not exclusive yet..texted everyday.HE goes on 10 day vacation and NO Contact?

[desert_rose26]

Ok, so first of all, we've been dating for...6 weeks.. prior to that we had 6 months email communication before actually meeting..so we have a good friendship base. Something more developed when we actually met in person... We have not sealed the deal obviously but I have to say it feels like he is my bf. He texts me everyday, we talk on the phone everyday...he wants to see me a lot...2 times/wk.. BUTTTT...

 

So..he goes on vacation for 10 days..and before he leaves he tells me I can text him because he has some international texts left..so I send him..but hear nothing back...I emailed him too...and nothing... I KNOW maybe he can't get receive my msgs but still...I hear nothing...and I mentioned to him to msg me when he got there... question to you guys: Should he at least send me 1 msg during his trip there? Do I have a right to expect something from him???? Because right now, I feel like since he mentioned for me to send him a text... he should send me one too... I'm surprised he's not checking his emails...(I know he wouldn't ignore my emails or msgs)....I hope..

[RedDress]

Where did he go? If he's in an underdeveloped country, it's possible that he just didn't receive them. It's also entirely possible that he left his charger at home by accident or that his phone was stolen.

 

He's on vacation. You know where he is. He's having a good time. Personally? I'd leave him to his vacation, take the time to reconnect with your friends (they always fall by the wayside when we're in a new relationship, don't they?) and call him when he gets back.

 

Expect nothing. That's my advice. Do you really want to throw away a great thing because he went on vacation? Early days, early days.

[blackhawks1287]

Is it odd? Yes, but he may not have the resources to do so.

 

Do you have the right? No.

 

I would just stop sending him stuff until you hear back or until he gets back. Don't jump to conclusions and don't over analyze.

[desert_rose26]

Hey thanks for your opinions... you're right.. I guess I just didn't realize how much I would miss him...I don't know why I miss him so much..I miss hearing his voice...miss his energy a lot. Hearing his voice always makes me feel better.. so you guys are right..it's too early in the game to be expecting him to check in..I don't want to ruin something good.. Thanks again for your input because it puts me in the right place.

Another question: how do I know when it's time to bring up exclusivity? I don't want him kissing other girls..that would piss me off. When he comes back, maybe I'll test the waters and say "so...did you meet any hot girls on your trip?" and see what he says??? OR should I leave it to the guy to bring it up??

[FathomFear]

He's on vacation. I think you should just relax and wait until he comes back. It's generally a very, very bad idea to keep a cell phone's data transfers on while roaming. He's probably going to wait until he has time, download his texts and emails, and then respond.

 

I'm going to be brutally honest here, but if you're only 6 weeks into a relationship and such a minor thing irks you enough to make a post about it, I would say that doesn't bode well for the future.

[Hollyj]

Where did he go? If he's in an underdeveloped country, it's possible that he just didn't receive them. It's also entirely possible that he left his charger at home by accident or that his phone was stolen.

 

He's on vacation. You know where he is. He's having a good time. Personally? I'd leave him to his vacation, take the time to reconnect with your friends (they always fall by the wayside when we're in a new relationship, don't they?) and call him when he gets back.

 

 

 

Expect nothing. That's my advice. Do you really want to throw away a great thing because he went on vacation? Early days, early days.

 

 

You can get e-mails in third world countries. I mainly travel to developing nations.

[Hollyj]

]

Another question: how do I know when it's time to bring up exclusivity? I don't want him kissing other girls..that would piss me off.[/b] When he comes back, maybe I'll test the waters and say "so...did you meet any hot girls on your trip?" and see what he says???

 

Please do not say that, you will look insecure. I would ask where he thought the relationship was going. Be direct!

[waterlili]

you should chill and see what happens when he's back. ur lucky it's only 10 days

[RedDress]

You can get e-mails in third world countries. I mainly travel to developing nations.

 

Yes - I guess my point was more that if he's on a resort in the Dominican, for example, well... any resort I've been to does not have WiFi. So, you have to stand in a ridiculously long line in your bathing suit, holding a towel ('cause let's face it, you'd rather be at the beach) tapping your toes waiting. Then, when you get to the front of the line, you realize you need some kind of access card. So then you have to go to the front desk to get one and that line is long too. You get one and go back to the internet line. When you finally get to the front of the line, the internet service is ridiculously slow. By that time, you are hot, frustrated, mad... Let the dude swim, is what I'm saying.

 

Personally, I also have problems with getting cell phone reception in some of these countries. I think it has to do with the particular carrier that I am with.

 

If he's in the US or Europe, though? These are not valid arguments.

 

That's more what I was saying. Not that it's impossible... it's just a little more challenging sometimes and honestly - wouldn't you rather be drinking a Margarita?

[Batya33]

I think it's fine since he's out of the country and you've only been dating a short while. I probably wouldn't keep in touch in similar circumstances unless we were already very serious. It's probably a technological problem. As far as the friendship on line - do you normally text/email people you've only been friendly with for 6 months when you are away for only 10 days?

[magnoliatree]

He certainly doesn't have to and shouldn't be expected to contact you during his trip. But, I will say, that the fact that he hasn't is probably an indication that he's not that excited about you. I wouldn't bring up exclusivity at this point. Any why did you talk for six months before even meeting? I think you might be making this relationship into more than it really is.

[desert_rose26]

The reason why we chatted online for 6 months is because I was away on a trip for 6 months...and we started emailing the week before I left..

