calichick007 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Cali - yea, I am not going to bring up the issue again! I just need to get paid next week and that's it! I may send her this after I get paid - "I guess I have my answer! Wish you showed consideration to be straight up with me! Take care!" But I think that is unnecessary! I would just be feeding het ego! I get paid, I should just walk away! If she isnt into me, she should just leave me alone from here on after. I almost feel like asking her to mail me the check instead of meeting her in person! And when she doesn't answer that text, you'll feel compelled to send another. Which she won't answer. Then another. Repeat cycle. Seriously, it's not worth it. You need to take some time and a BIG step back to objectively evaluate this situation. You are clinging to these tiny bits that you think indicate interest and conveniently ignoring the huge red flags that say otherwise. I agree with Ms Darcy that it is beginning to border on delusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calichick007 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 And consider this, Delancey. You've been posting about this girl all over the internet basically since you met her. The bulk of it is you being anxious, confused, hurt, let down, over-analyzing her every move, complaining about her lying to you/flaking/leading you on/blatantly ignoring you when you contact her or ask her out. This is not something you have to do when a situation is right and the other person is truly into you. It's just not, and you have to know that deep down. The beginning should be the BEST part, not miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dubb Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 He's heartbroke.. it gets every guy once. It's a lesson most men will learn at some point. I can totally understand where he is coming from and why he feels the way he does. His story is actually not uncommon... I'm sure she is aware of her actions but I'm not so sure she really understands how much she can actually hurt a person who is open to really meeting and falling for someone. This is a perfect example of why guys close off the way they do when dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delancey Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 Cali - I just need someone to talk to about this, that's all! I am not making this story up (about how she has been stringing me along). I don't know; I was just so happy to meet someone who is pretty, smart, well educated, similar values as myself! And when she kisses me, she closes her eyes and she gets this smile on her face! I am not delusional, I am just confused and frustrated and it helps me to talk about it. That's all! And yes, she has been stringing me along - I back off and out of the blue, she comes crashing into my life again! She knows i like her, and i doubt she would have done all of these things if she wasnt at all into me! But that is my take on it all! You say, just let her go! I really like this girl and it is easier said than done! But I tried to get clarification by sending her that text! I gave her a perfect opportunity to be honest with me and just tell me how she feels! If she wasn't into me, she had a great chance to tell me! She didn't take it! I think I have explained my viewpoint to you - I am just a kind and gentle guy who got out of a relationship 1 year ago and my dating skills are a bit rusty! And I am sure you have been there too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delancey Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 Thanks Dubb! Whatever happens, this is going to be a learning experience for me - and I'll apply everything that I have learned to my next date! And I have learned a lot! Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calichick007 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I understand your point of view... I just disagree. I don't think you're making any of it up. I just think you are making the classic mistake of conveniently ignoring any negative signs and overinflating anything you view as positive. "She smiles when she kisses me!" "She posted on my FB!" "She asked me to play tennis!" I'm not saying she was never interested at all. But the fact that she might have expressed some small level of interest sporadically over the months does not negate all of the ways she has treated you poorly. Well, for you it does - but it shouldn't. I don't know how many ways to say it, Delancey. There is absolutely no way this woman respects you. She probably contacts you when she is bored/lonely/in need of an ego stroke. You have been chasing her HARD from the beginning. She lies to you, FLAT OUT IGNORES YOU WHEN YOU CONTACT HER AND ASK HER OUT, and has flaked on you more times than you can count. Yet you continue trotting behind her like a desperate little puppy. It is obvious to her at this point that you don't have much respect for yourself, which inevitably leads to her not respecting you. I guarantee that any legitimate interest she may have had in the beginning has since gone down the tubes as she sees how eager you are to continue being walked all over. And again, you keep expecting honesty/integrity from someone who started off showing you that she is a blatant liar and does not care about treating you well. Why? You've placed her on a pedestal, and absolutely nothing about her actions justifies it. Nothing. There is a reason that everyone who reads your threads tells you to leave this woman alone. That isn't a coincidence. It is delusion. I believe you are a kind and gentle guy. You deserve a kind woman, not one who treats you badly. You could have spent the past few months being open to finding a woman who actually cares for you and treats you well, rather than being obsessed over one who probably isn't even thinking about you. Guys are often frustrated by the fact that "good girls" like the emotionally unavailable jerks... your situation is proof that lots of good guys chase the girls who treat them poorly, versus the good girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delancey Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 I agree - this is why I sent her that "direct text." I was not ok with being strung along! I wanted clarification - and I wanted her to tell me she wasn't into me! I think that she has been treating me like this because there is another guy who she likes and I am her backup guy!! Regardless, you're right, it is unacceptable! I feel like telling her something! But I am not, for it will serve no purpose! Please give me some peace of mind and tell me that this text gives me some value and respect after having chased after her like a puppy dog: "I would just like to know because I like to focus on meaningful and positive things in life and I don't want to get emotionally invested or chase after someone who isn't into me !!