In love with same-sex friend but not gay... and don't know what to do

[abitbroken]

I have never heard of ANYONE masturbating on someone's leg "as a joke." Peeing maybe if they are extremely immature and crude (and that's really rude and gross(, but if someone is exposing themselves and masturbating on your leg - or are grinding you or whatever, if they are not a flasher/exhibitionist, it means something. People just don't do that "as a joke". Its like a young person pulling the hair of someone they like in school because they don't know how to express how they feel. They just are trying to get that other child or teen's attention.

 

Plus, the fact remains that I want to have kids some day and get married (even if I don't necessarily love the woman).

 

How is that healthy?? marriage and children come from the love of a couple for eachother. I think that you are expressing that you can never feel satisfied or feel deeply for the right woman because you feel you would be cheating on this friend or at least REFUSE to love anyone else deeply or even be open to it. How is that fair to anyone? So, basically what you are saying that you want a closeted relationship and then have some pretend wife to pop out kids for you? It will end in divorce when your wife feels unloved and you tell her she is right, you never loved her.

 

Please stay single if you intend to put a woman through that. If you feel you would be an excellent father and sincerely love children, there are many kids in this world in the foster system who would love to have a loving, supportive dad.

[FathomFear]

Plus, the fact remains that I want to have kids some day and get married (even if I don't necessarily love the woman).

 

I appreciate your sentiment that you don't believe you're gay and sexually attracted towards men, as it very well might be the case, but I would encourage you to at least keep an open mind to the fact that you might be closeted to some degree. Although I openly identify as gay now, my coming out process was rather lengthy and arduous. I probably spent 1-2 years telling myself similar things that what you've said in this thread. That I only "appreciated" guys, wanted to be them, was drawn to them platonically, etc, and that I had to marry a woman and have kids and live a "normal" life. In the end this was just a stage of denial for me. Again, while this might not be your situation I would still encourage you to keep an open mind about it. You really never know where you'll be 5-10 years from now.

[Honey Pumpkin]

You know what? I was thinking this - I am straight and have never been sexually attracted to women. But if I met someone I felt intense love for who happened to be a woman (the way you describe), I would explore whether I could have a meaningful relationship with them, I hope. Because labels don't matter, but I think this sounds like it could be a very good relationship for you. I would explore it. There is such yearning in your posts and your languagel; maybe you're not gay or bisexual, but maybe you could have a full relationship with this person. I don't know.

[ibijc2010]

I really don't know what you mean by "where you are going with this" or a "journey that I can go on". I don't need to go on a journey with anything-- other than to find out how to resolve this issue with my friend.

 

 

 

A couple of things to address here. First of all, people do weird things like that all the time. If you were a guy you would hear stories of guys doing weird things in gym locker rooms and some guys are just hypersexualized where they joke about weird things like that. During that phase of our lives, he was just weird-- but he was not gay or bisexual-- he is very heterosexual as am I (we both talk about sex with women and think about sex with women, not men [at least I don't, I can't get inside his head but I doubt he does either]) so while I don't exactly know why he did that odd behavior, he said it was a joke, and I believe him.

 

As far as me marrying-- marriages are "arranged" and entered into for non-love reasons on a VERY common level. Gold-diggers in Scottsdale marry guys all the time for money and financial security, and many marriages are entered into where the couple isn't truly in love with each-other (couples marry for many reasons-- security, money, fame, breeding, etc-- true love is one reason, but not the only reason). The reason I want kids is because I want to pass off my genetics-- that is evolution-- the goal of human evolution and the driving force behind human sex drive (according to many scientists) is that males tend to want to pass on their genes and create another generation. I want children at some point for that reason-- and it just seems to be the socially acceptable thing to do-- and as everyone knows a majority of people tend to do things and act within social norms because society dictates to us how we are supposed to act. I do not follow everything but I do try to follow social norms to the fullest.

 

But the bottom line is, that I really feel that I just want him to feel the same way about me as I do about him-- and I think I would be satisfied. That's really it. I don't need to be around him all the time (although I do very much enjoy every moment I spend with him), and at that point I wouldn't care about if he got married or etc, I would just know that no matter what he feels the same--whatever emotions--that I do.

