Is she jealous? I'm confused.

[r0ckox]

I have a very long history with a girl I've known since 04. I don't want to get into the details, but the short version is that back in 09, it looked as if we were headed into starting a relationship. That all fell to pieces by 2010 and since then it's been a huge struggle for me to remain her friend. We stop talking for a while, and end up talking again, then I tell her we can't be friends and we always get back in touch.

 

The details don't matter that much as I can't tell what anything means with her anyway.

 

Long story short, she's always been jealous of this other girl I'll dub as S. Me and S had a thing back in 2007 but it ended after only a month, due to the fact that this was a real TRASHY girl. Nothing I could respect.

 

Back in either october or november of 09, I was on the phone with the girl I'm dubbing as A (who this story is about) and while we were joking around on the phone, my old man asked me "Who you talking you? S?" and A heard that, and ever since then - she gets extremely p*ssed when she hears her name. I've explained to her countless times that I can't stand the girl, have no respect for her, don't like her, and so on. Now, back when things were looking "good" between us, I could understand her jealousy... but now? After 2 years of ups and downs (mostly downs) it still doesn't make sense.

 

A told me back in April that she just wanted to be friends. She wanted nothing more than that.

Fine. I struggled with that, because I have really strong feelings for her. Even told her I loved her (got nothing back, of course. Not even a gentle let down..literally nothing back. I told her this months prior)

 

So since, I've been struggling with the idea of remaining "friends" with her. I've tried to cut the friendship and move on, but it hasn't worked - as we always get back in touch.

 

So she's been calling me a little more than usual lately, and I've been restraining myself from talking to her on the phone. It'll just make me want to continue it and I know it's not healthy for either of us, so I just text her every now and then and don't really call her back when I've missed a call from her.

 

Last sunday, I was at a bar with some friends, and I happened to see S there. I haven't seen S since last year when I was in her town, and we ended meeting up to "catch up" - she ended up ditching me for some guy and I left her town without even a goodbye from her. Fine, whatever. Just another reason not to give a sh*t about her, right?

 

So as we were at the bar, I went outside for a smoke, and saw S fall on her face in a drunken stupor. I laughed my face off when I saw it, and knowing that A hated her, I thought she'd get a kick out of hearing the funny news.

 

This is how the text conversation went:

 

Me: Hey, remember S? I just saw her fall on her face right onto the concrete...SUCH a great sight! LOL"

 

Her: "...if ur with her, don't even bother talking to me. No respect man."

 

Me: "What? I wasn't with her, she was where we're watching the Jets game...but what's the problem? What's that 'No respect' comment about? I thought you'd find that funny? Am I missing something?"

 

Her: "No I want her dead. I can't even get a conversation out of you, and you're with some trashy girl..."

 

Me: "It's not like I was hanging out with the girl. She knows I can't stand her and don't like her at all. hence why I laughed my face off when she fell on hers... I thought you'd get a kick out of it."

 

She didn't respond, and the next night she called me. I was asleep early that night and did not hear my phone, so I wake up to a text message from her saying:

 

her: "Of course, why would you ever answer your phone?"

 

me: "I would have! I was asleep..."

 

Her: "Asleep with S."

 

and after that I did not respond. I'm not going to play into her jealousy games again. She turned ME down, told me she JUST wanted to be friends.

So I ignored her. Whats the big deal, and what's this whole "Asleep with S." comment about? I told her I DO NOT LIKE S. A thousand times.

 

The next day, I get a picture message from her... it's a revealing full-body picture of her in her underwear - with the caption underneath it: "Would u respect me more if I took off my clothes?!?!"

 

To which I've ignored. I don't understand what's going on right now... Is she jealous? and if so, why? She's the one who told me that she just wanted to be friends and always knew she didn't want to get into a relationship with me.... so then if that's the case, why get so mad at the mention of another girl? I wasn't doing it to disrespect her or to rub anything in her face, I just mentioned it because I knew we both didn't like the girl and I found it amusing she fell on her face.

 

I thought she'd find it funny...

 

I'm really confused at her behavior, and don't know if I should even be talking to her.

We haven't even seen eachother since January 2011..?? It's not like we hang out?

 

That would be like her wanting to be with me, me turning her down, then getting mad that she's with someone else... to me it just doesn't make sense, and OBVIOUSLY I'm missing something?

[RedDress]

She likes you. Clearly. Like a big walking neon blinking sign.

 

I actually think you left the important stuff out. She said she just wanted to be friends... but is that because she wasn't getting what she wanted from you? Maybe she felt you weren't paying her enough attention or something?

