Just feeling pretty alone at the moment...

[myonlymotive]

Hey lovely people,

 

I'm just feeling very alone at the moment and I'm not sure where to turn, but you guys always give the best advice so I thought this may be a good place to start.

 

I'm feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment- 6 months ago I started dating A. After about a month and a half, A broke up with me because of some severe commitment issues. We were getting along great, everything was going really well and it was really about of the blue. Naturally I was devastated because I'd never liked anyone as much as him before. A week later A called and said that he made the biggest mistake of his life and wanted another chance so I gave him one.

 

It's been 4 months since then and now we've been dating 6 months. Everything was going great (more than great!), again, until last night we last minute agreed for me to spend the night at his. This morning he took me aside and told me that he 'cared about me, but wasn't in love with me as he should be at this stage' and that he didn't know whether he cared about me enough to be dating me. He said that he hadn't missed me over the last week and complained about me having slept in the same bed the night before because I'm getting over a cold so I snored.

 

I'm just really upset. I've put a lot into this relationship and I feel so hurt and betrayed. I can't believe I could love someone this much, and assume they loved me the same way, then I find out they barely care about me at all. I feel like I've been lied to.

 

Anyway he said he was going to decide whether or not we could continue over the next few weeks while he 'tried at the relationship' but I'm not sure I'm happy with this. I love him too much to leave him and I'm having so much trouble coping at the moment, my only two close friends having left the country for the next year.

 

I don't think I could cope with him leaving me as well (or breaking up with him, as all my other instincts are screaming) because I don't have any other close relationships in my life and I'm not great at making friends.

 

The other thing is, I always organise when we see each other and I used to think it was because I thought he was just lazy- BUT if he's * * * * * ing about the time he DOES get to see me (I'm quite busy because I work full time and do uni part time) then maybe he's not worth it.

 

I don't know what to do and I'm not expecting advice but I just wanted to post a rant. Thank you so much if you made it this far!!

 

xx

[penelope13]

Anyway he said he was going to decide whether or not we could continue over the next few weeks while he 'tried at the relationship'

 

It is legitimate that people have doubts from time to time. However, he already broke up with you once. If he still has doubts now - give him the distance and space to figure out his feelings and experience how life would be for him if you are not around anymore, i.e. don't 'try the relationship' while he figures this out. He can't have his cake and eat it too: enjoy all the benefits of a relationship, but when it comes to the responsibilities/commitments claiming 'I haven't made up my mind yet'. It's either all or nothing.

 

You need to stand up for yourself and demand respect and maintain your healthy boundaries.

 

Not having other friends and not being very outgoing are not a good reason to remain in a bad relationship. It imbalances the relationship.

 

A relationship should be an enrichment to your life, not be your life.

 

Start working on your social skills, go out more, make new friends while you go on a break with him until he is decided one way or another

[hazelnut321]

It's been 4 months since then and now we've been dating 6 months. Everything was going great (more than great!), again, until last night we last minute agreed for me to spend the night at his. This morning he took me aside and told me that he 'cared about me, but wasn't in love with me as he should be at this stage' and that he didn't know whether he cared about me enough to be dating me. He said that he hadn't missed me over the last week and complained about me having slept in the same bed the night before because I'm getting over a cold so I snored.

 

That must have been devastating to hear, considering how strong your feelings are for him. It sounded heartless, if that was the way he said it. I'm an optimistic person and I like to think that reconciliations are possible. But sorry, this guy is bad news. If he can come accross so callous- I think that's a giant red flag.

 

Years ago- (decades actually), my first love whom I was so amazingly in love with told me that "he thought he loved me, but he found out that he didn't." I remember that it temporarily destroyed me. But I let him go. And thank God- because who wants to be in love alone?? That's a terrible feeling.

 

Penelope13 is correct- you should never, NEVER stay in a relationship out of fear of being alone. Being alone is umm- lonely, but not as lonely as loving alone. I know of what I speak. You sound young. You will find love and it will be reciprocal love!