Ariel85 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I was caught in a traumatic event three years ago. Like most people I had mentally rehersed my heroic responses watching action movies. In reality I became incredibly subservient, meek and appeasing. This is actually how most people will behave when they feel their life is threatened. But, I mean in a direct way, like, someone holding you up at gun point, or abducting you - that kind of thing. I'm a student of krav maga, and this is pretty much the first thing they teach you, actually. That humans are wired to protect themselves and cower from attacks, and that few would instinctively fight back or know how to palm stab someone in the throat if they grab your arm. And that some people, though certainly the minority, are wired to step up, be the hero, and put their lives on the line. You see this kind of thing every day, actually. I remember a few months back on the news there was some story of a kid who wiped out on his bike, and the bike hit a parked SUV, which then set it ablaze. He was trapped underneath. You then see video of average Joe citizens step in, collectively lift the SUV, and some other guy reaches under to pull out the biker. Now, the SUV was on fire this whole time. It easily could have blown at any moment. Yet, a pack of strangers risked their lives for someone they didn't know. THAT is where we find heros, and people who are willing to die for others. The OP also wasn't facing a life-threatening situation, as there were no direct threats or confrontations. Most of it was the drama that was conjured in their own minds. A bit of a Steven King type kid adventure, if you will. lol At the minimum, he should have positioned himself with the Rambo kid to keep watch outside the tent. Even though he would have been a Robin to his Batman, it's what was right for the situation. However, society thrives on having people with different roles in the "tribe". Not everyone is the alpha dog, and nor should they be. A good alpha needs soldiers, but I'm not sure the OP even positioned himself as being that. I think if he didn't cower with the women, his GF might have had a more favorable impression. If nothing else, she wouldn't have felt embarrassed by her BF, the OP, not manning up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I don't actually see that this was an alarming situation at all, so no reason to sleep outside the tent on watch like Rambo. So what if some alarm went off - if someone comes to investigate, you say you're sorry. Is it not a little irrational to assume that because an alarm went off that your life is in danger? What other evidence warranted this extreme response? I could see if you were camping in the mountains of Pakistan or something, but come on. If I would have been there, I would have mocked this nerd for over reacting. I think he just created this situation so he could look like a tough guy in front of a few scared girls. I don't see that this guy acted alpha in any way, more like an unintelligent showoff with no sense of reality or self control - is that attractive to women? Manning up eh? Do that and you have to tell the women to get back in the kitchen too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deciduous Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 There was nothing to be scared about - if someone approached you about the alarm, you just say sorry, end of story. Nobody, even if it was a meth lab or giant pot farm, is going to murder 4+ people - that's just naive. You don't want this girl, for real - you learned something about her here and it's that she's bad relationship material. Hi pl3asehelp, What now? Let me get this straight. A poster says he was extremely scared. Your advice is "no you are not." You then set out a logical argument as to why this is so. Really? Are you trying to hypnotise the OP through the computer? Is this some rare form of therapy. You deny their feelings, set out a logical argument against, and it is like it never happened. never happened, never happened...look in my eyes..... Deci Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Hi pl3asehelp, What now? Let me get this straight. A poster says he was extremely scared. Your advice is "no you are not." You then set out a logical argument as to why this is so. Really? Are you trying to hypnotise the OP through the computer? Is this some rare form of therapy. You deny their feelings, set out a logical argument against, and it is like it never happened. never happened, never happened...look in my eyes..... Deci That's funny - no my advice was not to tell the OP he wasn't scared - it was to point out that the facts of what happened don't justify Rambo's response to the situation as the only logical one and that to interpret his behavior as alpha doesn't even seem likely to me. Rambo chose to respond the way he did and that fact alone doesn't mean he's brave. It would be just as easy to interpret his 'heroism' as violent, confrontational, fear, paranoia, insecurity, reactionary, inflammatory, unstable, insanity, etc. I think Rambo knew all along there was nothing to be afraid of which is why it was easy for him to appear so brave. He calmly observed the facts of what happened, concluded there was no real threat and saw an opportunity to posture and make himself look like a hero in front of the captive female audience so he fed everyone's fears by responding the way he did. Further supporting this is the fact that all got out of the situation totally unscathed with no contact at all whatsoever with these imagined terrorists or meth lab people or whatever they imagined the threat to be. It's unfortunate for the OP that his gf bought this guys act, but I don't think the OP did anything wrong here at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I don't think you're getting the bigger picture, pl3asehelp. It doesn't matter if anyone was truly in danger. It doesn't matter whether Rambo was actually brave. What matters is how the ladies perceived it. Your saying that Rambo fabricated the whole danger thing to look good and that there was nothing truly to be scared of is rather ironic, since the OP himself admitted to being scared, which means he fell right into it along with the women! Which is exactly why Rambo came off looking like the alpha dog and the OP did not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I think Rambo knew all along there was nothing to be afraid of which is why it was easy for him to appear so brave. So then you're saying the OP and all the women cowered in the tent, pretending they were in fear, just to humor the Alpha??!