r0ckox Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 i can't tell you about the evil that men do, i can only tell you about the things that i've been through. As far as solo? I'm all fine. Cellar is all wine. Would be selfish for me to say that Skuffy is all mine.. cuz it ain't i'm just another employee that's on line.. trying to get my act together and do it one more time. 21-truth salute, with all rhymes, and i know it's up to me to make sure that we all shine. this is what my heart beats for... things that i've been through is all i could speak for. --- anyway, with that introduction - this is my journal. been there, done that - but doing it again anyway. listen, i played with the snakes in the grass, paid for my mistakes in the past, everybody ate when i came with the cash... at least i tried to ride the wave till it crashed. thats the point of this journal here. i tried to ride the wave, and it's all crashed. this is where i come for solitude now that everything is at an all-time low. but who am i kidding? its been at an all time for for a while now. it tried to find to the root of it all. tried to climb the ladder only to find out that it's another uncompleted task. i'm ashamed that i can't finish a single thing i start... but one day i'll get there. one day i'll be at the top. right now, i just need to vent things out until i can get a clear perspective of what i want this journal to be. i'm promising myself that this will be my FINAL journal. i've had a lot of them over the years. a lot with different themes, thought processes, and ways of writing it all out -- but this one... this is the last one. this is the final cut... and i won't settle to let this go to waste. i don't really care if anyone follows it, or if anyone comments on it, or anything like that. this is here for me and me only... so 10 years from now i can come back and read it and ask myself "W^F were you thinking?!" and maybe get a laugh out of it. this is going to be up and down. i'll be speaking of it all... i won't forget anything. it all gets put on the table here. so.. thats what it is. we'll start this tomorrow, or sometime close to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 another day another hangover. another day another headache. another day another 65 cars to worry about. such a pain in the as$ this job is! it needs to slow the hell down! at least im taking a break now, though. still have another 4 hours or so until i can finally walk out of here. roaar. so last night was okay. i went out again even though i shouldn't be, but i had a pretty good time. i saw brianna, who is actually starting to grow on me a little bit. i think she genuinely likes me, the more and more i see her. she's constantly asking me why i don't have a girlfriend, moves in and gets any other girl away from me, makes references to us going out to the diner again and me taking her on "a real date" and such. there's a lot of me that thinks that she's the same as everyone else i meet there... but i don't know. ive been through this before and don't want to put it out there. i think i'm doing just fine the way i've been going. then theres ashley -- through all the BS, we managed to start a friendship again, and are talking on a regular basis. there's still things that need to be worked out, but i think we're doing okay. i'm a little annoyed at her today for not calling me back after she told me she would. "i'll call you back in 2 seconds." - yet here it is like 4 hours later and not even a peep. whatever, though. i can't fret about it - she's not my girl. (bothers me that if it was the other way around, she'd be able to say something and get away with it!) anyway. im tired as hell tonight, and i know i'm gonna pass out while watching the last yankee game. i hope they win. don't want to get swept by tampa! PLAYOFFS begin friday!! i'm excited. october baseball; it's what i live for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 guess i'm getting too close again.... time to pull back. my bad. 2 seconds passed a long time ago. i'll take the hint. you know what else sucks? this job. it's easy but it's also stressful as hell. i need to figure out a system to work smarter, not harder. it would help if i actually had a staff that gave a crap about this place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 why does the TV show the same crap over and over again? this is really annoying. flipping through channels and watching the same shows that were just on the other day.. lame. fire in the hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueidealist24 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 lol you're somehow amusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 lol thanks. i'll take that half compliment and run with it. it's so easy to look at someone with no confidence and just want to scream at them to man up and take the bull by the horns. it's so easy to do that, yet so hard to do it yourself. wonder why that is? take my geico guy for instance. no confidence. takes forever and a half to make a decision. has no clue what he's talking about...... and i just wanna strangle him and tell him to buck the hell up.... yet me? try having me ask a pretty girl out and i'll run out the back exit. kind of sad if you ask me. oh well. at least i'm not in cuba. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 BASEBALL PLAYOFFS are finally here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 so apparently i must be living on pluto - because the way i think is so far out there that nobody except me can understand it. guess i'm my own 1-man-wrecking crew then. let's go jets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 i wonder when my pizza will get here. it better be better than that crap they tried to pass off as a pizza yesterday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 ^ it was a hell of a lot better. i commend them who dared make such a great pizza. now if only i had some jack to wash it all down with. :stupid: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 the nail biter is about to start.... game 4 of the 2011 American League Divisional Series... yankees vs. tigers...... tigers up 2 games to 1. (that's 2-1 overall for the slow people) if the yanks lose tonight, season's over. it all rests on AJ Burnett's hands. nail biter indeed, AJ... nail biter indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 THIS IS INTENSE. INTENSE. NTENSE. THIS IS INTENSE. nail biting to the MAX, mang. