Raaawr Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 I think I'm giving you an unbiased and very objective perspective from someone who is not emotionally involved in this. I fully understand your optimism but I believe it will change with time. Her unhappiness is most definitely not your fault. I think you've already taken a chance at getting her back and that you made a mistake in accepting the break. Your best chance is to turn the tables, preserve your dignity and break up with her rather than being stung along while she waffles back and forth and tries to make up her mind. The break was agreed on last week, we were only half way through I had no choice. So if she has no answer for me on Sunday I should just say I cant wait anymore Im sorry? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winniethepooh Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 If you felt you had a chance to get back the one you loved would you not take it? Not necessarily. As it happens, I did feel I might have had a couple of chances with my last ex, but I think a reconciliation at that point would have been short-lived. It was very difficult at the time not to clutch at the straws being dangled, and it's only as time goes on that I feel more confident I did the best thing under the circumstances (although even now, I still feel a strong sense of regret at times). Try not to see comments from us as negative. We're trying to be objective. It's just that it looks like you're in the middle of a minefield ... Read both your topics again, then take a rest from posting for a while (go for a walk or something) Come back to it later or tomorrow. It's draining for you to focus on all this and you'll start to get hung up on details that may not be so important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raaawr Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Meh, maybe you're right. Ill read them again tomorrow. My head is fried, I cried for a while, not even sure why, just overwhelmed I guess. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glowguy Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 The break was agreed on last week, we were only half way through I had no choice. So if she has no answer for me on Sunday I should just say I cant wait anymore Im sorry? You always have a choice. You can refuse to be strung along and just end it with dignity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raaawr Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 You always have a choice. You can refuse to be strung along and just end it with dignity. I dont feel any less dignified for hanging on for 2 weeks to try hold onto 2 years. Im still not sure where exactly this theory of her feeling guilty and stringing me along is coming from. She could have ended it on Monday but she didnt. She could have refused to see me on Sunday but she didnt. I could have gone over there on Sunday and she could have listened to all I had to say and then told me so what? Why ask me to stay? Why invite me to the cinema? I told her it wouldnt be the end of the world if we broke up and id find others. She is stubborn, she does things she believes in regardless of what others think. If she honestly believed she wanted to break up we wouldnt be having this conversation. I understand a relationship is both parts and by no means am I saying she is innocent. She has done some very selfish things over the course of 2 years. I can list them but whats the point? I havent doubted that the most likely outcome is that we will still break up on Sunday. Im not overly hopeful. Hope creeps up on me every now and then but in the overall scheme of things Im not thinking everything will be fine. Theres a chance, not a huge one, but its there, theres doubt in her voice and face when she speaks. I could be delusional but again, Im resigned to the very realistic fact that nothing I can do will be good enough and Sunday is Doom day regardless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raaawr Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Well after reading the forums here all day in work and reading different stories and replying where I felt I could offer some help I have realised that Sunday is pretty much definitely an end point. Im not going to do anything until Sunday. Just sit back and wait it out. I also remembered some things about her that I didnt like and how over the last 3 to 4 months I didnt really have a girlfriend anyway and 4 weeks ago I sat her down to a chat about how I felt I was being treated. I still think i was no where near good enough and I still feel terribly guilty for it. But right now, when sunday comes and she tells me she wants it to end I will look her in the eye, ask her if she is sure this is what she wants? If she says yes, I will mention how we have different ideas of relationships and how I can be happy with her decision. If she wants to try on Sunday I will give it all I got like I said. Im writing this here now so tomorrow if my mood has changed I can look back at it and see why my mood has changed. I dont think she has treated me fairly in this, I sort of brought it on myself but still. I dont think she has tried enough in the last few months, I dont think its fair that she never even gave me a warning and I dont think its fair she is willing to throw away a 2 year relationship so easily. Dont get me wrong I miss her like crazy and I wish she would pick up the phone and call and text me say she is sorry and she wants to try. However, a part of me wants to pick up the phone right now and call her and say its over. So I dont know where I lie right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winniethepooh Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I also remembered some things about her that I didnt like and how over the last 3 to 4 months I didnt really have a girlfriend anyway and 4 weeks ago I sat her down to a chat about how I felt I was being treated. I don't think you would have said this yesterday. If she says yes, I will mention how we have different ideas of relationships and how I can be happy with her decision. How you understand her decision and will respect it by leaving her alone. Up to you whether or not you want to make the point that it's not what you want. If it was me, I would, just to be sure I had no regrets about not being clear. But don't say you're happy about it because you're not. So I dont know where I lie right now. Don't do anything for the moment then. Try and sit it out until Sunday. Keep reading ENA, and posting too if it helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raaawr Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 I don't think you would have said this yesterday. No I wouldnt have. I had completely forgotten I tried to talk to her about my feelings and how I felt things werent going