[lukeb]

There is an added danger that you can't really define the relationship in such a way as to get him to make a real commitment that would satisfy your needs. In the end all you are asking is for him to be a friend, free to make other friends, to get married raise a family etc. I would forget the whole thing, be a friend, be a good friend, you can't really expect anything more from him.

 

^^ This was really the more important point I was trying to make. ^^

 

About wanting to know how he feels about you, well that is really an age old question isn't it? It is not something you can ever really know it is about having faith. You do have an added problem in that there is no real way to define this relationship other than just being friends. Lets for argument sake say your friend is straight, and he find a woman he falls in love with and wants to raise a family with, you can't really say he is being unfaithful to you, although it may feel to you that way. So you are going to go through life being jealous whenever he spends time with his other friends, and wife and family.

[flashlight]

I have recently just come out of the closet, and I understand your standpoint on feeling love for your friend, though in a non-sexual way. Reading by most of the posts here and including the OP's, In my own honest opinion, I think the OP could be feeling a sort of longing for the said friend. In my thoughts, there could be two possibilities, that either its Platonic, or that there's something more to it. I think the reason behind you wanting to know if he felt the same way could probably be that you just want to know where exactly where you stand in his life because you know where he stands in yours, Could that be it?

 

Judging from my past experience, don't hold back on asking. It's one of those "ask or lose out" situations. I understand that you want children and a wife, and I tell you, I was in that position where being in a romantic relationship with someone of the same gender was out of the question. You should take the risk and ask him. If I didn't take the risk, and only down the

road did I discover that things would be better if I took the risk, it would be hard. Taking a risk has it's consequences, but would you rather live with the thought of not knowing how he feels about you and where you stand in his life exactly, or would you risk it so that you could find resolve to something that is building inside of you? See where that would take you. I thought I knew myself then, but I took a risk, and look where I am now, I discovered I was bisexual and dating my best bud. I don't mean to say that you're gonna end up dating your friend because of what you feel (sorry if it might seem that way, other things could happen), just that you should take risks, and see what you get from them.

[Donster]

Can everyone please stop trying to make the OP gay if he says he isn't sexually attracted to men? Obviously there is a very strong bromance happening, and there is nothing wrong with that. But to the OP: to save yourself all the anguish you have been experiencing, all you need to do is to just have a frank discussion with your friend about this confusion that you have. Your friend has already opened up to you, and if he is as true and close of a friend as you make it sound in your posts, he isn't goign to go running away screaming when you have the discussion. It sounds very much like you guys are both on the same page and are experiencing the same confusion, and it will definitely help to clear the air if you just have the discussion, no matter how difficult it may seem. Having the discussion will create some clarity in your minds, and from the sounds of things, this confusing relationship you have with your friend is also having an impact with your relationships with the opposite sex and you may find yourself not being able to maintain a fulfilling relationship with a girl until you have a better understanding of your friendship with this guy.

[Esmith1234]

I totally understand what you are going through here. It helps to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am female and going through the same thing with my best friend. She and I have been friends for about 4 years now. She is married and I am married. I feel the same sort of love for her that you are expressing here about your friend. It's something I can't begin to describe or understand. We tell each other that we love each other all the time and have also had conversations about how much we need each other and how happy we make each other. We talk every day and she has told me that if a day went by that she didn't hear from me how disappointed she would be. We see each other a couple times a week because we participate in similar activities. I tell her everything and I am definitely closer with her than I am my own husband. I sometimes get jealous of the time she spends with her other friends but she gets jealous of my time too. I love every second of the time we get to spend together and I do get sad when that time ends and we have to go our separate ways. We hug all the time but have never had any sexual experiences and I don't have any interest in that. I understand your acceptance of any additional affection because that is really all it is-another way of expressing love in a non-sexual manner. I'd be ok with that too. I want to share this with you because I have had this conversation with her recently. I told her that I am confused about my love for her and that it scares me. I also told her I don't have feelings for her like "that". I told her I think about her all the time. What happened? She was ok with it. The only piece that I didn't want to hear is she says she doesn't think about me all the time (although I have a hard time believing that since we text all day long). She said she was glad I told her how I was feeling. I felt relieved but things haven't changed. Our friendship is still as strong as ever and we can still love each other and enjoy each other without wondering how the other feels.

