In love with same-sex friend but not gay... and don't know what to do

[emperorob17]

I really wish I could find out of the OP did tell his best friend. I am going through the same thing at the moment with my best friend and it is driving me crazy, I love him so much, it would be weird if we don't speak everyday.

I kinda want to tell him how I am feeling, because I want to know if he feels the same. He's called me his best friend but even calling it a best friendship doesn't seem right, it's like a proper relationship without the sex really. If I found out the OP done it, I think it is something I would definitely muster up the courage to do myself this year.

[AceOfSpades526]

So I found this thread because I have the same exact feelings toward a friend of mine. I think I can sum it up in one word. Bromance. Yes Bromance. You love him so much but you would never want to do anything sexual. It's how I feel with my friend. I met him 3 years ago. There is no doubt in my mind that he is my best friend. He likes to say he doesn't consider anyone his "best" friend and I'm fine with that because he still does show his appreciation for our friendship. I met him online in World of Warcraft I'm now moving near him and going to the university near him. Yea i wanted the education but I really just wanted to be closer to my best friend. Where I currently live there is just nothing for me here. Like someone else mentioned, I do get depressed a lot and very sad when I'm not around him. I have taken many trips up to see him and every time I leave I'm so sad I literally cry on the drive home So for me moving near him I know will make me happier. He always says he can't wait for me to move and that makes me so happy. I have never really had a best friend like him. I put this friendship above many things but it's what makes me happy in life. Spending time and hanging out with him have been some of the best moments in my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm actually a few years older then him but me and him both agreed who cares. We are friends and his family is pretty cool about it and has always invited me up to stay. I do love him but it's nonsexual, yea sometimes I treat it like a "relationship" and he has pointed that out to me but it's hard sometimes when you really love someone. I do understand where he is coming from so I have tried to stop making it seem like a "relationship." I would never want our friendship to become sexual. I fear i would hurt him emotionally. I guess what I'm trying to say is I know EXACTLY how you feel and it's okay. I love that I have him as a friend and it makes me so happy. My old friends from high school treated me like crap and when I met my best friend over WoW it was like some kind of God send. After getting to know each other better it just became obvious that we would make good friends. He knows I care a lot about him and I honestly don't know exactly how he feels but all I know is he likes being friends and he was the one who wanted me to move up and that was enough to put a smile on my face. I do at times feel like he doesn't like me because he doesn't tell me all the time that he likes me as a friend and we don't talk as much as we used to but that's because we can only talk on our computers and he likes to go out and do stuff and he wants me to be able to hangout with him all the time(hence moving up) So I've learned to have more trust in him. I think of all the good times and how they out weigh the bad times where I have gotten mad because he wasn't talking to me and it makes me realize that I'm crazy for thinking he doesn't like me. I had dreams where I see a future where me and him our neighbors living with our wives and our kids hangout and play together it's really a nice thought. I'm sorry you don't live close to your friend but if you love him like I love my friend maybe you should think about moving. Sometimes you gotta take a risk in life. I'm completely moving away from home to be closer to my best friend and I'm not looking back. I see a bright future and a happy future and I trust him and I trust my decision. I wish you the best of luck OP and I want you to know you are not alone. I wish other people could experience this kind of love for friends. Maybe the world would be a different place. Here's to a bright and happy future!

[lukeb]

It doesn't look like you have any kind of a commitment from this guy, it does look like you have committed to this guy, and that makes it really a one sided relationship. That is how I see is essentially the problem here. It is pretty easy for this other guy to be your friend, because you'd do anything for him, and there is no expectation really for anything in return except to hang out and be your friend. I am not seeing anything in your post to suggest that he has this love for you. I cant help to think that you are setting yourself up for some heartache in the future when he finds a girlfriend (or boyfriend) whom he will love and commit to.

