Awoken Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Winniethepooh, I can't start to thank you enough for taking the time to break down my post and reply to each piece with clarity and honesty. This was something I really needed before heading off to bed to get some sleep. I have been struggling with my situation. I really have. I have had plenty of support, but at the end of the day I'm always by myself. Your advice about the age gap is true and the ethical issue too reminded me again of the guilt I felt at the time. I am trying my hardest to accept the situation. It's been 5 weeks now and I'm still healing. I have posted another thread here to under personal growth, just gives you a little more insight into where I am right now. AGAIN couldn't thank you enough for your words of advice, I will try my best to hunt down your post and support you too!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awoken Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Hahaha. That's cool. Thanks for sharing your story too. Getting better. Keep posting away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winniethepooh Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I can't start to thank you enough for taking the time to break down my post and reply to each piece with clarity and honesty. You're welcome, glad it helps. I find it helps me with my own thoughts and feelings currently also Your advice about the age gap is true and the ethical issue too reminded me again of the guilt I felt at the time. Yeah, I don't think there's much you can do about the guilt now. The pain from loss fades eventually, so does the pain from guilt but it still nags at us for a long time. Bleah. I have posted another thread here to under personal growth, just gives you a little more insight into where I am right now. Saw that, good luck with it AGAIN couldn't thank you enough for your words of advice, I will try my best to hunt down your post and support you too!! Link in my signature (at the time of this posting anyway) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lanaa Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 i am 22(just 1 year older than your ex),i would never be able to date a guy over 30..i dont think she is ready for that,she is still in the stage where she is supposed to have fun with dating,and you should settle down that's the truth ,she is a child compared to you! if she was 30,you 45,,thats ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awoken Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 i am 22(just 1 year older than your ex),i would never be able to date a guy over 30..i dont think she is ready for that,she is still in the stage where she is supposed to have fun with dating,and you should settle down that's the truth ,she is a child compared to you! if she was 30,you 45,,thats ok First off, OOUUCCHHH!!! I completely understand you. What hurt me the most if HOW she broke up with me, heading off to hook up with another guy in another country..all planned out before she even mnentioned us breaking up...via email, with no mention of another guy, until I figured it out. Thats what hurts. Don't know if I'm going to wait 9 years for her BUT I have taken up a healing journey of 2 years now...no gr/partner until Nov 13, 2013 It's my idea of healing! Thanks for your post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lanaa Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 First off, OOUUCCHHH!!! I completely understand you. What hurt me the most if HOW she broke up with me, heading off to hook up with another guy in another country..all planned out before she even mnentioned us breaking up...via email, with no mention of another guy, until I figured it out. Thats what hurts. Don't know if I'm going to wait 9 years for her BUT I have taken up a healing journey of 2 years now...no gr/partner until Nov 13, 2013 It's my idea of healing! Thanks for your post! It just shows how young she really is,she behaved like a child.But on one hand i understand her,because most probably she just didnt have the courage to tell you the real truth or she didnt want to hurt you.I understand it hurts but it will stop Sorry if i sound too harsh in my last post,didnt mean to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awoken Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 It just shows how young she really is,she behaved like a child.But on one hand i understand her,because most probably she just didnt have the courage to tell you the real truth or she didnt want to hurt you.I understand it hurts but it will stop Sorry if i sound too harsh in my last post,didnt mean to Hahaha. No thats fine. I absolutely agree with your posts But never say never. Us older men can actually be really nice you know Thanks for the posts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnaN Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 When I was 18, I had an age gap relationship, the gap was bigger in my case (oh yes!) Anyway, I didn't have experience in relationships as he did as an almost 40-year-old but thinking of it now, I know I was the more mature one. We also kept our relationship secret. You said you had feelings about some other person and you told her although you did nothing? That was wrong, in my opinion. This guy I dated was always surrounded by many women because of his job and there were always some of them wanting something more from him. He said he didn't do anything but I could see he liked this game and he admitted it. Then I started acting "weird" just to prove him that I can do these things,too, there are many boys that would like to date me, too. I started hanging out with boys at my age, from college/university, and although nothing more happened, it was driving him mad. And I wanted him to know that I was having a good time. There was no facebook back then to post photos with my friends having fun. All I did was a reaction to his behaviour. Later on I couldn't stand more all this jealous things and games, and I broke up with him. I also wanted to experience other things in life, live according to my age and not his. It was about a year in the relationship. A couple of years later, when he learns that I broke up with my boyfriend, 9he also hooked up with some women) he comes back and asks to try again. He said that he didn't want this to be a secret any more and he proposed me... Although there was a chance that I wanted to be back with him, I wasn't ready for this and he was pushing me a lot. Fast forward to the present (although you won't be interested in this part, just to complete the story), once we got rid of all the passion and the intense emotions, we became friends. And I mean good and real friends. He is always there when I want to talk to someone, so am I, he knows the right words to say to make me feel better, I am happy that I see him happy with his long-term girlfriend and he was happy with my relationship,too. He was one of the first persons I talked to when I got dumped, giving me advise and try to make feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awoken Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Thanks for sharing your story AnnaN. I can see your point of view clearly and I understand exactly what you mean I did push her away (in various ways) I never told her about the girl to make her jealous, I already knew that she would do anything for me. We had always said though if we had some kind of feelings for someone else we would tell each other. Just be honest and decide what to do from there. Sometimes I regret that I told her but from some material I have read (Al Turtle, check him out online) keeping secrets from your partner is not healthy, BUT it's the way you share them with your partner that needs work. I know that now. Im glad that you are able to still be friends with this older ex, I'm still not sure if I could just be friends with mine. My feelings are still very strong for her right now. Im sure time will change this. Maybe Thanks again for your post. I really appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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