[manny123]

I understand your pain... I'm also afraid I might be in love with my best mate. I know definitely I'm into girls but I always think about him... Seriously I enjoy watching lesbian porn or girl-on-girl action lol

He's gay and in a relationship and I don't mind... I don't want to end our friendship but am afraid I have to to get over him.

I couldn't imagine ever having a relationship with him coz I dont do * * * * * ... I don't want male sex, I don't want his or some other dude's * * * * inside me... its frickin gross lol... but I do miss him like crazy and think about him everyday when I'm not hanging around him.... I'm so bloody confused!!!

[aceofhearts61]

I know this is an old thread and I have no idea if you'll see this reply, OP, but I want to leave it anyway because I am sort of thrilled by your story and know a lot about this subject.

 

 

You aren't gay, if you don't experience sexual attraction to people of the same sex.

 

Either you're a cross-orientation sexual person--a homoromantic heterosexual--or you just have a specific bond to this particular friend, an ideal nonsexual love (in my own terms). It's the kind of relationship that certain known philosophers have written about throughout history. Look up Michel de Montaigne's essay "On Friendship." He had this sort of ideal nonsexual love with another man, who unfortunately died 4 years after they met. St. Augustine also had such a bond with a male friend who also died prematurely. I'm actually finishing an end of term college paper right now for a philosophy class that basically argues for the higher value of ideal nonsexual love over erotic love, and one of the points I've made and have found in the work of philosophers who wrote about friendship, is that ideal nonsexual love is rare. Montaigne theorized that it only happens between two people once every 300 years, though that's obviously an arbitrary estimation and not necessarily true. Most sexual people will never experience love like this, friendship like this, and that, in combination with the contemporary Western culture's ideas about love, romance, friendship, etc basically mean that most people out there aren't going to understand what you're experiencing. They just don't have the experience or the upbringing to understand. (Although I'm pleasantly surprised by some of the more open-minded answers you've received in this thread.)

 

You may also be interested in romantic friendship as it existed in history. I've studied romantic friendship over the last several years, and while some historians think it was often a cover for homosexual relationships, I think those sexually consummated romantic friendships were in the minority. The world used to look at sex, love, intimacy, sensual touch, etc very differently than we do now. Now, we sexualize everything, and if you're a man, it's even worse than it is for women. America basically views men as beings exclusively or primarily motivated by sex and incapable of loving anyone of any gender in a compelling way unless the love is sexual. But that's not the way all people everywhere thought, since the beginning of time. It's actually a very modern worldview.

 

I myself am a celibate asexual so I understand perfectly the concepts of nonsexual romance, romantic friendship, intense nonsexual/nonromantic love. In the aromantic subsection of the asexual community, the word "queerplatonic" was invented within the last year or so to describe nonromantic relationships that exceed common friendship. Perhaps that word will be useful to you or perhaps "romantic friendship" or "nonsexual romance" will be better. I'm not sure. Only you can decide.

 

All I know is, I believe wholeheartedly that people can choose to have primary nonsexual partnerships if they so desire. You aren't obligated to get married to a lover. You aren't obligated to have a normative social life. If you want to, that's fine. But don't do it because you're under the false impression that that's the only way to live. I'm a relationship anarchist with a particular focus on nonsexual love, so I see all sorts of possibilities for how people might depart from the currently normative relationship spread. You live in one of the freest countries in the world, and you can pretty much do whatever you want, though stepping outside the norm is certainly hard and comes with judgment/criticism/misunderstanding from others sometimes. Yet there's nothing actually stopping you or anyone else from choosing a nonsexual life partner and living happily ever after with that person. Or having a nonsexual life partner in addition to a sexual marriage with someone else.