[AceOfSpades526]

It doesn't look like you have any kind of a commitment from this guy, it does look like you have committed to this guy, and that makes it really a one sided relationship. That is how I see is essentially the problem here. It is pretty easy for this other guy to be your friend, because you'd do anything for him, and there is no expectation really for anything in return except to hang out and be your friend. I am not seeing anything in your post to suggest that he has this love for you. I cant help to think that you are setting yourself up for some heartache in the future when he finds a girlfriend (or boyfriend) whom he will love and commit to.

I saw what you mentioned in another post "I would forget the whole thing, be a friend, be a good friend, you can't really expect anything more from him." I think that basically sums up my situation. I really can't expect anything else. So I'll just be a good friend. I'm cool if he starts dating someone. I'll have to be at least. I want him to be happy. Friends should be happy for their friends.

[Ten10]

I know the OP hasn't logged on for 18 months, but I wanted to respond, if not for him, than for everyone else who has posted on this thread expressing similar feelings. I believe you when you say you're not gay.

 

OP, thank you firstly for posting this. Reading about your relationships with your best friend has helped me reconcile my own feelings about mine. I understand the curse. Sometimes you don't want to be thinking about him, and don't want to be depressed if you're not together.

 

I have had a best friend as close as the one you describe for about 12 years. We met at the beginning of college and became close immediately. When he got his first girlfriend at the end of freshman year,

I hated her guts, and I had a hard time figuring out why. I wasn't sexually attracted to him in any way, but as you describe it -- and as I've often thought about it -- being trapped on a desert island with him wouldn't be so bad. We have such a deep personal and emotional connection that whenever we get together we just stay up all night talking, or when he calls me up, we'll chat for like 3-4 hours and it won't feel like any time has passed. And we're both very shy people. So why did I hate this girlfriend so much? Well, she was a selfish *****, which was the reason I used, but she was also beautiful, smart, and fun. The things I loved most doing with my best friend were totally random. I'd wake up in the morning and not know what kind of adventure we'd be having that night. He had a similar relationship with her, and it drove me crazy because she could give him sex in addition to anything I could, and he kind of put her ahead of me. I was crushed, I know it's not rational, but I just wanted my friend back. Now, this was his first love, and when they broke up I was there for him, and no girl since has he been so infatuated with, so they never felt like a threat to our relationship.

 

It's not so much that I'm selfish, it's that my friend is single-threaded. He can do one thing really well, and two things horribly, so my wish more than anything was that he could balance both of us. But this might be a bit off topic.

 

I totally understand what you're saying about being happy when you're with him, and sad when you're away. The last time I went to visit, I started sobbing in the train station after he left because I missed him so badly. I haven't sobbed since I was a boy. I live 200 miles away and am married with children now -- all of whom I love very deeply, but the connection with my best friend is different and deeper in some ways. Buy honestly, two men have the potential for having so much more in common than a man and a woman do. It's only natural that you could happen.

 

So do not fret. You can love a woman madly and have a great life with beautiful children, I assure you.

 

I think the heart of what you feel is insecurity. You mentioned that you guys "broke-up" for a year -- my friend and I did too, and so I know it's possible and it's scary to me (even though it was my fault). I used to feel great when my friend texted me, or called me up, but if he didn't respond to a text, or didn't answer the phone, I would wonder if was avoiding me -- or maybe just focused on something "more important" than me. Now, this was NEVER true, but the friendship is so important to me that even the thought of that made me sick. And I think you want to know if you have the same effect on him, because if you do, you'll never be replaced. I also worry about coming on too strong. I don't want to be a dramatic *****, because quite honestly I'm a pretty easy-going guy, and I've had the wife yell at me for something stupid like not reading a text and thought to myself how crazy she sounded. I know making him see me like that could be a friendship-killer.

