r0ckox Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 Okay. I'm putting this in personal growth because I'm hoping I can change my 'natural' reaction to this sort of thing. I'm 'friends' with this girl after a long confusing history with her. over the last couple of months we've been slowly coming back into contact after going most of the summer NC. the history doesn't matter, my feelings don't really matter, her's dont either - whatever. long story short, i was trying to get in touch with her last week and she seemed to be ignoring me, so i started teasing her about it via text. she called me later that night and left me a voice mail claming that I 'try and get in touch with her during the worst times; she's either sleeping or at work' and then told me to call her back. she works in my town (lives an hour away) so it's rare that we ever hang out. in the 6 months she's worked in my town, we haven't seen each other once. i returned her call an hour later and left her a voice mail telling her i was just teasing, and then went on to ask her if she was working that night, if she'd like to grab a beer or two to catch up after work. i didn't hear back from her after that, and later in the night - saw her on AIM. which means she'd already left work and was now home. so i IMed her and asked her if she got my voice mail, to which she replied "my phones dead and i don't have a charger" naturally, my first reaction to this is that she's lying... she can't live without her phone, so for her not to have a charger would drive her insane... plus she just got a new phone, and they COME with chargers... but okay, whatever.. so i just shrugged it off and said "ok" - 20 minutes later, she never replied so i signed off. i wasn't just gonna sit there staring at my computer screen. she got pissed that i signed off without saying anything, as the next day i got an 'offline IM' asking me " * * * " i ignored that. she does that to me all the time. there's been plenty of times she'll sign off without saying anything, or she'll take an hour or so to respond - and i usually don't give her any crap for it, so i didn't understand why to her, i'd done something 'wrong'. 3 days went by and i never heard anything back from her regarding my asking to see her; so i just assumed that she heard the voicemail and blew it off. okay, not a big deal. whatever. so 2 nights ago, i went to sleep early after a long day at work - and woke up the next morning and saw 3 missed calls from her (all within 3 minutes) and then a text an hour and a half later calling me an ass. to me, this says that she called me because she was close by, and since i didn't answer or get back in touch with her - i was an ass. i have said nothing since. my natural reaction would be to argue with her, asking why i'm the ass - i tried to get in touch with her to see her, she blew it off, and then out of left field she calls me days later and gets all upset that i didn't answer. i don't want to be augmentative or start conflict... there were 100 times over the last few years when i'd reach her, ask to see her - and she'd tell me "you cant just call me last minute and expect me to just drop whatever i have going on to see you!!" so now it's the other way around, she called me "last minute" the other night and i was asleep. it's always been this way, and i usually stand up about this kind of thing - but now i'm unsure of what my next 'move' should be. if i continue to ignore her, i'll probably just get more texts calling me an ass, and if i talk to her and just brush it off saying "oh i was asleep" or something, she'll then make a statement about how its been days and i could have gotten back to her. in all honesty, we're not in high school anymore and this whole thing seems childish - but that's just how it's always been with this girl. so, what do you all think? i dont think i explained this the right way, im still groggy from the lack of sleep last night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xylitol Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 You might as well want to date a girl that lives on the moon. You shouldn't care about whether she looks pretty or so, but whether she has something to offer and add to your life. The answer is no, she's completely disinterested in you. Plus intellectually i don't think she adds much to your life. You have to go for a girl who's into you. If the girl doesn't want to be with you to begin with then all your messages of love to her are just bothersome and fruitless. My advice: Go there where the value is. She's not valuable to your life whatsoever (yeah from your side but not from her side), toss her away and find someone who can add something and wants to be in your life, again go for value and not for fruitless endevours. Be more carefull what you waste the precious time of your life on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 I'm not interested in dating this girl - hence why I said we're 'friends' - I'm well aware that a relationship with this girl will never work. Actually, dating has nothing to do with what I'm asking here. I was trying to find out the best course of action if I was to speak to her again. I've been ignoring her ever since, thus far. Anyone else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 I think there's an awful lot of drama going on here for just "friends". If this "friend" was a guy friend, how would you handle it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 I think there's an awful lot of drama going on here for just "friends". If this "friend" was a guy friend, how would you handle it? Totally agree w/ this --- always a good way to look at issues around "just friends". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 Honestly, i dont know how i'd handle it if it was a guy friend.... my guy friends don't act like this. Ive been ignoring her since then, and yesterday I get a voicemail from her while I was at work, claiming that she was accross the street at the store and she was "literally staring at my job" and that I should "call her back.. reall soon" - to which I ignored, and then later in the night got a text saying "i hate uu" = which is her way of saying she's upset that I haven't returned her call. An hour later, a picture of her dog. Been ignoring her since. I don't know HOW I want to handle it, so thats why Im asking all of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 okay, if I were you and this were a guy friend ---- I'd say. Who cares. Answer the next call -- or don't. Clear the air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 well, its not a guy friend - so its a little different. like i said my guy friends dont act this way. i dont really want to answer the next call, but im gonna keep getting sh*t for it if i ignore her, and i have a feeling that if i try and 'clear the air' or talk to her about it - it's just gonna start an argument. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Really, what do you want us to say??? You either talk to her --- or you don't. Not that complicated. It just sounds like a lot of game playing for adults. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 I dont 'want' you to say anything. Looking for something more than the generic advice you're giving. "either ignore her or dont" -- thats not advice. "how would you treat this if it was a guy friend" isn't helpful - its clearly not a guy friend and they don't act like this...I'm looking for someone to evaluate the situation and help me figure out the best way to proceed so this crap doesn't happen again because it's annoying to deal with. With that said, I know "talking to her about it" won't do much, and ignoring her will just light the fire. So I'm unclear on the best way to resolve this. Its not about game playing. Its about the double standard this girl lives with. If i was to act like her, it's a problem - but in her mind it's perfectly okay for her to act this way. Lets put it this way since it's such a hard thing to understand: if this was you - how would YOU proceed? what would YOU do if your friend was acting like this with you? and how would you react when people answer you with generic answers like "well either ignore her or dont" ? I'm not trying to off as mean, as its not my intention - I'm just trying to get real answers here. A little evaluation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 To be perfectly honest, I would not be referring to this person as a friend, because I don't let friends treat me this way. Your dynamic with her, and hers with you --- completely disrespectful. That being said, I have nothing else to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Fine, if this were *me* and this were *my friend*, here's how I'd handle it: I'd end the friendship. Better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullcrab Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Hi baRx - I would call her to find out what was going on, and rather discuss it by phone or in person. For me, all that texting would get on my nerves - I'd do that with a friend or a friend of opposite sex or a lover. Sometimes my time frame might be different from the other person's, so I would probably call and ask when is a good time to call or meet up for her/him. Mind you, I'd be a bit hurt if they didn't make the time - but that's my opinion. She sent a picture of her dog ? - unless I'd met her dog I'd think she's telling me her dog loves her and is loyal and faithful, unlike some of her friends ! Bottom line - for me, if I regarded someone enough I'd want to know what was going on and to let them know how it's affecting me. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xylitol Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 I think they would call this a dysfunctional situation, eh just like family guy, they are all messed up so to speak, why would you bring this type of person in your life to begin with? Keep ignoring and she'll eventually will go away. Also don't bring psycho people anymore in your life, again go for people who add something valuable to your life, otherwhise its just a waste of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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