 

And who knows? Maybe your friend feels what you feel too and is just as apprehensive about it. You haven't been raised with the language or the consciousness of such love, so it's hard to navigate.

 

But I want you to know that you aren't the first straight man in history to feel this way for another man. And it's not about sex and it doesn't make you gay. You seem to know that about yourself pretty strongly, and the people who think you're in denial simply don't understand this side of nonsexual love, especially between two men.

 

So I hope that gives you some perspective and some understanding. I wish you and your friend all the best! And thank you for sharing your story, it actually made me happy to read it.

[manny123]

wow thanks for your information aceofhearts61, I feel very glad that I'm not alone... I'm not sure if you were referring to the main forum of this thread but you got to me... Cheers a million

[spectacular]

You know what... I have been and am EXACTLY where you are. I know the exact emotion you are feeling! You can't describe it to other ppl. Because the truth is, you can't describe it to yourself. I actually am Bi-Sexual...and still know the emotion you speak of. I have a best friend that I have had for the last 9 years. We had never met, moved to the same state within two weeks of each other. Met the first month we were here and have been dayum near inseparable since then. We actually discuss our relationship ALL the time. She is Bi-Sexual as well, she recently got married last year. Over the last 9 years all of her girlfriends were jealous of our relationship because they didn't understand it. We didn't necessarily want to "be" with each other. We just have this amazing connection. Initially when I met her, I was attracted to her. But that faded and it became something deeper. We talk and or see each other everyday. The truth is, the connection does become a challenge when you are trying to involve yourself in other relationships, because nobody gives you the feeling that that person does. Her husband recognizes our bond and actually encourages it. He says he has "2 wives"...not to mention, she and i both have the same first name. There's this amazing chemistry, closeness. That I know is rare. She and I discuss how rare it is all the time. When she needs anything, she calls me before she calls her husband. I know a whole BUNCH the husband may never know. We are those "#1's in each others lives. The hardest part is you get sad when that person is away. It becomes sadder, because whomever you try to fill the space with...doesn't do it for you like they do. I wouldn't want to be with her because, I just wouldn't I can see the components that would irritate us about each other. It's a very special relationship. As for you... you have your affirmation. He has told you he loves you on several occasions. There is a certain way that you want to hear him say it. That he just hasn't yet. and that is why you are here. If your like me, there is more of a disappointment that comes with it...because you want what you have with him...for yourself. You want your "very own him", but your preference is that he would be a woman. Or just someone that is "tangible" so to speak. Even though you spend mounds of time with him...it's never enough. I'm pretty sure this is how your feeling. I've been feeling like this for the last 9 years...sometimes it's stronger, sometimes it's weaker. The truth is...you do have him. As I have her. You have him more than anyone else in life ever has... the feeling is mutual. If you want to "heal" some. You need to tell him, like you told us. and just let him know that you needed him to know how you felt. My friend and I circle around this conversation weekly. I love her husband, he's an awesome guy. At the same time, I know the connection she and I have. She's even made mention that they don't have the same kind. (you also have to factor in the time thing. anyone you are with is brand new...you and this guy have a history together. Nobody can really trump history) My connection with this girl is so deep that a few months back over New Years she could see I was feeling some type of way. (We had all just celebrated in my group of friends, I had recently gotten out of my relationship, so I was the only one solo for the night. I chose to hang out with 2 married couples... I know I know...dumb decision lol) She stated.... "If you come to me and tell me that you need some time apart, I'm going to tell you, take all the time you need....I will SEE YOU TOMORROW" lol. Needless to say I got over myself. I'm sharing all of this, in a way...because it's nice to know that someone is going thru the same thing I have gone thru the last 9 years. Find comfort that you actually do have a friendship this amazing. I know what you mean when you say "not sexual" as well. About 2 wks before my friend got married, she asked me for some lip gloss...it's not uncommon to kiss it off of each other, on this particular occasion, the kiss went further than just grabbing some lip gloss. There was an intimacy in the kiss that trumped all sexual kisses prior. When we released...I said " I don't think we were supposed to like that"...she stated..."Yea...we can NEVER do that again". For me... the kiss didn't arouse me as much as it confirmed this amazing connection. I'm just grateful to have someone in my corner that I trust with my life and I know they feel the EXACT same way...no guessing. EMbrace it and LOVE IT!