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deciduous Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I think Rambo knew all along there was nothing to be afraid of which is why it was easy for him to appear so brave. He calmly observed the facts of what happened, concluded there was no real threat and saw an opportunity to posture and make himself look like a hero in front of the captive female audience so he fed everyone's fears by responding the way he did. Further supporting this is the fact that all got out of the situation totally unscathed with no contact at all whatsoever with these imagined terrorists or meth lab people or whatever they imagined the threat to be. Can I be the first to advise the OP NOT to go to his ex-girlfriend with that conclusion. I highly doubt it will strengthen his position. Running down the opposition is definitely a losing strategy. Stop defending your actions. If you feel you acted correctly, Dev7, then you have already said your piece. Stand by it. If you feel you would do things differently if given a second chance, then state that to her, be heartfelt andboth move on. I do think the key here, is reconciling your own feelings about the event - as difficult as that is. Once you have done that, you are in a strong position to state your case to your ex-girlfriend. I think the issue that is slowing progress is your own ambivelence. Deci Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I actually do get the feeling mr. macho might have been playing up the whole incident to his benefit...who knows how much of it was to his own making. Just be free form it, op. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilliesFan001 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Good riddance, she sounds like a brat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaibutsu Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Yeah you're not going to win in this situation at all. Whether the danger was really there or not is irrelevant. I don't know if you feel like the relationship is worth trying to prove yourself or not, but to be honest, you'll likely always be compared to this guy in any sort of crisis situation, mild, moderate, to heavy, and she'll always remember that. The bigger question to ask is if this gal is worth trying to fight to prove yourself in her eyes. Honestly, probably not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Can I be the first to advise the OP NOT to go to his ex-girlfriend with that conclusion. I highly doubt it will strengthen his position. Running down the opposition is definitely a losing strategy. Stop defending your actions. If you feel you acted correctly, Dev7, then you have already said your piece. Stand by it. If you feel you would do things differently if given a second chance, then state that to her, be heartfelt andboth move on. I do think the key here, is reconciling your own feelings about the event - as difficult as that is. Once you have done that, you are in a strong position to state your case to your ex-girlfriend. I think the issue that is slowing progress is your own ambivelence. Deci I agree with you here - there's no reason to go to the ex gf with anything. What she did shows enough about her character and values to know you don't want her. You don't need to defend yourself because you didn't do anything wrong. Let her have her fun with this Don Quixote as he chases scary aggressive pigeons away from her and bravely thwarts all the other threats that might come her way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 So then you're saying the OP and all the women cowered in the tent, pretending they were in fear, just to humor the Alpha??!! Nope, I'm saying Rambo encouraged their fear with his defensive response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I don't think you're getting the bigger picture, pl3asehelp. It doesn't matter if anyone was truly in danger. It doesn't matter whether Rambo was actually brave. What matters is how the ladies perceived it. Your saying that Rambo fabricated the whole danger thing to look good and that there was nothing truly to be scared of is rather ironic, since the OP himself admitted to being scared, which means he fell right into it along with the women! Which is exactly why Rambo came off looking like the alpha dog and the OP did not. I agree with what you're saying here. The only thing I disagree with is that I don't think Rambo did anything brave, I think he maniuplated the situation to his advantage. And the OP's gf response to it was horrible - she bought it hook line and sinker, but I think it's a good thing. Now the OP knows what kind of a person she is and should stay far far away - that I think is the big picture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I don't think Rambo did anything brave, I think he maniuplated the situation to his advantage. Even if this were true (which I don't believe), then Rambo STILL "owned" the OP. Whether the fear was genuine, manifested, falsely nurtured or whatever - the end result was still the same. Whether Rambo "manipulated" things or not is irrelevant. The OP still hung back with the women, and did not step up to protect others. So, even if, following your assertion, that Rambo wasn't genuinely brave, he still out-smarted the OP, because he ended up creating the illusion that the OP was weak. And that's still a VERY alpha thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.