 

So how did I feel better in the end? One way was feeling better about myself and self-worth. And thinking to myself how unlikely it was that we'd ever stop being friends. I am obsessive and overly analytical, and that can make things very difficult. I also started taking anti-depressants -- that was what truly "broke the spell" when I first moved away, because I was so sick about not being near him anymore. He also doesn't share his feelings like I do - he's a bit more macho -- which is also a huge problem in society, because even if you have no problem with being gay, you still don't want to be perceived as it. Nevertheless, when we've been drunk he's told me he loved me, and even after living apart for years, we are still as close as ever, so I take comfort in knowing that we've stood the test of time. Just to reiterate, neither of us are gay or sexually interested in one another, but I can honestly say, as you do, that we love each other.

 

So to you, I say a few things: first, cherish that you have what few men on this planet do: a brother of your own choosing who you love and who loves you back. Second, don't smother him -- if he says he loves you and doesn't have this sort of relationship with anyone else, then it's probably true. This type of love is so rare that I don't think you have to worry about him finding someone else to take your place. Thirdly, consider meds for self-image and obsessive tendencies. Once I did this I was able to appreciate the warmth and love of the friendship without constantly obsessing over it. Be secure about it -- and just because he is doesn't mean he feels anything less for you than you do for him.

 

Thank you again. I hope you read this and it helped at least someone here

[Bending]

Hey,

 

I am so glad someone feels the same way I do. I have met my best friend two years ago. The first time I saw him something happened to me on the inside that was unexplainable. I was going through somewhat of a rough time then and he helped me out so much and since then we have remained close. Really close.

 

Anyways we had gotten to be so close. Every time were together its like the rest of my cares, worries, and even the world seems to melt away. When were apart I am constantly thinking about him. I am wondering what he's up to. In think about him so much it interrupts my day to day life.

 

We are able to openly tell each other we love one another. I am so thankful for this, because its so true.

 

Also I don't feel gay. I just love him beyond anyone I have ever met. And I can relate to you love that doesn't really have to do with anything sexual. Though I can honestly say I would love to spend the rest of my life with him. We're close beyond words. And I'm still trying to figure this out.

 

I do want to tell him exactly how I feel. I think I owe it to myself, and things have gotten out some that has made out relationship somewhat awkward and painful.

 

I do also get depressed when were are away for long periods of time. It's like I withdrawal from his presence.

 

I really hope for a moment we can openly tell each other exactly how we feel. I really think it would give my thoughts comfort because my mind has been racing around this subject for so long. Happiness. Bliss. Fear. Anger. Love. And warmth are all the emotions that I feel. All the time. I really think we owe it to each other to open up truly instead of dancing around the subject.

 

Again I am really happy to know that there is someone there that knows these emotions an is in a similar situation.. I do also think that you should tell him. The closeness that you feel may be because the both of you have the same thoughts and energy. I hope that you guys can express your selves the way that you want to, as do I. It really starts to hurt bottling up such strong emotions.

[ibijc2010]

I am really glad to see that my post helped people out. Yes it has been almost two years since I made that post LOL.

 

An update on my situation is there is no update, as far as me telling him. I decided to bottle my emotions in and not tell him. I have seen him at least six times since I made this post, but have not yet told him. One a couple of occasions, I have gotten really drunk and told him that I loved him; but the next day I told him it was a joke. Most recently, me and him went on a trip together--just the two of us. When we were making hotel reservations he insisted on getting two beds and insisted on going to a hotel that wasn't "extremely nice" because he didn't want people to think we were gay. He kept saying that.

 

Allegedly, I got so drunk I confessed to him that I was in love with him--in his native language which creep-ed him out (might I note that he was the one who spoon-fed me the alcohol). He then, for whatever reason recorded what I said on his iPhone and said that I was really creepy that night and he was afraid I was going to rape him (which was ludicrous, I would never do that). He also claims that I tried to sleep in the same bed with him despite the fact we had two beds in our room. Oddly enough, he still wants to be friends with me and despite me getting mad at him in a hungover/drunken rage, he still was OK with everything. Oddly enough he also helped me take a shower--according to his own admission. I also remember waking up in the bed he was sleeping in, despite the fact he alleges I slept in the other one.