[bigdipper]

Yes, I hope the OP comes back. I'd like to hear an update on his situation. I've been going through similar torture for over a year and I finally last night decided to google to see if there was anyone out there experiencing this kind of love. I too could not define it, as it certainly is of no type I've ever heard of. I settled with some higher type of love, over friend love, over sexual love, something deeper and more pure so to speak. And I was glad to find a confirmation of that here. My problem seems to be a bit worse than the OP's issue because I think it's quite unrequited yet still can't stop this love. It has a mind of its own, like a curse almost. I received an, "I love you," after I admitted to her what I was feeling, but it was followed with an, "I'm not ready to deal with any stigmatism of being gay/bi." Though it didn't seem like an admission to being gay/bi, I also wasn't sure if that's what she thought I was, though I tried to convince her it wasn't like that. I couldn't tell her exactly what it was though because I was confused myself. She agreed that our relationship was like a "real" male/female relationship, without the sex. The way we look at each other, the way our hugs linger....

So that was almost 9 months ago. Since then, I think my feelings have only gotten stronger to match what the OP describes....the feeling to protect her at whatever cost, to need her all the time, and want her forever. I can't be sure if hers have changed at all for the better. She has a pretty steady boyfriend and that's where most of her time is spent. I don't feel she even wants me as a friend sometimes; she always has better things to do than hang out with me. If not for the looks and the hugs, I might have found it easier to just "be friends" which is what I'm trying to do and it's killing me. I keep overinterpreting her actions as evidence that she doesn't care about me a tenth of what I feel for her. And yet, I can't fully let go of her. I still feel there's something there and I can't just let that go. So like the OP, it's this thing where I really need to know exactly what she's feeling to help me along, but I'm terrified that if I can't get her to understand this type of love or if she really doesn't care about me, she's just going to leave. And that would be incredibly devastating. But like someone said, maybe it will just all end and I can move on. If she does care more than i think though, I don't want this to be a burden on her. I KNOW she doesn't care at the level I do, and so anything she does after/if we talk, I'm not going to believe it to be true and that'll put a strain on the relationship. I don't want her to have to think about everything she says or does before she does it, wondering if it'll hurt me. It just won't be a healthy relationship. And so I'm stuck.

[Just Me Scared]

ibijc2010 and spectacular - You guys ROCK! Thank you for your stories. It now validates what I have been feeling and confirms that I am not in that situation alone. I have the best relationship with my best friend that is beyond words and explanation. She knows that I am in love with her (not romantically), and accepts that we have something rare. I don't need to hear from her the same thing, because I feel it every time we hang out. To mimmick spectacular, embrace the feelings you have, and when the time is right, it will come up with your friend.

[manny123]

I know what it is... platonic love. I feel that towards my best friend too. He's gay and I'm a trans man. I'm sexually attracted to girls of course.

[SaveMySoul]

I find myself tortured as well. Im a straight female whose in love with my best friend, her being a lesbian. Im physically attracted to men, but somethimg about her drives me crazy even though i know im not gay. Me and her have an extremely close commection and keep constant contact. However, me and her both have admitted to feeling unseperable. No matter who each of us dates, we can never find the same deep bond and always end up back to each other.

Shes admitted to being in love with me physically as well and thankfully understands why its so frusterating and confusing to me to explain how i love her. Ive never been attracted to girls but i love her to death more than anyone and anything and think about her every day and shes the same way. We always knew our friendship was different but didnt know how to describe it because its so umusual and no one understands how we are.

 

I feel tortured like im jealous when shes with other people, but at the same time dont want to be unfair and date her when im not truley gay. i dont want labels slapped on me because they dont describe what i feel. Its great to have such a loving connection, but kills us because we dont know what to do. We are jealous of the thought of each other seeing other people and cant imagine not being close.

