ButterflyWrists Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 Stupid damn sinus infection Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted December 21, 2013 Author Share Posted December 21, 2013 Right... How to stop me itching my ear? GO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Well this year has been tough and trying. I started the year still in university, studying hard and worrying, stressing about my final year project. I was mostly content although was in counselling due to stress bought on by my ex housemates from the year before and general stress. I had an ear infection every month from Feburary-August, and probably in January too.. It was stressful, trying to heal from the operation and study. I was lucky to not have any exams in January, it gave me time to focus on coursework and my project. My project didn't get started until Feburary/March due to late approval (grr!) and then my equipment broke down in April, days before my birthday. I broke down nearly was close to throwing it all in.. But I pulled through. Had to revise for my exams during all this stress, and managed to pull out a couple of 2.1 results for my exams, dragging up mid 2.2's to high 2.2's, that struggle was worth it. I recorded myself reading out my essay answers for my exams, so when I was out for walks I was listening to the essay so I could remember it easier, I didn't have to solely focus. I also fell asleep listening to it.. It worked I believe for some of my exams.. However the exam I revised the most for I barely scrapped a pass at 40%, with 40% being the passing grade. That module got dropped from my overall degree grade. I had a bad time on the day I would have graduated had I not had issues with equipment failure for my project in July.. So, since finishing uni, I achieved a 2.2 degree - considering all the issues I had, that was a fantastic achievement. I have got a job after being on job seekers for 3 months, and working hard! I'm enjoying the working life, much less stress. Although that hasn't been easy either.. My card machines went down when I was in (on my own) on Christmas eve, after I'd got stuck in a flood on the way to work (car died in the flood...) I nearly broke down then too. Overall though, this year has been the best year of my life. I pulled through the stress, lifted myself up during my down times and fought to the very end. Staying up late, writing 4000 words in 2 days for my project and I achieved my 2.1 for it! I still detest analysis, and for next year I am planning to do a course online to do with analysis. I need to work on my weaknesses, and this will go towards showing potential employers and educational facilities that no matter what, I fight and achieve, I will do whatever it takes to overcome issues. I've also had plenty of fun this year, I went to a few gigs, a festival, made some amazing friends. Passed my car and motorbike theories - still need to do the practicals haha which will be happening in the new year. I've become a better, and stronger person over this year. And I look forward to next year, the challenges I will face and how they will help me grow as a person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Got my official graduation picture today... I look fat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 So cause you're 5k in debt, it means I can afford to pay your ing petrol? I have stuff I need to save up for, car license, bike license, new motorbike (and to get a decent one at that is gonna be a significant amount of money!) new motorbike gear. On a minimum wage part time job. Go get a job or sign on if you cant afford to run me 5 ing miles down the road! Rant at my selfish bloody brother! ARGH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 Still annoyed with my brother.. I now only have £100 to last me until pay day, outta that I gotta do some food shopping cause we have no food, I gotta pay train tickets up to my friends for her 21st birthday and get her a present.. and go and see another friend on saturday.. I cant go into my savings, I need to pay off my overdraft so I can afford to get a new motorbike. Ugh stress D: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 It's strange looking back through people I knew in school.. Very few of them from my year are child free (and I'm only 23).. The majority of the ones who are childfree are the ones who went to university.. There is one girl I went to school with, who is pregnant with her 4th child... Her first child did not survive though.. I find is strange.. Then there's a girl from the year below me, who I was friends with, who just yesterday had her second child, and another friend who is 20 (I think, maybe 21...) who is pregnnat with her second child.. I want a child, but damn, I want to get myself established first.. A career, I want to have travelled, I want to have savings.. And most of these girls who I knew, are on benefits and don't really have any sort of life to offer their children.. Admitedly some do.. But very few.. it's sad.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 I still don't feel like an adult yet, maybe that's why the above post has me confused? I still live with my mum - admittedly not by choice but necessity. I don't drive, although getting both my licenses this year.. Have a bloody single bed - my rooms too small for anything bigger.. have a million (not quite) teddies.. my room looks like it belongs to a damn child haha.