 

No question in my mind. She likes you.

[annie24]

why do you try to stay friends with her??

[r0ckox]

She likes you. Clearly. Like a big walking neon blinking sign.

 

I actually think you left the important stuff out. She said she just wanted to be friends... but is that because she wasn't getting what she wanted from you? Maybe she felt you weren't paying her enough attention or something?

 

No question in my mind. She likes you.

 

From an outsiders point of view, yes -- it looks that way. However, I've got other threads you can read which dictate a very different story.

 

I'm going to PM you and send you the threads so you can see what I'm talking about -- don't want to put them on here publicly as it'll take away from the point of this thread.... let me know your thoughts after you read them....

[annie24]

she can like you - but does she want to date you??? i've had my share of guys who liked me, but didn't want an exclusive relationship, for one reason or another. they are time wasters. don't bother.

[r0ckox]

why do you try to stay friends with her??

 

I don't have an answer for that. I guess it's because we always get back in touch whenever we go NC. I figured I might as well give a friendship a shot since we both always fail at NC.

 

she can like you - but does she want to date you??? i've had my share of guys who liked me, but didn't want an exclusive relationship, for one reason or another. they are time wasters. don't bother.

 

No, she doesn't want to date me... that's my whole point.

 

WHY get jealous then? If you don't want me, then why get so upset about it?

[DN]

Move on - even if she does like you, she's way too histrionic and hard to get for any sane person to tolerate.

[r0ckox]

Move on - even if she does like you, she's way too histrionic and hard to get for any sane person to tolerate.

 

I already know to move on. I'm not looking for anything to happen with this girl. I'm just confused as to why I'm getting crap for this.... she turned me down, so why is she getting jealous? That's all I'm really trying to figure out here. It just doesn't make sense to me.

 

 

She likes me, yet she doesn't want me.

When i show interest, she doesn't want it.

When I don't show interest and try and move on -- all of a sudden I'm such a bad guy.

[annie24]

hey - i've had that too!! guys who don't want to date me, but they get jealous if i start seeing someone else. it's just selfishness. i think she likes the attention from you and suspects if you are dating S or whomever that there will be less attention for her.

[Galaxo]

She likes you, but does not want to be with you. The friends part is so she does not lose you, at the same time she does not want you to find someone else, because she will lose you if you do.

 

Have been in this situation before, do not trust her advice, opinions etc... when it comes to you and another girl. What she gets from you by being your friend, is worth more to her than your happiness.

[Mesemene]

It sounds like while she herself might not want to commit to you as more than a friend - she doesn't want anyone else to supplant her in your life either. That's just not fair or realistic.

 

And it sounds like she's way more interested in feeling in control of you and keeping you off balance than in your happiness - definitely not what a friend should be.

 

It doesn't make sense to you because there's no logical sense, in a normal sense, behind it. It's controlling and manipulative behavior, and even if she doesn't intend it to be (her feelings, even unbased in anything resembling fact, still exist), it's unhealthy for both of you. You've already started pulling away by only responding via text - you're not being a bad guy by telling her the contact between you is only stressful for you both and severing the relationship.

[RedDress]

Ok... I read (part of) the history you sent.

 

All I can really say is that the two of you have a history of game playing and I think you are both doing it. You like sending texts that you know will illicit an emotional response... she likes reeling you in and cutting you off... it's a jealousy/control game between the two of you.

 

Honestly? I don't think this will ever get better. At the root of it all, I think you both like each other a lot. Unfortunately, you've both played games for SO long that it will never work. Ever. In order for a relationship to work, you must be able to be vulnerable to each other. Neither of you will ever be able to get to that place because of all the games.

 

I think you should just stop. Cut her out of your life. Don't speak to her again. It's one big rollercoaster and the only way to make it stop is to get off and never get back on again.

 

Sorry...

[r0ckox]

In order for a relationship to work, you must be able to be vulnerable to each other. Neither of you will ever be able to get to that place because of all the games.

 

I've been there, though. I've been vulnerable. I've opened up, told her how I felt, told her what I wanted. I've done all that and it still didn't work.

 

Which is fine. I've accepted that it'll never be.

 

But why? What the hell does she get out of playing this stupid game? What could she possibly be getting out of getting all PO'd and jealous, sending me revealing pictures and then having me ignore her? It makes no sense. Doesn't she realize that this is the kind of thing that will make you lose someone you care about? How could you NOT realize that?