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motley802 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Guys are often frustrated by the fact that "good girls" like the emotionally unavailable jerks... your situation is proof that lots of good guys chase the girls who treat them poorly, versus the good girls. Its not UNCOMMON that men get strung along. Honestly speaking, lot of guys fall prey to emotionally unavailable girls. I've been in the past. Most of my male friends have been there too. The situation about women is well documented everywhere. However, guys generally don't speak about it. Even when we talk about it to male friends, the common advice that we receive is "strap your balls and don't cry". These forums are amazing. OP will get over it and move on but it will take time. Whenever we are emotionally invested in someone then it takes time to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slimpee Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Please give me some peace of mind and tell me that this text gives me some value and respect after having chased after her like a puppy dog: "I would just like to know because I like to focus on meaningful and positive things in life and I don't want to get emotionally invested or chase after someone who isn't into me !!" I think not saying anything at all would convey value and respecting yourself. Show, don't tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delancey Posted December 12, 2011 Author Share Posted December 12, 2011 The complicated portion now is that she owes me money which I will have to contact her about next week! Ouch!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calichick007 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Please give me some peace of mind and tell me that this text gives me some value and respect after having chased after her like a puppy dog: "I would just like to know because I like to focus on meaningful and positive things in life and I don't want to get emotionally invested or chase after someone who isn't into me !!" I think accepting her silence as her response and not contacting her further about the subject would display some self-respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverFactory Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Delancey... wow man I can't believe this. To be honest I pity you and your situation. You were advised by so many people in your previous thread to forget this girl and walk away. And yet you are here again with another story. I just find it funny how every time some one responds to you you go like 'yeah I have to forget her and move on. life is about learning blah blah blah' and then you go back running to your object of affection like a little puppy. This woman lost her respect for you long time back. Right now I can't even imagine what she must be thinking. I can guarantee that she is having a hearty laugh about you with her girlfriends. I know that most likely you are going to ignore this advice and go back to worshipping that woman but I will give you anyway. SPACE and TIME That's it. That's my advice for you. First you put space between you and that woman and then let time work its magic. After a while you revisit this thread and you will understand how nasty she had been to you while holding you in the palm of her hand. Take care bro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delancey Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 Yes, she does obviously not respect me and does not value me as a person. So it is meaningless for me to continue pursuing her. The only reason why I asked her if she was into me was because she had proposed that we go to the movies sometime next week. I asked her out for Friday, and she said she was going out of town (which i am sure she did). And I just felt like asking her if she was into me, or else I would move on. Point being, I don't think she is laughing at me with her friends. I am just not someone she is into and she doesn't appreciate me enough to tell me straight to my face. And that is lame and unacceptable (her ignoring my last text). She could have just been straight forward with me. W t f? Oh well, I have to move on - this weekend I am going out and making up for lost time spent on someone who isn't into me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Dude, you're letting this woman run you into the ground with all of this back and forth, playing games, hot and cold nonsense. I don't think she respects you. I think she feels she can continually get away with these things because you'll always say yes to her. And she does just enough to keep you interested and on your toes and then she'll pull the rug from under your feet when you least expect it. And the longer you allow her to do this to you, the better and better she gets. She knows how your mind works and she's using that in her favor to continue taking advantage of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delancey Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 Well the good thing is that I confronted her directly about whether she was into me (so her little games are not going to work anymore; I conveyed to her that if she's not into me, I'll move on). I will certainly not be asking her out again. No worries on that part! And I do think she is a game player; she has been playing little games deliberately! - not cool!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motley802 Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Well the good thing is that I confronted her directly about whether she was into me (so her little games are not going to work anymore; I conveyed to her that if she's not into me, I'll move on). I will certainly not be asking her out again. No worries on that part! And I do think she is a game player; she has been playing little games deliberately! - not cool!! Did she say anything after that confrontation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delancey Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 No - I haven't contacted her since Thursday. Lol that's fine though! I just would like her to contact me first so that I don't have to chase after her about getting paid! Oh boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverFactory Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Delancey, always remember this -> NEVER ask a girl how she feels about you. I am not at all surprised that she chose not to respond. Women do not like such direct questions... especially when you are just dating. It puts them in a spot and they don't know how to react and they choose to just remain silent. Just being curious - how old are both of you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delancey Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 Delancey, always remember this -> NEVER ask a girl how she feels about you. I am not at all surprised that she chose not to respond. Women do not like such direct questions... especially when you are just dating. It puts them in a spot and they don't know how to react and they choose to just remain silent. Just being curious - how old are both of you? I know - the only reason why I asked her directly was because we have known each other for three months, and I felt strung along by her (I felt like I was her backup plan). I just figured I would ask her, and she could tell me how she felt about us continuing to date. I wrote, "I would just like to know because I like to focus on things that are meaningful and positive, and I don't want to chase after someone who isn't into me." Her silence is her answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.