whitetiger7654 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 After 10 years together my girl broke up with me, that was 3 months ago. I have had no contact with her, other than collecting money to pay bills. About 2 weeks after the break I met a really special person and she kept my mind and heart distracted for the past 2 months or so. Although it was clear from relatively early this wasn't going to end in a relationship between us. Last night she said she didn't want whatever you want to call what we were to continue. She wants to be friends. I was really broken last night and most of today. Tonight I think I've realized due to my childhood, I'm just afraid of being lonely and I don't know how to cope with being alone or lonely. To add to the stress is finals are quickly approaching in school and tomorrow I have a giant test. Today I tried to study as much as possible, but my mind was wandering the whole time. I have no idea of what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaB Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Living alone can be nice, you just need to get used to it. You can do whatever, whenever you want to! Just keep yourself busy for the most part though. Ive lived for a while now and used to hate it but now its not so bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyr72 Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'm afraid I can't give you any advice on how to learn to be comfortable being alone except to do it. However, I do strongly urge you to learn the skill. If you fear being lonely then you'll be quick to jump into relationships to prevent being alone. That will not serve you well, you'll continually be settling for whomever comes along instead of a person who is really compatible with you. My problem has been the opposite. Since my divorce, when my kids aren't with me, my time and space have been my own. I've dated, but this is my first relationship that has developed to the point of trading keys, keeping clothes at each other's places, etc. I'm having to learn how to share my space again. It has been a more difficult adjustment than I would have thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 there is nothing wrong with living with others, like a roommate of the same gender. It is just not healthy to have the feeling where you have to have someone relationship wise living with you just to fill a void. You can't blame this "because of my childhood". you have to make a choice now - if you understand you get lonely, then having a roommate, or living alone and starting a book group or card game with friends a certain night of the week is healthy. Adopting a cat from the shelter is also a healthy way not to be lonely if you love animals. And also journaling, and getting used to your own head is good too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 btw, its a blessing that this new woman didn't want to continue a relationship. It was too soon for you. you need to heal and she probably sensed you were not ready for a relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitetiger7654 Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 I have a roommate, dogs, and great friends. But I usually get lonely when alone at night. Just used to having someone laying with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I have a roommate, dogs, and great friends. But I usually get lonely when alone at night. Just used to having someone laying with me. wanting a warm body next to you is not a good reason to look for a relationship. At a certain point, that need will subside and then you can pursue a relationship where the woman won't be just the first person you grab to be that warm body. You will be more selective and set your sights on a woman who is emotionally available and ready for a relationship and has similar goals in life, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notagoodninja Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I think it's kinda crazy you jumped into a serious relationship only 1 month after you got out of a 10 year relationship! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notagoodninja Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Not to sound harsh btw...but that is nuts to think the relationship was gonna work................ When I get out of relationships I spend alot of time by myself. Taking walks, going on hikes, going shooting, reading, going to the mall, I have even GONE OUT TO DINNER and GONE TO MOVIES ALL BY MY LITTLE SELF!!! I think it's REALLLLY Good to learn to live with yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day88 Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Not to sound harsh btw...but that is nuts to think the relationship was gonna work................ When I get out of relationships I spend alot of time by myself. Taking walks, going on hikes, going shooting, reading, going to the mall, I have even GONE OUT TO DINNER and GONE TO MOVIES ALL BY MY LITTLE SELF!!! I think it's REALLLLY Good to learn to live with yourself. I agree, you need to be happy being on your own. I can understand why you gained from comfort from the other girl though, it is pretty easy to fall into something that makes you feel better at the time. A good friend went through the same thing she was with someone for 7 years and when he left her she was just trying to fill that loneliness but ended up engaged to the next guy she met after only 3 months. Needless to say it didn't work out but like I said I can see how people fall into this. With me I'm just trying to enjoy my own time and company and then when I'm happy with myself I'll be ready to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Man Who Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Are you an only child by any chance white? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitetiger7654 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 I think it's kinda crazy you jumped into a serious relationship only 1 month after you got out of a 10 year relationship! I wouldn't have called it a serious relationship. More of a hook up thing. No I'm not an only child, but grew up mostly by myself and raised myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
italiannmf24 Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 It sounds like you have serious inner issues that you need to get sorted out; have you tried contacting a professional about your feelings recently? You may need to see a therapist in the near future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemsip Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with you. "After 10 years together my girl broke up with me, that was 3 months ago." Of course you're going to feel lonely/scared/afraid of being on your own. It's a big change. 10 years is a massive chunk of your life. I'm 4 months out of an 8-year RL and I feel the same way. I miss her. But as much as that I miss having someone to hug and stuff. But I'm staying single. It's the only way to go - and you should go that way too. You need to be fully happy by yourself, not scared. Then you know you're ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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