For those of you who would give anything to be back with your ex

[Foreverxo]

The time I was apart, I determined whether I could trust him again. I stayed friendly and tried to gauge his feelings and what was going on. I know he is a good person, means well, and was doing what he thought was right and not to hurt me. Of course it did hurt me, but I know that was not his intentions. I just wanted him to do what makes him happy and I can take care of myself.

 

When we were transitioning in the process of getting back together I was very skeptical and really analyzed our reasons for getting back together. I did not want it to be because he is afraid of being alone or just on a whim because we once had a connection. I could tell based on his words, actions and slowness of the process that he just generally liked me and missed me and we worked.

 

If he is not happy, I don't want him to stay with me. But I never told him "if we get back together you can't hurt me or do that to me again blah blah." I think the time apart and the time seeing other people he learned what we had is special and should not be taken for granted. That was something I already new. I believe (even though I would never say it to him) that he would not leave unless things turned south really quickly because he no longer feels he needs to find himself. We are older and I think he now knows what he wants and therefore I almost trust him more. This was all my own thoughts and processes. I think trust and happiness comes from the self.

 

You'll find a great relationship without the person questioning you for someone else. I guarantee it. Sometime there are no warning signs or closer, but it is not your fault. It all depends on how self-aware and confident your partner is in himself.

[Foreverxo]

Thanks for answering all our questions It's nice that someone who actually reconciled comes back and shares her experiences! THANKS

 

Would you say this new relationship you are having now, is "better" or stronger than the one you had before? Or is it so "different" that you can't really compare it? Do you feel you two have grown in the time apart and this is what your relationship needed?

 

Haha, I'm so curious, I know

 

I love answering your questions! Thank you for reading

 

In all honesty I would say that are relationship is so different it is hard to compare. We are way quicker to solve any problems that were presented, then we were before. I have to admit, I used to get away with everything in our old relationship. He stands up for himself a lot more and oddly enough I love that. We make way more compromises and therefore we both keep our happiness.

 

We learned more about being in a relationship I think, then learning about each other. I think the time apart forced us to think more about how to have a successful partnership than how to just find happiness in one other person. I can see we both work equally as hard in the relationship, take more time to ourselves to do what we love on our own. We know what it takes to have a healthy relationship and with that comes the love and happiness we find in each other. I feel it is much more mature and we know what to avoid. Neither of us want to go through what we went through before.

 

In our old relationship we spent too much time appeasing the other person. We sacrificed too much of our own happiness and wants for the sake of the other and ultimately hurt ourselves. I did not even realize this until this time around. Don't get me wrong, we love to make the other person happy and care about the other almost more than ourselves, but we compromise much more than give in to the other. We keep our own wants, needs while giving some to the other.

[SweetSeul]

Foreverxo, thank you so much for answering all our questions and being honest and forthright about what you have learned. I can sense that the time apart has really helped both you and him to learn a lot about yourselves as individuals and what you want in a relationship. I really am happy and hopeful for you both. I also admire how much you have grown and the strength and wisdom you've acquired from this experience.

 

May I ask for your advice about what to do with my ex now? He sent me a birthday greeting and I am not sure whether to respond or not.

 

I am still so hurt and have only just started to get myself back together little by little. I am scared that just responding to him will unravel what little of myself I have gotten back together. Honestly I was a bit of a wreck again when I saw his name in my inbox and when I read the message.

 

I am open to being on good terms/friendly with one another somewhere down the road, as we spent most of our adult lives with one another and literally grew up with each other. Wasn't it hard for you and didn't set you back in your healing to keep in touch with your ex while you were still hurting?

 

Here is the thread I posted by the way with my ex's message:

 

Would appreciate your opinion. Thank you.