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 Paid my first lot of NI (national insurance) - now I feel like an adult.. Have't had to pay tax yet, nor any of my student loan back thankfully.. It's so strange... Still pretty dependant on my mum, well to get around anyway, seeing as motorbike is still off the road for the time being Also we're expecting more rain, which will mean more flooding in my local area so can't really get out of the county haha.. I want to go back to uni, life was so much simpler.. and I also didn't feel a crushing desire to be a mother... I am not ready to give up my life style yet, not ready to give up gigs, random nights out with friends, randomly crashing at friends and not having many plans.. The festivals.. I want to travel more, and actually get my career started! Finish my education.. But living with mum and working in a job unrelated to my degree - I feel that desire strongly and it's bugging me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 I am getting fed up of all the attention seekers in my friends list on fb. This woman is 24, posted on fb about cutting herself, ending up at A&E and saying how no one ever says anything positive to her. it's irritating! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 getting extremely concerned about being cut off due to the flooding in somerset. I am on a hill on the edge of the levels, so I'm not flooding, however we are being cut off from civilisation.. Trees and landslips to one side of us, flooding to the nearest two towns, and no other shops close by. We can't afford to do a reasonable sized shop in case of an emergency, so we're pretty screwed if things get any worse than they already are. But at least we still have our home, two of the villages around us have been completelly flooded out, its scary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 Feeling numb, slept loads the last two days and still want to sleep, not because I'm tired, but because I want time to pass by until I can do my bike test and get out of this hell hole. At least I'm numb and no longer angry, means crap will just roll off my back instead of getting me pissed.. I like this feeling, it's not good though, to feel nothing. To feel like time and everything is moving past you and your sitting there never changing.. Waiting.. Waiting for a dream that'll never come true, because you cant afford it, after paying your mum half your wages.. When your brother does nothing to help, but yells and belittles you. He's right though.. I am fat and disgusting. Maybe him calling me that will help me lose weight? I really don't care what happens to me anymore. I'll never achieve my career goal,I/m not smart enoguh.. I don't have the will power to push through the pain my ears bring me on a regular basis, to achive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 6, 2014 Author Share Posted March 6, 2014 Feeling stuck in a rut. Been ill this week, stupid cold, why do they always screw with my ears? Means anti biotics, which is stupid I very rarely get colds though thankfully. Anyway, I still haven't sorted out going back to university, I should get on that.. I am feeling out of touch and pretty lost not being there.. Like, being back at home is a step backwards. Trying my hardest to keep positive, but working part time, and having no money to myself, hardly ever seeing friends takes its toll. Gotta book in for my bike license soon should probably call them today gonna cost a lot, £550, not even got £400 put away for it yet.. And then buying a new motorbike... Gonna have to get that on finance, not something I am really liking the idea of, but I want to get a reliable bike. Can't believe I am 24 next month, still living with mummy - how pathetic is that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 1. It isn't pathetic that you live with your mum, don't even best yourself up over that. 2. You are beautiful and kind. Intelligent and wise! Your brother sounds like a bully, please don't listen to him! I hope you feel better soon, x. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 I wish I had my own place though, my rules, I can go in whatever room I want and not be bombarded with smoke etc. My brother is a bully, he had a go at me this morning because I'm going to exeter and he said I should ride my motorbike not get a train, it doesn't affect him in any way shape or form. He's being all depressed, it's hard living in a house with 1 3rd of the household is depressed, and my mum is moody cause of it, and so am I. It's frustrating, I wish my brother would grow up and get a damn job, he's 27 for goodness sake! I'm feeling a bit better now petite, glad to be away these next three weekends, exeter today, uni city next weekend, and weekend after The other side of london Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Now the suns out I am feeling happier and more positive cannot wait for riding season to start again, riding with people is much nicer I think. I'm looking forward to doing my full test next month and upgrading to a bigger bike, not sure what at the moment, don't want anything over 600cc cause well... I'm short and not *THAT* confident lol.. Also gotta find a bike I can sit on and touch the ground, damn my 5ft3 hight lol.