New guy first date and long periods of no contact...advice?

[Anon333]

Havent been on here in a long time. here is my scenario in a nutshell.

 

I met a guy I had a crush on, he came into my work a few times and I felt an attraction and thought it might be mutual. My friend I work with somewhat knew him so he gave my number to this guy, something I have never done ever. It felt weird being the aggressor and letting him know I liked him. So a week goes by and I never hear from him and finally he calls and leaves a message and wants to set up a date. We play phone tag for a few days never getting a chance to actually talk and then I dont hear from him for 4 days or so. Finally he answers his phone when I try back and we have a date.

 

He had it all planned out, it was a day date, he picked me up we went to eat and connected in ways Ive never felt connected with anyone. I was super into him and he seemed into me. Thats also a first for me. He said he had a great time and was talking about things to do when he gets back from his trip (he was going out of town for a few days). we hug goodbye and things seemed to go really great. I texted him i had a great time and thank you for lunch and he said he had a great time too and would call me when he gets back. So that first date was about 2 weeks ago. He was out of town for a week and he has been back in town for 3 days already and i havent heard from him.

 

So does this mean he is not really that interested. I know I still have to wait and see if he does call. I still think he will. But he takes so long to get back to me. I know he is super busy (owns a business) so I dont want to assume the worst and it is so early on he can take it however he wants. I just feel like the ball is totally in his court from the beginning and I dont like that uneasy feeling. I want it to feel like he is really into me but I guess not.. Whenever I really like someone it never seems they like me back as much. I was hoping this guy would be the exception.

 

What do you think? Just early stages of dating only one date and he is busy so I should just let it go and see what happens? Im trying just to not care either way. Or is he a flake and told me he wanted to do things and had a great time just out of politeness....I know only time will tell but im interested in others experience and feedback...please?

[ForumGuy]

I think if he were really ready to date and really into you, he would be calling.

[Anon333]

thanks..maybe I needed to hear that...he seemed like he was into me when we were on the date and he talked about hanging out in the future which lead me to believe he was interested more than I guess he is.. He does own a business and seem super busy but Im just making excuses for him. Im used to the one being pursued and it is frustrating it isnt happening with this guy. If he does call eventually any suggestions? just act casual and let him be the one who controls every date we go on. Or tell him Im busy?

[nutbrownhare]

I guess it all depends on what you want.

 

Years ago, I had a first date with a guy which went really well; he was shortly off on holiday for a fortnight, and said he'd call me in about four week's time. He did, no problem, and following on from that we were together for nearly two years. At that time, I wouldn't have wanted to see someone more often than we did each other (once per week).

 

So it may not be so much that he's not into you, as a relationship being only one factor in the midst of loads of others. If you're OK with this, and have a very active life without too much time to spend on a relationship at the moment, this would work. However, if you want someone who will be paying you more attention, it really won't, and you'll be left feeling bereft.

 

I'd leave it at least a week before assuming that he's not going to contact you. His past performance suggests that he's in no hurry - nothing wrong with that, as long as you're in no hurry either. If you want to see him again, be pleased if he contacts you. If you don't, then tell him you're busy. Don't play games, or it will leave you feeling even more disappointed and frustrated. And just waiting for him to contact you is not AT ALL the same as him controlling every date you go on. You've only met up with him once, after all!

 

However, there may be lots you don't know about this guy? Marital status, for example?

[Anon333]

Thanks nutbrownhare. I still feel like he will end up calling me but not until monday or something. Which is what he did last time we tried to plan a date. With Labor day weekend and going away for a week he probably has a lot to catch up on and I am not his priority. That bugs me a bit. I have been single for 1 and a half years and like my alone time and independence and doing my own thing. I have always said if I had a boyfriend I would hope I could have the freedom I still have. So space in between dating is okay. Its just a matter of knowing if he is into me. I really felt like we clicked well and had a lot to talk about and there was more he wanted to share with me. So I dont think my instincts are wrong in that. But he did seem super busy and like this would be a casual thing. I will see what happens I guess. I'll get the picture by next week when I dont hear from him. Otherwise Ill act like it is no big deal and I'd love to meet up. I dont want to burn any possible bridges. I like the guy. Just wish I knew he liked me!