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 i got some girl's phone number last night, and then i lost it. i have no idea where it went. sucks for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 still never found that girl's number. looks like she won't be hearing from me. i won't even continue looking, what's done is done. tonight. game 5. ALDS. the fate of the yankees season rest's on ivan nova's hands. /me has faith. this will too be intense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 i'm in a really weird mood today. don't know what is causing it... was just a regular day i'm undecided on what i want to do tonight. perhaps i should do nothing. this is lame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 i'm all by my lonesome tonight. well, like every night. shame. this should not be the case! fire in the hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 no one ever tells you that 'forever' feels like home. i'm looking at you thru the glass, dont know how much time has passed, oh god it feels like forever..... no one ever tells you that forever feels home, sitting all alone inside your head. and it's the stars, the stars ... they'll shine for you, yeah. and it's the stars, the stars ... they'll lie to you, yeah. oh the stars.. the stars..... they lie... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 i think i need a leer jet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 i'm quite proud of myself today. i'm doing well. just need a little more time to myself before i break back out of the shell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 hey.. hey you... proved my point once again. now i'm serious...done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 ah, i'm low today. i wish i made more of an impact on people, so that they'd care and be there for me when i needed them. i don't know if it's my fault or if it's just that people generally only care about themselves. i'm an aquarius so my thinking is on pluto rather than on earth like the rest of the world - so maybe i'm doing something wrong that i dont know? maybe my lack of effort in creating relationships is what's keeping me from having the one thing i crave the most? i dont know. i haven't really been myself lately and there are times where i sit here and am just aching for someone to call me up and say "damn dude, you look like you could use a drink" and then offer to take me out and show some concern. actually, i've wanted that for a long time - primarily because when that does happen, it's always me doing the taking out and the buying of the drinks! so i guess i could use some friends who were more like me - but at the same time.... i don't want friends like me. i'm not even happy with myself, so to ask for more people just like me would be insanity. lol. guess i'm just lonely - it happens, more to me than anyone else, but hey - it happens. work is kicking my ass, too. there's just soooo many cars and not enough hours or manpower in the day to even try getting to them all! i'm tired of projecting cars to be finished at a certain date and failing to deliver. i keep telling the lady with the mini-cooper "tomorrow" every day now, and it's starting to bother ME more than it is her. ANNNDDD i have 6 more coming in tomorrow morning. there is something strange thats been on my mind all day though. when i got into work this morning, my old man told me that his wife (my step mother) went to a psychic medium yesterday. she was a little late, and the psychic had already mentioned her before she got there, to the rest of the group - so when she arrived, the psychic asked her what her name was, and when she replied the entire group kind of gasped. so the psychic then asked if "scruffy, or skuffy" means anything to her - which is the business me and my old man run - so she agreed.... they talked about that a little bit, then i was brought up. apparently my grandparents are the people the psychic connected with, and they feel that i'm doing well so far but need to learn more of the business, which is true. i'm doing okay, not as good as i want to be - but i do have a lot more to learn...it's kind of freaky in a way how the whole psychic and dead people work. i never believed it, but this was just weird the way it was described to me. the thing that shocks me the most about all the things that was said about me - the psychic asked if i had a girlfriend, to which my step mother said i did not - and the psychic said she, and my grandparents were worried about a pregnancy. i haven't slept with anyone since july 2010, and i'm pretty sure i didn't get that girl pregnant - as we only had sex for a few minutes before she realized cheating on her partner was wrong. i've barely done anything with a girl SINCE... so it's not like i have to be worried about a CURRENT pregnancy. so the only thing i can think of, is a major bullet i may have dodged. saturday night me and a buddy went out to a bar to do some drinking, afterwards we stopped somewhere else and i ran into a girl i see there on occasion. we've had our moments where i can tell she's into me as more than just 'someone at the bar' - but that particular night she came on real strong. pretty much the first words out of her mouth were "we're having sex tonight. i don't care, we're doing it. that's that." i had been intoxicated, but not to the point of blackout, and i remember agreeing with her, saying i was down for it. a couple hours later, i decided to leave early as i was starting to feel sick. (not puking sick, but i have a cold sick) - and i pretty much ditched the girl and didn't even say anything about it. so my guess, is that had i gone through with it, i could be facing some serious problems right now. but, in a positive note, at least the psychic knows i'll be sleeping with someone eventually! lol. problem is, i still want what i'll never have. i'm ashamed at that... and the entire ordeal has put a serious blow on my already low self-esteem. but time heals all wounds, and i'm confident in the fact that once i go back to jail for my 2nd "bid" i'll come out a different person. ..at least, for a good 6 months anyway, until i drag myself right back into the same crappy mindset that i have now. but all that is another story. i made my bed and i have to lie in it.. just like i did back in 2007/2008. it is what it is. i'll be back a little later, i'm going to find something to entertain me for a little bit as i don't know where to keep going here without getting all depressive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 thank god it's saturday! i can finally sleep in tomorrow. i don't know if i wanna go out tonight, i don't think i'm feeling it. guess i'll ride out the day and see how it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 you know what's awesome? waffles and sausage. hell yeah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 I really don't want to be back at work already. I'm here so much more than I'm not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 i cant stand all these chilis, applebees, fridays, outback steakhouse commercials. they make the food look SO good, but then when you get there - its a disappointment. go to hell, fake food commercials. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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