 

When we fight or have issues it tears us to pieces,no one else has ever provoked so many emotions in me. Weve both gotten extremely depressed about it at times.

 

Maybe my situation seems somewhat familiar to you.

I have told NO ONE else how our relationship is, in fear of being misunderstood

[Leona700]

It sounds like you have unconditional love for your friend. The way maybe a mother feels for her child. It is weird to say to your friend hey i love you so much becuase it comes off gay even if its not. In middle school i had a bf that i was super close too and she moved away. 8 years later we didnt keep much in contact and she invited me to her wedding. I couldnt make it but it meant a lot that she would think of inviting me. And its true Greek litterature is very open about male love and bonds. However the only thing that caught my attention is the fact that you dont sound like you have felt that for a woman. If you HOESTLY have no desire to kiss him then u are straight. But if it crosses your mind to touch him somehow then you could be a bit on the bisexual side. Most of us dont want to be gay or bisexual so we never even try out for example kissing someone of the same sex. What i would do is kiss him and see what I feel. If you dont, he will move on and get married you will do the same and you will always wonder about him.

[babygirl23]

I mean-- I could cuddle with him mabye or be touchy-feely (I feel weird even typing this lol) possibly even kiss but not have sex-- the sexual attraction element just wouldn't be there. He is a good-looking guy I would suppose but I would not be aroused if I attempted to have sex with him because I am not attracted to men.

Could it be that you are in denial?

[AbstractLove]

I'm a woman and have unidentified feelings for a lesbian friend... I know exactly what you mean by you can imagine being cuddly or touchy-feely, even kissing, but not having sex. I'm also still struggling with this, but here are a few conclusions I've come to...

 

First, like a lot of people have said, in today's society we tend to divide our relationships into three solid groups (family, sexual/romantic, friendship). But not all of our relationships fit that mold, that is plain to see. I think it's natural as a human being to want everything to fit into a category, but maybe sometimes something is so rare and special, it doesn't fit in anywhere.

 

Second, I've done a lot of research about asexuality. That sounds strange, but I've learned that psychologists have names for homosexual love and homosexual attraction (homosexuality and homoromanic, respectively). This works with any combination, including bisexual and biromanic, asexual... pretty much any prefix you want. Though it hasn't been explicitly stated, I do strongly believe it is possible to be biromanic (have romantic feelings for both sexes) and heterosexual (having sexual attraction to the opposite sex)- maybe that is what we are experiencing. It works with any combination. So if you do need a label, maybe these are the ones to use. Whenever I mention this to other people who are very confident in their sexuality, they are very confused and don't think it can happen. But why not? Why wouldn't it?

 

My final idea is that of "kindred spirits" mentioned earlier. I think that even if you are not gay, physically exploring someone of the same sex or romantically exploring someone of the same sex can help you understand yourself, especially when you have such a close emotional and mental relationship. I think when we find people who mirror ourselves (a lot of times this happens with young people and celebrities and other older people) in some ways, in intrinsic ways, we want to know everything about them and be around them because they help us understand who we are, and shed light on how a person like oneself survives in this world. We learn from other people who are like us how to live in this world. Personally I do not exactly feel this way for my friend, but it is just another kind of relationship I've stumbled upon that might help you.

 

I guess the biggest lesson here is to relax and enjoy whatever it is that you do have, even if you can't quite put your finger on it. If this person makes you happy, there is no reason you shouldn't explore your feelings for him. Even if you don't feel a sexual attraction, follow your instincts to cuddle! You never know if it will clear some things up for you. Take some time to explore, that's my advice.

[bw92116]

Isn't this called "bromance?" Sort of a love affair that is non-sexual?

[richdaniels2]

Wow, I am so glad I'm not the only one struggling with this very same thing. I've never fully understood how I feel for my best friend either. A deep loving nonsexual connection. Bromance definently fits the description, but this seems a little more intense. Although, I have never been jeoulous of his wife since they met. I was always happy for him, and now there having a baby and I can't wait to be an uncle. However, I can relate to being a little jeoulous when he spends time with others without me. I would like to hear something from the OP on how he has addressed this.

