1m50L0nl3y Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I dumped my ex because I suspected there was other man, even if I had no evidence I trusted my gut feeling. After months of NC she wants to be my "girlfriend" again, since I never had evidence just a "feeling" I was considering giving her a chance. But I still felt a negative vibe coming from her. She came at me very strong: *Claiming I have a new girlfriend ("congratulations you are in love!") *Claiming I hate her ("You always hated me") *Trying to sabotage my plan for going in America ("Don't go there, lets go together in Italy") *When I told her I think we have a communication problem that we need to fix in order to be together she denied it ("We don't have a communication problem, I don't know what you're talking about") * Despite of "not having communication problems" she claims I don't know her *Wanting to control me ("You need to eat more and smoke less") The things listed above were a turn off so basically I didn't give her a chance based on those statements but I still was feeling something is WRONG. So I began my detective game, something I should've done moths ago but was too busy to do, and WHAT A SURPRISE- She is MARRIED and has a KID. I know I'm an idiot and a very gullible one to not realizing it or having "stalked" her a little when we began dating. It disturbs me that she never mentioned her kid, this means all I was to her was a male prostitute. But what really gets me is that I dislike cheaters with a passion, I come from generations of cheaters even my great great great grandfather was one, I promised to myself I would never do it, and tried to live my life accordingly. This woman knew my moral values on that subject, nevertheless she proceeded with her plan. And worst yet I dump her and she continues to bother me. I'm happy that I finally know what was the problem with her. I feel a big weight off my shoulders. In the other side I feel sad because I was used in a cheating game where there is a marriage and a kid involved, I feel dirty, filthy and with no integrity. I feel lucky that I always wore a condom, and never gave her oral, but just to think that when I was kissing her I was actually swallowing other guy's saliva repulse me. That's where I stand today. My question is, now that I know it and she is still bothering me to get back together, should I go into NC for life, or should I tell her that I found out her truth and who she really is and then vanish? I'm looking for straight forward answers, if you need to flame me go ahead, I know I'm stupid and dirty, and what I did is wrong, and I don't know how will I react if her husband was to contact me. I'm ashamed of myself. But as I said I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS MARRIED. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bichin Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I would disappear permanently, no explanation required. You are to be commended for your honorable intentions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Tell her you have no interest in getting back with her for so many reasons, least of all, because you know she is married. Tell her to stop contacting you. This isn't a reflection on you -- she obviously is a master manipulator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Firstly, sorry she put you through that. I honestly can't imagine that situation, but I'd be furious. If you feel like you need the chance to tell her off with what you know, by all means feel free to do so. Personally, I'd probably contact her husband anonymously explaining who I was in relation to her and how I had no idea she was married. But that's crossing a line you may not wish to cross. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuttybuddy Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 i would confront her so that she knows what happened. and i think she will be surprised that u know, but then she will make all kinds of lies and excuses which u should not listen to. at least this way, u will never wonder why she did and said the things she did. and she will understand why you never want to be back with her. and maybe she will have learned a lesson that what she did was wrong and she should not do that again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huntress0527 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 You aren't an idiot nor should you feel dirty or filthy. You didn't know she was married. No way is this your fault so try not to feel guilty. It's refreshing to see people with morals and not rationalize being with someone who is married. I wouldn't contact her or her husband. If she contacts you again calmly explain that you know that she is married and has a child which you did not know while together and that you refuse to partake in adultery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 I don't have a way of contacting her husband anonymously. I don't have his email address or phone number. I only have his name. Though, it would be a good revenge, I don't want to destroy that kid's life. Poor kid being neglected by his own mother, who has free time to hang out with men and hold a full time job, I wonder what sort of quality time she spends with that child. I wonder... Well I guess that's none of my business. I'm still thinking what should be my reaction when she contacts me again... I think that no matter what I tell her, what is done is done. I will leave that to her husband to call her the name she deserves to be called. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Your reaction should be hanging up the phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 then she will make all kinds of lies and excuses which u should not listen to. Your reaction should be hanging up the phone. I guess that's what I'll be doing today. Oh well... more was lost during the war. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 This is a total double-standard but somehow I am completely appalled when a woman hides or denies her children. It's horrible when men do it too... but when women do it? For some reason, it blows my mind even more. I don't know how you can carry a child in your body for 9 months, have it feed from your breasts and have it SO dependent on your body (physically!) for food and life for a few years and then completely deny their existence. It's... sociopathic. I think you should call her on it and walk away as she freaks out. By telling her and calling her on her behaviour, I think it will be pretty clear that you are serious and don't want anything to do with her. Then the drama will end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 This is a total double-standard but somehow I am completely appalled when a woman hides or denies her children. It's horrible when men do it too... but when women do it? For some reason, it blows my mind even more. I don't know how you can carry a child in your body for 9 months, have it feed from your breasts and have it SO dependent on your body (physically!) for food and life for a few years and then completely deny their existence. It's... sociopathic. I think you should call her on it and walk away as she freaks out. By telling her and calling her on her behaviour, I think