redrose85 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 We’ve decided to put everything on hold, and just enjoy each other’s company to get back to where we were. I don’t know what’s happened, but getting engaged has made me so insecure, and he said I’ve had a wall up for the past month, that we’ve been pushing each other away ever since. Neither of us ever expected this. I think it’s all just too much on my plate right now because this is crunch time. People can say whatever they want. I just need to ignore them and ignore everything wedding related. Eye on the prize-- grad and finding a job. I opted to stay home today because I have a big to-do list. It’s pouring rain anyways, and I wasn’t in the mood to go. Instead I asked my friend to bring back some of the materials I need to look into internships for next semester. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I think you guys need to do what's best for you guys. Not every couple comes out of the gate swinging with planning and others need to realize that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Yeah and this is for the best. He was so confused because on the one hand I talk about potentially moving away for work, and on the other, I really wanted to set a date of sorts. He really felt like I was contradicting myself. He said that for now, looking at wedding stuff and thinking about it so much is making me crazy (and I agree) It went from being a fun diversion to something really toxic for me. He said when the time is right, we will plan together, and that he absolutely wouldn’t have proposed if he didn’t want to. That made me feel a bit better. I mostly feel relieved I guess. We tried to work out a compromise for a date, because he was suggesting March 2014, so the midway point between that date and Jan 2013 (what I find ideal) is Oct 2013. But right now, we’re just going to focus on saving, school, work, and each other. Our relationship has really taken a nosedive and like I said, last thing I ever expected to happen between us. I guess we weren’t as ready as I thought we were. I don’t know. We’ve both really been thrown for a loop. I worked on homework for a long time today and then we went to the mall/bookstore and got some lunch. It was nice to have a bit of time together. He got a new book, and I picked out some hilarious birthday cards for friends, and a wedding card for the couple who are getting married this winter (I like to stock up lol.) Here is the website if you’re interested. I love these cards. In real life, they’re sparkly and embossed. I got the unicorn one for my unicorn-loving friend. link removed When we came home I had to get back at it. I finished and submitted my short story a day early. 13 pages and I’m pretty happy with it! I have some nonfiction to finish reading and then I am going to go over the news articles for the next issue. I’m pretty sure they’re all a big jumbled mess and quotes and facts right now and I’m kind of scared to look... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hers Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I'm glad tp hear you're both on the same page. Wedding planning, for us, was such a ridiculous fight sometimes...we let it get in the way of "us" and it sucked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Engagement has sucked. I’m so surprised by that. He’s like, “why aren’t you happy?” But I just don’t know! I want to be. I love him. It’s just all a bit terrifying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 We haven't fought over the planning, per say, except for the eight wedding dates we have had. >. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Oh I’m sure! I just find it so ironic that we’ve been through deaths, pregnancy scares, job loss, illness, and THIS is what’s threatened us. WTH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Oh I’m sure! I just find it so ironic that we’ve been through deaths, pregnancy scares, job loss, illness, and THIS is what’s threatened us. WTH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 I feel like I can breathe again. I was flipping through photos on my phone and came accross a couple of pictures of my e-ring. Made my heart flutter remembering how we picked it over the many others in the store. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I'm glad things are getting better with Alex. I had a REALLY hard time being engaged at first. There is this idea going around that being engaged should put you on the top of the world, but I don't think that's the case for a lot of people. But then those people who are struggling obviously don't want to tell everyone because it's "so bad" of them to feel that way, ya know? I knew I was going to be scared poop-less and have major doubts after getting engaged (because I've done that after every big decision and because my parents hated B so much), and it was only that foreknowledge of myself that kept me from running within the first week of being engaged. I seriously went home after getting engaged and just sobbed and was so entirely full of anxiety, even though I KNEW what I was doing was the right thing. I know that's not exactly the type of problem you two have been having, but I think it's common to have some type of struggle upon making such a life-changing decision, even if it's something you know you want for sure. I think it's good that you are focusing on graduating instead of a wedding right now, and I hope things keep getting better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I agree with Firel. I think another thing that played the part in it is you have been wanting to be engaged for SO long and have felt ready for so long and then Alex proposed