 

But the situation is about to become more complicated. I have a very good job and he wants to move back to Phoenix to work for the company I work for--and room with me. I don't know what to do.... time is drawing near where he is going to move and I am worried it will only make my feelings worse.

 

My plan is to tell him soon; I am really nervous and don't know how he is going to respond when I soberly sit him down and tell him the truth....

[irishapple]

Re read what you have posted. He is not interested in anything more than friendship and has made that perfectly clear from your post. He wants separate beds, does not want to mistaken for being gay, thinks you were going to rape him? (ridiculous claim on his part) and has said he felt 'creeped out'. Through all of this he has still remained friends where as some people may have just upped and walked away from all of this. If you do go ahead and tell him its bye bye relationship. Meet other men. When I was 19 I was in the same boat and then I went out and met other men (friendships, shags etc) and then I met a wonderful man when a few months ago who I love to bits (Im now 30). You are setting yourself up for a fall. It would appear you are in love with the idea or fantasy of being with your friend but as for him, thats another ball game....

[dhaynes0412]

This situation or relationship is anything but healthy. It sounds confusing and stressful. You have a good job and the last thing you need is to complicate your life this way. You say you obsess about him and it effects your day to day living..how do you thing this will effect your work performance? You and your stability come first. I don't really want to comment on him, I am focused on your health. You are not sexually attracted to him...if I understand this correctly, but you say you are in love with him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. In love or romantic love has a strong sexual element to it. What he has done for you is to fill some need within your soul and you are confusing it with romantic love.

 

Disconnect from this person and if you cannot do that I would really think seriously before having him move in with you or even work at your company!!! This will end badly for the both of you...mainly YOU! Count on that. Good luck

[freespirit1988]

I'm going through a similar situation in my life. I'm a female and my best friend is also female. I'm in love with her but not in a sexual way. I would never even want to be in a relationship with her. I just enjoy her presence in my life. She makes me so happy. I can't even descibe how how happy she makes me. She has always been such an amazing friend to. She is such a kind hearted and very giving person. It's seems like simetime she came straight from heaven. I don't see her a lot because we both live far apart we do talk a lot on the phone or texting. We had a few obstacles in our friendship. There was a time we went an entire yr without seeing or speaking to each other. It felt felt like the hardest year of my life. I was sad everyday because I missed her so much. I prayed every night and day for God to fix our frirndship. I honestly think God did answer my prayers because my best friend and I are closer than we have ever been. I wish I could find an easy way to tell her how I really feel. I'm just afraid of losing her. I literally would have a broken heart. I love her so very much. It kills me inside because I so badly want to have this talk with her. This is the hardest issue I have ever had to deal with and I just dont know what to do about it.

[irishapple]

Thats the female equivelant of a bromance...

[lukeb]

What is really happening as far as I can tell is that they are settling for the best they can get with their friend. They would be better off disconnecting with their friend and finding someone who can actually love them. We all don't deserve any less.

[henryk]

Hey!

 

As others have said, thanks for sharing your experience.

It has helped a lot of guys including myself to understand that this kind of feelings happen to others too and are normal. I think it's a PRIVILEGE to be so close to someone in a world that is full of stereotypes and superficial relationships.

 

Wish you all the luck on your future and never lose this close real friendship you have.

[me and only me]