it will be pretty clear that you are serious and don't want anything to do with her. Then the drama will end. I think I asked her if she had any children, and she said NO, but I don't remember. Even if I never asked, this is the sort of information that doesn't need to be hidden. If I happened to have a kid I would say it to absolutely every woman I met. Her denying is a big turn off, and by denying it I mean never telling me about his existence. NEVER she mentioned him. If she had told me that she has a kid I would have think twice before involving myself in that situation. Not meaning that the problem is her kid.. The problem is that she is married!. But is extremely sociopathic as you say to not mention your own kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I'm still thinking what should be my reaction when she contacts me again... I think that no matter what I tell her, what is done is done. I will leave that to her husband to call her the name she deserves to be called. There is no need to contemplate what you reaction will be, your silence will speak volumes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 There is no need for you to be blaming yourself here or thinking you are dirty in some way. This woman was not only cheating on her husband she was cheating you too. That is in no way your fault. Don't put burdens on your shoulders that don't belong there - the ones we do deserve are heavy enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 There is no need for you to be blaming yourself here or thinking you are dirty in some way. This woman was not only cheating on her husband she was cheating you too. That is in no way your fault. Don't put burdens on your shoulders that don't belong there - the ones we do deserve are heavy enough. Thanks man. I feel like a big burden is lifted off my shoulders now that I know the truth. I feel liberated. I don't know how to explain it but I was feeling poisoned, like a big wave of negativity was coming into my life. I truly suspected something didn't add up. I feel good I finally got this off my chest, I couldn't talk about this with anyone I know. My family are a cheaters or have being cheated on so if I ever tell them I know won't get unbiased advice. My best friend is into dating married women, so he wouldn't understand it. Now I can go on with my life. I learned my lesson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Well she called me a few minutes ago and I confronted her. I recorded the conversation this is how it went: She DENIED her kid 8 times... She DENIED her husband 12 times. I asked her if she thinks I'm stupid. She said she respects me. She wanted to come to my house. I declined. I told her she can start looking for some other dude that will help her to deceive her husband and child. I told her I don't want to be part of her game. She said she is not married and has no kids.... (she began laughing) I told her I'm not gonna play her game. She told me there's no game. Then she began accusing me of having a girlfriend............. I told her I'm not her toy. She began crying................... I said I was going to hang up. Then she said she is going to prove to me that she "loves me". I told her I don't want. She persisted. I asked her SO YOU THINK YOU AND ME CAN BE TOGETHER. - Big silence- she said "who knows".. I said WRONG ANSWER, DON'T PROVE ME ANYTHING AND DO YOUR LIFE, THAT I WILL DO MINE. CIAO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 What proof do you have that she is married with kids? Are you sure it is correct? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 What proof do you have that she is married with kids? Are you sure it is correct? DN, out of curiosity I clicked on her MSN profile, then I saw she had a picture album. I clicked there were many pictures of her and her family, also showed her life since she was a baby. Then comes up a picture with her happily hugging a blond guy. Then there was picture of her brother when he was a kid. And finally there are two pics of a kid that looks a lot like her brother and her, but both of them have very black hair, this kid has some natural blonde highlights, and in the bottom it says "my son my battle" (in french, I used google translate). So I think is obvious this is not her brother. The kid and her brother(in his childhood picture) are wearing the same sweater but the kid is sort of blonde.. I don't know if it's the lightning.... Plus it says there "my son my battle". Why would she hint her brother as her son.... Or her nephew as her son? I forgot to add that while the kid looks like a blonde version of her brother, he also looks a lot to the blonde guy she is hugging. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 That doesn't seem like definitive proof though. Be careful about Google translate telling you exactly what something means. I've seen it screw things up in a major way by not considering the context. That word may not have been "son" at all. Why not go to her house and take a look around? Evidence of a husband would be pretty evident around the place. I mean based on her other characteristics that alone is enough to not want a relationship. But I'm not totally sure you are on the mark about her being married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 That is the title of a song: link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 I went to her house. Once. I was in the living room. It was tidy. I didn't see any toys. But maybe she hid them... You tell them that my job is of the wind They do not know what I will be in a year If they knew that to you before all performers I was the greatest And that's why you wanted a child, grown up. Judges and laws, I'm not afraid This is my son My Battle You should not have it go away I'll break everything, if you touch The fruit of my womb You should not it go away That's the song.. And I still think that's her son. I don't know if she went into some nasty divorce or something, and she lost him and maybe she doesn't want to talk about it with me.... But she is lying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Well, you are closer to the situation than I but I would want more evidence than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Still not seeing where she's married but of course you don't have to have a reason to break up. Just don't contact her again. I do think you went overboard in your confrontation with her though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Guys, she and her brother are from Africa, both of them have black hair. The kid has brown hair with highlights. She wrote "my son my battle". The kid is identical to them. She has a picture hugging in a romantic way with a guy that is blonde with a marriage ring band. I broke up with her way before I found this piece of information (several months ago). When I was with her she was acting suspicious. I always felt I was being cheated on. That was the reason of our break up. She was bothering me to come back together. I was willing to work things out. But she still was playing games with me and acting strange. That's when I checked her MSN profile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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