well and she agreed to work with me but now this? Pffft. How you understand her decision and will respect it by leaving her alone. Up to you whether or not you want to make the point that it's not what you want. If it was me, I would, just to be sure I had no regrets about not being clear. But don't say you're happy about it because you're not. I will have no choice but to leave her alone for my own sanity, I cannot do the friends thing, my last girlfriend thought me alot after post break up. But she dropped it on me like a bomb over msn, I had no choice and no chance. Its not what I want, I feel I have made that perfectly clear. She has a page and half long hand written letter that I left with her on Sunday explaining how I want to better myself and make it work. Well if she dumps me out of fear of it not working she isnt the person I thought she was and honestly I will be better off without her. Maybe not happy with the break up, but if she feels its really right for her then I can be happy with it. Don't do anything for the moment then. Try and sit it out until Sunday. Keep reading ENA, and posting too if it helps She deserves to hear anything I have to say face to face. I wont be that guy. I intend to keep reading, it helps. There are so many girls out there that seem so heartless and emotionless but on here there is so many that seem so torn up and sensitive. I thought she was unique in how she was (not counting last 4 months) but it seems she wasn't that unique after all. Plus even the notion that I might be able to help someone from what Ive learned is somewhat satisfying. Plus what some of the people on here have put up with from their partners pales in comparison to what I have done, which just reinforces my opinion she is being unfair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glowguy Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 It sounds like you are starting to pull yourself out of the fog. Of course she did things to contribute to the break up but it's difficult to see that when you get blindsided and you aren't prepared. I think you were reeling and naturally took all the blame yourself. Things are never that simple. Waiting till Sunday sounds like a good plan. It may be difficult to stay composed and refrain from arguing with her but you've done it before. Just ask her point blank if she's thought about it and wants to give it another shot. That's all you need out of the conversation. If she waffles again then you should end it with her (trust me you'll feel much better about yourself if you do). It's unfair for her to continue to waste your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raaawr Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 It sounds like you are starting to pull yourself out of the fog. Of course she did things to contribute to the break up but it's difficult to see that when you get blindsided and you aren't prepared. I think you were reeling and naturally took all the blame yourself. Things are never that simple. Waiting till Sunday sounds like a good plan. It may be difficult to stay composed and refrain from arguing with her but you've done it before. Just ask her point blank if she's thought about it and wants to give it another shot. That's all you need out of the conversation. If she waffles again then you should end it with her (trust me you'll feel much better about yourself if you do). It's unfair for her to continue to waste your time. I can stay calm with her in person no problem. It's in text messages I get angry. Thats always been the worst thing I do. Angry texts in fights. I don't think I can just go up and ask her but I will make it known that I expect an answer. Was on my way out of work and got hit by a massive rush of emotion when I remembered how she used to wait outside for me. Then I remembered last month when I had to lend my dad 600 euro for a family emergency and rent was due in 2 days. So I had to borrow 600 from a friend the night before but I had no way of dropping it into the bank as I start before banks open and finish after they close. I dont really get a lunch break. So I asked her of she could drop it in for me tomorrow. She agreed. She knew I was really stressed about the whole thing. Next morning before I'm about to go to work I asked her if she can drop it in before 10 and she went mad saying I was being inconsiderate by messing up her plans to sleep in and I should have told her the night before about what time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raaawr Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 So on the bus journey on my way home I got to thinking about this whole thing. And Im wondering if the girl I really love has been gone for months and that is the reason I had trouble telling her I loved her. There were times she said it and I seem to remember myself not being able to say it back and that Im actually just upset that the old times we had before are now going to be gone for good with no hope of return and thats why I am upset? Honestly Im so confused, I dont even know where these thoughts came from and Im scared now, not about being dumped but that my actions so far may have been the wrong ones. Honestly I dont know where my head is at. I miss her alot but then do I miss how she has been lately or is it how she was before that I miss? All my fond memories of her are from months ago, all my bad ones are recent. But the panic attacks were real. The desire to be better was real. The crying was real. Am I just bargaining with myself and trying to convince myself I dont care? Are these feelings normal in my situation? On her side everything seems normal, she is updating her facebook, Im not reading it but a friend is telling me, Im worried about her to be honest. But she doesnt even seem to be feeling anything and here I am confused and stressed. Sigh. Although she probably thinks Im feeling nothing as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glowguy Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 It's very possible that she checked out of the relationship months ago and you picked up on it. Women usually think about it long and hard before they pull the trigger to end things. Her accusations might just be a projection of her own feelings. It's really a moot point to obsess about it though. You'll be able to find out where this is headed based on your interaction with her on Sunday. In the meantime just try to relax and focus on yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonOfaBeeSting Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 So what happened on Sunday? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raaawr Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 All in there. Thanks for asking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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