Tears Are Not Enough -For everyone stuck in a tough spot-

[mymelancholysoul]

Okay, I wrote this piece a few months ago. See, I have this friend named Brook who is really more like a baby sister to me. We met online but talk on the phone constantly because I care about her alot. She is a cutter and has been playing with an ED. She has also tried to commit suicide more than once. This poem, I think, is the most emotional piece I have ever written. I wrote it during and after a conversation with her. The feelings are real, the emotions are true. I know this is long but alot went ito it. Comments/criticism are always, always appreciated.

 

She holds the gun in one hand,

And closes both her eyes.

Life would be so easy, she thinks,

If she weren't alive.

 

She sits alone on her bedroom floor,

Time slowly ticking bye.

And all this while all she thinks of,

Are the million ways to die.

 

But the gun would be the quickest,

The way that holds less pain,

A weapon that, in one swift blow,

Will take away the hurt she feels.

 

This decision burns away the minutes,

As she slowly caulks the gun,

A decision that could take her away,

And take her into Heavens Grace.

 

But I beg her to just hold on,

To give it a little time.

All she wants is death,

And all I want is her alive.

 

She tells me its getting harder,

To control the feelings inside.

I tell her that I love her,

She says she starts to cry.

 

We talk this way for hours,

Fighting back and forth.

All the while she holds the gun,

While I swear and curse.

 

I tell her to hold on tight,

That things will be alright.

She tells me she needs to die,

And that life is full of pain.

 

This girl is fading quickly,

I can hear her finger on the trigger.

She says she's going to go,

But truth be told, I cannot trust her.

 

This is the war we share,

The war just for our lives.

We fight and bleed and plead,

Ask each other to just let go.

 

She tosses the gun to the side,

But keeps it within grasp.

All she wants is death,

A way to end the pain.

 

Somehow I calm her down,

But I know what she'll do;

Run to the razors, or choke down small piles.

I may have kept her living, but they could stop her breathing.

 

I tell her that I love her,

Tell her that I care.

Tell her I'll always be here,

And help her all I can.

 

In the end were always sorry,

Sorry for what we say and do.

The thing is, Brook you'll never know,

How much I truly care.

 

When she says she's sorry,

I really begin to fear,

Because now her apologies,

Seem to mean her grave.

 

It's the way she says she's sorry,

That always gets me scared.

It's like she's saying goodbye,

Saying she wont be there.

 

I beg her to hold on,

Beg her just to stay.

I plead with her to just keep talking,

Afraid during the times when she goes.

 

But tonight she isn't leaving,

And instead picks up the gun.

Her index finger slides on the trigger,

I fear the deed is gone.

 

When everything becomes silent,

When all the world goes still,

I pray to God that my Brook,

Is still hanging in there.

 

Then out of the shadows,

She begins to speak,

And I know she's still alive.

But still wanting otherwise.

 

This girl becomes so guilty,

Sorry for putting me through this.

But all I want to do,

Is wrap my arms tight around here.

 

She doesn't seem to get it,

Doesn't seem to understand,

That I love her so much,

And want to hear her plans.

 

When she wants to die,

I want to be the one she calls.

I want to make sure she pulls through,

Want to make sure she's still alive.

 

And in one instant, all goes quiet.

She says she loves me so,

And that she is sorry for all she's done,

That she just can't do this anymore.

 

There's silence from the other end,

And I begin to cry

Because she might be gone,

And I may be talking to a dead line.

 

Of all the people in the world,

She's the one I could never forget.

I love her with all my heart,

So much more than she'll ever know.

 

When she became so quiet,

When I thought she was gone.

All I could think of was everything,

Everything she would never have.

 

Her eighth grade graduation,

Her first home coming dance.

Her first chance at prom,

With a date who truly cares for her.

 

The graduation ceremony,

The caps and gowns and diploma,

The first day as an adult,

Her first year of college.

 

The children she'd never have,

The husband she'd never marry.

She'd never get to find true love,

And be with him forever.

 

In those moments of silence,

All that I could do,

Was imagine all the things she'd miss,

And things she'd never do.

 

Her dreams would remain just that,

Never coming true.

Ambitions would not be met,

Because her life ended too soon.

 

Then when she finally spoke,

All those things were given back

And in one instant,

I began to breath again.

 

It was then that I seemed to realize,

That its not about what we do.

Life is about simply living,

Holding on, pulling through.

 

Its never giving up,

No matter what life gives you.

Its about telling the people that you love,

How much you really care.

 

Life isn't about what we do,

Its about just living on.

You don't have to be perfect,

You just have to hold on.

 

If we could all just pull through,

I know that in time,

We could all become amazing souls,

So long as we hold on.

 

Her story ends without death,

And in a happy way.

Although my Brook is hurting,

I know that she is strong.

 

In the face of death,

Brook finally made a choice.

It was one made in courage,

One made in and through love.

[ang3l2004]

all that I can type is wow very well written you a re very talented

[under_the_pressure]

wow, that was amazing. i absolutely loved that poem. i can re-read that thing a million times and never get sick of it, because i know i'm just like brook. wow, i really hope to see more and more of your writing. that poem is one of my favorites or IS my favorite.

 

under*

[Protex]

I loved it. Absolutely loved it.

[i_hate_the_world47]

wow that poem brought tears to my eyes.I had a friend like brooke.That was an amazing poem.

 

~Meagan~