I have read this thread and i am also in a similar position. I have also had a number of relationships with females and am dating a female at the moment. Me and my best mate (as i see him) speak every day on the phone for at least r 5 minutes. Its just a quick chat to make sure we are both are OK. I told him how I fel in 2011 and he felt the same too! He is married now with a daughter and I just want him to be happy. I have always and will be there for him forever. He has rang me at 0300am in the morning many times and even stopped at my house because he had a huge bust up with his miss's (nothing to do with me!). I have stayed up with him and have always listened to him without ever judging him. I would give my life for him and would shout if from the rooftops. I have even excused myself from meetings, stopped my work, excused myself from parties/huge events (only briefly!) to speak to my best mate. I think the world of him and he feels the same way. I could never get bored of him. We are both straight and still talk about women however both know that we will always be there for each other and no one and nothing will come between us. People can think what they like it does not bother us, what bothers us is what we both think of each other! I always say "love you to bits bro" at the end of every conversation because i do! Relations like this should be cherished, valued and above all be preserved because people who care so much for you you need to hold onto with both hands! Just because our bond does not have a label does not make us gay, we are both straight but we love each other on a level that cannot be explained. It is a bromance that I am not ashamed of and never will be.

[irishapple]

I am about to go on a few days holiday and can I just say your post was lovely on the topic Gave me a ring spring in my step mate

[ckshou]

I'm in sort of a similar position with the guy 2 posts above - I'm a guy currently in a serious relationship with a girl (long distance) and I have my best friend whom I'd do anything for. We're not that expressive with our feelings for each other but it shows clearly enough through our thoughts and actions. We got to know each other through martial arts and because of it we see each other a minimum of 3 times a week every week. On top of that, we text everyday, and I often worry about his well-being (he has a few minor but nagging health issues). The extent of my love for him is that I really, really want him to be happy in life - somehow, and I don't really know why, his happiness would just mean a lot to me. He's currently single but has dated before and you could say he's actively looking. He's a bit shy and can be slightly awkward when it comes to approaching girls though hahaha and on some instances I've helped him out on that. I wouldn't say that I love him equally or more than my girlfriend, because I'm not sexually attracted to him and to me that kind of love is not whole, but I really do care for him a lot. I'll be moving away soon to settle in another country with my girlfriend and saying goodbye to my best friend would definitely be the hardest thing to do when I go. I don't yet know how I will handle it emotionally when the time comes, and I dare not even entertain the thought if it for now...

 

As for the OP, I don't think there's a real need to be so explicit with your best friend about it, because to me, how you've cared for each other throughout the years already speaks volumes about your love for each other. And the other thing is, unless I've missed something, your confession will not be the means to any perceivable "end". Once you know that he loves you back in the same way that you do, will you move on with your life and dedicate more focus to other aspects of it? Will you feel less jealousy when he finds someone to spend more time with? If you love him unconditionally and want him to be happy, you have to accept that your love for him is not and will never be enough, and vice versa. Maybe then too will you be able to set yourself free. I wish you all the very best and like some others have said, cherish this bond with your best friend because it doesn't happen everyday and it doesn't happen to everyone

 

As a final note, I thought I'd share this particular quote from the Dalai Lama (one of my faves) regarding the difference between compassion and attachment:

"I would like to explain the meaning of compassion, which is often misunderstood. Genuine compassion is based not on our own projections and expectations, but rather on the rights of the other: irrespective of whether another person is a close friend or an enemy, as long as that person wishes for peace and happiness and wishes to overcome suffering, then on that basis we develop genuine concern for his or her problem. This is genuine compassion. Usually when we are concerned about a close friend, we call this compassion. This is not compassion; it is attachment. Even in marriage, those marriages that last only a short time do so because of attachment – although it is generally present – but because there is also compassion. Marriages that last only a short time do so because of a lack of compassion; there is only emotional attachment based on projection and expectation. When the only bond between close friends is attachment, then even a minor issue may cause one’s projections to change. As soon as our projections change, the attachment disappears – because that attachment was based solely on projection and expectation. It is possible to have compassion without attachment – and similarly, to have anger without hatred. Therefore we need to clarify the distinctions between compassion and attachment, and between anger and hatred. Such clarity is useful in our daily life and in our efforts towards world peace. I consider these to be basic spiritual values for the happiness of all human beings, regardless of whether one is a believer or a nonbeliever."

[patrokolis]

In reply to the original post, thanks dude. I've waited a long time to hear someone who's been through exactly the same thing. I thought I was either alone or crazy.

