Question for the ladies

[hazlcha]

I recently met a girl who, for detailed reasons, says she only feels a "friendship energy" with me. We had dated a little, and, she says, the moment she felt clarity that she only felt that "friendship" thing, she broke off. Now I was not so very well behaved back then (I was going through a hugely stressful period, as it was right after I found a burglar in my apartment at 4AM!!! I was a nervous wreck for a few weeks after that). Now I've really changed, and I think we are great for each other, and had we met now for the first time, things would be different.

 

My specific case in particular, and in general I want to know, how does a woman take a guy out of the LJBF category of friends and move him (back) into the "potential soulmate" category? What can the guy do to help. For example, I know a lot of guys who have feelings for women who have been their friends for a long time. How can they change those relationships? What would have to happen for you ladies to change your feelings about a guy who was just a friend?

[Mun]

Hi there,

This is kinda tricky. While I don't think you can convince someone to like you I do think you can create the right conditions for it to happen. Notice her, call her gorgeous, make her laugh, pay attention to her, flirt with her and then kiss her. The right attention from a man can win a woman over and sometimes it just takes a kiss...

 

If it still doesn't happen at least you will know you gave it your best shot.

 

I dated a man that I wasn't terribly attracted to, but he was nice and funny. When he kissed me.. Bam! I discovered I had feelings for him. You just never know...

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

This is VERY hard.

 

You have to avoid her, you have to change yourself. You have to let HER DISCOVER differences in her and think to herself, "I was wrong about him." You have to understand why she thinks you're a friend, "friendship energy" is a vague platitude that could mean just about anything. You can't ask her anything or use words or it will look like you are trying to prove something.

 

And another thing is that it may be at this time in her life she cant see you this way. I had a friend that I knew since high school. I sorta fell for her a few years later. The reason I started thinking about her more is because a friend of mine asked about her and I and I was done getting over someone else. She didn't feel the same way, and it wasn't until I was with and over someone else that she now seems more and more interested in me (maybe), but I'm not interested in her.

 

So you also need to know who she is pursuing. If she is thinking about someone else, I can almost guarantee that she wont view you as anything but a friend.

 

So the only think you can do is cater yourself to what you think she wants in a man, don't let her see you that often, act like you don't care about her that way anymore (if she ever knew) and hope that she will discover things about you and not think be preoccupied with thoughts anyone else.

 

Now there is the philosophical issue: are you betraying yourself by grooming yourself to her likes? Well I'll leave that up to you to decide. In some cases maybe, in others, maybe not. As Hoobastank says, "I found a reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and there reason is you"