[bw92116]

He's your best friend, possibly a soul mate, and you have a type of "bromance" with him. I don't know how affectionate it is, though. You are lucky to have such a close friendship, those are rare. Men can form very close emotional bonds with each other that have no sexual element at all. This can happen between male family members, or any 2 men that form this kind of bond.

 

And it can be expressed in different ways, not just the long, deep talks but various forms of affection too. The ways it is expressed are different for every relationship.

 

I think it happens during wartime, when men are in crisis situations together and survive them - they can form very strong emotional bonds. My Dad had several lifelong friends that he made in World War II. Nothing like what you have, but still very strong bonds formed.

 

I don't like the part where you are depressed when you are not with him, though. That part of it is more like dependency. That part is something you can address on your own, if it is a problem for you. But as long as you can handle it, it's not a problem.

 

I think with those few "weird sexual gestures" he was "testing the waters" to see if there was any possibility of sexual interaction with you. I think guys generally just don't do those sort of gestures unless there is a tiny grain of truth underlying it. But I'm just speculating, I can't speak for him at all.

 

I think the best thing for you would be to have a long, heart-to-heart talk with him about all this stuff. Explain to him exactly what you feel, all of it, and that you don't feel anything sexual. Ask him to tell you all of what he feels. Since you are such close friends I think you can have this type of talk, and it won't ruin your friendship, it will probably strengthen it.

[bw92116]

Oops... I just realized the person who started this thread hasn't posted in almost a year... well I hope it worked out for him.

[paladin87]

So, my question is, what exactly am I experiencing. I have never found any post on the internet where a guy experiences this deep connection/love with their best male friend, but there is no sexual element present. The other question, is what do I do about it? I don't want to go on like this for the rest of my life, but unfortunately I feel I have no other choice.

 

LOL I hate that term, but the relationship you and your friend have; is nothing new. A lot of people think its some new kind of trend with young unmarried men, who wish to hold on to some kind of childhood whatever- but they are wrong and dumb, and its part of why I hate modern western culture. This sort of behavior between men was normal in the ancient world, especially among men who were warriors/soldiers/fighters. Its normal still today with men in Greece, Russia, Middle East, Turkey. And it was normal among men believe it or not, in older America. In America it changed and was no longer seen as "healthy" or "normal", when the whole gay thing started, along with the counter culture revolution, and the warped idea of how men are to behave put in place in the 50's especially with Nixon's version of conservatism.

 

Because of all of this, men who are so close and affectionate are seen as gay, even gays try to pin the "gay, bi, curious" label on men who are so close with another man- and use some BS term "gaydar" to confirm their suspicions lol.

 

I have the same exact relationship with my friend, he's 29, I'm 25; met him when I was 19, in the Marines. The both of us obviously had seen and been through a lot together. When we came home it was actually worse. I was dealing with some PTSD and even depression after my father had passed away. My girl at the time I noticed was afraid of me, and our relationship wasn't doing too well and so she eventually left. His girl actually had an abortion without him knowing, which really hurt him because he wanted to be a father- but she was afraid of him getting killed overseas, and her having to be a single parent alone and all since she had no family. We were there for each other a lot through all of that, and we had become closer.

 

We'll sleep next to each other at times (did a lot in the military anyway), there's times if we're just hanging about watching TV or a cool movie, I'll have my head rested on his lap, we hug each other a lot, hold each other, kiss each other on the cheek, forehead, or on top of the head, tell each other we love one another. There's no kind of sexual lust between us. We both still date women, still attracted to women, but also now have no desire to get married and have kids. This largely has to do with our work. We're both heavily into our fighting careers, so there's a lot of training, and traveling, still deal with PTSD though not as badly as it used to be, but I just don't think a wife and kids need to be involved in such a thing, but we mostly also like to just randomly travel outside of the country... The other part I have to say has a lot to do with the way things are going in the country and world in general, have no desire to bring kids into the world due to it.

 

Don't feel weird about it, what you have with your friend is something special.

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I think aceofhearts61 hit it spot on. The OP's situation sounds like a romantic friendship.