 

You see I have a friend just like this. I met him at grad school in my mid twenties and pretty much knew straight away we would become awesome friends. However I could never have known how deep the connection would be, how on earth could I? Theres nothing I can compare it to.

 

He is basically the best friend I've ever had. I also feel he is the closest thing to a genius i've personally ever met. It felt like we became close, very quickly. In the first few months we admitted more than once, we love each other, without alcohol. I can say he's pretty much the only man I've ever loved. I feel that there is nothing I couldnt talk to him about or that he couldnt ask me and vice versa. Just like the first post, the friendship got so intense I found I became jealous over any one else he got aquainted with. For me, It didnt matter whom, friend or lover, male or female. I kept this inside but it shocked the hell out of me. I felt a bit like I was walking a knifes edge the whole time. I totally understand the first posts comment that this type of bond feels like a shackle of some sort.

 

I actually couldnt handle it and walked away from the friendship. We didnt speak or see each other for over a decade. I can't tell you what that separation did. I thought I could simply move on and put it behind me. 15 years after I still cried when I thought about loosing our friendship. Worse still, i couldnt talk to anyone about it. I felt no one would understand how or why I was so close to my best mate. So I had to deal with it alone. To be honest even I find it hard to get my head around this situation. We recently got back in touch and I feel exactly the same as I did. The crazy thing is we are both straight guys. He is happily married. W'eve never done anything remotely sexual with each other. To be honest the thought of doing so hasn't ever crossed my mind. He is way more important to me than that. His happyiness is is my main concern and I love the fact he has found a wife who he is now devoted to.

 

I understand exactly what you mean about knowing you wont love your future wife the same. And ill tell you why I know -because I couldnt cope with being any closer to another human being. I suspect that what I feel goes beyond either a best mate or even a brother. Ive never felt like this for any sexual partner or anyone else. Its in a category of its own. And I dont have the slighest desire to sleep with him either for those who are suspecting so.

 

My advice to the first post is try not to worry about your friend reciprocating. He loves you, if he didnt, you wouldnt feel the way you do. Also be glad about the bond, shackles and all. You are extremely lucky to have known this. Its platonic love in the greek sensej.. It doesnt happen to everyone and not everyone who experiences it can handle it. Trust me, I thought I had lost it and I have never felt so alone. But one thing I have learned is that if you are lucky enought to know it, there is no denying. It is eternal. All the best.

[irishapple]

What a wonderful post

 

I have close friends like that, I would never have any desire to sleep with them but can understand what you are saying!

[Im ALIVE1607309243]

actually i want people to know my problem.... it's like yours but in a different way...dont judge me as gay..pls ...just..a piece of advice...................

i'm in love with a guy and im a guy...well my friends tease me whenever im with him cuz im always next to him during periodicals...whenever i try to study , my friends tease me,,and guess they always ask me wether im in a relationship with him...they said they wouldnt judge me if im like this,,,but in a fact im not really in love with him,,,but during these past months i started to fall in love with him due to the fact that when my friends tease me I start to develop and when im being teased ...i think he does it on purpose .........well he would.....try to kiss me or giggle me (in a teasing manner).When i realized im falling for him...i started to think wether what im doing was right or wrong.......nights ive spent thinking about him and i couldnt get him out of my mind...as well as the whole class would tease me . after summer vacation i was assigned to another class . and then he would stop starring at me during those times when we were friends....he was with a relationship with someone but he broke up with her due to the fact that he is in love with another person...and everyone doesnt know who for the fact........ ve spent crying for months ... i couldnt tell me family why because i am afraid they wouldnt understand me.....one thing that made me strong ....he would just smile at me whenever i would pass by him.....IM MADLY IN LOVE WITH THAT GUY!!!!!!but im setting my love with him right now due to the fact that im still young and i still have a lot to do before facing this problem...i aint cutting my connections with him...im still in love with that bastard ...and i would do everything for him to notice me is a piece of advice you should be friend with that person and know him better even if he is your bestfriend...and if you find out your feelings for him just shout to the world your anxieties and you have only 2 choices if you love him fight for him,if you only love him as a friend dont give a damn about problems and spend your whole with him as being your bestfriend...well thats all i could say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!glad ive reached out my feelings to others!

