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He Loves Her -Comments/Criticism Greatly Appreciated-


mymelancholysoul

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I wanted to try something new and this is it.

 

She asked

'Do you feel me standing here?'

For he never seemed to notice

Such a faded frame

That waits for hours

Just to be cast aside

By his dangerous, lying eyes.

Oh,

But he loves her.

He loves her.

His hands touch her flesh

But feel no further

And when hes done,

He sleeps

And she weeps.

Oh but he loves her.

He loves her.

Work runs late

Or so he claims

But the real tale

Comes from the motel.

The morning hours

Has come and gone

Though he has yet

To show.

But he loves her.

He loves her.

'Do you feel me standing here?'

She asks again

Her smile falls

And eyes shade themselves

In his shadow.

When he stops calling

And forgets their anniversary

She forgives him.

Because he loves her.

He loves her.

Late one night

When the world lays asleep

And he lights up his death,

The girl sways and swaggers

On the brim of life.

Dancing slowly

With out turned hands

And open eyes

She smiles a most delicate smile

Before calling out onto the world

'Do you feel me now?'

And without a reply

The girl laughs through tears.

An envelope slips onto a chair

Before over she goes.

Her body dangles in the moonlight,

With one last tear,

Rolling over pale cheeks.

Did he love her?

Yes,

Yes he loved her

But only when

She was gone.

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