and you guys were suddenly looking at a long engagement and the wedding not being around the bend and that just kind of played into the insecurities and the worry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Awww Firiel. That made me want to hug you! I wish I got to feel on top of the world like my other friend is right now. That would be really nice. I don’t doubt our relationship, I just don’t have that feeling. It’s all pretty anti-climactic, really. Just like what OG is saying. I completely agree. What girl doesn’t want her guy to sweep her off her feet and say “oh baby, I want to marry you tomorrow!” I say the wedding is one day, he says it’s THE day. He says we only get to do it once, so it should be really special, not just traipsing off to a courthouse. I get that, totally. But right now it’s not about the wedding, it’s about me feeling insecure because we waited so long to GET engaged and now we’re going to wait to actually get married. Of course it makes me insecure. I get that feeling of, why am I not good enough? But he assures me it IS because I am amazing that he wants us to have an amazing day to start off the rest of our lives, and to have an amazing honeymoon before we start our family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I kind of actually have to disagree with Alex. He honestly has the thinking of a Bridezilla. the wedding day is one day but it's not that day that counts, its every day after. Everything could go wrong on your wedding day and it shouldn't matter because it's not about that day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firiel Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I also don't really understand the need to have a totally special, giant event of a day, but keep reminding yourself that it's not that he doesn't want to marry you... it's that he wants to marry you with GUSTO. He wants everything to be perfect and in order on the day that he marries his perfect fiancee. Also, I think everyone has that "anti-climatic" moment at some point in the engagement/marriage process. I love being married and loved being engaged, but wedding planning was old after a couple of months. And nothing magically changed when we got married. We're still the same old imperfect people who are making it work because we love each other. I think even if you KNOW that in your head, the actual experiential realization of it can be a bit of a let-down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Oh he’s come back down to earth, we agreed on a wedding budget of about $3,000, about 50 guests or so. Nothing big by any means, but something nice, something fun. You think you know a person LOL. It still makes me go hmm... you have all kinds of hidden facets that I still don’t know about. I just did an hour and a half long interview. Amazing story. I’m so excited to write it. I just don’t know what my angle is yet because there are a few different options. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 That's not bad, that's about what we spent and we had 52 guests. My dress and the photography was the most expensive things being $550 and $600. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Hate going to work at the end of the day. Bleh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 How friggin hard is to to follow a basic request. After requesting the October long weekend off several times, and being reassured several times that it would not be a problem, I am booked for 2 of the 4 days. At this point I just feel disrespected. I told my boss before I even came back to work there that I would need that whole long weekend off. Livid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 Can’t sleep so I’m up looking at old facebook photos. Last summer (2010) seems like it was just last week and I’m realizing how quickly time goes! Five years together is a drop in the bucket (unless you’re on hollywood time) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I facebook stalk late at night as well, lol, although it's usually other people, not myself. Every now and then I do. I looked through my niece's photos the other day and could not believe she use to be that tiny little baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 same with my friend’s kids. They aren’t little anymore! They’re 12 and 9! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Last night I got home from work to a back massage, tonight I got home to a martini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 *slaps self in face* get to work!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 I’ve decided that I am not going to be doing the school paper after this semester. This semester it’s do-able, but next, I’ll have an internship tacked on to classes and my deli job. That’s basically 3 jobs and 5 courses. There’s no way. I could do it, but not with sanity. Plus, the deli job will hold me over after grad-- the paper will end in April. Alex and I have really been focusing on shutting the computers and phones down and spending some real time together. It’s been so nice, and we’re getting back to the state that we used to be in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 This morning at work was awful. I’m going to furiously clean the house and blast feel good music until I feel better. Too many cooks with their fingers in the broth...waaaay too many. The city workers are back again. Right now they’re all just sitting outside of the house. I skillfully snuck my car into a different parking spot today but I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to get out. Oh well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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