[SammyD21088]

It seems to me that even though you say that you love him, that you are "in love" with him because he has been such a good friend for so long. So I think that you are definitely not in love with him, but are attracted to him because you two are the best of friends.

[jalek24]

I felt the same way you do with you friend.

I have this friend that I always have a good conversation with him. Like, sometimes he tells me something, and he can't finish his sentence, and I usually finish it for him.

We're close. And I like being around him. And I sometimes jealous that he spends time with someone else. But I never told him that. At first, I don't get what happen. But after a while, I get upset not seeing him for a few days. Then goes out with someone. Even though, I'm fine with it. But part of me is not sure. I never thought of him in a sexual way.

And after that, I decide to go away. Not from him, but I need time out to think. And I can't work anything out with him leaving in the same city as me. I spend sometimes alone. But something I never expect happen. Out of everyone I know, the only one person I wanna see and talk to is him. Like, I want to see him, or just hear his voice.

During my time away from him, I guess, the feeling I have is missing him. So I call him, but learning that he'll be leaving the country before I even come back. I'm 15 hours away from him, and knowing that he's leaving makes me miss him more. I want to tell him what I feel, but I don't even know it myself either.

The first few hours on the way back home, I admit to myself that I kinda have a feeling for him. When I come back home, I go to the places I spend with him. And do all kind of things we do. But this time, I do them alone.

Despite everything, I still don't know how I really feel about him. Then I decide to write down my feeling. The result is "I don't know" a day seems very long for me. That's went I know that I love him.

I decide to write again. I admit it that I love him, but as a friend (But never want to be with him other than a friend kind of way)

Then, again, my feeling for him doesn't stop there. I start thinking about him more than a friend.

I've written about what I feel more often then I expect it. But I know that I love him more than friend now.

And, yes, I still like girls. I still wanna marry a girl, and have kids with her one day. But I also know I wanna be with him (I know things will never work out, but I really don't care like I used to)

I don't know if he would go out with me if I ask, but I know he would consider. And I know we can always be friends, no matter what happens.

[Sur Yas]

I experience the same thing but I am lesbian and the woman I was in love and she was in love with me was straight it took her a lot of time to accept those fleeing and it is know too late for us since I am very afraid to trust her (because of my own issue I have great difficulty in trusting some one especially in romance) so listen to my advise tell him your feelings if you really are intending to spend rest of your life with him as lover otherwise just keep it silent. good luck

[FriendsWithEx]

I know this post is from 2 years ago, but someone else has apparently since revived the topic, because it was on top.

 

Anyway, I clicked on this and read the story and read the responses because this seems to have hit SO close to home. I've only read the first page, so I don't know if the story advances further, but he sounds just like my straight friend. I'm bisexual, yet I feel as though my straight friend likes me more than a straight guy should like another guy. It's interesting to see someone in the same boat. When I have more time later, I'll have to read all 10 pages of this. xD

[madelin]

HI I just read this and I don't know how old this is, But I think I might be of help or if not help, I am someone in the same situation. I feel exactly how you feel.

