willing to make breakfast at home? I also think the fact that you paid the night before is irrelevant. If you were treating him for his birthday, you shouldn't have been expecting any sort of reciprocity the next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 no no no... I did pay for his bday dinner of course, sorry if that was unclear. So was the $70 you spent a separate dinner or the birthday dinner before the breakfast? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 People who claim that thousands of years of conditioning means a man should pay on the first date have a poor grasp of history - not least because dating as we know it is only about eighty years old tops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scklbad Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 no no no... I did pay for his bday dinner of course, sorry if that was unclear. that was a very nice thing you did. 70 dollars especially on your income is very generous..however I meant you made hi pay for the movies. so you didn;t pay for the full date Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I agree that yes there are other ways of acknowledging but unfortunately $$$ does a lot of talking. I think people think that is very gold-diggerish and maybe so depending who the woman is. But be realistic too. Money buys a lot. It buys shelter. It buys food. It buys security. It buys the continuity to rendezvous. It offers one a higher advantage of living a stable comfortable lifystyle and maintaining that in the future. I don't think it's nether wrong or right that a woman expect to see if the suitor can consistently show her that he can provide and protect her. It's always been in the animal kingdom where the male pursue by showing off from his brightest feathers to paying for her dinner. The only things that are realistic are the things that are still here once the money is gone. Just saying. I just think it's unfair and I feel like it's become trite to call a woman a gold digger if she doesn't offer to pay on the first date. Hundred of years of societal conditioning on the male and female roles play a significant part to every aspect and social fabric of communities and societies. I don't see why a man would be so quick to dismiss a female if she expects to go on the first date with him expecting him to pay. Well a lot of things are burned into our minds from societal conditioning, but that doesn't always make those things right, Chr8s. Years ago, women didn't have a right to vote. Or for example, played the role of the stay at home mom. They didn't work. Women did the cooking, cleaning and household chores and the husband worked all day. If we used that rule then you might as well say that this is an acceptable expectation in a relationship. Back then it was and to some it still may be, my personal opinion, it is not. A woman can work and has just as many rights as a man does. So just because everybody else may be doing it, doesn't always mean that it's the right go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scklbad Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 yo know what christina you are right!!!!! Money does buy a lot!!! Great perspective there. it is not wrong at all for one to look for a mate who has money.. In fact I'm going to go out and try to find a nice good looking girl who will give me security at the least, and everything i want at the most. Sounds pretty lame of me to say that huh? 21st century..deal with it....you don't have to take care of me, so im not going to father you. maybe i want a girl who can pay for her own dates so that I don't have to work even harder than Id have to support myself..knowing id have to support her too. if you don't feel capable of buying your own meals christina there is always social services Im just poking fun, but also trying to make a point here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galaxo Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I agree that yes there are other ways of acknowledging but unfortunately $$$ does a lot of talking. I think people think that is very gold-diggerish and maybe so depending who the woman is. But be realistic too. Money buys a lot. It buys shelter. It buys food. It buys security. It buys the continuity to rendezvous. It offers one a higher advantage of living a stable comfortable lifystyle and maintaining that in the future. I don't think it's nether wrong or right that a woman expect to see if the suitor can consistently show her that he can provide and protect her. It's always been in the animal kingdom where the male pursue by showing off from his brightest feathers to paying for her dinner. Try to buy happiness. I will save you some time and money, you cant, so don't bother trying. Then again, maybe you didn't list it because you already know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.