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Things that I've been through is all I can speak for


r0ckox

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...

well well... it appears that even after all the negativity, there's still room for a certain someone

 

sometimes i have to just let it all out in order to get over it, and that's what happened. i'm completely fine with you now.

 

as far as everything else... i see progress in the horizon. life's treating me well lately and i'm glad i'm still here.

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  • 2 weeks later...

so, i finally did it.

after a year and a half of being a girl about it, i finally asked out Rachel; the bartender at the Kahuna.

 

she was harping on and on about having nothing to do this weekend, and figured she would go into the city or something by herself.

she was sending signals that she wanted to be asked to do something...

she still partys and all that, and my friend's brother is throwing a kegger tonight. so i asked her to come.

she said "yeah that sounds like a good idea.........." then walked away, and never came back. it was like she pretty much avoided me the rest of the night. (at least; thats the way i perceived it)

i would have gotten her number and tried a little harder had she come back to talk to me about it, but she didn't seem interested in the idea (the way she said "yeah it sounds like a good idea" was as if she was just being nice and didn't want to directly say no) and i left shortly after.

 

its a shame, im sure we would have had a lot of fun tonight.

 

oh well. at least i tried.

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so the monster is almost done!

for the last month i've been buying parts for my new computer. all i need now is my gfx card and i'm all set.

 

this is my first time building my own pc, and damn i enjoyed it.

i want to build another!!

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the beast is a success. i was glued to my desk at home from friday - sunday night. enjoying the hell out of this thing, here.

 

on another note:

 

it's monday and i've been in a terrible mood since thursday.

 

nothin' changes if nothin' changes.

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  • 2 weeks later...

home sweet home this weekend... for the final time.

 

as badly as i want it to be a 'success' and have a decent time... i know what it will be.

 

nothing changes, if nothing changes. that's the biggest truth to life - and i will get to say goodbye to my domain.

 

since 2008, i've had a good run with that place. there have been decent times. there have been terrible times.

i've had good friends over, and i've had the worst of the worst over.

i've stumbled in that door, black out drunk too many times. i woke up on the floor, there.

 

i neglected it. i took advantage of it. i did what i could.

 

i came back to it after 4 months jail time. i didn't recognize it.

 

now, i will spend my final weekend there.

 

reflect mode is in effect.

good place is good. bad place is bad.

 

maybe i can leave the bad memories with it.

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man i'm in a crappy mood today. i guess it started last night and is just continuing into today.

i dont know why, either. i'm assuming it's because im tired. cranky would be the word, i suppose.

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i dont know where i'm going. all i know is where i've been.

i dont know where i'm going. all i know is where i've been.

 

for years, all of the blood sweat & tears.. you think you know but you have no idea.

 

this is what my heart beats for... things that i've been through is all i can speak for.

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Every time I hear THIS song, it puts a smile on my face. brings me back to good friends and times that money cant replace!

 

 

when your time comes and your number's up.. all you have in life is whats left in your cup...

when the whistle blows and the party's over, don't let em drag you out bored and sober.

well whats done is done, and whats said is said.. and the dreams you had are lying in your bed

let your memories be filled with no regrets... there's no second chance, there's no turning back soooooooooooooooooooooo

 

Every time I close my eyes, i start to drift away.... thinkin' about some days gone by and how they just flooaattt away.

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i really hate that just about everyone i've ever let in my life sucks, or has sucked. (since they aren't in it anymore).

 

it bothers the hell out of that i chose all the wrong people. i fear it's too late to begin choosing the right ones, as most of us are stuck in our ways.

 

wuteverkid. keeptruckingastheysay.

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so. all i gotta do is go down to the DMV, apply for the DDP and I can apply for my conditional license @ the same time.

r0ckox will be back on the road in no time.

 

would be really nice to drive the infiniti again.

 

awwwwww yeah.

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come one and all and see the broken man talking to himself. he sits and waits for something better, he'll never find it here. the people touch his hair and his cheek, he can't even feel it.

there it goes again... he's listening to someone, hears the bitter laughter, all he wants to know is why? does any of it matter? (i can't take it anymore)

you've got to try.. the inhale makes the exhale seem so much better.

 

he wipes his hands on anything in reach, he never feels clean. he shakes at night because his nerve has gone. every muscle hurts.

come one and all and see what happens. the broken man is me.

there it goes again. i can hear it louder, it doesn't feel good anymore.

all i want to know is why? does any of it matter? i can't take it anymore.

you've got to try... the inhale makes the exhale so much better.

 

now i know i disappear.

i can't find my way from out of here.

everything is fading on me.

someone tell me.... someone tell me.

someone tell me why does any of it matter? i can't take it anymore.

you've gotta try... the inhale makes the exhale so much better.

 

why?

 

you've gotta try.

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so here i am.. it's friday night and i'm finally sitting back relaxing. been a hell of a week. pete's been out of the shop because of his knee surgery, so that leaves me in charge. i haven't really run things since before i got locked up last year, and overall -- it feels good. i've missed this. yeah, it's stressful and not everything went the way i wanted......... but i really did miss this. i want to include mike and give him a little more responsibility besides parts, but he gets a little over the top sometimes and makes mountains out of molehills, but he's only doing that since he cares. he's gotta chill the hell out and let things happen as they will.

 

i like being in charge. i like telling the guys what they have to do, and believe it or not... as much as i hate hearing from the customers asking about their cars, i enjoy talking to them and being the one they rely on. it's giving me a sense of self-worth that i've needed badly lately.

 

anyway, besides that... i've kind of, sort of, been feeling decently lately. since i've taken back the shop while pete is out and have gotten some self worth back, i've been incorporating it into every day life, and i find myself a tad happier than usual. i think it has to do with the fact i've finally ended things with whatsherface. i'm not getting into details, but it's finally over and the stress is gone.. so that's a major pick me up.

don't get me wrong, i still have my down days.. my hateful days, but over all i'd say things are headed in the right direction.

 

nothin' changes if nothin' changes....and the more i believe it, the better sh-t will be.

 

time to handle it. step my game up.

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