wanttomoveon Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I just got home from work and I'm totally freaking out. Major set back today. I emailed him at work this afternoon about some developments with our house and got an out of office saying he's away until Monday 12th September. I had no idea he was taking some time off, obviously as we're not really talking although we did see each other last week, and now I'm totally freaking out because he doesn't just randomly take time off for no reason. I texted him asking him if he was away and saying that i'd emailed him about some house stuff. He said he's just taking a break, I asked if he's up to much, he said no he isn't. Now, as I said he doesn't just take time off for no reason, so he must have something planned or be spending time with someone and I can guarantee it's the person he cheated on me with, his possible new gf. So i stupidly texted back and said ' I know it's none of my business, but are you doing something with *******' and he texted back and said 'i'm not going to talk about that sort of stuff with you', so clearly he is with her. And now I've just ended up texting and apologising and saying he needs to understand how hard this still is for me. And now i'm feeling totally pyscho and have all sorts of crazy stalkerish thoughts running through my mind. I feel like I'm back to square one now. Weeks and weeks of hard work and what felt like progress destroyed by a simple out of office email. I shouldn't have asked him if he was spending time with her and I shouldn't have said I was still finding it hard. I've just lost my dignity all over again and I feel like crap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brownstone322 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 You never should have inquired. You'll only get your dignity back through cold turkey -- that means no contact. It's overwhelmingly obvious to me that you shouldn't be pursuing a louse who cheated on you. With time, it'll be equally obvious to you, and you'll be disgusted with yourself for having done so. And it'll only get better after that. Good luck with your journey, 'cause there ain't no other way, unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 Believe me, I do feel disgusted with myself. I know it was stupid and I've been doing really well, but today all my resolve just went. I feel pathetic. We are pretty much NC, but we own a house together that we're selling and I had to contact him today to update him on something and it all just spiralled from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemsip Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 aahhhhh noooo! I know how easy it is to do though. Sod it, what's done is done. Don't feel pathetic. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself down and make sure it doesn't happen again... The house situation is a real b@stard. I have to deal with it too. But I'm just assuming my ex is off having the time of her life with her new bf. So there's no point reaching out to her. You should assume your ex is doing the same with this new girl. I know it's horrible to think the worst, but sometimes it's better. It's my ex's birthday on Wednesday. She may be working, she may be with family but I have convinced myself she'll be spending the day with her new man in a hotel suite. It's the way our warped minds work in this state. Don't beat yourself up. But don't do it again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 The house situation is a real b@stard. I have to deal with it too. But I'm just assuming my ex is off having the time of her life with her new bf. So there's no point reaching out to her. You should assume your ex is doing the same with this new girl. I know it's horrible to think the worst, but sometimes it's better. It's my ex's birthday on Wednesday. She may be working, she may be with family but I have convinced myself she'll be spending the day with her new man in a hotel suite. Our situations really are so similar. I've done exactly the same thing today, convinced myself that they've gone away for a romantic mini break. Maybe they have, maybe they haven't. At the end of the day it's really none of my business, but it still hurts a tonne huh? I hope Wednesday goes ok for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocoBears Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I've had contacts with my ex too, but I feel like each setback gets smaller and has less intensity. I can bounce back quicker, so all your hard work thus far is not in vain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beacon Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 At least you didn't cry in a very wide open and well-lit restaurant while sitting at one of the tall bar stools. This happened when she started talking about my daughter the day of our last contact (3 weeks from this past Saturday). That day brought about all kinds of confusion and I've learned a lot from it and the good people here since. She sent me a text today but still NC from me. One thing I've learned this weekend is... it's not in spite of my strong desire to contact but BECAUSE of the desire that I won't do it. Yes I love her, but I have to love myself more and she can have none of me anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 LemonCookie - You're absolutely right. I envisaged that today I'd feel terrible, but I'm ok. Not great, but ok and perfectly able to function. Thank God! Beacon - I'm sorry to hear that happened to you I can't imagine how hard it must be to have a child involved in the break up as well. You're definitely right about the NC though (as is everyone!) and I think this latest event has taught me a bit more as well. As have the people on these forums and my friends and family. Lets hope things can only continue to get better for all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 Sorry, reusing this thread for latest developments. So last night I was out with friends and as were getting up to leave the bar through the window I spied my ex and 'the other woman'. I thought they were just walking past, but no, they came in and started walking up the stairs next to us. She didn't see me, but me and my friends stood there and stared at him. He saw me and carried on walking upstairs. We rush out and my friends are worried and asking me if I'm ok and other than being shocked and feeling a bit shaky I was alright, not about to attack anyone or burst into tears or anything. So we stayed out and I got a text from him simply saying 'sorry', so I left it a while and about an hour later replied saying 'Not a lot to say. It was bound to happen at some point, just didn't expect it to be so soon. Dunno why you ever bothered denying it really'. He responded asking if he should come find me so we could talk about it, I asked why, did he have something he needed to say or whatever. We ended up meeting in the street outside a bar and he was really apologetic, in tears saying he didn't think I'd be in that particular bar and he never meant to upset me blah blah said he was going to be in trouble for coming to see me because she doesnt want him talking to me and he shouldn't be saying this, but he does miss me and how he's glad we can still talk, yadda yadda. I pointed out that we're talking because we're selling our house, but when that's done we wont ever have to speak again. He seemed shocked by that and said he didn't realise that's what I wanted. Anyway, we stood in the street talking for about half an hour and I voiced my opinion about stuff, but the thing is, I felt nothing. I've been awake most of the night thinking about it all, but I feel nothing. I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 I should add, this is the first time I've had actual confirmation from him that they are dating and the first time I've seen them together, so it is a bit of a milestone really. Just thought I would feel something about it, like really upset and sad, but I don't and I don't understand why. Feel like maybe it's going to hit me later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemsip Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 That sucks, but you handled it well. I still aint seen my ex's new bf and I want to keep it that way. I'm glad I don't know what he looks like. You could be at the stage I'm at - where everything seems strangely surreal and numb; almost like our whole relationship was a dream and didn't really happen. It's an odd feeling. How are feeling about it all today? Did it hit you like a tonne of sh*t or you holding up OK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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