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 So it's coming up six years since I last ran away from home.. Wow how things have changed since then, all for the better. Running away has never been a mistake for me, it helped me gain insight on how wrong life was at home, and how much things needed to change, it got me out of the situation and I began to see a life I could have. I stayed in a homeless unit in Scotland, and a friend and his wife helped me out. The friends wife is a psychologist, and helped me with deciding on how to go about my future, admittedly it did not involve going home. However, I did go home, I finished my college course and did my access to university course. If I hadn't of ran away, I've, no idea what my life would be like now. It's strange the things we remember, I never remembered the date I ran away, and I never really bothered to think about it a year after the fact.. I guess I am just reminicing university. I wish I was still there, the best 3 years of my life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 This is not good. Since last Friday/Saturday, I've had nightmares nearly every night. Last night was the worst one. Time to tell my 'friend' we are no longer friends. This really should not have such a huge affect on me. It's irrational.. EDIT.. Just messaged him, he won't see it until he gets home from work around 7:30 at earliest.. At which time I shall be at work.. Hope he doesn't message me back, cause I am not discussing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 And this is why I love my university city! link removed Not hugely happy about the place I went to uni being named, but shh it's an amazing idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 I really feel like being an emo attention seeker and demanding attention. not feeling that great, ho well, such is life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 13, 2014 Author Share Posted March 13, 2014 Finally booked my tickets to get me outta here for a few days. Seeing my best friend, and whatever else he is, for the first time in 8 bloody months! (damn you P!) next weekend, cannot wait. It'll be my first 'holiday' since starting work.. and then one more week at work before a week off between my and my mums birthdays. It sucks I cant have mums birthday off, but it falls on mothers day, so my co-workers are all going to have plans for that day.. Ah well, my mum understands. I live with her anyway so can do something nice in the morning, and it's a short shift. Riding motorbike to my uni city tomorrow to see some friends, hopefully go for a ride with some of my bike friends too.. going to be a great weekend, ride is going to be quite long, 2 hours there abouts, gotta make sure I get my step dads sat nav, both my phones charged up too so I can use those also if I get crazy lost haha. Once I'm in the city center I know where I'm going. Just gotta be careful not to end up on the motorway haha! So excited for the weekends I've got planned. London, Camden P is so gonna love that *sarcasm* but he loves me, and finds it amusing.. He's as far from alternative as a dog is from a cat lol.. But the boots, and the corsets, and the clothes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Your trip sounds exciting, so happy that you'll get to go away for a bit and hope you have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 So far I've succeeded at cutting crisps (chips) out of my diet. Chocolate I'm still working on.. Ride didn't go ahead yesterday due to thick fog on the Somerset levels.. It's cleared today though so a ride up the hills is planned and WILL be going ahead. did baking yesterday with mam, fudge - which didn't come out quite right, needed beating more lol, it's fudge, just very soft lol.. Very nommy and moreish too baked two cakes, an apple cake and a chocolate vanilla swirl (from a packet) cake, and some pasties made curry for tea too. full of lots of veggies omnomnom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 19, 2014 Author Share Posted March 19, 2014 So sleepy, it's light at 6am now, so I'm awake at 6am.. I should start doing something productive seeing as I'm awake.. Especially as soon it'll be 5 am that I wake up cause the clocks go back.. My 'blackout' curtains fail.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 So tired.. Had to be up at six today, going to see a friend later.. around 10am, and its around a 45min ride to the trainstation.. But it'll be a good day. My weekend with P was pretty good, went to the science museum in South Kensington, loads of cool stuff, we went on a couple of the rides. Then he bought me some super chocolate things.. and an easter egg which we polished off pretty quick lol.. Didn't do much on sat or sun, just hung out, watched movies and took the dog for a walk. Forgot how disconnected he can get sometimes.. He doesn't do affection at all, really.. But it's all good, I know that about him and love who he is xD.. bet it'll be another 6 months before I see him again xD cheeky sod lol.. Got next week off work, my birthday is next week too, gonna be 24, don't want to be.. Does that make me my mid 20's instead of early? I still look about 17 most of the time, so I'ma just say am not going out in uni city for the night before my birthday, should be lots of fun don't want to grow up though.. I want to go back to simple life, uni, lectures, assignments.. Ok uni isn't easy, but at least it's more interesting than 'hi, how are you today? ok remove your card. do you need a VAT receipt. have a nice day' I ask those questions to every single customer with a big smile on my face.. Sometimes it varies, depends if I know the person lol.. but it is a pretty boring job.. oh well, monehs at the end of the day.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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