I am girl in college and I have a best friend for whom I love more than I will ever love anyone else. We met in junior year of high school and immediately we had a connection that was stronger than anything else I've ever had. I've wanted to spend every second with her and I miss her when shes not with me for even an hour. We have talked about how strong our connection is, even with both of us being sober. We tell each other we miss each other and this is different than the "i miss you" that friends do. I won't see her for an hour or two and she will text me "i miss you". We've actually talked about how we act like we are in a relationship and she refers to us as "soul friends". She tells me shes loved me more than shes ever loved any boyfriend or anyone in her life. She understands me completely and makes me happier than anyone. I am straight. I've never EVER thought about girls in a sexual way, I've had many close friends throughout the years and I've never been attracted to them nor have I had the same connection as I have had with my best friend. We fight a lot over the same thing. Its usually when one of us jokes wrongly about trusting each other and the other person freaks out. We are both afraid of losing each other. I would do anything for her, I want to spend everyday with her till I die. I want her to be by my side through everything and honestly I don't know if I'll ever feel like that with a guy. I've always had problems with commitment with boyfriends in the past. However, I do imagine myself marrying a dude, not a girl like my best friend. At least I don't think so. It scares me to think about it. I don't know how I feel. It is simply indescribable. I've tried to figure this out and imagine my best friend sexually, but I cannot. Or maybe I do and I don't want to I DON'T KNOW! She is very beautiful. She'll joke with me all the time about being lesbian. She sends me little notes and she hits on me all the time--joking of course. She sends me these flirty texts and they make me feel good but its just because I know shes joking. We say "i love you" more than we say hello. Her parents have thought she was gay--with me-- and we always laugh about it. Its one big joke between us however sometimes I convince myself that the joke hurts. When she talks about how hot another guy is, I feel a little, just a little bit jealous. I couldn't have sex with her though. If she tried I guess I would let her, but I would never bring it up. If she kissed me I would kiss back but she would never do that. I don't know. I feel the same connection you feel. It drives me crazy. I'm in love with her.

[khazaddum]

Yes, this is an old thread but still active and the OP is still active in it as well.

 

TO THE OP I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU!

 

I have the EXACT same thing with my best mate, and I have been trying to find someone who's got it as well and miserably failed until I found this thread with guys relating their similar experiences and suddenly the world seems a damn better place.

 

In my experience, the worst thing you can do is to repress your feelings because they will end up surfacing at the wrong moments in the wrong way (believe me) and just increase the "awkwardness". That happened to me after resolving that that was the way to go. Wrong.

 

Then one day, via chat actually (which provides with a more controlled environment), after he was reproaching my very questionable conduct, I just said "You are the best person I know and I love you, like a brother, no...more than like a brother. And I would do anything for you."

I was expecting to have no response from him or just a "..." but instead he replied: "You have been weird lately, and have hurt me, but I deal with it because I understand you and above all because I love you just as much, man. I don't want to lose you, you are of the best people I know of, and my best friend. Believe it or not, I have to say it, you are." He ended it with "I love you brother, please never forget it."

 

After that, being able to say "I love you brother" to my friend is the best aspect of my life... It is a blessing and a gift and I will never doubt his feelings. Yes, we both have girls (he is more stable with them though, which makes me jealous, I have to admit). But the single most important relationship in my life is with my friend, and I don't see that changing.

 

The world needs to change, while I was googling "I love my best friend" the results were "I want to have sex with my friend""I am falling for my friend""How to acknowledge being gay?"

What the hell? Why do we always have to associate love with sex? It is a SAD thing to behold.

 

I just want to sit down, grab some beers and watch TV with my best friend and feel the peace of mind that comes with it, joke, talk about girls, music, life.

 

So, congratulations OP! You have something that not many 1) have 2) have the courage to admit 3) do research about and write that post which has made my day.

 

My advice? Make your feelings known, chat has worked wonders for me and do not expect him to reply PLEASE, just "give" him the information and make him happy. He probably won't reply with what you expect, it took years for my friend to hit it, but he says that it's always been that way (just hard to say, due to the "awkwardness").

If you don't want to make them known, then work on your trust towards him and believe that he loves you just as much, he probably does but is not comfortable with saying it, and that is respectable and doesn't undermine your friendship in the slightest bit. Be proud of yourself and don't label your situation other than with the word friendship.

 

Cheers! and Thank You!

 

(sorry if this is thread is too old, I had to say this).