wanttomoveon Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 What on earth is wrong with me?? It's been 3 months since we broke up, we're pretty much in NC apart from the occasional brief conversation about our house sale. He's only voluntarily contacted me about twice since he moved out 2 months ago and I don't even want to talk to him and I know we have nothing to say to each other and yet I still keep checking my phone. WHY?? He isn't going to contact me and I'm not going to contact him, but still, I keep on looking and am kinda disappointed when there's nothing from him. It's RIDICULOUS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
italiannmf24 Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 It's an emotional rollercoaster and you've just boarded. This whole "What is he doing?!?" stage will pass with both time and dedication to improving yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 I'm getting pretty annoyed with myself for it. It isn't something I do all the time, but this weekend I've found myself doing it a lot. I guess I find it reasonably 'easy' (not the right word, but can't think of a better one) to keep my mind busy during the week, but weekends just seem to be a killer when it comes to your mind wandering off on to thoughts of the ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemsip Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Good to hear from you, wanttomoveon - I remember our situations were pretty similar, owning a house and being the same age and all. 2011 has been a total melt all round, I can't wait for it to be over. I'm up and down like a yoyo as well. It's proper ridiculous. One day amazing, the next pining after my ex. Sundays suck balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learning2relax Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I remember that and I hated it. It was like you were just waiting in definitely. You are just dangling out there waiting for the contact. I couldn't stand it either so I started doing things to stop it. It really helped and very quickly broke me of this habit. I would go lock my phone in the car. That way it wasn't on my person and I wasn't constantly looking at it. I didn't jump every time someone else texted me and then feel devastated that it wasn't who I wanted to hear from. Yuck....it was awful. Or I let it die. Or I turned it off. I did things so that I wasn't hanging on like that. When I would go out drinking with friends, I would give one of my friends my phone so that I wouldn't give in to temptation to drunk text/dial. Do what you have to do. It is not a phase that I miss at all. Sorry you are struggling. It does get better with time. Not that hearing that is helpful right now but it is all any one can really tell you that is truthful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForumGuy Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 One day it will end. Pretty vague I know, but I used to do the same thing early in my break-up. At some point, the phone became meaningless to me, I sometimes leave it at home, or in my car overnight without even thinking about it these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemsip Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 The thing with me is that I hate it when I get a text from her. It makes my heart race when I see her name in my inbox. My brain now associates her name as a threat to me - as soon as I get a text/email from her my defense/stress hormones go off the chart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Thanks for the support guys. I guess I just really wanted to vent my frustration about the situation. It's just so stupid, but I can't help myself. Lemsip - Sundays do indeed suck balls. I think we'll both be glad when we can draw a line under 2011 and bid it farewell with a swift kick up the @rse (I have no idea if that word is deemed offensive!) L2R - I think you're right, I think when I'm in one of these moods putting my phone somewhere else is probably a good idea. I've been doing a lot of reading, which has been a great distraction from everything for me, but I haven't had one on the go for a few days. Must get myself something new to read. Never thought I'd be glad for it to be Monday so I can get back to work and be distracted again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Y'see, he never contacts me and I've been a little bit sad about that. Never really ocurred to me that if he did text me it could make me feel worse, so maybe it's for the best. Don't need any additional stress! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelifexoxo Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 My ex hasn't bothered to contact me in a month now.. we last talked two days after the break up. It's so hard thinking.. "maybe this will be the day he will contact me" I leave my phone home or in the car mostly.. it's not that important to me anymore. My phone used to be life.. maybe it's a good thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemsip Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Y'see, he never contacts me and I've been a little bit sad about that. Never really ocurred to me that if he did text me it could make me feel worse, so maybe it's for the best. Don't need any additional stress! It's just her texts about sorting the house. They are pure logistical and emotionless. I just hate any sort of contact from her at the minute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 He doesn't even contact me about that. Just waits to hear from me, which really winds me up. It's like he's mentally checked out of everything to do with our relationship, including the fact that we own a house together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotsguy Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Slightly off topic, but the general consensus is that Sundays are rubbish... When my gf and I were broken up, it was almost always a Sunday morning that she would initiate contact. Thereby ruining a perfectly good day off for me! Does anyone else find that their ex seems to make contact most often on a specific day of the week? Would be interested to see some stats... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethngwrng Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 I know the feeling.. every time I get a message on my phone I jump on it and my heart races.. hope dies last Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanttomoveon Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 I know the feeling.. every time I get a message on my phone I jump on it and my heart races.. hope dies last But what are we hoping for? What would a text prove and how would it make us feel? In my case I know he's simply not going to message me, so checking my phone is just pointless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beacon Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 She sent me a text Thursday after almost 3 weeks of NC. I have to be honest and say that part of me loved it, but I didn't respond. Her tone is almost as if nothing ever happened. "How am I doing?" was one thing she said. How do you answer that? I think if I responded and told her the raw truth, she'd probably retract that question. Sundays we always had together... brunch, hike, bike, hang beside the water, movies and cuddling in the evenings... My baby is gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Yeah...this is totally normal. The phone thing is sort of symbolic -- my ex used to text me and call me a LOT, and when the phone went silent after we stopped seeing each other...gahhhh...it was excrutiating. I wasn't checking it constantly, but I have to admit that I would sometimes think I heard my text message sound -- if my phone was in another room, or in the car with me in my purse, and sometimes I'd think I heard it in my sleep, and I'd wake up and check it, and NOTHING. When I got a new phone, the same brand as my old one but a newer model, I had to pick a different ring tone and text message alert sound because I needed to "start over." Sounds silly, I know, but...that's part of how I coped. I have actually awakened in the night or early morning having "heard" my text message alert sound when there was no sound at all. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it! So, yeah, the phone thing may last for awhile. It's part of the process of adjusting to the end of the relationship. Try putting it in a drawer, or putting it on silent or vibrate and leaving it in another room, or try to set a time frame in which you will not check it -- I did this, and it helped. Hang in there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheelerdealer Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I wasn't checking it constantly, but I have to admit that I would sometimes think I heard my text message sound -- if my phone was in another room, or in the car with me in my purse, and sometimes I'd think I heard it in my sleep, and I'd wake up and check it, and NOTHING. Hah I thought I was the only one! I also sometimes feel like my phone vibrates in my pocket when it doesn't... But really now, what WOULD a text from them do? Nothing I guess, just give some part of us false hope. I've recently discovered through a lot of reading that I am very bad about romanticizing the good parts of this past relationship. Also that if I'm not conscious I'll be living in some sort of fantasy where there's still hope. I have to sort of repeat myself, "that's not reality." I feel for ya though OP. Sometimes I feel guilty because it's like when I do get texts and it's someone else I get disappointed. The reality is I should be thankful because these are people that actually care for me in my life! That and from what I've read I'm trying to put more energy into these relationships. So maybe you can look at it that way? It takes some work though Breaking up sucks... But I'm starting to see a little more light in my life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethngwrng Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I have to admit that I would sometimes think I heard my text message sound -- if my phone was in another room, or in the car with me in my purse, and sometimes I'd think I heard it in my sleep, and I'd wake up and check it, and NOTHING. When I got a new phone, the same brand as my old one but a newer model, I had to pick a different ring tone and text message alert sound because I needed to "start over." Sounds silly, I know, but...that's part of how I coped. I have actually awakened in the night or early morning having "heard" my text message alert sound when there was no sound at all. I get that too, I hear my "sound" all the time and my phone did not actually go off at all. Funny little things about breaking up. I feel for ya though OP. Sometimes I feel guilty because it's like when I do get texts and it's someone else I get disappointed. The reality is I should be thankful because these are people that actually care for me in my life! Lol, tell me about it. Like I message someone to organise what I'm doing that evening and 5 minutes later I get a text back. My first thought - it's her! But of course it's the person I just messaged, replying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrbaby Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I have been feeling/going through the exact same thing the past few weeks. It's not that I WANT him to contact me, but more like I'm kind of surprised he hasn't, because he used to text me SOO much... like all day, everyday. And now, nothing. It feels weird and I just need to get over it. I, too, want to quit checking my phone to see if I might possibly have a text. At this point, I know I probably won't hear from him again and if I do it probably won't be for a very long time. I just don't get how someone can completely drop off the face of the earth like that. I'm the one that initiated the break up tho, so maybe it's his way of coping. No contact is definitely helping me as frustrating as it can be at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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