[Stay_home]

When I like someone, I make time for them. Doesn't matter what's going on in my life, I'm making time. If I can't get to ya, I'm defintely going to call or shoot you a text to check in and see what's the word. Usually if I'm not that interested I'm taking my time, if at all to contact you. Um, I think that's usually how it works with most people.

[Ariel85]

Meh. These are the excuses women cling to when a guy isn't interested:

 

1 - he's really busy

2 - he's intimidated

3 - he's hurt and wants to take it slow

4 - he's gay

 

Men that are interested have NO problem letting you know, as they wouldn't want you slipping away.

[Anon333]

okay....Sounds right. So he's just not into me...But what if he calls me and takes his sweet time...Is he just playing around? If he wasnt into me he wouldnt call at all. Im not saying he will call, he just said he would and that he had a fun time and blah blah blah. Guess he was just being polite.

[DylanNotorious]

Here's another red-flag

 

I've noticed that guys who seem to have time to go on a date always seem to let their date know they are going out of town. Now don't freak out, but I have a couple of friends who use this line, so that if they go on the date and they are not interested, they play the "going out of town for a week or two" card, to buy time so that the other person kinda gets the hint.

 

Yeah they are cowards and I've told them that, but I've noticed a lot of guys use this method, reading loads of threads. Is this the new way to get out of dates?????

[Anon333]

The only thing I dont understand is why when we were on our date he talked about what we would do when he got back. And said he had a great time. And then when he texted me he said he would call me to go hiking when he got back. If he wasnt into me or not wanting to hang out again couldnt he have just said politely he had a really good time and not mention a future date?

[1m50L0nl3y]

As you yourself said you are the aggressor, you only got that date because you told your friend to give him your number, and then you called him after 4 days of him no contacting you, and he finally agreed for a date.

So I think you should realize, that the only one actively pushing for it, is you. If you were to get a second date with him would be under the same circumstances of you calling him. I think he is not interested.

[Anon333]

dylan, yeah. Its hard to think he would lie like that but I dont know this guy so I guess it is a possibility. I never go on dates so I dont know how it goes. Its frustrating that if he really was trying to just get away from having to goon another date he would lie to the point of talking about future dates...I dont know what to think..Obviously he is not that into me. But he seemed interested at the least....

[Anon333]

As you yourself said you are the aggressor, you only got that date because you told your friend to give him your number, and then you called him after 4 days of him no contacting you, and he finally agreed for a date.

So I think you should realize, that the only one actively pushing for it, is you. If you were to get a second date with him would be under the same circumstances of you calling him. I think he is not interested.

 

 

I gave my friend my phone number to give to him and he disnt have to call me. He had come into my work and seemed interested in me too. He called me after a week but got my voice mail. So I called him back and got his voice mail. and then 4 days went by and he called me again to set up the date. I didnt keep calling him and never called him first. It was always me calling him back. But yes, him initially getting my number was me being obvious I liked him..

[DylanNotorious]

I think you have to go into every "first" date with a grain of salt. People say all sorts of stuff at first, but then when they have time to think and process the date - they change their minds. And people say stuff out of nervousness and don't really mean what they are saying. So you just have to nod your head and smile and say "Oh ok that sounds nice" and just not really read into anything - until he follows through.

[Anon333]

yeah. I agree...Im new at this. I hate it.

[1m50L0nl3y]

I gave my friend my phone number to give to him and he disnt have to call me. He had come into my work and seemed interested in me too. He called me after a week but got my voice mail. So I called him back and got his voice mail. and then 4 days went by and he called me again to set up the date. I didnt keep calling him and never called him first. It was always me calling him back. But yes, him initially getting my number was me being obvious I liked him..

 

You can make all the excuses you want to justify the final outcome. Nothing that you rationalize will change anything. If it makes you feel better then "he liked you but in during his trip he probably met somebody else".

[Anon333]

i was not making excuses. I was just clarifying that I didnt call him after 4 days. He did. I get what you are putting down. Just trying to figure out people.

[Batya33]

I think that at the time he was interested in seeing you again (but not interested enough to plan a specific second date in advance) and then for whatever reason he changed his mind later and since you two only went out once he didn't feel obligated to call just to tell you he wouldn't be asking you out again. Happened to me several -maybe many -times.

[Rose30]

Usually when a guy is interested he'll try to make the second date as soon as possible, even if he is busy. When a guy likes you he will make time. In this case he is just not that into you unfortunately. When a guy is interested you will know and you won't have to ask.

 

Good luck.