 

He certainly doesn't have to and shouldn't be expected to contact you during his trip. But, I will say, that the fact that he hasn't is probably an indication that he's not that excited about you. I wouldn't bring up exclusivity at this point. Any why did you talk for six months before even meeting? I think you might be making this relationship into more than it really is.

[desert_rose26]

]

Another question: how do I know when it's time to bring up exclusivity? I don't want him kissing other girls..that would piss me off.[/b] When he comes back, maybe I'll test the waters and say "so...did you meet any hot girls on your trip?" and see what he says???

 

Please do not say that, you will look insecure. I would ask where he thought the relationship was going. Be direct!

 

You're right...I don't wanna sound insecure.. not gonna ask anything.

[desert_rose26]

I think it's fine since he's out of the country and you've only been dating a short while. I probably wouldn't keep in touch in similar circumstances unless we were already very serious. It's probably a technological problem. As far as the friendship on line - do you normally text/email people you've only been friendly with for 6 months when you are away for only 10 days?

 

I guess it's fine...I'll let it slide..because he actually mentioned skype before he left..and I wasn't very keen about it..oh well..my fault. BUT we are not exclusive soo..it's fine..it's still very early on in the relationship to expect it. To answer your question: after 6 months of emailing..we dated in real life for 6 weeks.. it sounds like so little time..but since we communicated every day, it feels like he should have sent a msg or something..maybe I'm just expecting too much.

[desert_rose26]

For your guys information...he went to MEXICO...I didn't even have time to ask him...which part of mexico....O.O maybe I do not deserve a text from him...

[prettymommy]

I think you are expecting too much. I went out of the country to Latin America for 10 days a few months ago. At the time, I had just been seeing my now-bf for a couple months. When I left, we had not yet had the "are we a couple" talk.

 

If he had expected me to text him through out my trip, which has been several months in the making and was with some dear friends, I would have started to have second thoughts about him. I would not want to be spending my long-looked forward to vacation, with some long-time friends, worrying if I was pleasing or not pleasing some boy thousands of miles away that I've known only a short amount of time. It would come off as insecure to me, distrusting, and to be honest, a bit controling, not to mention disrespectful to my traveling companions.

 

What ended up happening was when I came back, we picked up right where we left off, and in fact, the abscence made our hearts grow fonder, as the saying goes.

 

So, while he's enjoying his life and his vacation, why don't you go enjoy your life and your time away from him, and when you guys reconnect on his return, you'll have something to share with him... Best of luck!

[desert_rose26]

I'm curious..how did you start having the "are we a couple" talk? and who started it? how long into the relationship was it?

[prettymommy]

Not really sure... I don't remember the periameters of who started what and when, but the meat of it occurred shortly after I returned from vacation, so I guess that was about 3 months in at that point. Mostly it was a culmulation of a number of different conversations over the course of a few weeks (starting with question if either of us were seeing anyone else or still interested in doing so, expressions of how we feel about each other and how we are viewing our involvement, how to introduce each other to friends/family/co-workers, etc). Relationships are a constant work in progress, and no one size fits all. I've had relationships that have moved at lightning speed, and then there are others, like this one, where we are both taking our time to get to know one another before making any bold commitments/statements. You have to use your own judgement to know when/how to approach those questions, but I would advise that if you are thinking them, it is okay to ask them. You do have a right to know if a guy is being exclusive to you, and how he views where things are headed between the two of you...

[cereza]

don't panic! and don't send him any more texts or e-mails..guys don't like it if you r checking on them constantly. I think you should wait until he gets back and he will tell you what happened. Maybe he lost his phone and internet was not available.

[desert_rose26]

ok, thanks PrettyMommy..I'll just go with my gut feeling and common sense..i just don't want to sound needy when and if I bring up ..."where is this going" talk.. I mean..he DID bring it up and asked me where it was going... and all I said it was going somewhere good. He got upset once when he came back from a trip and wanted to see me the same day and I turned him down due to weather.. wow this sounds real bad on there...but it was more than that..I felt anxiety and pressure for stopping to be shy..and kissing him..but I faced my intimacy fears and now I've kissed him so that's all behind us..I hope. I haven't treated this guy fairly I know.

 

Cereza: yeah, I have stopped sending him anything. I hope internet was not available...or he just couldn't get to one.. I'm not gonna analyze this..it is what it is.

[desert_rose26]

So he's back. he said he received my text and replied. I didn't get it. I don't believe he texted me back because I texted him twice. My gut tells me he changed his mind about me. Today he didn't want to see me. He said "this sucks, it's going way too slow for me". I'm shy and a virgin...I just lost another guy!! I feel defeated...and is there any hope?

[Batya33]

There is always hope unless you go with those kind of sabotaging statements like in your post above. I think he did text you -why would he lie?

[desert_rose26]

it's over...he hasn't written back...and when he texted "this sucks. it's going way too slow for me" he was referring to our relationship. I replied saying that there's a lot of aspects we haven't explored yet and want to see where it goes...but he never replied... so I guess that's it?? sucks.

[ny guy]

it's over...he hasn't written back...and when he texted "this sucks. it's going way too slow for me" he was referring to our relationship. I replied saying that there's a lot of aspects we haven't explored yet and want to see where it goes...but he never replied... so I guess that's it?? sucks.

 

 

what exactly happened today? how do you know he didn't want to see you?

[Batya33]

it's over...he hasn't written back...and when he texted "this sucks. it's going way too slow for me" he was referring to our relationship. I replied saying that there's a lot of aspects we haven't explored yet and want to see where it goes...but he never replied... so I guess that's it?? sucks.

 

I think it's a bad idea to interpret texts this way - you two need to speak by phone, soon.